This is the worst movie I have ever seen, glad we watched it drunk, I don't think it would have been palpable in any other circumstances.
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This is the worst movie I have ever seen, glad we watched it drunk, I don't think it would have been palpable in any other circumstances.
Star Wars is gay and this is literally a Star Wars movie with whiteout on the script, what did you expect?
Some directors can mad libs a classic storyline, beef it up with some great visuals, and make billions of dollars.
Zack Snyder cannot.
The story and dialogue were grating in this. It's an absolute piece of shit. Especially the latter half. Grabbing homosexuals from nowhere and them solving their little sidequests themselves, Kai Solo's monologue for no reason, and the finale on some bum frick space dock
Snyder should've fricked off
Eat shit you dumb troony boy.
>2023
>being an alcoholic
thats a yikes from me bro, touch grass and find god
>Not having drunk movie screenings with your wife and her brother every Christmas
>hi we're imperials from empire, hello
>hi I'm farmer from farm village, humble people call me Father
>people here respect you, Father?
>they well respect me kind space sir, thank you for asking... how are you doing are you doing okay?
>I'm doing well enough, Father. I can't help but see you humble farm people live a comfy life and also eat well, yes?
>we do eat well we have three, sometimes five meals per day made out of grain from the fields of grain behind you that you just crossed getting here
>really? from grain? must be some very fine grain you have there can I sniff you grain for a second
>I have some spare grain at the grain box in our humble longshiphouse up on the hill if you don't mind coming along with me to the longshiphouse on the hill over there
>let's walk over there on foot I'll meet you there even though we will walk side by side
>no problem oh look we're already there and you've seen our entire village
>thank you for the tour Father, now where is the grain that I wan to sniff
>here in the grain box that I inherited from my predecessor who was also named Father
>this grain is exquisite, say Father do you have any grain you can spare for us space folk that've been eating raw bismuth all our lives
>no
>if we defeat this one battleship, surely it will be a done deal and we will have no worry from the main branch who could be wondering why their cruiser, crew and high value-captain were destroyed
>these are the imperial troops from planet Imperius, the seat of the imperial empire
>they are all dressed in imperial clothes and also have roman names
>these are a rebel faction called the rebels, they come from a planet rebelia, that is currently rebelling against the empire
>these are farmers from the farmlands of Farmia, they all look like farmers and they farm grain
>this is a robot made for warfare, he is a roboticus mechanicus from the factories of factoria mechanica robotica, he is made for war but he doesn't want to fight, he also fights amazingly well and kills people in a cool way
>this is a shirtless tarzano from the planet tarzania, he has long hair and is good with animals, here he tames a gryphon also from the planet tarzania which is also known in the old tongue as gryphonia, because it has gryphons, he's good at taming them
>slave-tarzano, if you tame that random gryphon over there for me then you have bought your freedom and you don't have to pay a billion-zillion space credits
>slave-tarzano, thank you for taming the gryphon for me through building a highly personal emotional connection with him
>surely I can ride the gryphon now too, because its status= tamed
>hello, the gryphon is attacking me?
>but, why
>and I am dying?
They don't even suggest anything, the slaver himself offers a bet and the Tarzan guy goes like "Yeah, I can easily do it.". These are the most passive protagonists I have ever seem.
I also like how they go pick up that Nemesis woman and then as she's fighting the spiderwoman they just stand on the sidelines until she is finished.
What if the spiderwoman killed her? They'd just go "well okay", wave at the spiderwoman and leave?
Also if Kai already knew where these characters are why didn't he capture them yet? It couldn't be that difficult to pick up that general dude, he's like sitting on his ass doing nothing.
similar thing happens on the spider planet. the chink takes out the dark souls boss, and she becomes main crew the next scene
the general takes the cake though in terms of how easy the protags have it with their side quest objectives
>fight for us
>-no
>what if you fight for us... but for revenge?
>-yes!!
And then the movies does absolute nothing with those characters. They could've been replaced by faceless mercenaries in the final battle and nothing would have changed. I actually would prefer if Snyder did 7 Samurai in Space and had those bozos each using their unique skills to mount a defense in the village moon, against the vastly superior attacking force.
Instead they are captured after being double crossed by a guy I had forgotten was even there. Then escape when the villains gives them the key to unlock their restraints, for no reason.
They kill the bad guy but that has no consequence since the evil empire can just revive people anyway. What the frick was this movie. How anyone in the team looked at this script and thought this was okay?
how did farmboy even know how do open up those cages?
