Silly daddy, you cant eat carpet!

Silly daddy, you can’t eat carpet!

A Conspiracy Theorist Is Talking Shirt $21.68

Ape Out Shirt $21.68

A Conspiracy Theorist Is Talking Shirt $21.68

  1. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >I had to pull a lot of strings to get them to hire an 8 year old!

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      i laugh everytim

    • 6 months ago
      Jon Kolner

      Don’t get too attached to it, Aladdin. It’s about to be magical flying dinner.

      >Yeah, I remember da eating cahpet paht. Not so much the robots and the lasers.

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        >YOU DON'T REMEMBER BECAUSE BACK THEN IT WAS ONLY A PROPHECY, BUT NOW IN THE FUTURE, THE PAST HAS OCCURRED!

        • 6 months ago
          Jon Kolner

          >you must pay him
          . How much?
          >SEXUALLY!
          >… wonderful…

          • 6 months ago
            Anonymous

            That's quite the palindrome of numbers you've got there.
            Also:
            >Look, I know it's been a while. But I'm not gonna get humped... by a giant red gorilla... in space.

          • 6 months ago
            Anonymous

            >you have -got- to be freaking kidding me
            >what are you eating
            >oh this is your uh great great great great great uh...your mother >:(

            • 6 months ago
              Anonymous

              >the socks were actually laser guided like Meatwad said

              • 6 months ago
                Anonymous

                That scene and the one where he's lying down hiding behind his couch saying
                >go away. go away. friggin freak. im so tired of this. go away you freak.
                Makes me laugh out loud every single time. Carl is so bizarrely relatable at times it's insane, sometimes he's more relatable than any seriously portrayed protagonist.

              • 6 months ago
                Anonymous

                >Fryman... I am so sorry... that I can't press charges here.

              • 6 months ago
                Anonymous

                >you gonna help me clean up this shake stew?
                >>No
                >heh well watch your back!

              • 6 months ago
                Anonymous

                >Oh yeah, they found my car. Over by the turnpike, hangin' from a trestle. Yeah the cops said he had a "cup-like body and a straw-like protrusion." You know anybody like that?

              • 6 months ago
                Anonymous

                >"Don't go beatin yourself up over this...I mean, it kinda was your fault. But screw it. They're dead and you're not"

              • 6 months ago
                Anonymous

                That is how it felt to be a zogbot trying to avoid work calls from NCOs looking for bodies.

              • 6 months ago
                Anonymous

                WHAT DO YOU NEED?
                WHAT DO YOU WANT?
                CAN'T I JUST LIVE HERE, WITHOUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH YOU ANIMALS?!

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        >YOU DON'T REMEMBER BECAUSE BACK THEN IT WAS ONLY A PROPHECY, BUT NOW IN THE FUTURE, THE PAST HAS OCCURRED!

        >you must pay him
        . How much?
        >SEXUALLY!
        >… wonderful…

        That's quite the palindrome of numbers you've got there.
        Also:
        >Look, I know it's been a while. But I'm not gonna get humped... by a giant red gorilla... in space.

        >you have -got- to be freaking kidding me
        >what are you eating
        >oh this is your uh great great great great great uh...your mother >:(

        >the socks were actually laser guided like Meatwad said

        TGCPFTF and Turkatron are two of the best characters I've ever seen in comedy.
        It's the same kind of narcissistic confidence that you see from IASIP (before it got gay)
        >they would exit the womb [sic]doussed[sic] in gravy. Gravy filled with the giblets, from a monkey

        • 6 months ago
          Anonymous

          The best part of that weird speech was the ending

          “And Then the chickens killed me. Of course you can understand why I would dislike them for that.”

  2. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    no not like that, you gotta boil it first

  3. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    PUT YA MASK ON AND STOP CRYIN!

  4. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Ya haff ta BOYL it

  5. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Hey, who's your dead friend? He's dead.

  6. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    it's south bronx PARADISE baby!

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >That's just dead weight!

  7. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    it's amazing carl didn't turn out worse, considering his childhood

  8. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >It's Berber, that's an industry term

  9. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Carl, might want to be careful, Dracula is out there.

  10. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    You got to boil it.

  11. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    My hair is literally like this.
    It’s over

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      Same and in my early twenties no less.

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      Same and in my early twenties no less.

      I have a full head of hair but Im 36 and still here. Which is worse?

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        You had a life, it never began for us.

