>be me
>Best Buy security guard
>It’s 4:59 AM on Black Friday
>sales mad customers are banging down the doors
>they break through
>”Anon they’ll wreck the store, what should we do?!”
>All right lads, get me the pneumatic t-shirt cannons from last summer’s promotional event. We’ll give them “a whiff of grape shot”
>T-shirt thwocks some old boomer’s teeth out
>get fired
BUT THAT WAS WHEN I RULED THE WORLD
Could I have a quick rundown on this character?
I was always uninterested about him, probably also because history never showed him in good light whenever I came across something about him.
>lol, what a bad man
>he had mental issues because he was short, hehe
>nothing to see here, great tactician but terrible human bean and yeah, don't look into him
I suspect he was max-based and I would like to know more about the canon-shooting on civilian protestors.
He wanted to end bloodline monarchy across Europe and make it a republic. He beat most of Europe back but then made some moronic decisions like invading Russia that caused his empire to collapse.
he was a fricking maniac, he crowned himself emperor, ALONE, in front of everybody, literal dictator
Isn't that usually how coronations are done...?
No, you don’t crown yourself.
no, lol.
A monarch is supposed to feign humility. This dates back to Augustus
aristoracy hated him because he wasn't one but crowned himself impper
commons hated him because he took over europe murdering shitloads of them in the process
bridged the gap btwn christendom and the enlightenment
arty master
invented corps system used by all armies
So mega-based. Why do they always try to attack Russia... Frick em.
he was unironically trying to one-up alexander the great
it's why he took a backasswards path through the eastern mediterranian
They want everything and Russia is a lot.
They forget that Russia is also worthless, but that’s another story.
Nowadays Russia attacks places.
He wasn't evil, but he was a self centered dick (obviously he is french/italian hybrid)
He also did some crazy tactics, like letting the enemy take your high ground, then charging said highground when the enemy is wienery
Probably the most brilliant militairy tactician the world has ever seen on the battlefield.
Also by the end, mad as frick.
He just wiped out all the old Empires for a laff.
Also his men could march 40 miles a day meanwhile lazy spaniards and germans are doing 3 then crying about blisters.
Also he sold Louisiana to the Americans but it belonged to Spain.
All the israelites of the earth formed a coalition against him.
People bring this up a bit, but they forget France wasn't in a position to defend Lousiana in the slightest. It was either sell it for cheap and get something, or refuse to sell it and the US will just invade (plus that would improve US-Brit relations because Britain would be happy to see France take an L, whereas by doing a deal with America Nappy not only secured peace with them but helped keep them antagonistic to Britain)
>America declaring war on France
top kek the world would be a very different place
France and the US actually did fight an on-again off-again undeclared naval war in the Caribbean just a few years before. Historians call it the “Quasi-War”
Interesting.
Sailing ships of war are such a kino.
Here is one of the best, the USS Constitution.
The flagship of my country had too many cannons and sailed 250 metres before sinking haha
at least Vasa museum is pretty neat
Artist really half-assed the flag there. Did he even research what it looked like at the time?
Absolutely kino. Old Ironsides had a couple of victories during the Quasi-War.
American and French relations during Haitian revolution were bit complicated too.Burgers both wanted to just trade with Haiti but also were worried that the slave uprisings would spread.
Also France wasn’t really in a position to economically exploit the Louisiana territory. Other than the port city at New Orleans and a brisk fur trade, it was mostly trackless wilderness filled with Indians.
>I would like to know more about the canon-shooting on civilian protestors.
That happened in 1796. By then the left-wing Jacobins had been kicked out of power after the terror, and France was governed by a centrist oligarchy called the Directory. The Directory was composed of former left and right wing members of the National Convention that had put aside their differences to take out Robespierre and keep themselves from being guillotined. Nobody really liked the Directory, because it was corrupt and mostly disinterested in pushing a political project. Monarchist and Jacobin remnants both wanted to overthrow the Directory to try and return France to a Bourbon monarchy or a Republic. Paris was subject to constant street insurrections and the country risked being plunged back into complete anarchy, bloody political purges and open civil war. The Directory tasked Napoleon with restoring order and preventing complete collapse. Unlike a lot of commanders during the Revolution, Napoleon actually had a lot of really good formal military education, and he quickly realized that artillery could be deployed in the the streets and on the bridges of Paris. This gave him a massive firepower advantage over the radical groups in the streets that other commanders didn’t have. It worked.
Thanks for the effort posts lads
seriously appreciated
arguably the greatest tactician in human history
other people will often argue for those who ended up winning it in the end (minus being assassinated or dying to disease or something) such as Julius, Alexander. And or those who took the most territory such as Genghis.
But I would argue that Napoleon beats them all due to
1. hes the last great conqueror, and innovations are more impressive the more developed the subject is, and there has been noone of similar status since his time.
2. he participated in far more battles than the above. In comparison Alexander the great led in around 7-20~ battles (depending on how you define that) whereas Napoleon led 60-80 battles. (Although Alexander never lost, and Napoleon lost 7-11 battles)
3. Napoleon was fighting Europeans in Europe, which generally speaking, is more difficult than semi scattered steppe groups due to both terrain and relative technological ability
Also, and this is somewhat beside the point, but many of Napoleon's battles were long shots/miracles. Not all conquerors can claim to have overcome such odds (winning a battle against a numerically inferior foe is not as impressive as repeatedly beating numerically superior foes etc)
there are also his non military achievements like the code Napoleon, which still strongly effects Europe to this day
he was an extremely charismatic workaholic that loved math and warfare
Also, the return from exile is one of the most ridiculous moments of all time. If it didn't actually happen, you would roll your eyes in the theater because its just too over the top.
its tldr
>napoleon has been defeated and exiled, and France ravaged and depleted, and the monarchy has been restored in France
>frick that, Napoleon returns to France with only a TINY contingent of loyal soldiers
>A far larger force is tasked with arresting Napoleon
>hopelessly outnumbered and outgunned, he responds thusly
Austerlitz
>but many of Napoleon's battles were long shots/miracles
That's one of the most crazy parts about him, dude at times read like some kind of anime isekai character that always won against all odds.
