>watching Comedy Central at 2:00 a.m.
>steel drum music starts playing
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>watching Comedy Central at 2:00 a.m. >steel drum music starts playing
>watching Comedy Central at 2:00 a.m.
>steel drum music starts playing
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|
It's All Fucked Shirt $22.14 |
unzip dick
This made my lil wee wee hard back in the day. I remember sneaking out of bed after my mom would tuck me in so I could quietly jerk off behind a wall waiting for that commercial to come on.
This is a pretty common experience from my understanding. I used to stay over at my grandmas and there was a TV in the bedroom I slept in so I got to watch travel channel all night. Was always so stoked when a full hour block was ggw
>mfw cackling moron college girls made me soft even before my dick worked
there's a not-zero number of guys that have a pavlov reaction where they get a boner just by hearing that music
Dude hearing steel drums is 99% a chance that prostitutes are nearby.
I remember being on spring break in college and some guys on my floor got a suite (probably only comfortably fit 4-5 people) and packed that thing with like ten of them to save money. They made these clearly fake badges and just carried around a generic camcorder the entire trip convincing dumb ass roasties they were with Girls Gone Wild. It amazes me how fricking stupid grils are
Gen X ate this shit up and it’s not a surprise they’re arguably the most mind broken even worse than boomers.
Funny how millennials attempt to criticize every generation and yet it's the one with the biggest amount of single males. Physician, heal thyself
Only the absolute youngest millennial is still under 30. 18-30 males are the ones in America currently with 65% single males.
it's amazing how much more titilating it was to watch censored nudity than it is to pull up whatever depraved shit is on pornhub now
>watch Howard Stern on E! and hope it's a lewd episode
>switch over to the Man Show on Comedy Central and hope it's a lewd episode
>switch back to E! for Wild! On and hope it's a lewd episode
>by now it's 3am, switch to Comedy Central for the 30 minute Girls Gone Wild infomercial
It really is amazing.
don’t forget
>surf through cimemax and all the other premium channels in the hopes of seeing a green distorted boob
I tried watching modern porn recently, half of it was extreme close ups of the chick's pussy in ultra sharp HD and it was so off-putting
I literally can only watch homemade amateur shot on mid to late 00s cameras.
Example: https://xhamster.com/videos/her-dorm-room-2643635
Any aesthetic other than this I can't do.
Real talk.
Unironically same for me.
The worst thing is that modern amateur stuff has ultra HD cameras as well, and forget OF models: they all got professional lighting and makeup.
It's weird that I've basically been fapping to the same shit from 15+ years ago.
>not being based physical coomer
I have two plastic bins filled with porn dvds.
my ex-girlfriend had a giant bin full of 30 years of Playboys her chad of a father owned when he was alive
I'm not exaggerating when I say that the amount of art in the pictures and the amount of soul in the articles and interviews makes modern porn and modern media look like made by brain-damaged adults in comparison
Based, I’m 28 and know better that I can get my shit digitally. However growing up I would steal shit from my dads stash all the time. When I could buy porn myself I got copies of all the shit I used to steal from his stash. It’s sad but I committed time and energy into finding the titles of two of them because they were German, I then proceeded to order them from Europe as they were thankfully region free. My collection consists of 80s-2009ish maybe 2012 at latest. I feel modern porn doesn’t have that spark older stuff had. Modern shit is a bunch of brain dead millennials and zoomers trying to be “pornstars” and they do a scene and fade away. The sex was hotter, the women were hotter, frick modern porn.
Kek loser. Stashing porn at your mom's house as a grown man.
>at my moms house
My mom is dead, and I live in a house with my wife. She doesn’t give two shits about my porn collection.
Get help
Porn is literally poison for the mind
I first saw and jacked off to porn at age 10. it was fetish shit of guys turning into animals, furries, pokemon, and women
I was a rugburner in kindergarten but I had a good few years where I was more or less a normal kid, before porn ruined my brain forever
In the early 2000s my uncle hired me and my friends (we were in high school at the time) to help him move. He was moving from the apartment where he lived alone into a house with his fiance. We had loaded almost everything into the truck and there were only a couple big boxes left. We went to load these boxes when he stopped us and said those were a gift for us, then told us to look inside.