Why the cattle gun even open the cages? If they know the cattle gun open the cages, why give it to him in the first place?
> the gryphon kills the owner while the 10 guards with guns that were previously containing the gryphon just stand around watching
Zack Snyder in every interview said that defeating one ship wouldn't change shit, in fact would only make things worse, because now the full might of the Imperium is after the farming planet. The movie clearly show this.
that makes the movie even dumber then
They all die in the second part. They lose the battle.
Hyuck
Hey Zack why you posting here?
Not watched his yet, why is it so shit? Is it like a Transformers film were lots of shit happens by none of it makes any sense and it’s 7 hours long?
It's a three hour recap of the first half of Seven Samurai, but instead of a flowing story, we just lurch from one "oh this scene will be so badass" moment to another. The dialogue is disjointed and people's reasons are trite and happening only because that's where the plot is supposed to go.
>I am le downbeat general
>You should fight for no name village
>No
>Yes?
>Ok
There are world items that are plot important (the restraint devices) but make no sense with any consideration and function the way they do purely to have a Moment happen.
This movie really feels like it wants all the previous "defend the village" movies to do all the work and it just wants to hang visuals and "OC character do not steal" cutouts on top of them.
>oh this scene will be so badass
But there's maybe one exciting scene in the entire movie and it's completely inconsequential.
Most of the movie is just slow motion inside of slow motion of characters doing mundane stuff.
>we just lurch from one "oh this scene will be so badass" moment to another
you say that like nobody saw zach snyder's name on the cover
if someone is sitting down to watch a snyder movie, lurching from one "so badass" movie to another is what they're signing up for. that describes his entire filmography.
More like his entire goyslopgraphy.
i know the general consensus is that this is a turd but I really enjoyed it. stronk female lead isnt annoying at all. remind me again why I should hate it? it even has sons of anarchy guy in it as a backstabbing butthole.
....AND it has a white saviour moment in it. this white honest farmer saves the bipoc lead in a moment of courage. this cannot happen in 2023.
and btw: FRICK YOU BOB IGER!
The Transformers movies are actually better than Rebel Moon in everything but visuals.
Rebel Moon is basically a montage of the main character visiting a few different planets just long enough to recruit a new member for her party. There's barely any conversation except for a quick charisma check to get them to join her. I'm not exaggerating. When she goes to recruit the disgraced general, she has a 2 minute conversation with him to convince him to join her, and it's the most trite shit you've ever heard:
>Noooo I can't be a general anymore because I got my men killed and I have nothing to fight for
>What about revenge?
>Ah okay then. I'm in.
We actually learn more about each of the characters via a 3 minute exposition dump, in the penultimate scene, delivered by the main antagonist, than we do from anything that's shown or acted by ANY of the characters themselves. He literally steps in front of each of the main characters and says something like this for each one:
>Wow, so you're the infamous Woobu Bixnuud from the infamous Bloody Axe rebels
>Ah, I see the fearless assassin Nemesis, slayer of 50 imperial generals, has joined you
>The price on your head is mega big, disgraced general. I'll be sure to get a promotion after this
This movie should have been a 10 episode series if they ever wanted to have a truly engaging and good story. Instead they released a PG-13 montage of RPG character recruitment with a couple fight scenes in which you don't see ANY blood, despite people being shot and cut open.
So, it's basically a generic video game plot.
Extremely generic video game plot. Like one of those JRPG series nobody's ever heard of, with anime graphics and a shit-tier plot and writing.
The movie is never boring though. Also, when you get a shot without the hideous blurring around the edges of the screen, it looks nice.
>This is the worst movie I have ever seen
Don't care. Still liked it. Still gonna watch Synder cut and part 2.
Now what, Yidsney exec?
>le heckin diverse cast
>strong wahman of color protagonist
>White man bad
>CGI slop overload
>directed by moronic hack
>produced by israeliteflix
I’m not surprised you liked it so much little homosexual
>yidsney exec
>tomatometer: 24%
>audience score: 64%
You might be right. I've been wondering if all the hate was just fricking astroturfed. I checked a while back and only the critic score was posted. I have a feeling the audience score might go up more as time goes on. We'll see. I haven't seen it yet, but might. I will absolutely watch the Snyder cut.
It has garbage story execution with over-produced visuals. I dare to say that marvelslop has better and more cohesive writing than this waste of time
Keep kvetching, you astroturfing ass. Renounce Moses and the Torah or frick off. Even if you do both, you can still frick off.
