The current year is 2024 and there's still no news of Netflixs Conan series. They obviously don't know what to do with him because he is the height of manliness and they can't reduce him to their levels and ruin it like they did with the Witcher and most other shows. I'm glad in a way so I don't have to see Conan suffer and yet at the same time he deserves a show because his stories are fricking awesome.
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There will never be another Conan after Arnie. That Austrian savage was born to swing a giant sword in little fur pants.
Timothy Chalamet as Conan
Zac Efron could do it
i always thought conan was more of a trickster and a thief in the stories
He can be a their but Conan has no time for tricks.
How would we feel about a scantily clad Sydney Sweeney playing the damsel in each story?
Barbarian just means someone not affiliated with a nation. Conan is a survivor with a mind as strong as his body, not some wild beast that butchers everything he comes across.
Then you didn't read them right.
There will also not be another film maker like John Milius employed in today's hollywood
Yes, or a composer like Basil. It was a perfect storm.
It varies by story, based on his age and the quest. If you’re interested I can post my Conan story sticky
Thief; yes (in some stories). Trickster? Not really. His solution to most problems is committing horrific acts of violence. He can be a ruthless schemer though.
>one story has him literally running from the law in a city
>he jumps into the ocean to escape and swims towards a ship
>he boards it and immediately starts making plans to win over the crew with his charisma and murder the captain to take his place
they are in talks
is that true?
I re-watched this recently. It was made before every cartoon was either made in Flash or made by some foreign shithole country so it still looks amazing.
I will never understand why people want Conan adapted to fricking movies or television. He and his world work so much better in a literature format, it's not even funny.
Just read some of the best stories like The Frost Giant's Daughter, Rogues in the House or Tower of the Elephant. Way better than any adaptation will ever convey.
I’ve read all the original stories and I would love to see them as a tv show but show makers nowadays are too gay to do them justice.
>I will never understand why people want Conan adapted to fricking movies or television.
Howard's talent as a writer was such that the reader instantly gets transported into the setting and the Conan stories are perfect for a tv series adaption. I've long wished for a tv network to _strictly_ adapt the Ace/Lancer paperbacks from 1960s-70s that perfectly lay out Conan's "career" from beginning to end. The tv series would write itself.
Of course Hollywood is shit nowadays and they would ruin it, just as they fricked up the last Conan movie, even though they had the perfect actor.
>Of course Hollywood is shit nowadays and they would ruin it,
Yeah, like the cover image from your pic, which is a scene from "A Witch Shall Be Born"
In the story, Queen Taramis gets kidnapped by the witch Salome (aided by her mercenary army) and is brutalized and left begging for mercy until Conan, back from "the dead" and leading a horde of desert tribesmen Dune-style, rescues Taramis, kills Salome and her demonic familiar, and crushes the impostor-queen's mercenaries.
Go back and read (or reread) the story, and you'll see what a tremendous influence it had on 1981's Conan the Barbarian.
Then, imagine how badly Netlfix or some other studio would frick it up.
>just as they fricked up the last Conan movie, even though they had the perfect actor.
Given how long I've loved Howard's stories, I thought I'd hate that movie, but actually ended up enjoying it pretty well.
I'm not a Jason Momoa fan, but I thought it was good casting and you could tell he was into the source material.
Howard wrote some badass stories about Crusaders vs Mamluks or Westerners fighting the Ottomans (check out "The Shadow of the Vulture" and "Sowers of the Thunder") which obviously wouldn't work today, even with Red Sonya's appearance in SotV, because Conan's companions would need to include a "good muslim" sidekick, or something along those moronic lines that historically never would have happened.
>Howard wrote some badass stories about Crusaders vs Mamluks or Westerners fighting the Ottomans (check out "The Shadow of the Vulture" and "Sowers of the Thunder") which obviously wouldn't work today, even with Red Sonya's appearance in SotV, because Conan's companions would need to include a "good muslim" sidekick, or something along those moronic lines that historically never would have happened.
The Powers That Be can no longer handle Robert E. Howard and his almighty basedness.
>The Powers That Be can no longer handle Robert E. Howard and his almighty basedness.
Sad but undeniably true.
