Other than the Sauron-Sauronman connection and their towers looking identical, how did he not notice the lava-operated orc factory right next to the tower?
No in the movie when he goes to visit Saruman its still a green park. Then Saruman fights him and locks him on top of the tower. Then the orcs start turning Isengard into a factory.
>that scene where an Orc literally walks in on Saruman's meeting with Gandalf, calling Saruman master and asking about the preparation to invade Rohan >Saruman forces a laugh and pretends not to know the Orc, telling him to "go back to Mordor"
after gandalf gave frodo the ring for safekeeping, he spent about 40 years travelling around middle earth learning about the ring and locating gollum etc before returning to frodo
once he returned to frodo and told him the ring must be taken to rivendell, they spent about 2 years preparing before leaving the shire
then it took them about 2 years to reach rivendell, and they spent another 5 years in rivendell deciding what to do with the ring
after that, from leaving rivendell to reaching the mountain and destroying the ring only about a month passed
And now I shall consult with my most trusted advisor, Twofaced Slimy Worm mouth
Maybe Theoden hired him for his roasting abilities.
Like hiring Dom Rickles to be in your court, to make fun of you so you can see if you can handle it (or at least till your old friend Gandalf comes by and hands you your balls back so you can snap out of your funk).
Wormtongue is not the name, that's what Gandalf, Eomer and others called him. His name is simply Gríma
So yes, if you call your fat friend "fatty" is not because that's his born name, is because he's fat and you call him fatty
no, Wormtongue is actually Grima's last name. He comes from the Wormtongue line.
stop making shit up when you dont know what you're talking about you stupid homosexual
No, Grima's father was just simply Gálmód, no wormtongue at all. Stop making shit up
You're the one making shit up lol. Nobody in Rohan even has a "last name". They're all Theoden son of Thengel or Grima son of Galmod. Wormtongue is his nick name he earned by being a wormy little snake.
You can't show me a single example of someone in Rohan having a last name. You made that up.
sorry anons i was misinformed, i read this somewhere once.
i would like to apologize for my insolence and would like to inform you all that i will be committing ritual suicide out of shame tomorrow morning.
You're the one making shit up lol. Nobody in Rohan even has a "last name". They're all Theoden son of Thengel or Grima son of Galmod. Wormtongue is his nick name he earned by being a wormy little snake.
You can't show me a single example of someone in Rohan having a last name. You made that up.
>Wormtongue is his nick name he earned by being a wormy little snake.
Wormtongue is a nickname earned by him being extremely persuasive and charismatic. The worm in the nickname doesn't refer to an earthworm, but to a wyrm, or in other words a dragon, who are known to be able to mesmerize people with their speech. They are essentially saying: "This guy's so good with words that he might as well be a wizard".
He was born Grima, and was known as Grima by most people, except for people like Gandalf who know he was conniving and dishonest, so by those people he was called Wormtongue. No, it had nothing to do with dragons.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>No, it had nothing to do with dragons. >In Old English wyrm means "serpent, snake, dragon", and Gandalf repeatedly compares him to a snake
Rohan is strongly modeled after Saxon-Era England, the worm in the name isn't a reference to fricking earthworms.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>Wyrrm
Two-legged snake. >basically what David Ike is always on about, cuz he insane
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
In old English the word "worm" didn't necessarily refer to an earthworm, either. It referred to any small, creeping, crawling, slithering, sneaky creature. Dragons were the polar opposite of sneaky, crawly little creatures, and it makes no sense for him to be called "dragontongue" in this context.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>Guy is known to be extremely persuasive >Dragons are known to be extremely persuasive >It makes no sense they would call this extremely persuasive guy "dragontongue"
Okay, if you say so.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>>Guy is known to be extremely persuasive
that's not what he was known for. he was never known to be charismatic and persuasive, and the people of rohan openly wondered how the frick this slimy little man gained so much influence with their king. that's why they called him wormtongue. it makes no sense to compare him to a large, menacing, dangerous dragon as a pejorative when he was none of these things, and was the opposite of these things.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
So they just called him "Grimey". Much more dignified.
Put yourself in their shoes. Sauron had already pranked them several times. Would you really trust him if he told you that you're actually invisible and to go riding around the world butt naked?
Worm, wyrm, dragon, and serpent were all interchangeable for a long, long time and a linguist like Tolkien would be well aware of this. Wormtongue just means snake tongue, alluding to the general characterization of snakes as untrustworthy.
Dragon comes from the Greek ‘drakon’ and was originally used to refer to Aesculapian snakes and pythons, and its root roughly means ‘one who watches,’ probably due to the fact that snakes don’t need to blink. Dragons got all their other weird bullshit qualities later.
>Dragons got all their other weird bullshit qualities later
Likely a variety of European Crocodile left no fossil and has since died out but was eating people in rivers for 1000s of years.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>known that Romans left a lot of animals behind when they left and many rich Romans had menageries for sport, sexual reasons, etc
See 'History of the Colosseum' for more details.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Very possible. Nile crocodile skulls have rarely turned up in places like Sicily and they're known to cross the ocean to get to places like Madagascar, wouldn't be surprising to find out that they regularly hit up Crete or something thousands of years ago. Could also be folk memory from our history in Africa, one extinct croc was associated with bites in hominid bones so frequently that it was named Crocodylus anthopophagus - "man eating crocodile."
Many early dragon myths do involve them blocking access to rain or another source of water, which does sound quite a bit like crocodiles.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
"...and in those days, there were giants..."
Your average ME midget must have been terrified the first time a 'Sea Peepo' vessel turned up and some White people with swords stepped off.
>You are now my prisoner Gandalf >I don’t have a cell or anything so I’m just gonna put you on the roof >There is no possibility of escape unless your giant eagle friend shows up
>Thank you my eagle friend, your ability to sneakily fly into enemy territory has come very much in handy this one time and shall surely not be needed again.
isengard wasn't in "enemy territory," it was not in mordor. there's no reason to believe that saruman had any sort of air defenses (dragons) as did sauron in mordor. stop parroting stupid brainlet talking points.
No, there are not. There are dragons in Middle-Earth, however none appear in Lord of The Rings.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
They are mentioned as existing and still being feared in the lord of the rings, despite none of them appearing or fighting for sauron.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
I love that part where Galadriel, Queen of Dragons, has rough sex with Leonidas and she shouts this is SPARTA when she orgasms and there's definitely a tempest inside her.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
you're thinking of Wheel of Thrones, not lord of the rings.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
I loved that show.
Vanna White was the best at spinning the wheel.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
I prefer Monique Sluyter
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>Monique bawd
I wasn't working in the usa back then.
Will check out this new fluff-woman.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>you're thinking of Wheel of Thrones, not lord of the rings.
Much like the showrunners that amazon hired.
(drumroll, TISH)
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
The Nazgul ride dragons, dummy >inb4 they're fellbeasts
Which are basically fricking DRAGONS
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
they were wyverns, which are a cousin of dragons, but are not dragons.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Fellbeasts are pterodactyls moron.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Terydactyls are dragons, stupid.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Crowhelmet.
Totally normal.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Good protection against crowbars.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>CORVID-19
Very dangerous.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
I never understood why in Middle Earth >Ravens good >Crows bad
It's the Magpies you have to watch out for
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
British history.
good
Friends of Odin.
bad
Minions of Lugg.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
That's dumb, Ravens and Crows are on quite good terms with each other. How could anyone hate a cute little crow?
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Hey! I don't make the rules, bud.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
...I just row the giant nazis with swords into battle.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Was Odin even a God that the British revered? I thought they had a Celtic pantheon and considered the Scandinavians to be invaders. Did the early Anglo-Saxons worship Odin?
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>Was Odin even a God that the British revered?
Top half of Great Britain was Viking for centuries. >Danelaw
My granny used to to tell me stories from Cumbria that I later traced back to Norse legends.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Right, but those were foreign invaders. If you read the Dream of Ossian, you can tell that Britons have been fighting off Vikings since ancient times.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
She used to say; >don't go in the woods at night or the 'CROAK-A-NO-KAL' will get ya
Turns out to be; >KRAKEN >KNUCKA
Sea monster/land monster.
