>fine day sunday, in my opinion best day of the week: why is that m'boys? >cus there's no weatherforcast on sundays? >right you are m'boy, no weather forecast on sunday hah!
>During the film, Withnail drinks nine and a half glasses of red wine, half a pint of cider, one shot of lighter fluid, two and a half shots of gin, six glasses of sherry, thirteen glasses of whisky and half a pint of ale
>i'm warning you now boy. any funny business, any at all. And i'll purposefully starve you to death you c**t
Come to think of it. Why did they bring him along to the zoo? Couldn't they have just kept him at home and told him to clean the house spotless or something?
I looked into this and apparently >Harry was allowed to go to the zoo for Dudley's birthday because the person he usually stays with when the Dursley's do anything is Mrs Figg, who broke her leg after tripping over one of her cats
In the book the neighbor who normally watches him when they're away doing anything remotely amusing was unable to and they had to bring him, Dudley whined about it.
Indeed this shit was trouble, you could even say it was the dullest installment of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though
"No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
The movies never comunicate this but he holds onto him for petunia (his wife) because she fricking HATES wizards because her sister was one and she isnt
>they keep the wizard at their house because they hate wizards
What? They would’ve already known harry was magic before they even got him, that makes no sense
They keep harry because a bunch of wizards threatened them into keeping him
They dont let harry go to hogwarts because petunia is a sour jealous b***h who never got to got and is still malding about it
Remember when Petunia wrote a letter to Dumbledore begging to be able to go to Hogwarts but he just told her to frick off and live in the dirt like the filthy muggle she is.
PETUNIA, YOU MISERABLE GENUS OF A FLOWER, AND UNSIGHTLY ABOMINATION, NO, YOU WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE THE JOY OF MAGIC. YOU WILL LIVE IN THE MOST MISERABLE PLACE ON EARTH, IN THE WORST CONDITIONS POSSIBLE, ENGLAND
I've always found it sad that pretty much the best job you can get in this magic world is essentially the wizard version of a cop. That and maybe a government official, who basically does nothing anyway. They showed time and time again that any fraud could become a professor or head of a major school. And some jobs are completely locked off by race, like you can't be a banker because they're all goblins for example. Maybe you want to be a chef? That's probably being done by some house elf slave anyway, so no point. School in Harry Potter really does seem like a gigantic waste of time, even though it's the main focus of the entire series.
>have a bunch of hormonal teens locked in a building >give them acess to spella that knock people out and love potions
So every first year girl woke up with bruised thighs after their first day right?
>see ginny walking back from the dungeon bathroom >stun her >rape her for hours in the room of requirements (i require a room to rape ginny in) >dump her in the hall
Why would i bother making an onahole?
Did you know that every instance of one person slipping another a love potion in the series is always a woman slipping one to a man? It's like even Rowling realized that they were objectively date rape drugs but as long as it's just girls doing it to boys it's teehee silly fun.
it would be not as interesting, but still interesting to see rowling do a straight up genderswap version of the book, like that twilight author who did the same as a shitpost >male normie gets stalked and abducted by a vampire girl, who is conflicted between protecting the male normie from a predator like werewolf female trying to get the male normie wiener or just eating the male normie himself.
what parts of the harry potter universe get weirder when its swapped? the love potions, keeping a young female trapped in a closet under the staircase...
Better yet, do this while drinking a super elixir that literally brings you 100% luck for all of your endeavours throughout the day. The very same one the school openly teaches you how to make. You can now bang everyone in the school however you want and suffer zero consequences.
Are we supposed to believe social services were cool with them locking harry in a cupboard under the stairs?
Social services have turned a blind eye to a lot worse
Dumbledore probably made sure they didn’t
social services unironically didn't exist when this takes place, uncle vernon could've shoved harry up the chimney and nobody would've cared
I mean to have you Dudley, even if it must be burglary
>boy
>I know you're not asleep, boy
>but Petunia is
uncle vernon, you terrible c**t.
my boys my boys..
>fine day sunday, in my opinion best day of the week: why is that m'boys?
>cus there's no weatherforcast on sundays?
>right you are m'boy, no weather forecast on sunday hah!
No one bloody weatherman, not one!
what’s this meme
as old as sunday post
No Daily Mail on Sundays
You know we live in a society with weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in.
>During the film, Withnail drinks nine and a half glasses of red wine, half a pint of cider, one shot of lighter fluid, two and a half shots of gin, six glasses of sherry, thirteen glasses of whisky and half a pint of ale
>movie feels more grimy than any horror I've seen
How'd they do it?
they filmed in the UK
Lighting and good set design. They also used genuine British actors and actually filmed in Britain
Is that homie one of the hobbits
>staying the night at another man's house
>declares his intention to passionately bum you
what do?
he'll make it double
>i'm warning you now boy. any funny business, any at all. And i'll purposefully starve you to death you c**t
Come to think of it. Why did they bring him along to the zoo? Couldn't they have just kept him at home and told him to clean the house spotless or something?
morons love the zoo
they were planning to feed him to the lions for dudley's entertainment
I looked into this and apparently
>Harry was allowed to go to the zoo for Dudley's birthday because the person he usually stays with when the Dursley's do anything is Mrs Figg, who broke her leg after tripping over one of her cats
In the book the neighbor who normally watches him when they're away doing anything remotely amusing was unable to and they had to bring him, Dudley whined about it.