There were decades of Playboy and Hustler magazines inside plus some other random porn magazines. He couldn't keep them moving in with his fiance so he was leaving them to us. That was like hitting the jackpot for 16 year old boys back then. Afterwards the 4 of us had a draft to pick which ones we wanted to keep. We got to over a hundred each when we decided hiding that much porn would be tricky and there were still tons of magazines left, so we decided to sell the rest to other kids at school. $5 each, we made some nice money.
I think porn has seriously damaged a lot of peoples minds in a way we may not fully understand for decades. Women too but mostly men. There’s just nothing natural about it, the human mind hasn’t evolved to deal with such things
The fact that everyone, including children, have on-demand access to millions of terabytes of porn whenever and where ever they want it is fricking insane. It's even more insane that most people are either fine with or indifferent toward that fact.
Agreed. And the fact that the only people talking about censorship on the internet are completely mute on hardcore porn is pretty insane. Just "misinformation" on whatever the current issue is needs to be censored. Not porn for kids lol.
it's double weird when you realize that if a modern parent attempts to limit their child's access to the unfiltered internet in any meaningful way, they're considered an overbearing tyrant
>I think porn has seriously damaged a lot of peoples minds in a way we may not fully understand for decades
I legit believe that modern porn is what's causing the massive uptick in teens thinking they're non-binary and trans
fun fact, most of the porn that's labeled as step-sibling or step-mother stuff is being pushed by studios all owned by one company, the one that runs PornHub
Blind Date PPVs are the undisputed coomer GOAT
>I legit believe that modern porn is what's causing the massive uptick in teens thinking they're non-binary and trans
Absolutely.
That and you'll literally be called a hero and have a parade thrown in your honor. Pretty good for an "oppressed group" lol
>pornhub has a coordinated effort
More like those who's devices you use to access said website or the telecom corporations themselves. A post-gender society.
I actually find it funny modern society fricks their kids up beyond repair in a million ways, and then people screech nonstop about trans kids like they give a frick.
I’d respect them more if they just said they think trannies are gross, which I can agree with. How is it totally crossing the line to give a kid puberty blockers but they’ll melt their brains with adderall and unrestricted access to the internet? People beat their kids, belittle and verbally abuse them, give them strong mental chemistry altering drugs… it’s just what happens. The limit for when the government steps in between a child and parent needs to be as high as possible, that’s just the reality of the situation. The fact doctors will kowtow to a political movement is the real issue, not that moronic parents will do moronic things and frick their moronic children.
>How is it totally crossing the line to give a kid puberty blockers but they’ll melt their brains with adderall and unrestricted access to the internet?
You act like they aren't both condemned by the same people.
>How is it totally crossing the line to give a kid puberty blockers
Because it ruins their lives and bodies.
Being addicted to Adderall does the same shit, stop trying to make one thing okay by saying something else is bad
>ruins
oh really? did you ask them?
>Did you ask them?
>Arrests physical development of bones and organs.
>Prevents genitals from properly maturing
>Shreds hormonal profiles for life
lol hi pooner
>Arrests
>prevents... properly
>shreds
I think you meant "promotes", "improperly" and "shapes" 🙂
Nah. Now I realize you were just trollimg, have a good night
keep thinking that, chud
Agreed! Praise Jesus Christ!
Just because they have access to it doesn't mean they are using it or that they are using it at coomer levels. There's nothing insane about being well adjusted. I swear you mouthbreathers are flabbergasted by every little thing.
We're already seeing it now. Sex (and gender) will become obsolete.
>the human mind hasn’t evolved to deal with such things
You have seen more distinct breasts than every one of your male ancestors, combined, since the dawn of humanity 200k years ago.
I think that most people are not harmed by watching porn, it's just that the small minority of people who get fricked up by it are disproportionately represented online. I dunno, I guess I could be wrong. I don't feel like porn has harmed me, in any case, and I've been looking at it for almost 30 years now.
>one anon didn't like one scene from one porn video
>"OH NO AMERICA IS COLLAPSING AND STUFF!"
This is your brain on moron schizo. This homosexual thinks porn preference is the same as saying why America and failing and western women are doomed. Go watch Andrew Tate man cause clearly you're in the mood for some far reaching bullshit.