What mystical bullshit happened there at 3mins? Was it a proto-anime editing moment?
presumably, napoleon was shot by a lone monarchist, activating his timeline jump ability
it was hard to convey that with the special effects of 1970
he was the original hitler
Napoleon basically revitalized France after a rocky pre and post revolutionary period and took over most of Europe in a very short amount of time. He's considered evil because he didn't give a shit about the wellbeing of his troops and constantly used meatgrinder tactics nobody could beat.
lmao, he is considered evil because the kings and emperors of the time feared him for his military provess and lust for power, and the french because of the revolution that ended the rule of french kings (temporarily, and later permantently). They feared the revolutions would spread, and tried to paint frenchies as some animalistic terrorists.
>btfo monarchs, jacobins, leftist revolutionaries, and moronic peasants
He was a walking god.
Somehow, Napoleon returned.
Man was absolute gigachad and main character of history.
good impartial biography about him
there has never been an impartial biography written of him in the English language
well, that one doesn't seethe as much as others I've read
>a book
Get the frick out of here.
Jamal pls
He was a puppet of powerful people used to change the world order and then swept aside like Hitler. He was also in on it like Hitler
elucidate
I have never acted like Napoleon
>Sitting on toilet taking a shit
>Feel a rumble in my tummy
>Get exiled to st helena
>old boomer at black Friday sale and not a crowd of chimping nogs
I act like Napoleon every day because I'm 5'10
>old bat landlord keeps complaining about my rent not being paid on time
>I keep blowing her off because I'm not made of money, buy she's now threatening to evict me
>sudden thoughts of Napoleons heroism course through me
>tell her I'm gonna pay her and meet her in her apartment
>when she's turned around I smash her head in with the blunt end of an axe
>imfree.jpeg
No need to pay rent for this man anymore. Cops are snooping around but there's no way their gonna figure anything out, I've got a nice, long alibi prepared
>>when she's turned around I smash her head in with the blunt end of an axe
You were lucky her old fart sister didn't appear at that very moment.
wont let my gf bathe
>Be invited to party
>Drunk roasties start complaining about their periods
>Mention (only half seriously, obviously) that it's their punishment for not getting pregnant this month
>They don't speak to me the rest of the night, so I got the last word in
why's he look like a chud?
wrong kid died
why are marketing campaigns tolerated here? you are supposed to pay for ads. pay for a fricking banner
Taking charge at work is honestly kinda kino. I remember one time my boss and my other boss were both out and my coworker who technically outranked me was lazy and not doing shit so I had to handle this big brouhaha myself, including calling the district manager. I think I'm just a born leader
>I coveted that wind, I suppose.
i told a girl to stop showering because i like it when she smells
100 days was GOAT comeback, even though he did lose in the end. Guys comes back from exile, all the soldiers sent to stop him join him instead. Rest of the europe goes to full on panic mode over the mere fact that Napoleon came back.
If you don't at least respect Napoleon, then you are probably a prussian, or even worse, a*strian.
It really was a roll of the dice. Wellington got his ass saved by Blucher, Napoleon sent off 30,000 of his men to chase Blucher, and Ney charged off like a moron. A huge mix of luck, overthinking, and jumping the gun on both sides.
>be me
>shitposting here and there on /misc/ about brits and pajeets etc
>some italian or irish flag calls me a Black person
>invade italy and destroy the ancient republics of genoa and venice then conquer the rest of the peninsula
NO ONE MAN SHOULD HAVE ALL THAT POWA
>Irish are still laughing at you though
wonder much eternal anglo and perfidious albion propaganda will be in this movie
What about Napoleon's final words on Jesus Christ when in exile?
Honest question, athiest gays don't shit up the thread
well, what were they?
“I know men, and I tell you Jesus Christ was not a man.
Superficial minds see a resemblance between Christ and the founders of empires and the gods of other religions. That resemblance does not exist.
There is between Christianity and other religions the distance of infinity.
Alexander, Cæsar, Charlemagne and myself founded empires. But on what did we rest the creations of our genius? Upon sheer force. Jesus Christ alone founded His empire upon love; and at this hour millions of men will die for Him. In every other existence but that of Christ how many imperfections!
From the first day to the last He is the same; majestic and simple; infinitely firm and infinitely gentle. He proposes to our faith a series of mysteries and commands with authority that we should believe them, giving no other reason than those tremendous words, ‘I am God.’”
He calls Jesus Christ the greatest conqueror, for his army conquers even after his death and how his own army and the armies of Hannibal ,Alexander and Caesar all forgot them after one loss. Truly shows how powerful the Gospel is and that Jesus Christ had intelligence and Wisdom not of a man, but by a God.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napoleon%27s_penis
Napoleon was so based he has an entire wikipedia article dedicated to his wiener
n*p*l**n was a nazi
talk about it
>be me
>cranky manlet
>wake up