Lots of small things like this remain even to this day. Place names and local legends.
Norse remnants everywhere.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
They didn't always need to 'rape' the women, bro.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>Did the early Anglo-Saxons worship Odin? >did the people who came from Denmark and Northern Germany speaking a Germanic language worship the Germanic gods.
Yes. Wednesday is named after Woden, another name for Odin.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Do Germanics have a different pantheon that Nordics, or is it all in the same general milieu?
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Slightly different pantheon.
It's hard to research now without coming up against 1940's German bs tainting the records.
Take care what you read but 'yes'.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Yeah, I appreciate Uncle A's research into ancient Occidental culture, but for political reasons he just treats all North-Western Europeans like " Hey, we're ALL Germans, right guys?"
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
The headcanon posting existed before the Nazis. I only say this because it should be known that the Nazi racial ideaology was the product of a lot of anthropological research into the origins of European people. Some of it is bunk, but most of it is widely accepted by academia today although it’s generally frowned upon to discuss
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Functionally it's exactly the same. "Norse/Nordic" etc. as a distinct identity is largely manufactured. You see references to "Northmen" but it was a geographical distinction, since they came from the North, not a massively unique identity, say, compared to the English of that time, or to the Germans.
The British were extremely different, but English people, culturally, are not British, though there has been heavy admixture with the native population. In fact, Welsh was referred to as 'the British language' by Englishmen even a few hundred years ago; British meaning anything but 'Welsh' is a post-Act of Union contrivance to unite the people of Britain, and still is, that's the mohammed al beheadi's of the island call themselves 'Bri'ish' rather than English.
It isn't just one day either. It's half of the week (Tuesday to Friday).
Yes, and in this respect English is extremely conservative: Even the pronunciation of Thor as þor rather than Tor is authentic, and that has been lost by modern Scandinavians.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
It's comparable to the difference between Greek and Roman gods.
Roughly the same characters and stories, but still warped over time into different directions. Some deities got greater emphasis while others got less important. Also some minor deities integrated from immigrants.
You could say the Nordic version is a subset of the broader Germanic religion.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
It isn't just one day either. It's half of the week (Tuesday to Friday).
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Sun day
Moon day
Tuer's day
Woden's day
Thor's day
Freya's day
Saturn day
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Tuer can refer to Tyr
The Norse war god and also sometimes patriarch of the gods (there interchange with Odin but they’re definitely not the same god, it’s complex)
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
They did
Angles and Saxons were germanics and germanics had roughly the same gods as the Norse. There’s some regional varieties which are important for various reasons, but the core gods are about the same.
They’re all Indo-European cognates, that is derived from the original myths of the Indo-European invaders from the Steppe (the ancestors of all white people).
Celts are also indo-Europeans. Native Brythonics who existed before the celts and the anglosaxons did not have these gods. Idk much about them but they were basically cavemen
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
The days of the week are named for Norse gods.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Wrong board
Back to your containment thread corvid gay
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Crows are smarter than most americans these days.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
I'll swing by soon enough, that thread is RAVEN
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
I wish I had a friend like that.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
It's fun until they start keeping the profit
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>saving up for his chick's college fund
"Give a burb a break, man."
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
These things don't even breathe fire bro, they're not dragons, the dragons in LoTR look like actual dragons.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
The Nazgul ride dragons, dummy >inb4 they're fellbeasts
Which are basically fricking DRAGONS
they are not dragons, they are wyverns
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
same difference
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Wyverns are two legged.
Dragons are four legged.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
that's a d&d thing that was invented after lotr and over a millenia after the dragons
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>invented after
And it came from...? >hint; European Medieval Bestiaries
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
doesn't matter, there were two-legged dragons before that
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
My point exactly.
Where did the Medieval Chroniclers get their ideas from?
Oral history and folk tales, many of which go back thousands of years.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
What point? Dragons can have any number of legs and you probably could find an old drawing of a wyvern with four.
>two-legged dragons
Yes.
Called Wyverns because they were trying to be precise if some maidens were eaten by them and the local bishop had to send some armed men to kill whatever was eating the ladies bathing in the river.
That's the dumbest post I've read today but I am not gonna argue with the digits.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Take it up with the historical record.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>two-legged dragons
Yes.
Called Wyverns because they were trying to be precise if some maidens were eaten by them and the local bishop had to send some armed men to kill whatever was eating the ladies bathing in the river.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
I have read two reports which make for strange reading.
If I recall; >Bishop of York >January; a peasant killed another peasant over some mouldy bread, so he was hanged >February; settled the estate of the late Lady of the manor >March; sent some armed men to kill a dragon that ate some women, including the innkeeper's daughter in the village of Arseby. Job done. Local priest reports they killed it. Woman and kids can go near river in safety now >April; hanged a peasant who stole a donkey >May...
Totally matter of fact.
It's odd how the non-dragon reports are clearly 'historical events' and the 'dragon one' is an allegory or myth to historiians.
MANY such cases.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
That's an argument against historical records, not for existence of dragons.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
No. It isn't.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Where are the remains?
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Most animals leave no remains.
Where's the remains of the chicken you ate in 1995?
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Somewhere in the pile of trash in the corner of my room probably
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
These were real people who wrote what they saw and what happened. They may have misidentified something but something ATE SOME WOMEN and the armed men dealt with it.
I value what people tell me, then I evaluate it.
I do not dismiss things out of hand because they don't fit a closed mind, as you appear to be doing.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>who wrote what they saw and what happened
You are too gullible.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
You have the advantage of having seen the Discovery Channel and National Geographic Channel.
You'll see something and go; >"Oh... it's an anteater" >"Oh... it's an alligator"
They didn't. They were not dummies and not liars. They did their best.
That fascinated me.
I want to know what happened.
You want your narrow reality confirmed.
We are not the same.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>real people writing things down means it happened
I mean, we have videos of planes flying into buildings and them subsequently falling down. Even with that, there has been a large amount debate about it....but you think some guy writing something down means it absolutely happened. Please evaluate your brain, anon.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>some guy writing something down means it absolutely happened
It was written down for a reason.
It's what we have.
There's not a problem.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>who wrote what they saw and what happened
You are too gullible.
multiple midwits in the wild, i must account for this in my commonplace book post-haste.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
They had four legs but then Sauron cut off two of them because he wanted a bit off the flank. They don't need those.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
They are more aerodynamic that way.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
doesn't matter, there were two-legged dragons before that
and the original dragons were entirely limbless
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
No they are not
It's just the way Jackson interpreted them looking lizard-like pterodactyls >In Tolkien mythology, Fell-beasts, also known as Nazgul birds and Hell-hawks, are giant vicious flying creatures native in Middle-earth.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>native in Middle-earth.
If they are native, how come we never see any wild ones? Why did only the Nazgul ride them, did Witch-King only have fricking 9 of them tamed? That can't be true since Legolas shoots one down and later we still see all 9 Wraiths riding them.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>and later we still see all 9 Wraiths riding them
Imagine not having a stables of fellbeasts. >pauper
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>Imagine not having a stables of fellbeasts.
That was my point, if Sauron has more than 9, why doesn't he use them? Having an entire air force of Orcs riding fellbeasts would be tremendously useful in a war.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>why doesn't he use them?
It's tough finding parking in LA.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>an entire air force of Orcs riding fellbeasts
First they'd all fit shiny rims and lower the suspension and before you know it they'd be riding in the orc hoods, playing the tunes and rollin' and being hatin'... and it would rapidly spiral out of control. >cats and dogs... lying down together... real biblical
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>be the most feared animal in existence, mounted by an immortal wraith >360 no scoped by some blond gay
Incredible.
> I shall go to my trusted friend who hates hobbits, Sauron's man, of the many allegiences, in the land of eyes guard in his tower of orc thanks...
Seriously?
are you implying that people with similar sounding names have some kind of evil cabal connection? oy vey that really very antisindarin!
