>Sometimes when I wipe I'll wipe and I'll wipe and I'll wipe a hundred times, still poop, still poop. It's like I'm wiping a marker or something.
What the deuce is he on about?
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Fiber is the key, also avoid butt whips they clog your pipes and harm your skin around your butt. Use some TP and run some water on it, works wonders. But Fiber and not eating goy slop are huge factors.
Another hack is to put vaseline or lotion around your butthole. It lubes the skin and prevents a lot of the poop from sticking to it. Makes cleanup a breeze.
I just put liquid soap on the paper.
>Oh man I gotta take a dump, but hol up lemme take 5 minutes to lube up my butthole real quick.
If you're so close to pooping that you're doing the poop dance, the poop is probably going to slide right out of your ass anyway so you shouldn't need to lube it up. But it also shouldn't take five minutes.
Fool me once...
You can't get fooled again.
I can't even poop right without having Fiber internet?! We're living in a dystopia, man..
homie stick the toilet paper in your butthole with your finger
Humiliation ritual wherein men are infantilized and/or bestialized. Men go along with it due to a natural desire to be 'gross' or having a sort of defiling flesh (women have a much desired innocent flesh) in response to a feminization by pervasive homosexual influences in the media and this guy --
This homie thinks he is clever and blames everything on psyops. He has never heard of Aristophanes.
meds
This is most times I poop.
Usually I would think I'm done pooping, but then I wipe wipe wipe and even go one knuckle deep and still, poop.
I got a bidet like
and found that I basically need to do a full on enema to get all the poop out. There's basically a small piece of poop the size of my thumb that's extremely oily and impossible to push out naturally. This is like 90% of my poops. The bidet solves the problem but it's a lot of work. Like 20 minutes minimum of constantly flushing out my butthole.
>this is like 90% of my poops
Start exercising and fix your diet moron.
Your shits shouldn't be like that.
>tfw developed hemorrhoids ~6 years ago
>almost always blood when I wipe
>anus doesn't really close properly so there's discharge
>tfw hemorrhoid started swelling up
>got a fricking hollow plastic dildo from the moron doc to spritz shit up my ass with
>frick that fricking moron
>figured out how to poop properly without shitting out my intestines
everything works perfectly fine again
Get a hose to wash your ass you dumb american. They have them on Amazon for $25 you just plumb it in line with the toilet water supply. Spray your ass the clean it and then a very small light wipe one time to clean any poo water residue off. Done. Saves tons of money too
They'll never understand, I've talked with them about this many times before and the mental gymnastics they will go through to justify not spending $20 is incredible. Skip one visit to Starbucks or suffer with a shitty ass for the rest of your life, hm, what a tough decision.
You might allergic to the toilet paper. They add chemicals to toilet paper now
for what purpose…..
You know how toilet paper never seems to expire? That's why.
>co-star breaks immediately
Kek, they must've fricked before.
using water to wipe your ass is the superior method
He hadn't finished shitting.
Literally wouldn't change a thing you fricking moron mongrel child.
Alternate between wet and dry tp.
Avoid pooping in public at all costs
Hop in the shower immediately after shitting
The worst is when I go to the bathroom before I shower, don't have to poop, and immediately after I finish showering, that's suddenly when I have to poop.
These threads always make me think why hasnt anyone worked out the optimal way to do it and why dont people get taught how. Everyone always posts 2 dozen different ways its done but no one knows the right answer.
>why dont people get taught how
because the whole western "health" system is geared towards PROFITING from our ailments, not curing the source of sickness
I mean not too many ailments from wiping your arse. I just feel like its an essential thing that has been overlooked. Surely someone has performed a scientific method on what is the optimal method
>not too many ailments from wiping your arse
that's not the ailment, the hemorrhoid is!
and it is an express-traintrack to bottom surgery,
which is highly profitable as and still does nothing about the fricking REASON for your intestines getting shat out of your butthole
so you're going to get NEW 'hroids and end up under the knife again until they have to sew your shut and you're shitting into a bag for the rest of your fricking life
hold your shit in for 1 day and fast. Then wipe lightly when you do shit. Repeat this process till healed. Also do some squats and stop sitting down all day
Doesn't holding in your poop damage your intestines?
