well perhaps his wondering why a country would break the laws of physics and create a weapon so powerful dropping it once shitscares a country into unconditional surrender, before dropping a 2nd one before they get a chance to formally surrender
>From visionary director Christopher Nolan, comes the ultimate redemption arc >...the man...who shot for the moon...but kept accidentally hitting London >Cuts to prison, bedraggled German prisoner looks up >"You must be truly desperate if you're coming to me for help" >Von Braun (rated PG13)
>this summer >find out about the madness behind the method >“but Erwin, how can one particle be in two places at once?” >“that’s the thing, Albert, it’s in neither until we look at it. you might even say God’s playing dice with the universe” >Schrödinger: Ride the Wave (Equation) >rated PG-13
What if you made a movie where there's an evil eastern European vampyre called Schrödingula, and the goodies have to assassinate him to end the war and save the world. But because he's already dead, he can only die by a stake through the heart.
So they creep in and open up his coffin and stab him, only to find out he was alive and the "goodies" just murder and innocent ordinary man having a nap?
Von Braun would actually be a kino story. Unfortunately Hollywood won't let you portray Germans in the 30's as being anything other than literal demons
Hollywood is filled with idiots who genuinely believe that the rocket dorks we brought over to the US as a part of project paperclip were anything other than rocket dorks.
Of course not because he was a piece of shit. Everyone involved with operation paperclip was. They would hang the 'slowest' working israelites outside of brain's factory. Going to the moon wasn't worth making deals with devils.
>From visionary director Christopher Nolan, comes the ultimate redemption arc >...the man...who shot for the moon...but kept accidentally hitting London >Cuts to prison, bedraggled German prisoner looks up >"You must be truly desperate if you're coming to me for help" >Von Braun (rated PG13)
>ever heard of the paperclip initiative doctor braun?
I'm literally seeing a solo screening of this opening night at 10:00pm on a thursday so it should be quiet. I'm sitting in the very back right corner so I can take notes on my phone about what quotes I will spam on here and turn into a meme. I'll also be taking screen shots and clips.
I look for dudes like you and sit in front of you with my gf and obnoxiously make out with her as much as I can because I know deep down it makes you seethe and that's ten times more interesting to me than any movie.
>Feyn Man >The Incredible Crick >Feyn Man 2 >Bohr >Lord Kelvin: The First Scientist
Later phases: >Feyn Man 3 >Bohr: The Dark Matter >Lord Kelvin: The Winter Temperature >Guardians of the Atom >Von Braun: Far from Home >Doctor Neumann and the Multidiscipline of Madness >Korolev (Spinoff villain TV series a la Loki)
I haven't been in the game in 30 years, Opp.
Now you come to bring me back in? Tell me you need my help to save the world? Did you ever wonder why I quit in the first place?
It was my brother. My twin brother. My best friend.
We were bold, headstrong, ambitious. This was the cutting edge of physics, and we were full of the arrogance of youth. We had developed a theory, you see. It needed to be tested. Of course he volunteered. He was never a coward.
We strapped the largest rocket on planet Earth to a train and put him inside. We removed all other equipment. All safety protocols were ignored. We needed speed. According to our theory, if we could get him approaching the speed of light relative to me, we'd be able to measure a difference in our ages. Turns out, if just makes you die.
I walked away and I've never looked back. Until now. God damn you, Opp. I'll do it. I'll do it for Adolf.
Oh yeah, that was my twin's name. It was, um, less controversial back in the day.
>Post credit scene >*Mysterious shadowy figure reads a newspaper that shows the headline about how the Death Megatron Jap Slayer 3000 Pro Max+ was a huge success >*Closes newspaper* >"Fine, I will patent them myself" >Camera slowly pans up to reveal Thomas Edison smiling menacingly
God dammit Oppie, you’re a ticking time bomb…. but your rap sheet, well it ain’t too shabby… what the hell kid, you got the job. Science the hell out of this shit!
T-This is how scientists talk right? *camera zooms out to a room full of scientists staring at him in silence*
*crickets*
Einstein: E=MCawkwaaaaard
>Scene freezes >Music cuts >You are probably wondering how an old patent clerk who rides around on a bicycle found himself mired in the intrigue of a global war... I work undercover for the League of Science. My codename is PROFESSOR PHOTON.