I'm astrosurfing in your mom's ass, you shit taste slopgulper
>Renounce Moses if you don't support this israelite and his shitty films
Take your meds shlomo
it's amusing to me that the troony/ayyylmao lovers only enjoy what "critics" tell them to enjoy.
They will consoomingly slurp anything promoting Hunter Schafer/troonyism or disgenic ayylmao frogpeople like Halle Bailey, Anya Taylor Joy, Rachel Zegler.
But oh no you're a "jew" if you enjoy anything that isn't blatantly pushing those disgusting trends. We had a phrase for this back in my day and it was called "reverse-psychology".
Congrats it worked: everytime the fevered masses tell me what do and think I do the opposite and my life gets better every time.
Make sure to watch this diverse CGI movie by Netflix to own the libs, bro
I'm sure it's bait, but what did you like about it specifically?
Not the other guy, but the scene where they go into the bar with all of the crazy aliens was neat, and gave me some of that Star Wars feel that Star Wars doesn't give me anymore.
I stopped paying attention after that point.
>I'm sure it's bait, but what did you like about it specifically?
I liked that it was essentially "I'm putting together a Star Wars" kino without being infantile. I dropped Star Wars after Phantom Menace and have been trying to brainwash myself into forgetting Star Wars is a thing.
There are also some nods to 40k that I enjoyed like the clearly religious tones surrounding the technology... Adeptus Mechanicus...
The pg-13 cut was clearly toned down to market toward the Star Wars losers, and I fully expect the Snyder cut to fill in some obvious gaps as well as give some neglected characters more screentime/story.
I also like thinking for myself. Btw I'm not trans.
thanks, Mudasir
np, Goppalbof
>yidsney exec
solid bait. rebelmoon was quite literally a rejected starwars script but still has disney politics smeared all over it. this movie is exactly like something kathleen kennedy would have shat out had the failure of disney starwars not forced her to reign in the diarrhea ever so slightly.
>palpable
idiot gets filtered by kino, big surprise
Bethesda tier writing with a few pretty scenes of ships flying and awful choreography. Yup it’s kino.
that sucks man. I only saw the cover art and thought that looks kewl I'll give it a watch. Then I saw ur opinion and one review and they're both telling me the same
It's distinctly okay.
It's a Zach Snyder movie. You know what you're getting. It'll look cool, have some attractive actors in it, and be utterly shallow.
not saying this is a good film. But you haven't watched many films to call this the worst ever bruv. I can think of a few Star Wars films that are easily worse. Or properly half of the Marvel Universe films. This isn't even the worst movie of the year kek.
Almost all of the Star Wars movies are bad but you're delusional if you think there's one that is as badly made as Rebel Moon.
>palpable
palatable
All the complains will be addressed in the Snyder cut which adds about an hour and a half to the movie.
This is a butchered version that Netflix thought they can lead with before giving you the real deal.
Essentially the movie can't be judged on this version, we have to wait until the Snyder cut.
The fact that he chose to release the butchered version as a cheap marketing ploy is why he is undeserving of the benefit of the doubt.
>you don't like these two pounds of dog shit?
>maybe if we'll add another pound...
there is no cut in the world that could make this shit watchable
Then just keep watching Euphoria and tightening the band around your effeminate testes until they shrivel up and fall off.
>Only REAL men watch multi hour director's cuts of scifi slop
So true broth- I mean sista. Here's your reddit gold btw
>oh no the trannies are shaming me
Whatever shall I do? You can't make me un-watch Rebel Moon, homosexual. Just keep parodying the Yidsney paid review bombers because getting paid to leave negative reviews on Yidsney slop is totally what's happening...
Whatever you say sista. I'm sure zack would support you on your HRT journey.
Keep having a penis and sucking penis makes you a homosexual regardless if you get your "bottom" surgery you will forever be known as a conformist normalhomosexual xannie zoomie loonie troonie.
topmost keks
>Keep having a penis
I will thank you, and I wish you luck on cutting yours off. Not for me but hey someones got to be the the castrato in the choir I guess
How about a fanmade cut that only has the nude sofia scenes?
i will never understand how Cinemaphile of all places worships that man-faced troonyesque mystery meat
>an hour and a half more of this fricking crap
I think I'll pass on that one.
>Scorsese puts out a fricking three and a half film on Netflix
>No bro no you don't understand the evil corporate hacks at israeliteflix forced Snyder to release a butchered version, trust the plan, just one more cut and it'll be perfect
>Sneeder releases a film only the most goygruel addicted film nerds could possibly enjoy
>Nerds: "Uhm I can't believe the freaking nerds don't like this! I can't wait for the 4 hour cut of this scifi movie."
I watched the first 20 minutes and it just felt like every streaming show I've ever watched that people I know say is "great" so I am not sure why this one is getting dogpiled on
I haven't watched it but I've heard that the first 20min are the best part of this shit.
>so I am not sure why this one is getting dogpiled on
it has a white saviour moment in it.
Because you only watched the first 20 minutes which are all set in the farming village, which is the least bad part of the movie. The worst flaws of the film start to become apparent as its plot really starts rolling, so even the earlier okay scenes at the start seem really stupid in retrospect.
You only watched the intro which is the only part of the movie Snyder seemed to put any real care into directing. As soon as the Seven Samurai plot kicks in the pacing goes to absolute shit and you're just ping-ponging to different locations meeting new characters and adding them to the party like it's a shitty JRPG. Every new character added never speaks after their recruitment scene, they just stand around not interacting with anyone until it's time to fight, and they never use any of their special skills they were originally recruited for, either. It's bafflingly moronic.
>giant dreadnaught spaceship probably has a crew of thousands let alone soldiers it also carries
>we need to fly to this bumfrick planet to find grains
...What?
Are they going to bake 300 loaves of spacebread to feed their crew for a week?
It's just a bunch of scenes thrown together the director thought would look cool to 15 year olds, but still more entertaining than post ROTJ Star wars
When the prequel comic comes out then you'll all see how the story makes sense.
Synder is such a fricking homosexual, holy shit
It had less than 10M watches by Netflix's own numbers (23M hours). It's dead in the water. I can see it maybe becoming a classic in a "so bad it's good" way, but it's a gigaflop.
Even by this metric this is less watches than some of YouTube 2-hour-long "criticisms" have, lol.
le epically owned xd xd
jfc just make a film once and make it good
I'll wait for the House of the Doomspoon. Thank you.
ITT
Pleb that got filtered by Kino
it really is bad but is it really worse than the rise of skywalker
yes it is, because this can't even be called a movie. it's just a bunch of tik tok clips mixed together
I wouldn't honor tros by calling it a movie either
>it's just a bunch of tik tok clips mixed together
and why is this a bad thing again?
I can't believe I'm saying this but yes, it is.
Rise of Skywalker is salvageable, this isn't.
>salvageable
What did you plan to do, cut out all the parts with palpatine and cg in another villain?
homie, Rebel Moon was clearly written by AI.
tros probably went through a room with monkeys and typewriters.
Letting an AI rewrite it might have improved it.
Not subbing to D+, sorry.
Palatable, you fricking nitwit.
>I think for myself. I am a free-thinker. I don't listen to critics.
>I love Rebel Moon, therefore Rebel Moon is objectively a good movie and all the haters are just influenced by the bad reviews
SnyderBots are downright embarrassing.
The novelization is climbing to the number 1 position on the Amazon List and New York Times List.
For me, it's the two hardcover coffee table art books. After you've read them, the story comes all together.
>I "read" an art book
I can tell you've never seen art or a book.
>Guys, one time I saw this book
>It was really good
It wasn't great, the cartoonish villains, the plot barely made sense, the characters had barely any motivations (like a paint-by-numbers rebel squad).
I liked the setting at the beginning, the rural planet with the giant red planet in the sky. I wanted to see more of the qt water girl. I wish it had just been set there with no evil empire nonsense.
Snyder doesn't even understand the films he's copying plots from. Seven Samurai doesn't work if you make the bandits a military force and government. It doesn't work if you make some of the Samurai some rebel force. He's trying to mash plots from different stories together with all the intelligence of your average fanfiction.net writer.
The story would be fine if this was a videogame and it was just set dressing for gameplay and quick time events like jumping back on your gryphon mount. Snyder should just make videogames for the 8-25 male.
snyder rebooted Star Wars with a female lead and it actually works. Thats why you are all mad about it.
her backstory is interesting and captivating. she is not all good and not all bad. a grey heroine. I love it.
>don't think it would have been palpable
REEEEEEEEEEEEEE ZACK SNYDER REEEEEEEEEEEEEE ZACK SNYDER FRICKED MY WIFE AND RAPED MY CHILDREN
Haven't seen this movie, what is the rape in it?
I was watching a lot of indie student movies some time ago (think Kung Fury but far worse). And Rebel Moon is exctly that but somehow it got millions $ for CGI. The scenes, characters their interactions are just like badly acted and badly scripted fandom movie. But hey it has great visuals and slow mo!
It can be fun to watch while high or drunk. Other than that is a waste of time.
Triple slow motion in a single scene
PFFFFFFFFFFF
The guy completely covers the sun...
HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
wonderful noble savage scene
Holy shit there's actually 3 slowmo layers lmao. Inception level
Kino
what is it about kinetic heightened filmmaking that filters normies?
I don't remember shit from it and it's only been a week
worst movie of 23 for sure, in a year of only trash that's gotta be an achievement of sorts
is it weird that I don't particularly like black people and I don't particularly like Zack Snyder, yet I'm still touched by Zack Snyder and Ray Fisher's loyalty to each other?
>actor and director work together on two movies
>WOW SUCH LOYALTY
Why are you people so cringe.
We know who's making these boomer memes now.
It's definitely one of the worst movies ever made. The story is a shittier version of Seven Samurai that basically forgoes all character development. The way it jarringly jumps around from set piece to set piece makes it feel like it was made by an idiot with extreme ADHD. The jump to the spider fight was hilarious.
It's not just the frenetic pacing robbing the characters of any chance to develop or even interact with each other in the most basic way, the scenes we jump to are often ridiculous in and of themselves. The spider fight was just stupid on so many levels. Nemesis was supposed to be an assassin who targeted imperial officials, why was she fighting a random monster that also hated imperials? Introducing her with an assassination attempt on Admiral Noble would've been A) way more pertinent, and B) probably way cooler. And for some reason she, I guess, forget that her swords were laser swords? She spent like 10 minutes pointlessly hacking at the spider monster with the metal blades before going "oh yeah they're lasers" and then instantly killing it with a single swipe of the laser blades.
>She spent like 10 minutes pointlessly hacking at the spider monster with the metal blades before going "oh yeah they're lasers" and then instantly killing it with a single swipe of the laser blades.
her goal was to rescue the kid not killing the spider.
She separated the kid from the spider pretty early on in the fight, and didn't stop fighting until it was dead. She could've spared us a tedious fight scene by simply killing it with the laser swords in the first 10 seconds.
It's so fricking contrived and stupid and robs the character of any kind of cohesion.
>She's an assassin but also a mother so she fights spider monsters and rescues kids because that's what an assassin does
so stupid
>She could've spared us a tedious fight scene by simply killing it with the laser swords in the first 10 seconds.
Eh, that's Star Wars for you.
>She's an assassin but also a mother so she fights spider monsters and rescues kids because that's what an assassin does
I don't understand, you want her entire character to just be 'shes an assassin with laser swords'? You want her to be a character from Suicide Squad?
I have to admit, making the characters not flat enough is a new criticism for a Snyder film.
>I have to admit, making the characters not flat enough is a new criticism for a Snyder film.
gay and aids-oozing dishonest post
It was to show that she used to be a mother too until some tragedy happened. It was handled poorly but I understood that she was supposed to have backstory and show compassion for the spider monster and not immediately go for the kill. She was trying to give it multiple chances to back down. It all felt like each recruitment was supposed to give us a lot of reasons to care about these characters, but Snyder doesn't really know how to write that convincingly.
bravo snyder
I've forgotten a lot of it already. Is the traitor guy supposed to be moronic? Why does he gather all his bounties into one place before trying to catch them? I know it's a trope but normally the villain is meant to do it accidentally or as a by product of another act. Here he's literally just bringing everyone together and making them into a team just to make it harder for himself.
He wanted to do an epic betrayal scene but he forgot to have the characters interact with each other and form bonds so it has zero emotional impact. And yeah it's especially moronic because one of the more valuable bounties, General Titus, was literally a drunk sleeping in the gutter, he could've just scooped him up with zero effort on his own, instead he lets Kora give him a pep talk and give him a big ass gun.
I want to know more about the culture of the paleoconservative farmers who think having sex makes grass grow.
>4 hour flick split into 2
>director's cuts will make it nearly 6 hours overall
Why cant he just make a solid movie instead of wasting people's time with padding? Is it a contractual thing?
Zack Sneeder is not so much a film director as much as he is a war criminal and domestic terrorist
Well Armond White loved it.
first I didn't believe that it was just bad but then they start taming eagles... why it did try to be every franchise ever?
You coukd edit this with Jupiter ascended and nothing would change