Tolkien's autistic obsession with languages >Professor of English Literature
Yeah. Totally see how that came out of left field for thee and baffled you.
Jack here, hi. We are actually paired at birth with several Jacquelines that we can frick whenever we want as we live our lives.
I'm not supposed to share this or the Basedciety of Jacks (basedjacks) will come after me, so keep it under wraps
-Jack
Favorite Tekken character? Take a wild fricking guess, kiddo.
Speaking of this there is a real estate agent active in my area with the last name "Adolfsson", don't trust the fricker.
(Then again I don't trust any real estate agent to do anything but act in their own best interest)
> I shall go to my trusted friend who hates hobbits, Sauron's man, of the many allegiences, in the land of eyes guard in his tower of orc thanks...
Seriously?
>needs to spend years researching to figure out that Bilbo's ring is the most famous and important ring in the world, which can be proven simply by heating it
Gandalf wasn't the brightest
Why was it such a big deal? Any other orc could have grabbed the torch after he was dead and taken it to the bomb. There wasn't a secret code to detonate the bomb.
I like the part when the eagles are fighting the ringwraiths over mound doom, and when gwaihir knocks one into the lava, another shouts "now THAT was hot!"
>Sauron: You're on a secret mission to find Bilbo Baggins, don't take the dragons they're too conspicuous, ride the demon horses instead and make sure to scream like banshees every five seconds and go slow enough that word-of-mouth can precede you
To be a millionbillion percent fair to what I believe is definitely one of the weakest parts of the narrative: >wraiths are practically blind in the daytime >they're weakened for being so far from sauron who himself is weakened for being so long parted from the ring >aragorn and glorfindel essentially take on four or five of them at once, demonstrating the point
>on a secret mission to find ring >literally invisible to the human eye >wear jet black cloaks and evil grim reaper's armor, riding black demonic horses, breaking out of the usual world environment
The best part is that canonically they are "in disguise", because surely no-one will associate these black-cloaked figures that drain all color and light and scare all animals away from them with ringwraiths.
>They crossed the river Isen in Midsummer's eve, disguised as riders in black.
Wtf does that line even mean? That's like saying you're pretending to wear a red shirt. They were actually riding horses and wearing black grim reaper outfits.
Put yourself in their shoes. Sauron had already pranked them several times. Would you really trust him if he told you that you're actually invisible and to go riding around the world butt naked?
[EXTERIOR. NIGHTTIME. Posse of nazgul turn up at tavern, to dramatic music, storm tavern and, swords drawn at hip level, whisp up to the bar silently, menacingly]
Nazgul#1; "Can we use your toilet?"
Barkeep; "In the back, lads." [pause] "Wait a bit. Big Jack's just been in there."
>I found this weird guy outside of Mordor and when I tortured him he said that someone named Baggins took the ring over 70 years ago >This is the best lead we have so all nine of you need to go look for him right away
I love that bit where Galadriator says; >"daughter of a murdered father, mother of a murdered daughter, I HAVE A TEMPEST IN ME..."
and then fights the Emperor of Egypt and wins, even though the orcs stabbed her, then leads her people to the Red Sea then shouts; >"WE SHALL CROSS!"
and a giant spider parts the sea, as her people, the australian abos with convincing irish accents, cross to freedom in their little carts with wonky wheels.
>I HAVE A TEMPEST IN ME...
I finally caught a clip of that scene and that actress is so comically wooden I think she might actually be an ent.
Or moronic.
Don't you love it when multi-billionaires think they can easily match the work of professors of the English language via two high-school jocks faking it until they make it and a writer's room filled to the ceiling with people linguistically incapable of crafting a 30 second ad for tampons without resorting to a Bollywood number and $100m worth of fake-looking CGI, as if money can replace pure talent and one man's skill and imagination.
The shit is made by moronic Leftists who hate us and him. Anything even approaching honest discussion about it is more than it deserves. I've already given it more than it deserves just typing this.
(One multi-billionaire with unlimited production funds + countless minions + americans with hubris + all the technology that modern man can craft) < One Englishman
>we can take a safe path along the road through the safe kingdoms of men >NOOOOOOOOOOO WE HAVE NO TIME WE WILL GO THROUGH SHAWS OF TROLLS, MOUNTAINS OF MISTERY AND MIRK FORESTS OF SHADOWS, THROUGH MARCHES OF DEAD TO A FRICKING VOLCANIC LAVA LAND
"May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out."
Gives them a smoke alarm with a single flashing LED, that chirps occasionally. >available from amazon... only $12 inc shipping
[EXTERIOR. DAYLIGHT. An elderly orc sits in a rocking chair on a porch, rocking gently as our heroes approach and look at the sign over the store, perplexed]
Q. How does it get the name Mordor?
It just... is... now.
Before it was somewhere else and then someone unlocked a wall and water and something something and its got a volcano and... VIOLA! >scriptwriting
It's hard.
>How does it get the name Mordor
Literally Sindarin for "Black Land".
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
I must have missed that specific line in the LOTR;THE RINGLETS OF REST IN POWA.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>Black Land >inhabited by filthy violent, evil subhuman creatures
What did Tolkien mean by that?
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Come now, we've all been to Belgium.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>black land >everything is orange in the WEBM
They should have called it Mexico.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>Mexico
I look it up, apparently the name means "In the Lake of the Moon", which in Sindarin I think would be something like Dor-Ithilienen.
I could also be mashing random syllables together, it's been years since I seriously studied Sindarin.
>the ventillation shaft on the Death Star
DESIGNED IN as per the movie 'Rogue One'.
So Sauron 'designed' his master-plan to be defeated, like soliloquizing antagonists do, like leaving the hero in a death-machine there's a way to escape from.
Is Sauron just a Bond villain?
>Is Sauron just a Bond villain?
The book makes it explicit that he is literally, physically unable to conceive of the idea that someone might want to destroy the ring instead of using it. So yes, yes he is.
>Be ring >Trying to return to owner by tempting and tricking ringbearer >Wind up in the hands of a fricking Hobbit >"wtf? All these gays think of is cakes and flowers. I can't do anything with this shit!"
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>"You want a nice big cake and some lovely flowers, right?"
Sometimes you just gotta work with what you have.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Well Sam was too moronic to be corrupted and Frodo was too gay, so getting caught wasn't part of the ring's master plan.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>unable to conceive of the idea that someone might want to destroy the ring instead of using it.
that's just autism
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
You joke, but Sauron's backstory is literally that he found mortals to be too untidy and chaotic and wanted to bring order to the world. His behaviour is very much reminiscent of an autistic child having a meltdown because furniture was moved slightly.
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
>the world is a mess and I just need to rule it
2 weeks ago
Anonymous
Plot contrivance tbh
Better writing would be that no one really knows what will happen but it’s known the ring must be destroyed by good because it falling into Sauron’s hands is too terrible to even consider.
Once he’s destroyed everyone is like “did he know he’d be destroyed if he died?” And Gandalf would go “he might have suspected but his pride demanded he believed he was too powerful to be be undone by such means”
They're supposed to be everymen characters the reader can identify with and even a child can see when they get things wrong and do the wrong thing, so they are perfect foils to the action and drama for the reader, giving their inner voice an opportunity to say "no, don't" or "yes, that's what I would do".
Only reason I am home today is I'm waiting on some parts for my car's gearbox and clutch so I can get it back on the road.
Thanks for entertaining me, lads and lassies.
I can;t wait for this LOTR:THE WRONGS OF REST IN POWA LUMP#2 to drop from the ringpiece of amazonk.
The lols are going to be epic.
>planet = Planetos >West = Westeros >East = Essos >South = Sothoryos >thousand islands = Thousand Islands >rock with a castle on it = Casterly Rock >swords for sale = sellswords >Sir = Ser >dragon = Drogon >scruffy canid = Shaggydog >monotheistic god = R'hllor (Ruler)
LARD OF THE WRONGS by amazon is so entertaining, I won't watch any of it.