>I want that bomb, Dr. O. I want it fast, I want it powerful, and I want it to not burn the atmosphere off the entire planet... Only the Japanese parts.
they still thought it was extremely unlikely
and somebody would've tried it anyway
if there is an actual "killswitch" for the universe, somebody will eventually try it, we can only hope there isn't
>Develope atomic bomb >Have ass loads of fluoride left over from production if components. >What can we sell this chemical as? What's it good for? >In low concentrations it hardens tooth enamel. But in high concentrations it makes teeth fall out. >Good enough. Call the Dept. of Interior. This shits going in every water source in America. Tell the Feds to sell the story for us.
>Well, you see General, this uranium-235 isotope will undergo fission at an atomic level releasing a massive spike of energy
Heh, in English Doc? >well you're gonna blow shit up eh.
>I had to work with my father in White Sands, Marty! >The Army, Marty! They wanted us to build them a bomb! >So we sold them a big metal ball full of faulty pin ball machine parts! >But those parts contained plutonium, Marty! And it was lined with lead and uranium! >The whole thing exploded like crazy! We accidentally built a bomb, Marty!
>MATT DAMON: hey… what’s that over there? >*cuts to a small scale diorama of the bomb from TDKR* >OPPIE: Oh that? Just a little side project, nothing too important
>THIS SUMMER >FLASH OF AN EXPLOSION FOR 0,1SEC >A MOVIE THAT WILL.. BLOW YOU AWAY >Einstein looks at camera >Freeze frame, record scratch >Says "Yup, he just said that" >Laughing tape plays for a few moments >Suddenly who lets the dogs out start playing >Based on a true store >WILL THEY SUCCEED >OR WILL IT.... BOMB?
>who let the dogs out
I remember when that song was big in the 90s. I'm from the bay area and the Giants used that as their theme song at the time so I heard it everywhere.
>good guys are a rag tag group of good ol boys (and token one-of-guys female) putting their unique skillsets together to defeat the big bad "literally Hitler"
fricking seriously?
What controversies will not be depicted in this film? I'm guessing: >won't show oppie's early life, how he tried to drop a suitcase on a girl's head at a train station after not getting kissed >won't show oppie poisoning an apple and trying to kill his teacher (teacher didn't eat apple luckily) >won't reveal oppie's proposition to the president to poison millions of Germans with radioactive substances in their food (gee more poisoning huh) >won't show oppie's wife being a member of the communist party >won't show the twelve Americans prisoners in Hiroshima which were nooked alongside the asiatics
what else?
>Won't show that time when he was in summer camp and pissed off the other boys by being a smartass who then teased him for reading poetry, tore off his clothes, painted his genitals green and tied him up.
There's a biography about him called "Inside the Centre" which basically just emphasises he was a massive autist and butthole who antagonised people constantly.
>Nein zis science pill could neffer defeat zee pody of zee Halmighty fuhrer >*pops pill* >Zee? Vat did i tell vu. Zee reich will liffe for ein thousand ye- ACK
I can't wait enough for this movie to come out, and the endless memes it will generate.
>this very well might be a three hour long plane scene
Oh frick you might be right. Nolan that takes himself too seriously is ripe for memes. Or kino. Whatever happens, we win.
well perhaps his wondering why a country would break the laws of physics and create a weapon so powerful dropping it once shitscares a country into unconditional surrender, before dropping a 2nd one before they get a chance to formally surrender
>Putin enjoys this movie so much he decides to press the button
>But I I don't even believe in Science, Albert
>Don't you worry Oppie, science believes in you
OH MY HECKIN' SCIENCE, I BASEDED ALL OVER MY SELF
Post credits scene
>We're in a race with the Russians..
>to where!?
>...space
>*hard cut to black*
>:Oppenheimer will return"
HOLY SHIOT GIVE ME THE SEQUEL RIGHT NOW
>From visionary director Christopher Nolan, comes the ultimate redemption arc
>...the man...who shot for the moon...but kept accidentally hitting London
>Cuts to prison, bedraggled German prisoner looks up
>"You must be truly desperate if you're coming to me for help"
>Von Braun (rated PG13)
>cell door opens
>some guy walks in
>herr von Braun?