The only way to watch porn is to watch amateur porn
This is why I beat off to amateur shit. Studio porn is too "marvel like" they focus on super HD shots and close ups and sometimes I just wanna a watch a b***h play with herself via her camera phone.
>talking about porn
>can only relate his thoughts to capeshit
typical
>thinking that talking about HD scenes and their connection to modern movies is somehow capeshit
I think you need to check the mirror my dear homosexual. Just because I said Marvel like doesn't mean in any sense that I'm equating it to superhero movies. Fine I'll change it. Studio porn is too Avatar/ James Cameron for my taste. That better moron?
>Just because I said Marvel like
>uses Marvel as a proper noun
>"no I don't mean the capeshit one! I mean-I mean..."
>uses the most common form of camera style in modern movies to describe the similarities to porn
>mentions literally nothing else about said movies other than camera quality since nothing else compares in this modern era
>a homosexual thinks all you're thinking about is capeshit because you use the most common way to shoot movies in said movies
>uses a different movie that still uses the same HD style as the previous reference
>moronic homosexual STILL thinks capeshit is the topic when HD cameras were.
Keep up homosexual damn. If I say something is XYZ-like then I'm saying the 2 subjects have something similar in common, how you think someone mentioning a marvel style means they have capeshit on the brain is beyond me hence why I used a different reference for your moronic ass because the topic is CAMERA QUALITY IN STUIDO PORN, not the movies that use a similar style.
You ever seen a vegana up close?! Not for me, man.
I felt this way as a teen but as Ive grown older I find myself loving fannies
I prefer outies personally
You forgot the best one
>Watch WWF Raw and wait for the lewd shit
BEAT DEBRA
WHAT
there was a 1-in-10 chance it would be the Guys Gone Wild version having that one pop up was the worse fricking way to end a night
see:
I would say the sweet spot for me was real sex on HBO. It was way more than GGW ever was, but it also had comedy skits and education talks. Not that I really cared cause I was waiting for the scene where some milf takes 5 dicks in rotation.
I remember The Katie Morgan Sex Specials. She host this show with no clothes on.
>Katie Morgan Sex Specials
holy shit these are all on NitroVideo, I just googled it and they all came up
Maybe you're just gay.
The first pornographic footage I ever saw was when I was 11 years old and it was from a video tape in my parents closet of a woman taking 3 dicks at the same time. So it's no wonder I wound up here.
its because you were a young horny boy seeing his first boobs back then, that's all
Less is more. Also nudity had more appeal when girls were embarassed or shy, now it's flaunted and casual so it's just dull.
Nothing gets me as hard as gravure japanese bikini prostitutes. They are just perfect. Amateur asians and latinas are also great
The creator of this is a fugitive living in Mexico now.
can you really just move to a different country as a criminal and be fine?
Depends on the country.
also depends on the crime
Depends.
Depends on how israeli you are
>tissue
9 years olds can't cum. I know because I was fapping years before I could cum and waiting for the day to finally happen.
>He didn't hit puberty at an early age
homie, I was busting the best feeling, biggest, fattest loads at the tender age of nine years of age. Shame that cumming will NEVER feel that amazing ever again..
Stop larping, moron. He's right.
And I'm telling YOU that he's wrong. People can hit puberty early.
the first time I cummed was transcendental, I realized something felt different in the shower one day and spent 30 minutes working up to it
I made messes in my pyjamas a bit before that but didn't really understand what had happened except in hindsight
>Whatcha watchin' Son?
>Uhhhh... I Dream of Jeannie?
Zoomers will never know the illicit pleasure of sneak-watching softcore boobs in the early hours. Now you just turn your laptop on and type 'breasts' into google at any time of the day or night.
Dont forget having your finger on the mute button just incase you hear rumbling the parents room
>be in middle school
>sleep over with homie
>play battlefront 2 on ps2 all night until his parents go to sleep
>we both wank off to girls gone wild commercials making sure we abide by our unsaid gentleman’s rule of not looking at each other at all during the deed
Simpler times.
>>we both wank off to girls gone wild commercials making sure we abide by our unsaid gentleman’s rule of not looking at each other at all during the deed
Huh???
What’s to be lost on? Did you look at your homies dick/at them while both wanking in same room?
extremely gay
It's only gay if the balls touch. Anything else is fair game.
