>try to watch some pitches from this show
>get severely depressed and jealous at how creative and successful people are while I rot
anyone else?
>try to watch some pitches from this show
>try to watch some pitches from this show
>get severely depressed and jealous at how creative and successful people are while I rot
anyone else?
>dude it's like a thing that already exists but more complex despite being marketed as "simpler" and not as cost efficient
Most of the pitches are moronic as shit.
some yeah
its not about failing its just seeing normal driven successful people
Yeah, most are either bad, or close to being good. The ones that are usually successful aren't that good either.
Have you seen the show lately? It's way worse. Half of it is literally apps.
God I remember an episode where some b***h came to peddle NFTs at the height of that craze and all the sharks started shilling for and sucking off NFTs and how they're the future. And then like a month later the NFT craze died.
You're looking at it from a consumerist aspect, tons of these make big money, not from being good but because they're shit that dumb rich boomers will think are neat and buy
If it makes you feel any better most businesses shown on the show fail
For me it's the blonde milf
which one?
He means Lori. Not a single man finds barabra attractive.
I do
lots of these people have more money or resources to get their ideas off the ground, its the rare grass roots people who did it with nothing but their blue collar job that blow me away
creative and successful people were always pre-deterministically on the path to success
Obligatory.
Will never cease to amaze me
>What do you have left?
>...
>Bulletball!
>*Intro music plays*
> Next in the tank is a way to bring a little shit to your post
> Anon: Hi Sharks, I'm anon from Cinemaphile. I'm asking for 6 chicken tendies for 25% of my company, Cinemaphile.
> *All the Sharks write something in their notebook except for Daymond who is illiterate.*
> Anon: Sharks, if you're like me, you love to shitpost. Whether it's celebs, cooming, cunnies or all three at once (ha-ha!), you can count on me to make fun of jannies and trannies. So who's ready to revolutionize imageboards and get these dubs with me?
> Kevin: I'm something of a connoisseur of dicky so I know a lot about the industry and I think I can help you out. I'll give you a loan of 6 chicken tendies at 600% interest and I want a royalty of one chicken mcnugget anytime someone baneposts.
> Mark: *Scoffs at Kevin's offer* Listen Anon, I'm the only billionaire here so I'll make it simple for you. I'll give you the 6 chicken tendies for 33% of your company but you had to say yes when I first starting speaking this sentence and for that reason, I'm out.
> Robert: I like you Anon and I desperately need a friend. But I don't see 6 chicken tendies lasting long enough for this business. So I'll give you 6 chicken tendies for the 25% and $10 million for a hug.
> Barbara: The product and the presentation is great but I'll tell you something: I mistrust you as a human being. Your presentation was just too slick and mistrustful. So I'm out.
> Kevin: You know, there's only one Fuhrer Wonderful and I've just been waiting here with my exceptional offer and I've had it. You blew it, Anon! I'm out.
> Robert: I'll do the 6 chicken tendies and $10 million for just some eye contact and a kind word.
> *Outro music plays. Cut to Anon in the hallway.*
> Anon: I'm really sad that I couldn't get a deal with any of the sharks but I know Cinemaphile will be a great success and I'm going to keep working hard towards my dreams!
Robert having no friends is my favorite Cinemaphile meme
Waiting for the obligatory O’Leary posting
>You gave us one of the best pitches I've ever seen. Very reliable and very well managed. I am in awe of your success and want to help you. However I noticed you are a living breathing human being and unfortunately I don't trust human beings who weren't born in the Napoleonic era. Therefore I'm out
Don't feel bad. Most of them are from people who fail miserably. There are very few that actually make it to success. And most of the people who get there for pitches anyway are already somehow connected or successful and this is just their new project or some side gig they decided to get their bored suburban wife hooked on
>my business is sex toys
>my plan is to make perfect molds of barbara, lori, and kendra scott's veganas and mass produce them with fleshlight
You have until the end of this sentence to take my deal, and for that reason, I'm out.
He mostly stopped doing that later on, I'm guessing the producers told him to cut it out because it was too effective. I also think they told Barbara and Kevin to be less mean because they also feel toned down later on, with a few exceptions.