>I am here to talk to you about the NASA initiative
>this summer
>find out about the madness behind the method
>“but Erwin, how can one particle be in two places at once?”
>“that’s the thing, Albert, it’s in neither until we look at it. you might even say God’s playing dice with the universe”
>Schrödinger: Ride the Wave (Equation)
>rated PG-13
What if you made a movie where there's an evil eastern European vampyre called Schrödingula, and the goodies have to assassinate him to end the war and save the world. But because he's already dead, he can only die by a stake through the heart.
So they creep in and open up his coffin and stab him, only to find out he was alive and the "goodies" just murder and innocent ordinary man having a nap?
Von Braun would actually be a kino story. Unfortunately Hollywood won't let you portray Germans in the 30's as being anything other than literal demons
Hollywood is filled with idiots who genuinely believe that the rocket dorks we brought over to the US as a part of project paperclip were anything other than rocket dorks.
Of course not because he was a piece of shit. Everyone involved with operation paperclip was. They would hang the 'slowest' working israelites outside of brain's factory. Going to the moon wasn't worth making deals with devils.
>Dr. Braun? Im NASA
Oh shit yes.
Soundtrack by Tom Lehrer
>ever heard of the paperclip initiative doctor braun?
I'm literally seeing a solo screening of this opening night at 10:00pm on a thursday so it should be quiet. I'm sitting in the very back right corner so I can take notes on my phone about what quotes I will spam on here and turn into a meme. I'll also be taking screen shots and clips.
Don't you have any friends to go with anon?
do you think a guy like that has any friends?
Uh, you don't get to bring friends...
>STEALTH
Get the Cinemaphile gold membership pass
You get to see films early with critics if you’re making memes
Every single """critc""" they brought on either was a troon or trooned out shortly afterwards. Just watch stuff with Robert.
Please report if Emma is in it
I look for dudes like you and sit in front of you with my gf and obnoxiously make out with her as much as I can because I know deep down it makes you seethe and that's ten times more interesting to me than any movie.
yea its fun before he gets up with a gun
Yeah dude I live in Canada so that's not something I think about
What if he's an AGP cuckold who gets off on being humiliated?
holy kino, this but i also sit in front of you and my gf is hotter so it will make you jealous too
opped and steined
>Schrodinger answers J's knocking and opens the door halfway, only half of his face visible
>his friend, Wigner, appears in the background
Good guy is Oppie
Bad guy is his alter ego Mr. Heim, he created the bomb
So besides Oppenheimer and Einstein which other movies are in phase 1 of this cinematic universe
>Feyn Man
>The Incredible Crick
>Feyn Man 2
>Bohr
>Lord Kelvin: The First Scientist
Later phases:
>Feyn Man 3
>Bohr: The Dark Matter
>Lord Kelvin: The Winter Temperature
>Guardians of the Atom
>Von Braun: Far from Home
>Doctor Neumann and the Multidiscipline of Madness
>Korolev (Spinoff villain TV series a la Loki)
Here's a (You) for the effort
I really just wanted to post the Neumann one but he asked for the first phase only so...
You forgot
>Wright Brothers: Civil War
>Archimedes: Heat
>Copernicus: Around the World
>Graham: Phone Home
>Dr Fleming: The Bacteria Wars
>because... it's relative
>Heh, peace... is relative
>Oppie we're gonna science the shit out of this
>you know what's stronger than fission?
>what
>family
>Fermi steps out of the shadow
>"Familia"
Famiglia*
Isn't Robert at the hospital after he slipped on a banana peel?
He better be okay. It's clay day.
I haven't been in the game in 30 years, Opp.
Now you come to bring me back in? Tell me you need my help to save the world? Did you ever wonder why I quit in the first place?
It was my brother. My twin brother. My best friend.
We were bold, headstrong, ambitious. This was the cutting edge of physics, and we were full of the arrogance of youth. We had developed a theory, you see. It needed to be tested. Of course he volunteered. He was never a coward.