Forgot to mention this about "A Witch Shall Be Born," the villainous mercenary army that aids Salome in wresting the throne of Khauran from her twin sister Taramis is comprised of a Hyborian race known as Shemites, whom Howard explicitly describes in various Conan stories as "hook-nosed and blue-bearded."
I know that TV writers don't read the source material, but something like that would probably warrant a series cancellation if they ever found it.
lol that is not even the most 'offensive' Conan story. The Vale of Lost Women has Conan slaughtering his black allies just to save a White woman they've captured BECAUSE she's White like him.
May I remind you of my personal favorite, Shadows in Zamboula, a.k.a., Man-Eaters of Zamboula? It's even better when you read the Weird Tales version and not the edited L. Sprague DeCamp version.
Conan was not a fan of the darker races.
Though he respected the Picts a lot more than he did the Kushites (while still killing a lot of them)
Conan saw the Picts as noble warriors not unlike himself while the Shemites and Kushites he didn't remotely care for. Although in fairness, it was a question of character rather than race. The hypocrisy and backstabbing of the Shemites along with the cannibalism of the Kushites were the main issues. You don't hear much about Conan's opinion on the Turanians and Hyrkanians, though. Both are modeled on the Turks/Tatars and the Mongols, respectively.
>I'm not a Jason Momoa fan, but I thought it was good casting and you could tell he was into the source material.
It's a shame, because he was great casting and as I mentioned, the Ace/Lancer paperbacks perfectly lay out the whole series had they done a tv show adaption.
>There's never been a good Conan adaption. Arnie was a good film but failed as a Conan story.
True. I saw Conan in the theater when it was released in 1982 and even at that age, I was disappointed though over the years, I've come to appreciate it as a good swords & sorcery flick even if it sucks as a Conan movie.
>tower of the onions
>Way better than any adaptation will ever convey.
of course no TV director will come close to bringing Howards works to life as the man himself, but the original stories are perfect for TV adaptation. Monster of the week stories that could possibly turn into an overarching storyline.
Here's your Conan serie
i really think it's great
It's too comfy to be mad at. It's almost a live action version of the zelda cartoon
While it strays far from the source material, it's very comfy and the Daggerfall-sounding soundtrack adds to the charm.
That's actually not a bad show. Corny, but Ralf Moeller is an absolute riot. Of all the beefcakes that never quite made it, he's by far my fave.
I highly recommend it for a fun late-night show to watch while enjoying a drink and a snack.
Definitely. It's a fun show.
Netflix... if you make a bad Conan series... THEN TO HELL WITH YOU
> Netflix
> Conan
> Actually wanting this.
Are you fricking moronic?
>Conan
>Is rescued from peril by a strong black whamen (who is also a lesbian)
>Spends every episode being humiliated and put in his place
>Makes him gay by the end
>Entire publicity for series involves showrunners/writers/cast calling Conan fans sexist and racist incels for not liking it
This.
They'd totally ruin it, as they ruin everything.
again, netflix don't give a frick. you see a lot of wokeness there not because they wanted it. They're there because it's trendy. Burr's F is for family is still there. All the anti women stand up are literally only in netflix like chapelle. Whether they make a show woke or not is not up to them, it's up to the whoever creates them.
Are Conan stories really kino? He looks like another muscular swordsman
>another muscular swordsman
He is THE muscular swordsman.
You'll probably prefer the Disney Willow TV show if that's how you feel.
>Make a show so shit you remove it from streaming within 6 weeks never to be seen again...
Midgetrannies on suicide watch
Conan's victory's in the original short stories are almost always through cunning, charisma, and sheer unrelenting will. Milius was right to portray him as a Nietzchien ubermensche
The entire point of the original stories was that being a savage barbarian didn't mean that he was stupid or inferior, he just had a different philosophy on life.
Then Howard died and they rebooted him as a caveman moron
They’re kino.
Sailor Steve Costigan is more kino though.
I'll up you one Solomon Kane.
I see your Kane and raise you a Bran Mak Morn.
ill raise you John Kirowan
The Howard stories are so good that Tolkien himself made an exception in his unrelenting jihad against pulp to compliment them
Damnit, IPT doesn't have that Conan series with Moeller. Frick. I haven't seen that show for years. Godamnit.
Tubi, Pluto, Roku, and the YouTube channel Boomer Channel all have it for free. I'd still recommend the DVD release from a physical copies standpoint.