>There is a small island in the Himalayan Sea called Malderiki, upon which I own a large mansion. Every year afer the first rain, the Newport Beach Wine Society (of which I am a member) gathers at my mansion to watch the island's natives grovel in the mud as their pathetic straw dwellings are ripped apart by the rising waters. On this island there is also a fish, called a Piranha Giganticus. Coinciding with the first rain, this fish swims into the flooded island and begins to feed on the older and weaker natives of Malderiki. Unable to defend themselves from the killer fish and uttrly helpless, the natives make their way to my mansion in makeshift canoes. At this point, the Newport Beach Wine Society opens a bottle of pre-revolution French Chardonnay, dated no later than 1760, and places wagers on which native will be the first to reach the high ground of my sprawling lawn. Once the fish has fed and returned to the Sea, there are typically a handful of natives left on my lawn, at which point we activate the electric fence and release the crocodiles. Last year, during the crocodile feeding, a tiny speck of native flesh was flung from the lawn up to the balcony where the Newport Beach Wine Society was gathered and landed on my shoe. I retrieved the piece of flesh and placed it in my mouth, washing it down with a glass of Moldovan Pino Griggio. Right now, YOU are that piece of flesh.
>I'll give you the $500,000 for 1% of the business on the condition that you will be my friend and hang out with me a few times a week
At least you still have BulletBall. You do still have BulletBall, right anon?
>Have you ever drank a glass of black rhinoceros blood? Of course not, I was just being colloquial to start this story with an anecdote. The first time I had a glass I was in South Africa, taking a celebratory drink in Johannesburg after completing a successful hunt. You see, in South Africa they don't hunt lion, or elephant. We hunted a more dangerous game: the kaffir, or black man. I finally had a 7 year old boy cornered in an Oingo Bongo merchandise warehouse when the thoughts passed through my mind: Should I pull the trigger? Can I ever come back to who I was before this moment? I pulled the trigger, made my first 100 million dollars. Mr. Johnson, this is something you need to ask yourself: can I pull the trigger on this deal and make thr right choice? 10% funding for 85% ownership and prima nocte rights to your daughters.
>I don't understand your product because I can't read and for that reason I'm out
>Let me give you some advice. Do not go into retail. It is a savage place. Last year I invested in the toy business KinderKids. If my marketing specialists did their job you have never heard of them. You see I was competing for retail space with Mattel. To flush me out they replaced the plastic we used with lead. Over a thousand children died. Like I said, it is a savage place. Of course in response I used my influence with Mattel to have all children's products shipped with one adult Brazilian Wandering Spider. The casualties are are still climbing to this day. When I look at you I do not see someone capable of making these kinds of tough business decisions. And for that reason, I'm out.
>When I was a child my father took me to a farm and showed me all the farm animals. On this particular day I noticed a calf had a limp in its leg and could not stand properly. I asked the rancher why he couldn't help the calf but he insisted if he helped the calf he would become too attached. I begged my father to please help the injured calf. My father didn't want to but after an hour of sobbing he relented and for the next 2 years I would return everyday to that ranch and helped that calf walk. Eventually the small animal made a full recovery. A year or so later my father took my back to that ranch. Before I could see the calf the farmer offered us up some food. It was the best burger I've ever tasted. After the meal I asked to see the calf we helped fixed. My father and the rancher both smiled at one another and looked at me stating "you just ate him". The fear, shame, guilt, anger and everything taught me a valuable lesson that day. Your offer of a mere 10% share for $200K reminds me of myself begging for my father to help that calf. I will not adhere to your cries and the amount of time and effort I would have to put in to make your company a success wouldn't even be worth the taste of that calf I was tricked into eating. I'm mentally laughing at you the same way my father and that farmer laughed at me. I'm out
Robertbros, why does it always go this way?
>Robert: "I'll give you exactly what you asked for plus an additional five million dollars and the ability to sleep with my dancer wife whenever you want."
>Inventor glances over at Mark
>Mark smirks
>Inventor: "Thank you for the offer Robert. But it would be unfair to the other sharks if I don't hear them out."
>Mark: "I'll give you half the money you asked for for twice the equity and I get to have sex with your wife and daughter whenever I want, contingent on your daughter living to the age of 18, but you have to say yes right now."
>Inventor: "Mark, you've got a deal."
He's such a nice guy. He doesn't deserve this.
Because Robert backs out of most deals after the show. I think he has like a 70% back out rate
I wonder how outdated pic related is now
why does everyone else besides mark drop out
Not all of those are dropped, some get accepted but are renegotiated. I think there was a more detailed chart image which broke it down further into abandoned deals and renegotiated ones, but I don't have it saved
Also he hates women the most apparently
Mark specializes in the business field, his involvement with the inventor is worth a lot just on its own
what are the most moronic pitches
the ones that they approved purely to make the audience and the sharks laugh at how moronic they are
in my opinion its the mlm guy that couldnt stop sweating and whose only partner was a russian scammer lol
A classic
Alt timeline Musk
The weight loss "health" bar that the old guy claimed didn't help you lose weight when it was literally on their advertising
That dude from the very first episode that wanted to do surgery to put a bluetooth device in people's heads. Also that one guy that Kevin called an butthole was great. But by far the worst one was the "elephant in the room" thing that was literally just a stuffed elephant in a clear plastic cube that they sold for $20. The point was that you'd set it out when you had something to talk about with your significant other/roommate/whatever. So they would see that and know you had something to talk about...how moronic is that.