        • 6 months ago
          Anonymous

          Fricking hell man lol. I do have a completely fricked head-shape though. I would rather be balding with a good head-shape than just going forward with my fingers crossed like I am atm. If I lose the slightest bit of hair I am screwed.

          I'm turning 35 in 6 months, have porn ed, and a receding hairline

          Porn ED? Out of curiosity, you on SSRI's? I was

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        I'm turning 35 in 6 months, have porn ed, and a receding hairline

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        37

  12. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    I'm becoming him but I dont mind

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      literally me

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        Oh you noticed.
        See, a lot of water gets wasted during the day flushing the toilet or the bathroom, ya know, so I fill all this up, all I gotta do when I go to the kitchen for lunch is pour it down the sink. Whatever it takes to save the Earth.

    • 6 months ago
      Jon Kolner

      Eight dollars? I don’t think the bank will take all this!

  13. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Look it's like a flyin magic carpet there!
    Settle down, Aladdin.

  14. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    "Oh boy oh boy I hope this is a new mommy!"

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      Yeah it's not

  15. 6 months ago
    Anonymous
  16. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Carl's dad is unironically not that bad.
    >Is there for his son
    >feeds him dinner
    >pulled strings for his son
    >gave him a christmas present
    >played pretend with his sons present
    >provides his son with free PPE

    He's a good dad. Prove me wrong.

    • 6 months ago
      Jon Kolner

      He’s also a famous pornographic actor according to the episode Global Grilling

      >No, dad. All dose money shots!

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        >famous pornographic actor
        Incorrect.
        >My father's amateur porno!
        >I love you, dad! And all those money shots.

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        He didn't star in porn, those are his fathers personal porno collection in that scene. Carl bonded with his father by jerking off to the porno in that collection judging by his reaction to them almost getting ruined. His father has only ever shown up in scenes maybe 2 times, he is mentioned a few times when Carls mother is around too.

        • 6 months ago
          Jon Kolner

          The fact she was at a VA hospital implies he was in the military as well. He was a well rounded individual.

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >no my dad's amateur porno tapes
      >goes down
      >comes up with tapes stacked on his head
      >I love you dad

  17. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    You put on your work boots and your respirator!

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >I don't want to make ends meet

  18. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    is anyone else thrown off by the new animation?

  19. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    You gotta boil it first until the glue gets soft

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      Whoa, what do we got here? Some sorta gangbang?

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        When the second guy instantly refers to Carl as his friend after this is the most wholesome moment of the entire show.

        • 6 months ago
          Anonymous

          YOU DON'T TALK TO MY FRIEND LIKE THAT YOU DUMB GUINEA!

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        Your car is badass

        Too bad you're a pussy.

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        how is this stereotype called? Im not burguer but we do have them here too, same outfits even now after so many years

        • 6 months ago
          Anonymous

          I don't live near people like this, so someone else might have a more specific/accurate label, but I think of them as "guidos".

        • 6 months ago
          Jon Kolner

          In Chicago, they’re called Polaks.

        • 6 months ago
          Anonymous

          In America people like that are generally Italian American or people with the same culture and are called guidos (gwee doh)

          • 6 months ago
            Anonymous

            You're not even American moron

            • 6 months ago
              Anonymous

              I am, I'm from Baltimore.
              What made you think I wasn't?

        • 6 months ago
          Anonymous

          Wop or guinea for these fat slobby Italian guys. These other anons are smoking that moonjuana because Guido is more for younger, fitter, douchey italians.

          • 6 months ago
            Jon Kolner

            Carl is a Polak though. Brutananadilewski- “you ain’t gonna pronounce dat right. Just put Smith. It don’t matter.”

        • 6 months ago
          Anonymous

          Similar to chavs, bogans or gopniks but they also hoon or drive flashy cars.

  20. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >It's Dusty Bazongas!

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      Carl's running animation is pure art.

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        I like the small details, such as when the trees hold him upside down he still has his hands on his hips. Or when he falls down face first lmao

  21. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Tonight you will get your dick ripped off

  22. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Carl beating the shit out of Shake in the newest season
    The new writers seem to know nothing about Carls relationship with the aqua teens.

  23. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    BRUCHETTA
    BRUCHETTA NIGHTS

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >I'm also being sued by EMI Records for ripping off Big City Nights note-for-note.

