Weirdest, craziest, most lulz-inducing reviews. Could be written or in video form.
From whack-a-do takes, to obvious shills that are so obvious it's funny. Shit that just made you scoff, chuckle, or wtf.
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One of the few "real" threads on the board and it will sink like a stone into the archive.
Med status: untaken
Well to be fair, I should have put a hot chick in the pic or something. I didn't realise how small and boring that review would look in the catalogue, and that's my fault.
No disrespect to you, this -should- be a fun thread. Like the first auction one.
Probably what I should have put in the OP pic, but kinda runs the risk of just becoming about one show. So lame when that happens to threads where gay OP is just using an example for a more general topic, and it gets inundated by spergs sperging about the example in every unrelated way possible.
OP: Movies that had original creative set design like Alien.
Spergs:
>I love that movie!
>Alien < Aliens
>Signourney Weaver is ...
>totally let down by the robot head effects, can't take it seriously
>How did the egg get on the Sulaco in Aliens3?
Just gets more moronic from there and nobody ever mentions set design or other films.
organic threads are a minority
drowned out by troony spam that is here every fricking day
zoomer morons posting random images with "how do you respond...." every fricking day, the sydney sweeny and gadon coomer gays, every fricking day...lefty/misc/ troony spam and race bait, every fricking day...
This board is cancer
These gays dont even come to talk about kino they come to intentionally spam and shit the board up.
>complains
>doesn't talk about kino
Off yourself
maybe crop and post an image instead of b***hing like a moron?
I hear posting images keeps threads you like up on page 1, but that's just my sickeningly long history with Cinemaphile speaking so what do I know
>what do I know
Less than you think
nurse he's out of bed again
That homosexual who starts all his imdb reviews with "greetings from the darkness" before giving the most generic review
that guy who's reviewed 1000s of pornos
there's probably dozens of guys like that on imdb i bet
Wanted to post a couple but couldn't find anything on imdb adult category except AVN awards shows reviews.
here's the guy i had in mind when i posted this
https://www.imdb.com/user/ur1287548/
reviews
not just porn though, but seems to be mainly into that now
also pay no attention to the people who think this is the bald "coomer" guy, it isn't, it's some older guy
Actually decent review though. Ultimate irony being these would have been very useful before everyone had the internet.
local newspaper had a good movie reviewer for years in the early-mid 00's. probably the best thing in that whole shitty rag.
saw fantastic 4 (the jessica alba one) opening night, was disappointed, saw his review and it mirrored everything I disliked, specifically how the heroes bicker amongst themselves for most of the movie only to say "hey wait a bad guy" in the last 15 mins
That guy was an acclaimed film reviewer iirc
>Retired; former editor of Motion Picture department of Variety Newspaper (NY hdqts.). Variety signature for reviews: lor.
>Served as Chairman, New York Film Critics Circle: 1993/94.
and now he reviews porn on imdb.
Guy is a fricking hack, it's like he wasn't even concentrating on the plot of 'Lesbian Stepdaughters 6' at all. I can't imagine what else he was doing, probably checking his iPhone like a lot of low attention span reviewers these days. Pathetic review that doesn't even come close to conveying the masterpiece of cinematic storytelling that film is. His shallow review is not only an insult to the people involved in this production, but to hardworking artists everywhere.
>venus vixen
good taste
dude reviewed SEVEN movies yesterday
LMFAO
>7 paragraphs long review on Lesbians Stepdaughters Part 6
It takes me longer to read that shit than to cum watching the "movie".
> Ember Snow
I might have to watch
This guy is a king. Has anyone ever interviewed him about it?
I remember reading some guys reviews years back that were a trip. Every movie was a 3/10 at most and he would always call the main character a beta (except for drive of course)
lmao 100% he posts here
Yep, 100%, or at last at the time. Maybe he's become less schizo. Probably not, schizos just get worse over time.
I love looking up bad reviews for old classics
>I am shocked at how nasogastric it was.
This was an attempt to type "misogynistic", correct?
I think he was trying to convey that it made him vomit, even though that's not the right word either
No, he's clearly saying that the movie caused him to vomit out the contents of his stomach through his nose
That would be gastrinostric.
considering the other reviews and weird misspellings like "mazle chauvenist", I'm guessing they're actually bot spam.
Patrician taste, I loved it as well back when I used to browse the imdb page of any movie I'd watched.
https://letterboxd.com/unawarewolf/film/bone-tomahawk/1/
it just keeps going
>comments
Kek.
>but who will review the reviewers?
Holy shit
I started my text-to-speech reader on that when you posted, and it's still going ...
Unbelievable spergery.
that account is pure mental illness
ive got a sneaking suspicion this is a satirical review but its so accurate in how a culture warrior (team left) would over analyse a piece of media, that maybe it isnt
I don't think he's joking
jesus christ, too much internet fricks people up
another fun fact:
this person considers themself a woman, obviously
I'll always consider nathaxnne a fascinating, terrifying subject. he's deleted all of them now, but for a while he was posting youtube vids about how his landlord was attempting to kill him by opening doors too loudly, he'd stand right up in the camera drooling and seizing because he was so close to death. nathaxnne is a truly, TRULY fricked up person and that he could convince thousands of strangers to treat him like some kind of intellectual is incredible. it's funny how on youtube he's just another crazy with less than 50 subscribers and sub-100 view videos, lol
Digging the clock
why the frick are computer websites all formatted for phones? so much wasted space
Because they want to support phones/tablets but instead of making it responsive where it will always fill up the screen, they're lazy and just default to phone view, probably because the site is old.
>quick put a few random 'z's in there to throw off anyone who might accuse us of botting
the best part is when you google this review, it is for Cuties
For me it's the Pornhub comments
True detective season 1 review
wouldn't think this guy has reviewed television for 35 years.
"cum" is latin for "and". he's not talking about jizz bro
If your name is Verne Gay, you want to lay off the Latin.
glancing up and seeing the guy's name is literally gay really completes it
What a total homosexual. Who doesn't like stop-motion?
I'm not crazy about it, but I recognise it as an medium/artform that can work with varying degrees of success. I don't think you can just write it off as easily as rap and jazz - which are obviously not music.
But this gay would probably piss and shit himself over some shitty Megamind 2 CGI because "it's not jerky like stop motion", or some crap like that.
>jazz isn’t music
Weak b8
Can you make a tripcode so I can filter you?
I hate stop motion. It's uncanny and grotesque. There's literally nothing charming or beautiful about it, and it's only ever used by people who cannot write a story to save their lives.
It's one of those things that's only praised because of the tedium of doing it; like building the Madrid cathedral out of matchsticks or getting max cape on a RuneScape ironman.
I'm convinced that thinking about media beyond initial consumption actually induces schizophrenia
Probably true. I guess you kinda have to in order to be an artist, and a lot before during production, but I doubt the mental state of artists will dissuade anyone from that conclusion.
My favorite is probably an IMDB review of the Fudge tv series from the 90s (based on the Judy Blume books) where the reviewer praised the show for not being "fundamentally anti-human like the books".
Every review of Pretty Woman is all the real actual women giving it 4 and 5 stars and then you have this troony seething lol
they didn't say one thing wrong though
>they didn't say one thing wrong though
pretty accurate