Even told a friend who may d/l a torrent if he can be bothered not to bother as it will be just awful like the last one.
I will watch the Youtubers ripping it a new one as the keks I got the last time from YouTube made my chest sore with laughing.
Most entertainment will be had from this indirectly and won't cost me a dime.
I hope this expensive stool will be as entertaining as the last one. >free entertainment
Thanks, Jeff you absolute tool.
>Saruman the White is a good guy >Saruman who ditches his white identify and dons a rainbow identity of many colors is irredeemably evil
What did Tolkien mean by this?
I am worried about; >Gandalf the Pink_with_Blue_and_White_Stripes
since thems now wants me to use the pronouns; >you, shall, pass
and only wants to hang around with little orcs.
>Gandalf in Hobbit >There some necromancer-shit tier going on in our forests >OH SHIT ITS SAURON THE OLD ENIGMATIC ENEMY THE EXISTENTIAL THREAT TO EVERYTHING! WE NEED TO DEAL WITH IT ASAP!!! >Also Gandalf in LoTR: Fellowship >W-what? What ring? Who's Sauron?
"Erm! Aren't you... Galdalf the..."
"NO TOTALLY DIFFERENT DUDE! I'm GANDALF THE WHITE"
"So not Gandalf the..."
"NOPE! I'M BACK BUT THIS ISN'T ME! FORGET ME THIS IS ME NOW! I AM ME THAT WAS ME. TOTALLY DIFFEREN... why are you all laughing?"
from fire and blood > Even more gravely, Baela had a taste for unsuitable companions. Like stray dogs, she brought them home with her to the Red Keep, insisting that they be given positions in the castle, or be made part of her own retinue. These pets of hers included a comely young juggler, a blacksmith’s apprentice whose muscles she admired, a legless beggar she took pity on, a conjurer of cheap tricks she took for an actual sorcerer, a hedge knight’s homely squire, even a pair of young girls from a brothel, twins, “like us, Rhae.”
>a conjurer of cheap tricks she took for an actual sorcerer
Just like every Italian movie was, by union/mafia agreement, forced to have a dwarf in every movie. >be honest now, have you EVER seen an Italian movie that DIDN'T have a dwarf in it
ngl
To be fair, he'd forgotten his real name due to the ring saturating his mind with its beauty and value and he was known as Gollum. >there's never a scene where he introduces himself as Gollum, is there?
Tolkien was well known to be a huge pokemon fan and wanted to create one of his own, this is how Gollum appears in the post credits dance party; he didn't die in the lava, he merely fainted.
>end of star wars >2nd was the best; cripples looking out the window at stars >1st was okay because it was short >3rd was lame because it stretched on and had little teddy bears in it
>Why would anyone be suspicous of Sauronman, one of the two trusted Maiar of Aulë the Smith himself? >Who the other one was? >I think he went by the name of Mairon. At least before he renamed himself Sauron.
Who makes these fricking "pretending to be moronic" threads? Taxposting was way funnier, why can't we go back? Is it because zoomers are brainlets at finances?
>See that strider-looking guy in the corner of the tavern? Do you know what they call him here? Strider. Yes he’s one of them Striders. Dangerous folk, they are... stridering the wilds.
>7-foot-tall lean badass monster slayer that pals around with elves and other badass monster slayers >OH YEAH THAT WEIRD butthole LONGSTEPPER GUY FRICK HIM NO ONE LIKES HIM HE LOOKS CREEPY AS FRICK ALL WALKING AROUND EVERYWHERE
Breelanders are kind of moronic
I will ONLY be watching the Youtubers taking the piss out of this american halfwitted nonsense.
I will never watch the series.
The piss-takes will be EPIC, I sense it.
Other than the Sauron-Sauronman connection and their towers looking identical, how did he not notice the lava-operated orc factory right next to the tower?
Gandalf grew up not seeing colors, for him they were just engineers, doctors, teachers, etc
Thanks for the support inshallah
things happen a lot slower in the books. It was many years between bilbo leaving the ring and frodo leaving the shire
In the movie the factory appears when Gandalf is on top of the tower. So either he missed it or they built it while he was up there.
No in the movie when he goes to visit Saruman its still a green park. Then Saruman fights him and locks him on top of the tower. Then the orcs start turning Isengard into a factory.
Is building a factory evil?
Yes
no but in this case it was an evil factory, using the ent forest as fuel to create an army of genetic abominations
When it poisons the air and the earth
yes, Tolkien was anti-industrialist and thought imperialism and globalization will turn the world into a shithole, and was right
One day we shall return to carrying swords and riding horses between small settlements of White survivors.
It is inevitable at this point.
Ah, yes, the famous tower of Orc-tank...
OR PERHAPS THE VERY KEYS TO BARRRRRRRGH-AH-DÖRRRRRRRRRGH ITSELF!
>that scene where an Orc literally walks in on Saruman's meeting with Gandalf, calling Saruman master and asking about the preparation to invade Rohan
>Saruman forces a laugh and pretends not to know the Orc, telling him to "go back to Mordor"
wtf I don't remember that one
I think its called the Denzel effect
>cuts to black
>Directed by Robert B. Weide
That hadn't happened yet.
after gandalf gave frodo the ring for safekeeping, he spent about 40 years travelling around middle earth learning about the ring and locating gollum etc before returning to frodo
once he returned to frodo and told him the ring must be taken to rivendell, they spent about 2 years preparing before leaving the shire
then it took them about 2 years to reach rivendell, and they spent another 5 years in rivendell deciding what to do with the ring
after that, from leaving rivendell to reaching the mountain and destroying the ring only about a month passed
There’s decades where nothing happens and there’s weeks where decades happen
I lived more in one week in the 1990s than in the whole of the early 2000s.
>must admit... it was only that ONE week but HOT DAMN!
I think your cat has Down's.
They didn't spend more than a few months in Rivendell, what are you talking about?
The entire quest from Frodo and friends leaving the Shire to their return took about 14 months in total. They were in Rivendell for 3 months, tops
Grimey Wormtounge, you're a liar? How unexpected!
Maybe Theoden hired him for his roasting abilities.
Like hiring Dom Rickles to be in your court, to make fun of you so you can see if you can handle it (or at least till your old friend Gandalf comes by and hands you your balls back so you can snap out of your funk).
And now I shall consult with my most trusted advisor, Twofaced Slimy Worm mouth
Wormtongue is not the name, that's what Gandalf, Eomer and others called him. His name is simply Gríma
So yes, if you call your fat friend "fatty" is not because that's his born name, is because he's fat and you call him fatty
Thanks, homosexual
It's actually a trombone, learn about music instruments
samegay
>So yes, if you call your fat friend "fatty" is not because that's his born name, is because he's fat and you call him fatty
OK Fredegar
Grima literally means "disgusting" in Spanish
no, Wormtongue is actually Grima's last name. He comes from the Wormtongue line.
stop making shit up when you dont know what you're talking about you stupid homosexual
"No."
sorry anons i was misinformed, i read this somewhere once.
i would like to apologize for my insolence and would like to inform you all that i will be committing ritual suicide out of shame tomorrow morning.
How surprising, Anon Tardposter.
No, Grima's father was just simply Gálmód, no wormtongue at all. Stop making shit up
>Grima's father was just simply Talmud
That explains a lot
You're the one making shit up lol. Nobody in Rohan even has a "last name". They're all Theoden son of Thengel or Grima son of Galmod. Wormtongue is his nick name he earned by being a wormy little snake.
You can't show me a single example of someone in Rohan having a last name. You made that up.
Theoden’s last name is King
HORSEMASTER
its just a meme, don't take it too seriously
>Wormtongue is his nick name he earned by being a wormy little snake.
Wormtongue is a nickname earned by him being extremely persuasive and charismatic. The worm in the nickname doesn't refer to an earthworm, but to a wyrm, or in other words a dragon, who are known to be able to mesmerize people with their speech. They are essentially saying: "This guy's so good with words that he might as well be a wizard".