      • 6 months ago
        Jon Kolner

        >you ever hear that song?
        >>only cause you play it all the damn time!
        >I know. It’s great but I changed it slightly just to make it mine

  24. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    I would love to own the interplanetary insanitarium t-shirt. For once in my life I desperately want merch of something.

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      THE GORN LORD

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      “Cool. I wanna get raped by an octopus!”

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      MUDFLAPS
      RECROOM
      TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURD

  25. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Shake gasping for air after missing his dive into the pool in the pool seamonster episode always gets me. That and when Carl asks if those clouds are on fire in the Chernobyl grill episode. Such a perfect show.

  26. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Look, I’m laying all my cards on the table here. I want us to have an honest relationship. I couldn’t help but notice you got kids…. How tight ARE you?

  27. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >it's a Master Shake loses episode
    kino

  28. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >tonight
    >you
    what did he mean by this?

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      it's like he's threatenin' me or sumfin'

  29. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >the machine took my money.
    >it did WHAT to my son!?
    >seduces the boy’s mother by aggressively fighting with the claw machine before smashing it.

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      I can do the same thing to the condom dispenser at the service station IF that is what you want

  30. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    I've actually had to do this and yell at a bum who kept asking me for gas money.
    >unfortunately he didn't kill me

  31. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >no its an egg all! I got it from the ass of this weird flightless bird I met and you don't know him
    >oh... well, I don't have those
    >... YOU MUST!

  32. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >PICKUP THAT PHONE, OR I WILL UNLEASH THE VENOM!

  33. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Homeless chicks. They'll do anything for sheltah

  34. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >oh and you! You're that asswipe roommate of his. Oh if I go down, who will deliver the toys? You? You have no idea how it works... do ya? Don't even have a clue. You know what? Lemme borrow your phone. Ho-ho-h-I'm gonna call, the police

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >it’s a toy brain not a toy train
      >>just give it to him. Little Jimmy ain’t the brightest

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >We gonna finish up America, then we do Europe, then you knock out the Middle East yourself
      >FRICK YOU
      >CRY ME A RIVER, b***h

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >i'm sorry, he just woke me up, and it pisses me off...

  35. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >you left my kids at home alone?

    Of course not. I let them come with me. I’m just telling you a lie so I ain’t get in no trouble.

  36. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Meat-man. Ever since my son was...never conceived, because I've never had consensual sex without money involved. I've always kind of looked at you as...a thing, that I could live next to...in accordance with state laws.

  37. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >It's your lucky day, fruitcup.

    Then how come I lost all them damn bets, huh you dumb guinea?

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Carl tap his kneecaps
      >hits him with a bat three times in the stomach

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Carl tap his kneecaps
      >hits him with a bat three times in the stomach

      This is one of my absolute favorites.
      >Help me up...bitch...then I'm OUT OF HERE...

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      WHAT'S THAT, CUP?! SAY THAT AGAIN, CUP!

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        I love this episode because it shows Carl and Meatwad being friends. I like it when they hang out. The Willie Nelson spider episode is another one.

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Carl tap his kneecaps
      >hits him with a bat three times in the stomach

      WHAT'S THAT, CUP?! SAY THAT AGAIN, CUP!

      Best part is it's fricking Pussy and Bacala and they aren't even in the fricking credits.

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      I like how they not only got Bobby to VA but his character also looks exactly like him. It's almost as if Bobby himself actually had to deal with the Aqua Teens off screen and Chase couldn't be bothered to write it in an episode.

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Dante said once they close he's going to take me down to the bridge to watch the sun go down
      >He's been mean to me all day so this is a pretty nice change

  38. 6 months ago
    scorsese dog

    >I am the ghost of christmas past, and I've come to show you what christmas was like
    >... alright

  39. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >I use this for my teeth and my hair.
    >Oh yeah I forgot, I live next to a third world hell hole.

  40. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Impossible! It can only be destroyed by Za ancient bone spear of ZUMAKALIS!

    >>yeah… or anything sharp really…

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Honestly you can probably just leave him alone and he'll run out of batteries soon

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        We have finally traveled the galaxy… in order to obtain free cable!

        • 6 months ago
          Anonymous

          THEY HAVE MOHAWK AND WHEELCHAIR, WE ARE NOT GETTING SUED

          • 6 months ago
            Anonymous

            ITZ ZA FAR GATE. MAYBE I SHOULD PUT A MOHAWK AND VEEL CHAIR ON IT IF YOU STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND!