I'd imagine they would. But yeah, I wanted a DVD. There's one on Rutracker, but it seems to be Russian only. I'll find out I guess. Thin scrapings for this show though. A real shame. I remember it fondly. I thought it was much better than Hercules/Xena. I really did.
I liked the soundtrack in particular. As for other fantasy shows from this time that are just as fun to watch, The Adventures of Sinbad and Beastmaster: The Series are pretty fun. 90s television in general is as comfy as it gets.
Oh yeah, I remember Sinbad and Beastmaster. Yeah that whole 90s TV fantasy shock era was comfy. Rutracker actually seems to have teh soundtrack, too. As in the TV one. Weird.
Choice. Your grandpop had a nice collection.
Boomer channel it is. They have that Tarzan one as well.
Tarzan: The Epic Adventures. They also have it on Tubi. I had a grandfather who had a number of old pulp books he'd let me read growing up that included a few vintage Weird Tales copies (one had the Conan story Shadows in Zamboula and another had Devil in Iron), the first several Tarzan novels, and I think one Doc Savage story. I also grew up watching all of the different Tarzan films, my favorites being the Sy Weintraub/Gordon Scott ones where he's well-spoken and closer in tone to the books. When you discuss Conan, Tarzan, and other barbarian/wild-type antiheroes, you're talking my language.
Kys homosexual
You'd get a bad ass Conan, but he'd get captured or some shit and most of the show would be some ugly, titless mutt girl journeying to rescue him.
>would be some ugly, titless mutt girl journeying to rescue him.
...with her fat lesbian companion and their Black personhomosexual sidekick.
>It's updated for modern audiences
>We wanted to tell *our* story
>We love the original work but it has many problems in its depictions of marginalised groups
>People need to see themselves in their stories, and we've given them that
>This is no longer just for straight old white men, but for a younger more diverse audience
>We didn't want to appease the male gaze
>We have to think about appealing to a global audience
Any others?
Watch them turn Baal-Pteor into a misunderstood misfit instead of a brutal murderer-for-hire who gloats about killing women and children for fun.
I forgot one
>This shows a side of this world the original author ignored
You forgot the..
>Why aren't straight white males watching our show?
Genndy could do it, the man was born to adapt classic pulp. I have zero confidence in anyone else though
>Conan was never for you, cis white males
Netflix needs to stay the frick away
There's never been a good Conan adaption. Arnie was a good film but failed as a Conan story.
Reminder: Amazon had the rights to make a Conan series so they put a Man in charge of it and the foid in charge of Amazon Studios cancelled it because she deemed it too masculine and toxic. It was for the best though since it was being compared to Game of Thrones (like all fricking fantasy shows now) and that is not what a Conan series should be.
He should have taken her head off with a claymore (sword, not a mine)
He should have tossed her to the Zamorian dogs.
There are two Sword & Sorcery flicks that will be released at some point in the near future that might be worth watching:
Deathstalker remake by the same director who made Psycho Goreman and The Void (unfortunately I think it will be closer to PG than Void.)
A low-budget flick made by bongs called The Slave and Sorcerer that's described as 'Deathstalker meets Evil Dead.' The director though seems based and redpilled since he penned an article defending the sleazy Sword & Sorcery of the 80s and kinda shitting on the Deathstalker remake for probably not having any sleaze like the original movie.
The Swedish idiot who owns the Conan ip now can't even put out the collected editions of the comics. Marvel was doing good job with the Omnis and Epics, but now they've stopped altogether although Titan was supposed to continue them.
>they can't reduce him to their levels and ruin it like they did with the Witcher
Is that a challenge? Lack of profit has never stopped them. The only reason for the delay is that they're arguing amongst themselves what color of strap-on the sassy black undercut hair female protag (succeeding an old, bitter Conan) is going to use when giving him a chiding lecture about his problematic toxically masculine ways.
>they can't reduce him to their levels and ruin it like they did with the Witcher and most other shows
you are very naive
I forgot how good the casting was for the Moeller Conan. Jeremy Kemp makes a badass evil wizard.
Nice trips and both Moeller and Kemp tried their best with the script they were given. However, despite being comic relief, Danny Woodburn managed to act circles around everyone.
Who should play Conan now? Should it be an unknown actor?