Literally just buy wet wipes. You are an actual fricking moron (or asian) if you are a man and all you use is toilet paper.
wet wipes are so expensive though, I can't waste that kinda money on wiping my ass.
Walmart.
>(or asian)
Didn't Japan invent the bidet?
Does bidet sound like a Japanese word you fricking moron?
ビデ
Why would we translate a Japanese word into a French sounding word you dumb c**t?
Bidets were invented in Europe.
The old style bidets were. The modern bidets that spray water were invented by the Japanese. The word bidet was chosen simply for marketing purposes.
You're actually a fricking moron.
Do some actual research.
I did.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilets_in_Japan
Nowhere does it say Japan invented the bidet.
>In 1980, the first "paperless toilet" was launched in Japan by manufacturer Toto, a combination of toilet and bidet which also dries the user after washing. These combination toilet-bidets (washlet) with seat warmers, or attachable bidets are particularly popular in Japan and South Korea, and are found in approximately 76% of Japanese households as of 2015.
I have been proven right and you have been proven wrong. Now, if you're not going to put in more effort, it's time for you to admit defeat.
>combination of toilet and bidet
Can't read?
Bidet already existed.
No, the japs didn't invent combined bidet toilets. They didn't even invent toilets with blow dryers for your ass or electronic controls - that was the American Bidet Company in 1965. They just popularized it.
Read your own source:
>"The idea for the washlet came from abroad, and the first toilet seat with integrated bidet was produced in Switzerland by Closomat in 1957."
And that's just the "bidet nozzle integrated in toilet seat" part. Toilets with integrated bidet nozzles have been around in Europe since before WWI - they just had a hole in the toilet bowl itself for the nozzle to go through.
bidet showers and bidet-toilets have been around since before the japs went out of feudal stasis. they've been around since before indoor plumbing - being fed by tanks.
the only thing toto added in 1980 was a blow dryer - it says so in the quote you copy-pasted yourself you moron: they didn't modern bidets, or bidet showers, or bidet toilets - they invented "paperless toilets."
Literally just fold over some toilet paper, spit on it, dab your anus and then clean with the next wipe.
Repeat as many times as necessary.
Dry - wet - dry
It's the only way.
drink 750 ml of liquor.
you'll become dehydrated the next morning and shit hardened golf balls
It's an American problem ,for you see the sneed oils are very hard to wipe.
>wash my ass with the shower on hose mode + soap (sometimes apply soap twice)
>wipe it dry with toilet paper
>there's still skidmarks on the paper
I just don't get it.
when you go to wipe you're unintentionally forcing out some unpooped poop which is picked up by the paper. it's a sign that you're homosexual
That's an easy one. There's still poop stuck in there. You think you've cleaned it completely but you haven't.
Just keep trying. If you're clean there shouldn't be anything on the paper.
YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED SHITTING YOU DUMB c**t
I used to be like OP. Then started taking Metamucil every day and it changed my life. Wiping is basically a formality at this point
I find it hilarious that he's credited as a "guest star" in this show, but the irony is this was before he became famous.
How is that ironic? Is it like rain on your wedding day?
I've got one bidet in my pocket, and the other one is giving a peace sign.
I've got a bidet on my toilet, so there's never anything there when I wipe. Feels good to have a clean butt all the time.
Except that's not true.
The reason he keeps wiping and getting shit is because he hasn't finished shitting yet.
If you were in that same situation you wouldn't even notice because you just used the bidet so you would probably stink to anyone with a sensitive nose.
Here we go again.
>aCtUaLlY ThE BiDeT DoEsN'T WoRk bEcAuSe i'm a sTuPiD IdIoT
Shut the frick up.
You have the reading comprehension skill of a pre-pubescent Black person.
I have Crohn's Disease, so certain sugars and fibers from most fruits, vegetables, beans cause this. If I avoid eating them, I can clean up very quickly in the bathroom.
So people in this thread that have reported the same problems might want to see a gastroenterologist to check if you have IBS or IBD.
E.