So he was born;
>Snowflake Angelhair
but 'accepted' being called;
>Shitty McShitbollock
I have questions.
He was born Grima, and was known as Grima by most people, except for people like Gandalf who know he was conniving and dishonest, so by those people he was called Wormtongue. No, it had nothing to do with dragons.
>No, it had nothing to do with dragons.
>In Old English wyrm means "serpent, snake, dragon", and Gandalf repeatedly compares him to a snake
Rohan is strongly modeled after Saxon-Era England, the worm in the name isn't a reference to fricking earthworms.
>Wyrrm
Two-legged snake.
>basically what David Ike is always on about, cuz he insane
In old English the word "worm" didn't necessarily refer to an earthworm, either. It referred to any small, creeping, crawling, slithering, sneaky creature. Dragons were the polar opposite of sneaky, crawly little creatures, and it makes no sense for him to be called "dragontongue" in this context.
>Guy is known to be extremely persuasive
>Dragons are known to be extremely persuasive
>It makes no sense they would call this extremely persuasive guy "dragontongue"
Okay, if you say so.
>>Guy is known to be extremely persuasive
that's not what he was known for. he was never known to be charismatic and persuasive, and the people of rohan openly wondered how the frick this slimy little man gained so much influence with their king. that's why they called him wormtongue. it makes no sense to compare him to a large, menacing, dangerous dragon as a pejorative when he was none of these things, and was the opposite of these things.
So they just called him "Grimey". Much more dignified.
nah
This isn't true, but it would have been cool.
Lmao. Poor bastards were on edge at all times.
Worm, wyrm, dragon, and serpent were all interchangeable for a long, long time and a linguist like Tolkien would be well aware of this. Wormtongue just means snake tongue, alluding to the general characterization of snakes as untrustworthy.
Dragon comes from the Greek ‘drakon’ and was originally used to refer to Aesculapian snakes and pythons, and its root roughly means ‘one who watches,’ probably due to the fact that snakes don’t need to blink. Dragons got all their other weird bullshit qualities later.
>Dragons got all their other weird bullshit qualities later
Likely a variety of European Crocodile left no fossil and has since died out but was eating people in rivers for 1000s of years.
>known that Romans left a lot of animals behind when they left and many rich Romans had menageries for sport, sexual reasons, etc
See 'History of the Colosseum' for more details.
Very possible. Nile crocodile skulls have rarely turned up in places like Sicily and they're known to cross the ocean to get to places like Madagascar, wouldn't be surprising to find out that they regularly hit up Crete or something thousands of years ago. Could also be folk memory from our history in Africa, one extinct croc was associated with bites in hominid bones so frequently that it was named Crocodylus anthopophagus - "man eating crocodile."
Many early dragon myths do involve them blocking access to rain or another source of water, which does sound quite a bit like crocodiles.
"...and in those days, there were giants..."
Your average ME midget must have been terrified the first time a 'Sea Peepo' vessel turned up and some White people with swords stepped off.
Do people only have actual last names in the Shire? Everywhere else you just get a nickname or "son of [X]".
There are many children of 'Billy the Rapist'.
there are many longstanding hobbit families in The Shire, anon. Baggins, Took, Brandybuck, Proudfoot, etc.
shut the frick up c**t
>samwise gangy
>not wise
>not gangy
>eats too many samwiches
>You are now my prisoner Gandalf
>I don’t have a cell or anything so I’m just gonna put you on the roof
>There is no possibility of escape unless your giant eagle friend shows up
>Thank you my eagle friend, your ability to sneakily fly into enemy territory has come very much in handy this one time and shall surely not be needed again.
isengard wasn't in "enemy territory," it was not in mordor. there's no reason to believe that saruman had any sort of air defenses (dragons) as did sauron in mordor. stop parroting stupid brainlet talking points.
bold talk for a moronic homosexual who thinks there's dragons in the series.
there are dragons in the lord of the rings, anon.
No, there are not. There are dragons in Middle-Earth, however none appear in Lord of The Rings.
They are mentioned as existing and still being feared in the lord of the rings, despite none of them appearing or fighting for sauron.
I love that part where Galadriel, Queen of Dragons, has rough sex with Leonidas and she shouts this is SPARTA when she orgasms and there's definitely a tempest inside her.
you're thinking of Wheel of Thrones, not lord of the rings.
I loved that show.
Vanna White was the best at spinning the wheel.
I prefer Monique Sluyter
>Monique bawd
I wasn't working in the usa back then.
Will check out this new fluff-woman.
>you're thinking of Wheel of Thrones, not lord of the rings.
Much like the showrunners that amazon hired.
(drumroll, TISH)
The Nazgul ride dragons, dummy
>inb4 they're fellbeasts
Which are basically fricking DRAGONS
they were wyverns, which are a cousin of dragons, but are not dragons.
Fellbeasts are pterodactyls moron.
Terydactyls are dragons, stupid.
Crowhelmet.
Totally normal.
Good protection against crowbars.
>CORVID-19
Very dangerous.
I never understood why in Middle Earth
>Ravens good
>Crows bad
It's the Magpies you have to watch out for
British history.
good
Friends of Odin.
bad
Minions of Lugg.
That's dumb, Ravens and Crows are on quite good terms with each other. How could anyone hate a cute little crow?
Hey! I don't make the rules, bud.
...I just row the giant nazis with swords into battle.
Was Odin even a God that the British revered? I thought they had a Celtic pantheon and considered the Scandinavians to be invaders. Did the early Anglo-Saxons worship Odin?
>Was Odin even a God that the British revered?
Top half of Great Britain was Viking for centuries.
>Danelaw
My granny used to to tell me stories from Cumbria that I later traced back to Norse legends.
Right, but those were foreign invaders. If you read the Dream of Ossian, you can tell that Britons have been fighting off Vikings since ancient times.
She used to say;
>don't go in the woods at night or the 'CROAK-A-NO-KAL' will get ya
Turns out to be;
>KRAKEN
>KNUCKA
Sea monster/land monster.
Lots of small things like this remain even to this day. Place names and local legends.
Norse remnants everywhere.
They didn't always need to 'rape' the women, bro.
>Did the early Anglo-Saxons worship Odin?
>did the people who came from Denmark and Northern Germany speaking a Germanic language worship the Germanic gods.
Yes. Wednesday is named after Woden, another name for Odin.
Do Germanics have a different pantheon that Nordics, or is it all in the same general milieu?
Slightly different pantheon.
It's hard to research now without coming up against 1940's German bs tainting the records.
Take care what you read but 'yes'.
Yeah, I appreciate Uncle A's research into ancient Occidental culture, but for political reasons he just treats all North-Western Europeans like " Hey, we're ALL Germans, right guys?"
The headcanon posting existed before the Nazis. I only say this because it should be known that the Nazi racial ideaology was the product of a lot of anthropological research into the origins of European people. Some of it is bunk, but most of it is widely accepted by academia today although it’s generally frowned upon to discuss
Functionally it's exactly the same. "Norse/Nordic" etc. as a distinct identity is largely manufactured. You see references to "Northmen" but it was a geographical distinction, since they came from the North, not a massively unique identity, say, compared to the English of that time, or to the Germans.
The British were extremely different, but English people, culturally, are not British, though there has been heavy admixture with the native population. In fact, Welsh was referred to as 'the British language' by Englishmen even a few hundred years ago; British meaning anything but 'Welsh' is a post-Act of Union contrivance to unite the people of Britain, and still is, that's the mohammed al beheadi's of the island call themselves 'Bri'ish' rather than English.
Yes, and in this respect English is extremely conservative: Even the pronunciation of Thor as þor rather than Tor is authentic, and that has been lost by modern Scandinavians.
It's comparable to the difference between Greek and Roman gods.
Roughly the same characters and stories, but still warped over time into different directions. Some deities got greater emphasis while others got less important. Also some minor deities integrated from immigrants.
You could say the Nordic version is a subset of the broader Germanic religion.
It isn't just one day either. It's half of the week (Tuesday to Friday).