We strapped the largest rocket on planet Earth to a train and put him inside. We removed all other equipment. All safety protocols were ignored. We needed speed. According to our theory, if we could get him approaching the speed of light relative to me, we'd be able to measure a difference in our ages. Turns out, if just makes you die.
I walked away and I've never looked back. Until now. God damn you, Opp. I'll do it. I'll do it for Adolf.
Oh yeah, that was my twin's name. It was, um, less controversial back in the day.
They have Einy a mad fat dumper in this movie. It's totally gonzo how fat his ass is
Herr Oppenheimer, Ich bin heir, um mit Ihnen uber die Racherinitiative zu sprechen
>Post credit scene
>*Mysterious shadowy figure reads a newspaper that shows the headline about how the Death Megatron Jap Slayer 3000 Pro Max+ was a huge success
>*Closes newspaper*
>"Fine, I will patent them myself"
>Camera slowly pans up to reveal Thomas Edison smiling menacingly
Holy shit.
Post credits scenes from Oppenheimer 2 to 5 show Edison collecting various artifacts Infinity Stone style
We see him gather Schroedinger's Box, The String from String Theory, the radioactive material that killed Marie Curie, etc
Hitler's Hallows
God dammit Oppie, you’re a ticking time bomb…. but your rap sheet, well it ain’t too shabby… what the hell kid, you got the job. Science the hell out of this shit!
T-This is how scientists talk right? *camera zooms out to a room full of scientists staring at him in silence*
*crickets*
Einstein: E=MCawkwaaaaard
>Always two there are, my boy. No more. No less. But what do I know? I'm a humble patent clerk.
Beautiful.
>Scene freezes
>Music cuts
>You are probably wondering how an old patent clerk who rides around on a bicycle found himself mired in the intrigue of a global war... I work undercover for the League of Science. My codename is PROFESSOR PHOTON.
>OPPIE I FRICKING LOVE SCIENCE
>*Coldplay's The Scientist starts playing*
I'm going to have to anti-intellectual military strongman the shit out of this thread
>Well hot dang! These nerds are as American as July the 4th in Texas!
>I want that bomb, Dr. O. I want it fast, I want it powerful, and I want it to not burn the atmosphere off the entire planet... Only the Japanese parts.
>They unironically believed there was a non-zero chance that the bomb would set off a universe-destroying chain reaction
>Did it anyway
Everyone involved deserved the death penalty.
they still thought it was extremely unlikely
and somebody would've tried it anyway
if there is an actual "killswitch" for the universe, somebody will eventually try it, we can only hope there isn't
>Develope atomic bomb
>Have ass loads of fluoride left over from production if components.
>What can we sell this chemical as? What's it good for?
>In low concentrations it hardens tooth enamel. But in high concentrations it makes teeth fall out.
>Good enough. Call the Dept. of Interior. This shits going in every water source in America. Tell the Feds to sell the story for us.
Why would higher amounts make teeth fall out? What moronic shit did I just read?
it makes so much enamel that they're too heavy to stay in the mouth; gravity takes over at that point. do you even einstein?
they did Castle Bravo later and it went much worse
>Well, you see General, this uranium-235 isotope will undergo fission at an atomic level releasing a massive spike of energy
Heh, in English Doc?
>well you're gonna blow shit up eh.
"I am Japan"
"..and I am OPPENHEIMER"
>cut to black
>back in black starts playing
Post credits scene:
>open with desolate Japan, many mutilated bodies
>zooms in closer on one of them, their bloodshot eyes open in anger
OPPENHEIMER will return.
>"You've been robed by the Feynman"
*black and white footage of an atom bomb exploding*
this plays
I really think Nolan should have reused Michael Caine here...
>Tangerines? In Burma?
>I had to work with my father in White Sands, Marty!
>The Army, Marty! They wanted us to build them a bomb!
>So we sold them a big metal ball full of faulty pin ball machine parts!
>But those parts contained plutonium, Marty! And it was lined with lead and uranium!
>The whole thing exploded like crazy! We accidentally built a bomb, Marty!