You did same sorta thing at least once and are too ashamed to deal with it, or you never had dude friends. Both are sad.
Based.
You gay homie
No you
I am rubber you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me sticks to you.
Nuh-uh I have an anti gay shield that blocks your gay ass deflection. It sends it back to you and makes it stick to rubber material.
Reminds me of
>be in 5th grade
>have cousins a bit older than me
>camping outside in a big tent
>have power for vidya gaming
>3 of us chilling and gaming
>oldest cousin whips out a DVD
>Now we got a porno going
>suddenly were all fapping in the tent in our own sleeping bags
>play more vidya like it never happened
>camping
>vidya
>DVDs and porno
do suburbangays really?
Lived on a farm. used my PS2 to watch that porno.
Don’t even bother trying to discuss this with gays like that. People who act like they didn’t do same shit are lying or had no friends.
>if you didn't touch grass while taking all of your technological coping mechanisms with you then you're a gay!
No frick off. I know how to touch grass without taking vidya and teddy bears with me. If you homosexuals aren't staring at a screen 24/7 you have withdrawals. Learn how to start a fire or how to converse with other human beings, not just how to run a drop cord.
Go to bed grandpa.
my boy scout troop around 2002 had a ton of dads that were big IT employees and a few times they brought a generator with a projector and we watched Spaceballs and a few other random movies on really cold camping trips
imagine the smell
You homie hella gay
Having actually downloaded one of these before, the commercials were better.
Was it bad by today's standards or even bad by late 90s/early 00s standards?
I'm going to one-up all of you, anyone remember the PPV versions of Blind Date? They used to all be on DailyMotion until the porn purge, unironically better than ANYTHING GGW put out because the nudity was hot as frick and the editing had a self-aware tone that was full of jokes
https://spankbang.com/49xaz/video/blind+date+uncensored+spring+break?utm_source=embed&utm_medium=player&utm_term=embed&utm_campaign=embed_logo
the random bits of chicks flashing them on the street or in clubs were the best parts and were 90% of what they showed in the commercials
the bulk of the DVDs was the parts where they brought girls back to the RV and it was always an awkward 10 minute segment where they try and coerce a drunk girl into getting naked which was almost unwatchable
My dad had that DVD. I nutted watching it, fumbled putting the DVD back in the case, dropped it, and dripped cum on the disc.
I remember these things, but I more strongly associate steel drum with Mario Sunshine. I love that game so much.
good game
I miss these days I would watch Howard sterns E! Show and these would come on after
Canadian bros....
Wow, F. She made me an expert on everything by age 10.
S
no refunds
Where’s the fricking sticky? She had her own call-in tv show. This bullshit, man!
I think she got kinda fricked up by all pure scope of his depraved human sexuality interactions could be near the end of her career. I remember her in a call where she first learned of throat fricking; the look of shock on her face was wild.
My first fap was to cinemax at around 11:30 to some dude and two chicks "doing" it in a shoe store. I was hiding behind my older sister as she slept and it didn't occur to me if she woke up to me jerking off behind her my life would pretty much be over. Sometimes you really have to thank God for the tiny miracles
i fricked my babysitter when i was 10.
Cinemax was only good if you didn't actually get it and had to fap through all those white lines and occasionally fiddling with the tuning to try to get them to stabilize just enough to see some fake pubes.
>Summer in Canada
>Friday at 2:00 a.m. Watching Latin Lover on TLN
>Do this after enjoying anime on Bionix (Canadian Toonami)
>Look at the calendar on the fridge and it's 2007
>Don't have a job to go to
>Dad and cat are still alive
>Wake up
Damn, anon…
>be early high school
>sleep over at a friends with 4 other bros
>parents go to sleep and we wait for the girlsgonewild commercial
>all gather in a circle and jerk off onto a piece of bread
>last to cum has to eat it
good times
>"Aw Dude gross! You got some of yours on my hand! Now I have to lick it off, yuck!"
>>last to cum has to eat it
There's no challenge in that, why not the first to cum
I've always heard that """people""" do this.
I wished so bad to have these tapes as a kid
Imagine trying to sell a tape of mediocre titty flashes in 2023
>tfw you will never watch sexo urbano on hbo latino again.