Sun day
Moon day
Tuer's day
Woden's day
Thor's day
Freya's day
Saturn day
Tuer can refer to Tyr
The Norse war god and also sometimes patriarch of the gods (there interchange with Odin but they’re definitely not the same god, it’s complex)
They did
Angles and Saxons were germanics and germanics had roughly the same gods as the Norse. There’s some regional varieties which are important for various reasons, but the core gods are about the same.
They’re all Indo-European cognates, that is derived from the original myths of the Indo-European invaders from the Steppe (the ancestors of all white people).
Celts are also indo-Europeans. Native Brythonics who existed before the celts and the anglosaxons did not have these gods. Idk much about them but they were basically cavemen
The days of the week are named for Norse gods.
Wrong board
Back to your containment thread corvid gay
Crows are smarter than most americans these days.
I'll swing by soon enough, that thread is RAVEN
I wish I had a friend like that.
It's fun until they start keeping the profit
>saving up for his chick's college fund
"Give a burb a break, man."
These things don't even breathe fire bro, they're not dragons, the dragons in LoTR look like actual dragons.
they are not dragons, they are wyverns
same difference
Wyverns are two legged.
Dragons are four legged.
that's a d&d thing that was invented after lotr and over a millenia after the dragons
>invented after
And it came from...?
>hint; European Medieval Bestiaries
doesn't matter, there were two-legged dragons before that
My point exactly.
Where did the Medieval Chroniclers get their ideas from?
Oral history and folk tales, many of which go back thousands of years.
What point? Dragons can have any number of legs and you probably could find an old drawing of a wyvern with four.
That's the dumbest post I've read today but I am not gonna argue with the digits.
Take it up with the historical record.
>two-legged dragons
Yes.
Called Wyverns because they were trying to be precise if some maidens were eaten by them and the local bishop had to send some armed men to kill whatever was eating the ladies bathing in the river.
I have read two reports which make for strange reading.
If I recall;
>Bishop of York
>January; a peasant killed another peasant over some mouldy bread, so he was hanged
>February; settled the estate of the late Lady of the manor
>March; sent some armed men to kill a dragon that ate some women, including the innkeeper's daughter in the village of Arseby. Job done. Local priest reports they killed it. Woman and kids can go near river in safety now
>April; hanged a peasant who stole a donkey
>May...
Totally matter of fact.
It's odd how the non-dragon reports are clearly 'historical events' and the 'dragon one' is an allegory or myth to historiians.
MANY such cases.
That's an argument against historical records, not for existence of dragons.
No. It isn't.
Where are the remains?
Most animals leave no remains.
Where's the remains of the chicken you ate in 1995?
Somewhere in the pile of trash in the corner of my room probably
These were real people who wrote what they saw and what happened. They may have misidentified something but something ATE SOME WOMEN and the armed men dealt with it.
I value what people tell me, then I evaluate it.
I do not dismiss things out of hand because they don't fit a closed mind, as you appear to be doing.
>who wrote what they saw and what happened
You are too gullible.
You have the advantage of having seen the Discovery Channel and National Geographic Channel.
You'll see something and go;
>"Oh... it's an anteater"
>"Oh... it's an alligator"
They didn't. They were not dummies and not liars. They did their best.
That fascinated me.
I want to know what happened.
You want your narrow reality confirmed.
We are not the same.
>real people writing things down means it happened
I mean, we have videos of planes flying into buildings and them subsequently falling down. Even with that, there has been a large amount debate about it....but you think some guy writing something down means it absolutely happened. Please evaluate your brain, anon.
>some guy writing something down means it absolutely happened
It was written down for a reason.
It's what we have.
There's not a problem.
multiple midwits in the wild, i must account for this in my commonplace book post-haste.
They had four legs but then Sauron cut off two of them because he wanted a bit off the flank. They don't need those.
They are more aerodynamic that way.
and the original dragons were entirely limbless
No they are not
It's just the way Jackson interpreted them looking lizard-like pterodactyls
>In Tolkien mythology, Fell-beasts, also known as Nazgul birds and Hell-hawks, are giant vicious flying creatures native in Middle-earth.
>native in Middle-earth.
If they are native, how come we never see any wild ones? Why did only the Nazgul ride them, did Witch-King only have fricking 9 of them tamed? That can't be true since Legolas shoots one down and later we still see all 9 Wraiths riding them.
>and later we still see all 9 Wraiths riding them
Imagine not having a stables of fellbeasts.
>pauper
>Imagine not having a stables of fellbeasts.
That was my point, if Sauron has more than 9, why doesn't he use them? Having an entire air force of Orcs riding fellbeasts would be tremendously useful in a war.
>why doesn't he use them?
It's tough finding parking in LA.
>an entire air force of Orcs riding fellbeasts
First they'd all fit shiny rims and lower the suspension and before you know it they'd be riding in the orc hoods, playing the tunes and rollin' and being hatin'... and it would rapidly spiral out of control.
>cats and dogs... lying down together... real biblical
>be the most feared animal in existence, mounted by an immortal wraith
>360 no scoped by some blond gay
Incredible.
Lord of the rings is dumber than Bollywood
when i was a kid i always wondered how everyone didn't realize saruman was evil given that he had the most obvious "bad guy" name ever.
are you implying that people with similar sounding names have some kind of evil cabal connection? oy vey that really very antisindarin!
Probably has to do with both Sauron and Saruman being Maia aligned with that smithing Vala.
I always confused them with each other when I read books as a child.
Goddamn Tolkien's autistic obsession with languages
Tolkien's autistic obsession with languages
>Professor of English Literature
Yeah. Totally see how that came out of left field for thee and baffled you.
>Saruman
Sauron the White?
do you think everyone named jack knows a person named jacqueline?
Jack here, hi. We are actually paired at birth with several Jacquelines that we can frick whenever we want as we live our lives.
I'm not supposed to share this or the Basedciety of Jacks (basedjacks) will come after me, so keep it under wraps
-Jack
Favorite Tekken character? Take a wild fricking guess, kiddo.
Miguel Caballero Rojo
Speaking of this there is a real estate agent active in my area with the last name "Adolfsson", don't trust the fricker.
(Then again I don't trust any real estate agent to do anything but act in their own best interest)
> I shall go to my trusted friend who hates hobbits, Sauron's man, of the many allegiences, in the land of eyes guard in his tower of orc thanks...
Seriously?
>Gandalf
>Literally means "Gandalf "
Real original, Hackien.
>major villain is a "white" guy who is a literal racetraitor
Bravo Tolkien
But a boat looks up and a rock looks down so clearly he gave it to him raw.
Is your headcanon that sauronman sodomized gandalf?
Wtf dude
>sheslob
>Female who spends all day at home
Real original Jackson!
who keeps making these lotr threads? theres like 10 in the catalog right now
marketing push
It is I, the Lotr Thread Maker-man! It was me all along!
>grimbold
>Bold in the face of a grim world
Very nice actually Jackson..
>Palantir, an orb to see all things
>Also the name of a company that collects everyone's data
You can't make it up!
Kek. Well done, Anon. Was a good IPO
>totally not connected in any way to the NSA and NRO in any whatsoever, no sirree bob... not at al... LOOK A SQUIRREL!
>needs to spend years researching to figure out that Bilbo's ring is the most famous and important ring in the world, which can be proven simply by heating it
Gandalf wasn't the brightest
maybe he didn't want to melt his friend bilby's trinket. doesn't explain why he couldn't feel it's pull.
TOLKEIN A HACK
>no no don't worry about Moria, it's just a silly name the elves gave it after the dwarves left
>what did the dwarves call it
>Cave of Doom
>Survive Moria to get an infodump from Queen Galadriel
>of the forest of Lots-lorey-in
Was ROP really that much worse?
>>of the forest of Lots-lorey-in
Why didn't Legolas shoot the suicide orc in the head? He had three opportunities and was a godlike archer seriously what a load of shit.
Gimli kept shouting out numbers and it was very distracting
Why was it such a big deal? Any other orc could have grabbed the torch after he was dead and taken it to the bomb. There wasn't a secret code to detonate the bomb.