Jesus when was that (the elephant in the room)? I've watched all episodes until the last few seasons and I don't remember it.
Looked it up and it's in season 5. I think episode 9.
Forgot about it then. Damn time for another rewatch of the whole series.
elephant in the room reminds me of another idea for couples which was some object you would leave on the night stand if you wanted sex. Both being some of the worst ideas i've ever heard. I think the sex on was on DD Canada. BTW if you haven't watched Dragon's Den then you are missing out. Shark Tank Australia is somehow even more overproduced than US. Half of the items on Dragon's Den Ireland are people literally inventing devices to heat their thatched roof hovels.
>some object you would leave on the night stand if you wanted sex.
Yeah you'd press it and, if your bf/gf consented or was down, they'd press theirs. How sterile.
The night stand sex thing is not that dumb in my opinion. At least if you're both VERY socially awkward. Nips actually have a similar thing, if you've ever seen the yes/no pillows in anime or hentai, that's what they're for.
Yeah but in 90% of relationships, the guys one would always be on. Also the issue with sexless relationships is not that the women doesn't realize the guy wants sex or that she doesn't want sex. She doesn't want to frick HIM.
Oh also that one button thing that you would press and your significant other would see it glowing and know that you pressed it. And if you pressed it, it's your way of telling your partner that you want to frick. Really romantic. It's funny how many of the worst pitches on there are designed purely for people who can't communicate.
I liked the one with the umbrella hood thing where all the sharks just made fun of him
Nobody's gonna mention the guy who pitched turning water into gold?
Kek what episode?
Wasn't that just a dude that was harvesting material from the ocean and found gold deposits as he went or something? That was a weird one.
https://vimeo.com/53804608
Jesus christ this one is painfully delusional
I get that the sharks are all just nepo babies with virtually no real education or understanding but can a guy seriously come up to them and tell them
>DERR I MAKES GOLD OUT OF AIR WITH SPINNING MACHINE
and they all buy it? They only criticize him on the time and the price but not one person told him hey this is fricking moronic and wouldnt work
They're being polite anon, it's pretty clear they all think it's utter insanity
Better quality
https://files dot catbox.moe/tx10mr.mp4
I remember one guy pitching a treasure hunt for a lost boat
God I wish they went for it
Rank the main sharks. For me it's
>Kevin
>Barbara
>Lori
>Mark
>Robert
>Daymon
>Robert, because he's probably the only one I'd actually hang out with
>Daniel Lubetzky, because he seems like a super nice guy
>Kevin because he's a shithead and every show needs a heel
>Lori because I want to repeatedly impregnate her
>Daymon so the black inventors can get someone to invest in them
>Barbara because she's really creepy
>Mark because he's an butthole
>Watched an episode featuring Kendra Scott with my gf
>Forgot her name mid episode while making a comment
>Trying to remember, my mind combines the stores Kate Spade and Kendra Scott
>Call the woman Kendra Spade
>My gf looks that up and it's apparently a low tier pornstar I've never even heard of >Obviously gf doesn't believe my excuse
Hated this show ever since.
90% of the shit on this show is stuff you find in bargain bins in stores like big lots
ive been binge watching 20-30 pitches on youtube. i feel like i should watch the entire series but theres so many frickin episodes.
It makes for good background listening
It's quality background noise
Early seasons were interesting business out of peoples garages but all the new ones now just feature already established companies with $5 million in sales a year and 2 rounds of investors
yea and whos fault is it
You got to make something with the belief that people want it, if it's not there, then you have to manufacture it. If that isn't there, there is nothing. Even then, you have to figure out the cost of marketing, shitting and making the product. It's why most companies are drop shipping or taking stuff from China and putting it on Amazon
how about just going on the show and taking loris deal whatever it is just to get to hug her
How would she react if you want for an ass squeeze during the hug?
Exercise
Take long walks
Sketch and write notes
Creativity is a skill like any other
Every pitch on this show is dumb shit like
>what if your fork could also be eaten as part of your meal
>what if your thermometer was also a pocketwatch
It's all the kind of shit that you would see in a Brookstone store; shit that seems cool in the moment you first see it but reveals itself to actually be pretty useless and gimmicky the moment once you're at home with it