The thrill of porn is gone. I think that the death of old porn indirectly caused the death of the internet. After it became so easy to see the most depraved shit in hd most dudes just kinda lost their general excitement for life.
Our sole purpose for existence reduced to wanking off to the most depraved of fetishes. For free
I'll admit that I'm addicted to porn and masturbation. Over the last year or so I started getting into prostate play. It's very difficult for me to finish now without something in my ass. I'm just numb to everything. Everything they say about people needing more and more extremes to satisfy themselves is 100% true.
Knock that shit off, anon.
At least I know it's bad.
Means nothing if you don't stop. You're going down a dark path.
Fair point.
fricking idiot lmao @ your life. Dumb fricking chimp sitting there in a chair, jacking off with a plastic dick up his butthole because he's overdosed on yiddish smut and can't control himself. Next thing you know you'll be going to glory holes in a tutu and sucking the smegma off truckers' foreskins.
It really is pathetic, I know.
Sometime later when I stopped seeing Girls Gone Wild ads this goofy Extenze informercial was on late.
Ruby had me playing with my little pud into the wee hours of the night.
steve-o i dont think this stunts funny anymore.
Did they really used to just show softcore porn shit on TV back then????
That's kids face in front of her. Look at him. Never forget.
that's fricked up, kids shouldn't be exposed to shit like that at a young age, let them be kids
Look at how traumatised he is
Grandma why are you up so late?
every kid in the history of mankind saw boobs
except you what a gay lmao
If your quest as a young male wasn't to attain porn or pussy, you're a queer.
>kids shouldn't be exposed to shit like that at a young age
Kids are "exposed to shit like that" right after they're born you know. That's what they're for. Feeding babies.
>allowing degeneracy like this in front of children.
If i were there, that b***h would get hit through the teeth with a metal folding chair before she'd have a chance to pull shit like that in front of my kids
yeah and it was awesome
Can you find GGW rips on the internet?
here and there, but it's really because most of the DVDs are lame as shit
the bits here and there of chicks flashing them at Mardi Gras and in clubs are great, there's a reason why that was almost all of what they showed in the commercials
thing is, there's hardly any of that in the videos
the vast majority, we're taking 90%+ of the content, is the GGW producers getting a drunk girl into their RV and getting her to strip and touch herself a bit in exchange for a GGW tank top
it's awkward, and most of the segment is them trying to convince her to do it, and the girls usually come to their senses and don't touch their pussies or anything overly lewd
the producers always feel creepy and predatory during the segments because the chick is wasted
they made a few that were exclusively about Mardi Gras and were apparently mostly of the flashing clips which is what I would try to seek out if I were you
>gayposting
>owning porn means you are a virgin
I am happily married
>there's people out there GOIN WILD at a beach or a night club somewhere RIGHT NOW and I will never be around that scene because I don't know where the WILD party scene beach is
emily blunt looking rough these days
Kino
>mfw I missed a part to censor
One of the most front and center shots too kek. Enjoy your vacation anon I'm sorry it had to be this way
I’ll be back, good thread was worth it.
Frick it, this is as good a thread as any. I'll drop another story. One i've shared one time on this site.
>3rd grade
>gifted a Jaba The Hutt that came with slime
>put slime in his mouth
>squeeze him and he pukes it out
>horny little shit since I found out about fapping at age 6
>make Jaba puke on my wiener
>there little plastic pieces to make it look like he's been eating trash
>end up just using the slime
>slime feels good
>idea pops into my head
>slip my underwear back on
>drop the slime in and lay down
>feels amazing minus the plastic bits occasionally pinching me or something
>crash the frick out with slime in my underwear
>wake up in a rush for school
>my ginchies are more slime than gonchies
>toss them on a pile of dirty clothes
>come back to find my clothes pile is gone
>PANIC
>my mom washed my nasty Slimer snot gonchies
>never says anything to me about it
Fricking kek thanks for sharing anon, since you were so brave.
>be me
>while was still living with dad I order a blow up doll
>fug it
>frick this is gonna be a pain in the ass to clean
>bright idea
>throw in washer machine on cold
>go out with friends, forgot all about it
>come home
>realize what I’ve done
>oh frick
>dad ribs me about it a bit
>make up that I didn’t even use it, threw it in wash because it smelled, because I didn’t want dad to be ashamed of me more than he probably was
>I’m sure he knew I fricked it anyway
I'd like to tell you guys about my first time having sex. Which was last night. 31 years old btw. No longer a Wizard.