No he would of fell back at the head shot and dropped it and everyone else around weren't trained at the orc factory for that mission
Why didn't he shoot the Cave Troll in the eyes in Moria? He was point black and he shoots it in the shoulder.
*blank, frick Black folk
>Aragorn
>Alpha male
>Borormir
>Beta male
Bravo, Jackson!
Why didn't he notice anything while taking casual flights with the eagles?
My thoughts on amazon's expensive product...
Amazon is crouching.
Fans look at their plate under amazon's ass.
Amazon makes straining noises.
THEN they ask me why I am not excited...
>Gandyelf
>not an elf
>not from Gandy
Tolkien really was a hack
>Frodo
>not a Fro
>barely did anything
Tolkien really was a hack
>Baggins
>didn't keep the ring in a bag
He lived in Bag End which signified that the characters had evolved beyond the use of bags
I love that bit where Galadrioramus snaps her fingers using the magic glove with the soul stones and half the elves die.
I like the part when the eagles are fighting the ringwraiths over mound doom, and when gwaihir knocks one into the lava, another shouts "now THAT was hot!"
Why didn't Sigmar just destroy the undead crown when he first found it after he killed the first necromancer?
>Sauron: You're on a secret mission to find Bilbo Baggins, don't take the dragons they're too conspicuous, ride the demon horses instead and make sure to scream like banshees every five seconds and go slow enough that word-of-mouth can precede you
>also don't look up his address beforehand
>simply ask random people until one of them tells you where he lives
>also don't look up his address beforehand
Yes, please don't check the internet or a phonebook
Sauron had a ball-phone and coud tap directly into Theoden's brain.
His balls also tap into your momma bum
To be a millionbillion percent fair to what I believe is definitely one of the weakest parts of the narrative:
>wraiths are practically blind in the daytime
>they're weakened for being so far from sauron who himself is weakened for being so long parted from the ring
>aragorn and glorfindel essentially take on four or five of them at once, demonstrating the point
>on a secret mission to find ring
>literally invisible to the human eye
>wear jet black cloaks and evil grim reaper's armor, riding black demonic horses, breaking out of the usual world environment
The best part is that canonically they are "in disguise", because surely no-one will associate these black-cloaked figures that drain all color and light and scare all animals away from them with ringwraiths.
>They crossed the river Isen in Midsummer's eve, disguised as riders in black.
Wtf does that line even mean? That's like saying you're pretending to wear a red shirt. They were actually riding horses and wearing black grim reaper outfits.
As we've already established in the OP, Gandalf is somewhat of a moron.
disguised as normal riders wearing black, as opposed to ghostly wraiths flying around on giant flying murderbeasts.
>ghostly wraiths flying around on giant flying murderbeasts
It's hard to find parking in the Shire.
"One does not simply park one's flying monster in the Shire."
>likely to be towed
Put yourself in their shoes. Sauron had already pranked them several times. Would you really trust him if he told you that you're actually invisible and to go riding around the world butt naked?
[EXTERIOR. NIGHTTIME. Posse of nazgul turn up at tavern, to dramatic music, storm tavern and, swords drawn at hip level, whisp up to the bar silently, menacingly]
Nazgul#1; "Can we use your toilet?"
Barkeep; "In the back, lads." [pause] "Wait a bit. Big Jack's just been in there."
How would they ask for directions?
>I found this weird guy outside of Mordor and when I tortured him he said that someone named Baggins took the ring over 70 years ago
>This is the best lead we have so all nine of you need to go look for him right away
I love that bit where Galadriator says;
>"daughter of a murdered father, mother of a murdered daughter, I HAVE A TEMPEST IN ME..."
and then fights the Emperor of Egypt and wins, even though the orcs stabbed her, then leads her people to the Red Sea then shouts;
>"WE SHALL CROSS!"
and a giant spider parts the sea, as her people, the australian abos with convincing irish accents, cross to freedom in their little carts with wonky wheels.
>I HAVE A TEMPEST IN ME...
I finally caught a clip of that scene and that actress is so comically wooden I think she might actually be an ent.
Or moronic.
"I knew this was a quality production from the first scene since all the actors were crafted from the finest mahogany."
How did denethor run easily over 700 meters while on oil fueled fire?
He was a big guy.
4
Y
O
U
Don't you love it when multi-billionaires think they can easily match the work of professors of the English language via two high-school jocks faking it until they make it and a writer's room filled to the ceiling with people linguistically incapable of crafting a 30 second ad for tampons without resorting to a Bollywood number and $100m worth of fake-looking CGI, as if money can replace pure talent and one man's skill and imagination.
The shit is made by moronic Leftists who hate us and him. Anything even approaching honest discussion about it is more than it deserves. I've already given it more than it deserves just typing this.
Do you know what they have proved in this era of folly by their actions and efforts?
>SOME PEOPLE SIMPLY ARE SUPERIOR TO OTHERS
(One multi-billionaire with unlimited production funds + countless minions + americans with hubris + all the technology that modern man can craft) < One Englishman
why didn't frodo just throw the ring really far all the way into modor
throwdo
>throwdo
Sounds like a line out of an ERB.
>throw hands so good, call me throwdo
That's fricking moronic, Aussie satan.
"One does not simply emu into Australia!"
This is no rabble of mindless Leafs, these are Aussie-Cucks. Their shitposting is wide and their accents thick.
>nice shooting homosexual
i cry everteim
I will watch it every single time.
>we can take a safe path along the road through the safe kingdoms of men
>NOOOOOOOOOOO WE HAVE NO TIME WE WILL GO THROUGH SHAWS OF TROLLS, MOUNTAINS OF MISTERY AND MIRK FORESTS OF SHADOWS, THROUGH MARCHES OF DEAD TO A FRICKING VOLCANIC LAVA LAND
>mordor
>more-door
>very few doors
Everybody thought there was only one way in
But they were, all of them, deceived...
"May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out."
Gives them a smoke alarm with a single flashing LED, that chirps occasionally.
>available from amazon... only $12 inc shipping
>Mordor's Fock and Sock Formerly Southlands
[EXTERIOR. DAYLIGHT. An elderly orc sits in a rocking chair on a porch, rocking gently as our heroes approach and look at the sign over the store, perplexed]
Is that supposed to be Mordor?
>no expense spared
Are you illiterate?
What?
Like the scriptwriters?
No I just couldn't see the word "mordor" because your mom spat my cum on my laptop screen.
It's a low point of that dogshit show
Q. How does it get the name Mordor?
It just... is... now.
Before it was somewhere else and then someone unlocked a wall and water and something something and its got a volcano and... VIOLA!
>scriptwriting
It's hard.
>How does it get the name Mordor
Literally Sindarin for "Black Land".
I must have missed that specific line in the LOTR;THE RINGLETS OF REST IN POWA.
>Black Land
>inhabited by filthy violent, evil subhuman creatures
What did Tolkien mean by that?
Come now, we've all been to Belgium.
>black land
>everything is orange in the WEBM
They should have called it Mexico.
>Mexico
I look it up, apparently the name means "In the Lake of the Moon", which in Sindarin I think would be something like Dor-Ithilienen.
I could also be mashing random syllables together, it's been years since I seriously studied Sindarin.
That's neat. You fricking nerd.
>not even a flimsy wooden door with a padlock to guard the one thing that can permanently destroy him
One decent hasp and the entire story comes to a grinding halt.
>"but for a nail..."
He could've just wrote that Samwise picked the lock, but no, Sauron just left his weak point exposed like the ventillation shaft on the Death Star.
>the ventillation shaft on the Death Star
DESIGNED IN as per the movie 'Rogue One'.
So Sauron 'designed' his master-plan to be defeated, like soliloquizing antagonists do, like leaving the hero in a death-machine there's a way to escape from.
Is Sauron just a Bond villain?
>Is Sauron just a Bond villain?
The book makes it explicit that he is literally, physically unable to conceive of the idea that someone might want to destroy the ring instead of using it. So yes, yes he is.