I hate Nolan's Marvelisation of historical figures like Oppenheimer and Einstein. Nolan is a hack.
>Oppie we're in the endgame now...
kek
the moment i knew i was watching kino
>*Einstein clicks a random button*
>*giant explosion erupts outside the window*
>*Oppenheimer facepalms*
>Einstein: ….so that’s what that does
it’s fricking great for memes though
You realize that's not a real quote, right?
I need him to say this exact line.
What's the context?
Israel was forcefully created after WW2 because Hitler made israelites... le sad.
The panels are an extract of Billy Bat which is good schizo /x/tier manga, the lines are from another inferior manga named Attack on Titan.
Wasn't Einstein of israeli descent though?
>MATT DAMON: hey… what’s that over there?
>*cuts to a small scale diorama of the bomb from TDKR*
>OPPIE: Oh that? Just a little side project, nothing too important
>Love stronger than radiation.
>THIS SUMMER
>FLASH OF AN EXPLOSION FOR 0,1SEC
>A MOVIE THAT WILL.. BLOW YOU AWAY
>Einstein looks at camera
>Freeze frame, record scratch
>Says "Yup, he just said that"
>Laughing tape plays for a few moments
>Suddenly who lets the dogs out start playing
>Based on a true store
>WILL THEY SUCCEED
>OR WILL IT.... BOMB?
Oh my god. Gold, pure gold. Please make this happen!
>who let the dogs out
I remember when that song was big in the 90s. I'm from the bay area and the Giants used that as their theme song at the time so I heard it everywhere.
>Lets find some scientist, so we can science the shit out of it.
who paid for the bomb?
Tom Bombadill
Why didn't they just fly the bomb to Mordor on the eagles?
>We're not so different you and I Albert. Relatively....
Fricking hell.
why does this look like a woman with israeli makeup?
I can't wait until this crap flops and the moronic bombposting ends.
>good guys are a rag tag group of good ol boys (and token one-of-guys female) putting their unique skillsets together to defeat the big bad "literally Hitler"
fricking seriously?
>Oppie they Americans will be putting our bomb on the Enola gay, KEK
What controversies will not be depicted in this film? I'm guessing:
>won't show oppie's early life, how he tried to drop a suitcase on a girl's head at a train station after not getting kissed
>won't show oppie poisoning an apple and trying to kill his teacher (teacher didn't eat apple luckily)
>won't reveal oppie's proposition to the president to poison millions of Germans with radioactive substances in their food (gee more poisoning huh)
>won't show oppie's wife being a member of the communist party
>won't show the twelve Americans prisoners in Hiroshima which were nooked alongside the asiatics
what else?
>Won't show that time when he was in summer camp and pissed off the other boys by being a smartass who then teased him for reading poetry, tore off his clothes, painted his genitals green and tied him up.
Sounded farcical but you weren't joking:
>https://www.privatdozent.co/p/the-eccentric-and-ingenious-father-4ea
There's a biography about him called "Inside the Centre" which basically just emphasises he was a massive autist and butthole who antagonised people constantly.
>Again?! That's the 109th boys club you've been kicked from, Oppie!
>I’m relativistic right now.
>von Braun: with these ICBMs we can win the war from the comfort of our armchairs
>Einstein: now that's what I call spooky action at a distance
>In English, Einstein!
>Opp
>Opp
>Oppa
>Gangnam Style
Dis homie lookin' like a ventriloquist dummy
>Runway, where we're going we don't need runway.
>I won't do it, Steiny! I won't use SCIENCE for evil!
>It's all relative to me, Opp...
>That's my secret, Oppie.. I'm always scientific
>*audience erupts*
What would einsteins theme music be like ?
>Nein zis science pill could neffer defeat zee pody of zee Halmighty fuhrer
>*pops pill*
>Zee? Vat did i tell vu. Zee reich will liffe for ein thousand ye- ACK
Has there been any reaction at all to this scene? It's so fricking awkward....
How does rocket propulsion work in a vacuum. Huh, that's kinda weird?
Space isn't a true vacuum
Thanks to him, the door is Oppen, Heimer...