Indeed this shit was trouble, you could even say it was the dullest installment of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.
Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.
>a-at least the books were good though
"No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."
I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.
Good to know Quintin's Diamond Dogs are still out here working hard
why did he keep him instead of giving him up for adoption if he disliked him so badly?
dumbledore would have murdered them
>There's no rape on Sundays?
>Wrong you are, Harry!
>Dudley told me all about you, what you are
>about the encounters in the third floor corridor
You hate him you fat bastard why now let the bearded dude take him off your hands for three quarters of a year.
Because he's learning to be a wizard then
The movies never comunicate this but he holds onto him for petunia (his wife) because she fricking HATES wizards because her sister was one and she isnt
>they keep the wizard at their house because they hate wizards
What? They would’ve already known harry was magic before they even got him, that makes no sense
They keep harry because a bunch of wizards threatened them into keeping him
They dont let harry go to hogwarts because petunia is a sour jealous b***h who never got to got and is still malding about it
They thought they could put a stop to wizards being in the family by not letting him learn at Hogwarts. Like it's a light switch or something.
OH yeah I actually remember that so Vernon's probably an alright dude it's just petunia who is a c**t.
Yeah if you weighed 300lbs and a skinny woman fricked you you would probably lock her nephews in the basement if she asked
Remember when Petunia wrote a letter to Dumbledore begging to be able to go to Hogwarts but he just told her to frick off and live in the dirt like the filthy muggle she is.
What a catty old pederast.
The Dursleys really did nothing wrong.
PETUNIA, YOU MISERABLE GENUS OF A FLOWER, AND UNSIGHTLY ABOMINATION, NO, YOU WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE THE JOY OF MAGIC. YOU WILL LIVE IN THE MOST MISERABLE PLACE ON EARTH, IN THE WORST CONDITIONS POSSIBLE, ENGLAND
he wrote calmly.
>AND UNSIGHTLY ABOMINATION
Petunia was an 11/10 in Britain, and rightly so.
he was right. harry potter became a fricking government official, a fricking cop like authority figure, even. Department of Magical Law Enforcement.
can you imagine literally anything worse happening to your son, id rather find out he was crossdressing and sucking dicks under an quidditchpass.
>can you imagine literally anything worse happening to your son
Didn't his swine of a father have the same job as well?
yes. the bad apple does not fall far from the tree
Trannies begone
Should have learned a honest trade and become a drill salesman.
I've always found it sad that pretty much the best job you can get in this magic world is essentially the wizard version of a cop. That and maybe a government official, who basically does nothing anyway. They showed time and time again that any fraud could become a professor or head of a major school. And some jobs are completely locked off by race, like you can't be a banker because they're all goblins for example. Maybe you want to be a chef? That's probably being done by some house elf slave anyway, so no point. School in Harry Potter really does seem like a gigantic waste of time, even though it's the main focus of the entire series.
That's why the philosopher's book is the best and the rest is rest to left forgotten.
I mean he was right, it was literally harrys fault his parents and all their friends died
No it was Voldemort's fault.
Voldemort only did it because harry was going to kill him
Voldemort is not excused for mass murder.
A shame what those wizarding folk did to little icky Dudleykins
>It was revenge for Harry Potter, and a lot of other things. And there was nothing that we could do about it. Potter was a wizard and Dudley wasn't
>decides to keep Harry alive and use him as bait several times through the story in order to draw out Voldy and kill him
in hindsight, was he right?
He knew the whole time that voldemort had a bunch of horcruxes he hadnt found yet so killing him wouldn't do anything
>have a bunch of hormonal teens locked in a building
>give them acess to spella that knock people out and love potions
So every first year girl woke up with bruised thighs after their first day right?
nah dude imagine the magical onaholes you could conjure
>see ginny walking back from the dungeon bathroom
>stun her
>rape her for hours in the room of requirements (i require a room to rape ginny in)
>dump her in the hall
Why would i bother making an onahole?
>using spells that can be traced in the school
>instead of buying the legal love potion that will make any girl your sexual slave
Spells are only traced if you are underage casting outside of hogwarts away from parental supervison
Did you know that every instance of one person slipping another a love potion in the series is always a woman slipping one to a man? It's like even Rowling realized that they were objectively date rape drugs but as long as it's just girls doing it to boys it's teehee silly fun.
it would be not as interesting, but still interesting to see rowling do a straight up genderswap version of the book, like that twilight author who did the same as a shitpost
>male normie gets stalked and abducted by a vampire girl, who is conflicted between protecting the male normie from a predator like werewolf female trying to get the male normie wiener or just eating the male normie himself.
what parts of the harry potter universe get weirder when its swapped? the love potions, keeping a young female trapped in a closet under the staircase...
>himself
welp
because you could conjure up alien hussy, my man. the world is your oyster. hell, frick an magical oyster bussy if you want
Female House-elfs relieve male students with their mouths
Haha, imagine waking up at 4am and a gremlin looking creature in rags is stealing your precious bodily fluids.
Better yet, do this while drinking a super elixir that literally brings you 100% luck for all of your endeavours throughout the day. The very same one the school openly teaches you how to make. You can now bang everyone in the school however you want and suffer zero consequences.