>What's your name, halfling?
>Baggins. Frodo Baggins
>*backhands Arwen*
>[CSI Miami themesong plays]
>Be ring
>Trying to return to owner by tempting and tricking ringbearer
>Wind up in the hands of a fricking Hobbit
>"wtf? All these gays think of is cakes and flowers. I can't do anything with this shit!"
>"You want a nice big cake and some lovely flowers, right?"
Sometimes you just gotta work with what you have.
Well Sam was too moronic to be corrupted and Frodo was too gay, so getting caught wasn't part of the ring's master plan.
>unable to conceive of the idea that someone might want to destroy the ring instead of using it.
that's just autism
You joke, but Sauron's backstory is literally that he found mortals to be too untidy and chaotic and wanted to bring order to the world. His behaviour is very much reminiscent of an autistic child having a meltdown because furniture was moved slightly.
>the world is a mess and I just need to rule it
Plot contrivance tbh
Better writing would be that no one really knows what will happen but it’s known the ring must be destroyed by good because it falling into Sauron’s hands is too terrible to even consider.
Once he’s destroyed everyone is like “did he know he’d be destroyed if he died?” And Gandalf would go “he might have suspected but his pride demanded he believed he was too powerful to be be undone by such means”
>not even a flimsy wooden door
There was one, but it burned down.
>Tom Marvolo Riddle
>scramble
>I AM LORD VOLDEMORT
What the frick was Tolkien thinking here?
>Samwise
>literally the dumbest of the group
He was good with trees.
>Implying he is dumber than Pippin
They're supposed to be everymen characters the reader can identify with and even a child can see when they get things wrong and do the wrong thing, so they are perfect foils to the action and drama for the reader, giving their inner voice an opportunity to say "no, don't" or "yes, that's what I would do".
That was only in the Bakshi version
>pippin
>because he's always got to pip in with some kind of witticism
>merry
>is merry
>samwise
>is wise
>baggins
>lives in bag end
Pottery
>Gandelf
>G and elf
>god-like powers and elf-like wisdom
>Saruman
>Sa-rum-an
>Sadistic rumming anal
Thanks Tokien.
>opens her pussy towards the wind
>I HAVE A TEMPEST INSIDE ME
Really wish they hadn't brought in George R.R. Martin to assist in the writing
>Fly you fools
Thanks, Gaydalf
So only at the last moment you finally realized that the idea with the eagles was right after all
>Tolkien
>everyone is "talking in english"
wow
Only reason I am home today is I'm waiting on some parts for my car's gearbox and clutch so I can get it back on the road.
Thanks for entertaining me, lads and lassies.
I can;t wait for this LOTR:THE WRONGS OF REST IN POWA LUMP#2 to drop from the ringpiece of amazonk.
The lols are going to be epic.
>planet = Planetos
>West = Westeros
>East = Essos
>South = Sothoryos
>thousand islands = Thousand Islands
>rock with a castle on it = Casterly Rock
>swords for sale = sellswords
>Sir = Ser
>dragon = Drogon
>scruffy canid = Shaggydog
>monotheistic god = R'hllor (Ruler)
Fantasy naming conventions >>>> sci fi naming conventions
>Dumbledore
>Some dumb old doe
LARD OF THE WRONGS by amazon is so entertaining, I won't watch any of it.
Even told a friend who may d/l a torrent if he can be bothered not to bother as it will be just awful like the last one.
I will watch the Youtubers ripping it a new one as the keks I got the last time from YouTube made my chest sore with laughing.
Most entertainment will be had from this indirectly and won't cost me a dime.
I hope this expensive stool will be as entertaining as the last one.
>free entertainment
Thanks, Jeff you absolute tool.
>Saruman the White is a good guy
>Saruman who ditches his white identify and dons a rainbow identity of many colors is irredeemably evil
What did Tolkien mean by this?
I am worried about;
>Gandalf the Pink_with_Blue_and_White_Stripes
since thems now wants me to use the pronouns;
>you, shall, pass
and only wants to hang around with little orcs.
Gotta make sure the kids grow up to think there's nothing wrong with fricking up your buddy to try and look like a woman.
Abnormals fear the normal.
>I AM NO MAN
Bravo Tolerankien
>Dildo gaygins
He's a Sauromancer
>Gandalf in Hobbit
>There some necromancer-shit tier going on in our forests
>OH SHIT ITS SAURON THE OLD ENIGMATIC ENEMY THE EXISTENTIAL THREAT TO EVERYTHING! WE NEED TO DEAL WITH IT ASAP!!!
>Also Gandalf in LoTR: Fellowship
>W-what? What ring? Who's Sauron?
"Erm! Aren't you... Galdalf the..."
"NO TOTALLY DIFFERENT DUDE! I'm GANDALF THE WHITE"
"So not Gandalf the..."
"NOPE! I'M BACK BUT THIS ISN'T ME! FORGET ME THIS IS ME NOW! I AM ME THAT WAS ME. TOTALLY DIFFEREN... why are you all laughing?"
from fire and blood
> Even more gravely, Baela had a taste for unsuitable companions. Like stray dogs, she brought them home with her to the Red Keep, insisting that they be given positions in the castle, or be made part of her own retinue. These pets of hers included a comely young juggler, a blacksmith’s apprentice whose muscles she admired, a legless beggar she took pity on, a conjurer of cheap tricks she took for an actual sorcerer, a hedge knight’s homely squire, even a pair of young girls from a brothel, twins, “like us, Rhae.”
>a conjurer of cheap tricks she took for an actual sorcerer
who do you think baela found in kings landing
>be Gollum
>literally say "Gollum! Gollum! Every other sentence
Bravo Token
Just like every Italian movie was, by union/mafia agreement, forced to have a dwarf in every movie.
>be honest now, have you EVER seen an Italian movie that DIDN'T have a dwarf in it
ngl
To be fair, he'd forgotten his real name due to the ring saturating his mind with its beauty and value and he was known as Gollum.
>there's never a scene where he introduces himself as Gollum, is there?
Tolkien was well known to be a huge pokemon fan and wanted to create one of his own, this is how Gollum appears in the post credits dance party; he didn't die in the lava, he merely fainted.
I understand why Jackson cut the Frodo in Valinor Karaoke Dance Party but I hate that he did it because it was my favorite part of the book
>end of star wars
>2nd was the best; cripples looking out the window at stars
>1st was okay because it was short
>3rd was lame because it stretched on and had little teddy bears in it
>Borrow-Mir
>ends up trying to borrow the ring
he was the best part in apt pupil even thou the story was meh
>written by steven king during his meth and pedo phase
What do you expect?
>character name is "Sauron's-man"
>turns out he's Sauron's man
bravo tolkien
>Why would anyone be suspicous of Sauronman, one of the two trusted Maiar of Aulë the Smith himself?
>Who the other one was?
>I think he went by the name of Mairon. At least before he renamed himself Sauron.
Who makes these fricking "pretending to be moronic" threads? Taxposting was way funnier, why can't we go back? Is it because zoomers are brainlets at finances?
I find these threads perfectly funny.
t. 37-year-old boomer
its funny because it exposes the morons in this board
"My Oy Vey!"
>See that strider-looking guy in the corner of the tavern? Do you know what they call him here? Strider. Yes he’s one of them Striders. Dangerous folk, they are... stridering the wilds.
Ok i got it for Christ Sake
>7-foot-tall lean badass monster slayer that pals around with elves and other badass monster slayers
>OH YEAH THAT WEIRD butthole LONGSTEPPER GUY FRICK HIM NO ONE LIKES HIM HE LOOKS CREEPY AS FRICK ALL WALKING AROUND EVERYWHERE
Breelanders are kind of moronic
I will ONLY be watching the Youtubers taking the piss out of this american halfwitted nonsense.
I will never watch the series.
The piss-takes will be EPIC, I sense it.
It really doesn't deserve the attention
>adblocker + youtube = free
>bezosvision = $Black folk a month
Why would I give americans a dime of my money?