          • 6 months ago
            Anonymous

            I liked that in the newest episode you could see Oglethorpe briefly in a cameo among the slaves rounded up to build the pyramid.

  41. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >You look at him and tell me there's a god.

  42. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    I DID know something I didn't.

  43. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >if I woke up looking like that, I would run to the nearest living thing and kill it.

  44. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Why do you disappoint me? Second by second you waste my time

  45. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Master Your Finances and $HAKE IT UP!

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      getting finance advice from shake is almost exactly like getting finance advice from Cinemaphile

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        T. dipshit that bet purple not orange

        • 6 months ago
          Anonymous

          When the crowd zigs, Master Shake zags

  46. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Aqua teen is a strange one to watch around the holidays because there are so many Christmas episodes

    >Alright. We’re rocking around the Christmas tree. Any requests?
    >>yeah, shut up!

    >what is it?
    >>a stick
    >oh good

  47. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    the DRIZZLE

  48. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >boob heheheheh that's funny. Go ahead and hand me the phone so I can call the police.

  49. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Frylock is framed as the straight man but Carl is the realistic straight man.

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      Frylock is the straight man in the early seasons but he becomes as wacky as the rest of them by season 3 or even season2. Good examples include the fry legs episode and total recarl where he just decides to test a deadly experimental toilet on Carl for no reason.

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        The legs episode is great because we see what might be the most rational, normal character do some of the craziest shit of any of the main cast in any episode.

  50. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Not like that. You gotta boil it first. Soften the glue.

  51. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Why do I find "frylegs" scary and disgusting? Its a episode I legit skip when I do a full rewatch and I dont even skip the bananaplanet one, what gives?

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >scary and disgusting
      Because it's scary and disgusting lol. The humor (to me at least) is that Frylock for once is the cause of the depravity. For what it's worth the episode where Santa has to get the soccer ball skin graft is hard for me to watch lol.

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        Yes but he feels really off character like full blown sadist psychopath instead of a funny unhinged lunatic, like a diet version of master shake with more empathy, strange episodes indeed.
        Im not a credits nut so maybe writters are the cause but who knows, it is well known that writters sometimes forget how a character is supossed to act.

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      What he said. It's Frylock showing that he's Shake and Meatwad-tier fricking stupid despite being the super genius. Fricking food monsters.

      Bananaplanet is just boring so you should skip that. Would have nailed a joke if it said "Black person"
      >Where'd that Black person get enough food for four turds?
      The VA is gold

      • 6 months ago
        Anonymous

        Yes but he feels really off character like full blown sadist psychopath instead of a funny unhinged lunatic, like a diet version of master shake with more empathy, strange episodes indeed.
        Im not a credits nut so maybe writters are the cause but who knows, it is well known that writters sometimes forget how a character is supossed to act.

        I think episodes like that exist just to reinforce the idea that continuity in this universe only exists when they want it to and/or when it's funny.

        • 6 months ago
          Anonymous

          I've got no fricking clue what's actually right, but Frylegs showing he's the same as Shake and Meat sorta plays in with the first episode. They're food monsters. And Carl works outta the home.

  52. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >that one episode where carl spends an entire week creampieing a thick milf
    damn

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      Yeah. We never made the Eddie money concert. We got caught up in a concert of our own. Your mom plays a mean skin flute. Hehehehe

  53. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Would you live in the ATHF universe if you could? On the one hand it’s filled with monsters but on the other you can regenerate endlessly like Carl.

  54. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    I wanna rock your body (to the break of dawn)

    • 6 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Yeah baby, it's like poetry.

  55. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >And if you look closely it says “hot dong” with an arrow pointing downwards

    Yeah this isn’t an infomercial for your dick!

  56. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Oh crap, hide
    >Hide from what?
    >Just play it off as a joke
    >From uh...from uh...you know...black people been running around here
    >That's not really a joke, Carl
    >Come on man, I'm trying

  57. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Just looking at my Gucci, looking for the hoochy. Yeah tryna get some coochy

  58. 6 months ago
    Anonymous

    Your friends pornography is infinitely excellent but his dresser is infinitely boring. Burn it.

    >but Carl keeps all his clothes in there!

    *ignigknot holds up porno mag*

    These girls are naked and they are quite happy. In fact, they are kissing each other. Don’t you want Carl to be infinitely kissed?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *