This man blocks your path and demands you make him your best meal or he's gonna kill you. What are you making?
This man blocks your path and demands you make him your best meal or he's gonna kill you. What are you making?
This man blocks your path and demands you make him your best meal or he's gonna kill you. What are you making?
gonna give him my dick in his hand to stroke it.
>britbong
I'll pour him some cereal
why not make him beans on toast
This movie was so fricking stupid. The only people I know who liked it are turbo-NPCs.
It's literally making fun of the sort of people who think liked the movie. It was meh overall, but you didn't even get it
Lol okay genius
You can't call people npcs and then get pissed at someone else for being a pretentious moron.
How is he a pretentious moron? He's completely right, the movie makes fun of yesmen ie. NPC's. You're literally taking the movie's side if you call the people who liked it NPC's.
The movie is one excellent troll.
I dont know anything about the high class culinary scene, so I felt kinda lost on this movie but got the idea that it makes fun of pretentious like the people pretending that they understand what they consume. So in a way, this movie does a good job of mocking all of the midwits who interpret this movie as something it's not and think that it's gold.
I kind of liked it. I'm a turbo-NPC? Shit. You ruined America's birthday for me.
I liked it, edgelord
I bet this homie likes anime. Lol. Lmao even
Cinematography and direction was great. Plot was meh. Performances by the actors was pretty good. Overall I give it a 6.5/10. Enjoyable but not something I'd watch over and over again.
Spaghetti bolognese
it takes hours to make
The Andy Sixx Steamer
You're gonna love this it's called Mac's Famous Mac & Cheese
I wouldn’t cook anything for him. I would listen to what he had to say.
Kek, isn't that actually what happens in the movie?
>Kek, isn't that actually what happens in the movie?
Yes.
not really
No.
The movie is about the soulless nature of the experimental cuisine industry and the kind of people who gravitate towards it.
They expect more and more ridiculous dining events involving complex chemical reactions as well as a running narrative from the chef and dining staff around each course of their meal. Ultimately none of them really care, they're pretentious or rich and they're only visiting the restaurant because that's what people like them do.
The menu is the theoretical evolution of this kind of experience, the pinnacle of experimental dining experiences where both the chefs and the diners ultimately sacrifice themselves to become a part of the menu.
It's metaphor about the current state of cinema, dumbass.
That would imply that modern cinema is experimental in nature and obsessed with innovation over satisfying entertainment.
An absurd assertion to make.
That's what no one else did
one cheese toastie coming up chef
Ramen but with an egg and some Worcestershire sauce
I too enjoy a Rollow Ramen, especially after geocaching
I'd kill him and serve his raw head on a plate
How is he gonna eat his own head?
It's a metaphor.
pancakes
Ok.
I make my signature coulibiac.
Then I beat him to death with a can of soup.
>cut hole 2/3rds through top of apple
>fill with butter, sugar, and some cinnamon
>microwave
Enjoy chef
Do you frick the apple afterward?
>sloppa
I call it bachelor chow chef
'roni 'go 'za wit da 'cha
beans on toast
Scrambled eggs, but with burnt butter so the eggs turn out kinda brown and dry. Yum
why, my peanus weenus of course 🙂
hahah! 😀
it's my weeeeeenus peanus! 🙂 hahah
Pulled pork bbq hamburger with coleslaw and pineapple
>pineapple
he ded
chili & sea bass
Toad in the hole with apple sausage
The best damn 'za a his life
Manicotti because it takes two days and I can plan my escape.
Is the movie good? I missed it in cinemas
I enjoyed it well enough but it was pretty dumb, not worth a cinema watch imo
It's kinda like a Twilight Zone ep. It has a moral aspect to it
>What are you making?
Bon appetit.
>not even mixing in mayo and relish
Disgusting. You'll ruin the flavor with that trash. Sometimes I do add a second can of tuna to spice things up though.
It already is trash
>bone apple teeth
Scrambled eggs and he better eat all of them.
Why does this movie upset wagies? I’m exactly the kind of person the movie was satirizing and I thought it was hilarious. Yet people who don’t even know what a Michelin star is seem to be offended by it. Reminds me of people getting pissed at The Hunt.
plebs always seeth. that’s why they don’t get anywhere.
I don't get why anyone seethed at The Hunt, did they really or was that just faux outrage generated by some idiots online?
One of the only times that a woman has successfully pulled off being a bad ass in the entire history of cinema.
They seethed at an imaginary version of The Hunt they just made up in their minds where it was about being very MEAN to poor widdle Trump supporters.
morons were mad on both sides because they were too offended to realize it was making fun of everyone.
It got dumbed down from the original script.
They cut out a huge amount of backstory on the chef and why he went mad and reworked the normal POV characters (they are supposed to be a husband and wife pair not a foodie and his hooker, who he's taken to die without telling her and the husband ends up joining the cult and dying with them in the end).
I tell him that he's moronic for letting random pretentious nobodies ruin his enjoyment of cooking and taking it out on innocents. Also, my best dish is my post coitus hamburger so i frick him in the ass before i serve him
chicken pesto rosso pasta gratin
its not high cuisine but i do this once a week
always makes me feel good
Scrambled eggs. The secret ingredient is some of Anya Taylor Joy's cum
I'd cook him a pot of bubbling soup, but when he's not looking, I would look at the camera, rub my hands together, and raise my eyebrows twice, before pulling out my vial of poison and dumping it into the bubbling brew, sending a skull-shaped cloud wafting up.
Hopefully I can wave it away before he turns back around, but I'd probably feed him the poison soup.
Diabolical.
I'll just make the best meal I can and nothing would happen because you didn't specify that he would need to approve of it in any way, just that I'd need to cook it you fricking moron
PB&J with nacho cheese Doritos inside and a glass of milk.
Wait is this actually good?
No meme, it was my elementary school snack for years. Really fun and sometimes I do it just for nostalgia.
Tell him I'm going to make southern soul food and before I drop the chicken into the oil I throw that shit in his face. Then I'd say some stupid one liner like dayum chef you looking tasty today before I rape him.
>before I rape him.
what a tweest!
A bomb.
I got this. Been making the same dish every day for 5 years.
Cheesy scrambled eggs with buttered toast:
1. Slice 12 squares 2-3mm thick off a block of extra sharp cheddar
2.Heat stainless steel pan on 5
3. While it gets hot put down toast on 3-5 (preference). Also crack 3 eggs and scramble in small bowl.
4. Add small tsp. lump of coconut oil to pan, swirl for coverage
5. Turn heat down to 3
6. Pour in egg scramble, wait ~30 seconds for bottom layer to be cooked together
7. turn heat to 1.5
8. Gently flip eggs w/ spatula so thin cooked eggs circle lays flat on top of uncooked eggs
9. Lay cheese squares around center with not too much overlap
10. Toast pops up about now. Butter thoroughly and add a dash of salt & black pepper.
11. Wait 2 more minutes.
12. Uncover and slide eggs out of pan carefully so they fold over cheese like a quesadilla
13. Top with Frank's red-hot
Enjoy!
Sounds nice but too much effort for a morning meal
It takes 7 minutes to prepare
We're on Cinemaphile, I want anons to be able to enjoy cheesy eggs
Do you really need a step-by-step guide to make a basic omelette? lmao
Chicken tendies. Duh.
Say that as a French man I have no cuisine lesson to receive from a lobster
>proceeds to eat raw beef and say its food
cereal with whole milk, served in a bowl
Ketchup Spaghetti (Japan), and watch him killing himself out of cringe.
japanese gimmick food is pretty weird
It's more like a copy of some western dish with available ingredients.
Lots of western-ish foods in Japan and Chinese born that way.
I need more info, op. Has his staff already rinsed the raw chicken with water and bleach?
I love Ralph Finnes, should I watch the menu? Also does buccalfat girl get naked?
>does buccalfat girl get naked?
No but she's very cute in this and she talks about jerking off an old dude while she pretends to be his daughter
>talks about jerking off an old dude while she pretends to be his daughter
she's wearing a pretty epic dress in this. ayy fans must watch
Moussaka
I'll live
Alright. I tell him I’m gonna make some world class sushi but will need 10 years to lear how to cook rice and another twenty to figure out how to put raw fish on it.
Make sure to charge him 1000 dollars too
Serve him a carton raw eggs in a pint glass with 5 slices of cheese on the side and a cup of mass gainer with milk.
I would make him poisonous blowfish but prepare it wrong.
>anon is so bad at preparing it that in his attempts to poison the chef he accidentally cuts it completely correctly, and he simply enjoys the well prepared meal and lets you go
>"One grilled cheese coming right up chef"
>Generic white bread that sticks to the roof of your mouth
>Kraft processed cheese slice (2 for extra cheesy flavor)
>Butter that comes in a big tub
>Throw it on a cold pan and turn the heat up
>"Anyway chef while that heats through let me tell you about the israelites"
I'd eat a grilled cheese with you
I'm going to make him a grilled cheese with burnt bread, unmelted cheese and kimchi
Simple. Rustic.
Imma cook minute rice in 59 seconds
One big fry-up and a cuppa coming right up.
I’m making hot dogs if you dont like them you can suck my dick
>get some finely cut chicken breasts
>fry them in a saucepan with 2 teaspoons of sunflower oil
>add a sprinkle of garlic and ground up potato chips
>squirt some lemon juice on top
>add in sliced chilli peppers
>one melted chocolate button
>stir in some ground beef and chopped onions
>pour in 200ml of white win (his choice) to add to moisture
>add a tabelspoon of olive oil
>Keep frying until it's spitting at you
>put a lid on top and set the heat to high
>take some wholewheat tortilla wraps
>line them button thinly spread around the edges
>put them directly on the grill and cook for 5 seconds each side
>add some chopped dill, spring onions and coriander
>take the sizzling meat
>slather on top of the wraps
>wrap it up like a present
>put in the oven, 200c, for ten minutes
>take out and baste sweet and spicy sauce over the top
>add grated cheese
>put back in the over for another ten minutes
>take out
>voila
I'll take my prize now
Sounds great. I’ll try it during the weekend.
Goyslop, medium rare.
A quesadilla
just like how grammy used to make
Goyslop
Goypost
GOYSPONSE
i'm israeli
I'm gonna shit on the big plate. Right on his eyes. An argument is an argument. He'll need to taste it, or he won't appreciate the taste of my dish.
Homemade fries.
A bowl of eggs of course.
The random Me Too thing in the middle of the movie was fricking moronic and took me out of the movie.
>What are you making?
A tasty sandwich.
this meal looks like it would be epic right about now
Boa.
that flick really sucked
i'd make him a cheese sandwich
I'll shit on a plate and it'll be better than his nation's best dish
scrambled eggs with salt and pepper
kraft mac n cheese with cut up oscar meyer hot dog
Beef barley stew and chili are my best but I don't know if he would give me 3 hours to make them.
I'm making a burger. Even as a Mexican, that's the best I can do. I'm not a fricking cook.
What can I do to make my chili better, bros?
>Spicy sausage
>Hamburger (both browned with Smokin Stampede)
>Shit ton of onions
>Carrots, celery
>Two cans of diced tomatoes w/juice
>Black beans, kidney beans
>Chili powder, Cumen, Salt
>Cook for an hour and a half
>Chopped bell peppers and Scotch Bonnet peppers added in last twenty minutes
do you add anything that deglazes the bottom of the pan from all the meat you're browning? Something like wine or acidic like vinegar? I would usually do that before adding tomatoes. Also some stock as well?
No I don't add anything to deglaze. I'll give your advice a try next time I do it though, thanks.
Use something like a chuck roast rather than hamburger. It’ll take a lot Inter but will be more flavorful. You can use things to boost glutamates and inosinates like marmite and anchovy paste. They’ll fade into the background flavor wise but will make it taste much better overall. Using freshly ground chili powder from whole toasted chilies also makes a huge difference
Add red wine and tomato puree.
Some pasta
Roundmeal. Boiled.
I fricking hate Americans
>410 mg of Sodium per portion
Jesus Christ.
>Win a visit from Davis
Who the frick is him? Why is he coming to me? Can I opt out of it?
>Details inside
Inside of what? Do I find a fricking Davis visit pamphlet in the middle of that rotting mass of chemicals after boiling it?
Truly an intriguing meal.
He'll come to you.
I pull out a George Foreman, i season a rump steak with black pepper and salt (both sides), I open a pack of store bought salad, the George Foreman pops green, i eject the steak and garnish with the salad.
Bon appetite
i only know how to make eggs
joe rogan yard egg sandwich
>7 sunny side up eggs on a single piece of bread
Shit is comical
General Tso's chicken, sweet and sour chicken, beef and broccoli, special fried rice and spring rolls.
Give him tree bark with salt.
Hold on, how does he get out??
He does not.
That is his domain.
Behold!
The finest trash-fired corn & goo pizza with the ultimate final touch. Yes, that's right. Three olives.
maestro de pizza
Why are there so many brazilian things on this thread? And how come none of you posted sopa de macaco yet?
the frick am I looking at
Brazilian fine dining
Unfortunately, no one can be...told, about the Mestra da Pizza. They have to see him for themselves.
>a paint scraper
Peanutbutter and Jelly with some buttered toast
I'd grill him a steak. Just salt and pepper and maybe some steak seasoning on it, throw some butter in the pan, sear it, then stick it in the oven. He'd get some A1, too.
If you're not marinating that steak with a little bit of butter over some onions and cooking it to medium I'm afraid he's gonna kill you
Just a basic reverse seared steak (entrecote/ribeye), salted, peppered, browned in a pan, basted in butter, garlic and thyme. Served with mashed potatoes made with some butter, milk and sour cream. Will also serve it with fresh green beans fried in the pan I fried the steak in. It will be enjoyed with a cold European light trappist beer, preferibly Chimay Trappist Gold.
Its not going to be an expensive steak, its just going to be normal fresh ribeye at a reasonable price. No insane marbling or aging. The mashed potatoes will be simple, there might even be a lump or two in them.
I'm doin' him an egg
I’d tell him that I’ll serve him the world’s rarest truffle. Then while they are searching for it, I’d escape. But then I’d miss out on preparing the world’s rarest truffle… quite the conundrum
He wont know what hit him
GRILLED CHEESE
BURNED ON THE OUTSIDE
UNMELTED ON THE INSIDE
BON APPETIT, YA FOOKIN DONKEY
don't forget the kimchi, uma delicia
Unironically, how would Slowik react to Jack Scalfani/Cooking With Jack Show?
Shooting him in the head probably.
Never use the word "unironically" again.
all i can make is fried as frick eggs on taost or omellete du fromage. i make an omelette for a friend once and he said it was good.
>taost
the only thing fried here is your brain
why id give him a slice of the finest 'za of course
Cook Bacon
Toast two slices of sourdough bread
Uses some of the bacon oil to butter the bread
Put in Bacon and HP sauce
My wife and kids make this for me every Fathers Day and I love it.
basghetti and meatballs
Let me guess, you need more? Typical bourgeoisie.
- 1 donkey phallus, cleaned and sliced
- Assorted vegetables (red bell pepper, orange carrots, yellow squash, green zucchini, blue potatoes, purple cabbage), thinly sliced
- 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil
- 1 tablespoon of minced garlic
- 1 tablespoon of minced ginger
- Salt and pepper to taste
For the Rainbow Sauce:
- 1/4 cup of onions sauce
- 2 tablespoons of honey
- 2 tablespoons of white vinegar
- 1 tablespoon of cornstarch
- Food coloring in red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple
Instructions:
1. Start by preparing the donkey phallus. Clean it thoroughly and then slice it into thin, stir-fry size pieces. Set aside.
2. Prepare your vegetables by thinly slicing them. Keep each color separate to maintain the rainbow theme.
3. Heat the vegetable oil in a large wok or frying pan over medium-high heat. Add the minced garlic and ginger and stir-fry for a minute until fragrant.
4. Add the donkey phallus to the wok and stir-fry until browned. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
5. Remove the cooked donkey phallus from the wok and set aside.
6. Stir-fry each type of vegetable separately, starting with the red bell pepper and ending with the purple cabbage, adding more oil if necessary. Keep each cooked vegetable separate.
7. To prepare the Rainbow Sauce, mix the onions sauce, honey, vinegar, and cornstarch in a bowl until smooth. Divide the sauce into six equal parts and dye each part with a different color of food coloring.
8. Return the cooked donkey phallus to the wok. Add each color of vegetable in the order of the rainbow (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple).
9. Drizzle each color of Rainbow Sauce over the corresponding color of vegetable. Gently mix everything together, trying to maintain the rainbow arrangement as much as possible.
10. Serve the Prideful Donkey Phallus Rainbow Stir-fry hot with a side of rainbow-colored rice for an extra touch of Pride spirit.
>first world problems the movie
handful of shredded cheddar, refrigerator aged to the point of near fossilization, on a flour tortilla, microwaved for 1 minute and topped with cholula
1 frozen banana.
4 tablespoons peanut butter powder.
1 scoop protein powder.
1 cup milk.
1 tablespoon cocoa powder.
2 tablespoons malted milk powder.
Blend.
Serve in cup with straw and do pull-ups immediately after consumption.
Fresh raw avocado halves and sliced raw yellow bell peppers lightly salted.
Milk steak, boiled over hard with a side of jelly beans
I grab a knife and pretend like I'm gonna cut something then fricking rush him and stab him 50 times
Chicken wings with about a pint of Lawry's
Medium well steak unseasoned sloppy style
One box of crayons. Served with a plate of warm pennies.