>At friends house drinking some beers
>friends gf brings her sister
>they're always trying to get us to date or frick
>They both leave for a bit
>I was one beer behind my buds
>pressured me into chugging my current beer and then sneak one of theirs
>it was a fricking palm bay
>bloated as frick from hamburgers and beer
>they both return and we both head to my place
>get to my room and she wants the lights off because she's insecure about her body
>lights off, were frickin' and kissing
>holy shit it was good
>I had whiskey dick though, couldn't quite get full mast
>suddenly the beer bravery kicked in
>I told her I wanted to eat her out (had to at least try pussy one time)
>two licks in and I frickin' spew onto her pussy
>sprint out of my room and spew twice more
>slip and fall onto my side in the puke
>frantically getting up to the bathroom 2 meters away and im still spewing chunks
>puked in the sink and im cleaning myself off
>she says she's leaving
>tell her im sorry through the door
>clean up my bed crash out with my thoughts racing about the event
>wake up to find that she left so fast that she forgot clothes but not fast enough to forget to rummage around my room first
>she stole 2 fives and who knows what else with all the shit that was moved around in that 1 minute event
Anyways, Dead Inside.
lmao
>drunk and high sitting on my bed getting head from a former coworker
>worked that day and hadn't really eaten so my stomach didn't feel good with the drugs and alcohol
>feel the gagging sensation in my throat while this lady is trying to suck me off
>tap her shoulder and give her a cut sign with my hands and tell her i have to stop for a second
>go to the bathroom and vom my fricking guts out
>now i smell like vomit and have a naked drunk woman in my bed whose doing who knows what
>take a quick show and recoup from puking
>get back to bed and she curled up asleep under the blankets
>get under blankets and fall asleep
>wake up later several times through the night and end up fricking any way
>she stayed over the ENTIRE night and day and I just wanted to play Elden Ring
>we never talk again
>caotcha: DSP
This can't be real.
I assure you anon. It is real and I just know word is going to get around my town that i puked on her vagene.
WHAT A LIFE
Jfc
that's what you get for drinking, filthy kuffar
>they're always trying to get us to date or frick
cant imagine trying to pimp out my sister especially for ONS to drunk tard, the thought of her having sex is revolting
family members get increasingly desperate to pair you up with someone the older you get
(these single people are usually basket cases)
Because there was a time when people were obnoxious pains-in-the-ass and all you needed to do to fix them was get them laid. I know of at least two people in my life, insufferable humans, intolerable shits. Became so much easier to deal for ith once they found someone to regularly frick.
I dunno if that's still the case but it's the reason why people push oddballs to get out there.
>boomer version of "have sex"
the idea that my body or mind might need companionship to be healthy is fricking horseshit and I will never ever bother entertaining it.
it's bad enough that I have to sleep, I refuse to commit hours and hours of my waking life pleasing a person enough that they want to keep me around all the time
Humans are social creatures.
Evolution. Religion. Every path that shows how humans exist and develop says "to exist in your healthiest form you gotta interact with others".
If you gotta interact with others it might as well get you laid.
I don't care
I especially don't care after lockdowns
>the idea that my body or mind might need companionship to be healthy is fricking horseshit
No it isn't, its find if you feel you don't need it, but that's more likely about you, you being an abnormality, than shit that's been established since our species spawned to be a lie
People like you genuinely deserve to be killed.
>no setup for fricking
>light off, were frickin' and kissing
>she supposedly left with your puke on her crotch
0/10 writing see me after class
>implying he didint frick it too
This is the kinda story that you randomly remember on a work night and it keeps you up way too late thinking about it. I don't have anything that embarrassing but I do have this:
>6th grade
>been playing with my dick looking at the bra section of the Macy's catalog for a few months but never nutted
>decide I wanna nut for the first time
>go to the bathroom
>poop
>wipe
>start playing with myself
>mmm yeah I think I see some pokie nip there
>keep going, start feeling funny
>idk what to do so I stand up nervously
>oh god I'm cumming
>my knees buckle and I fall and hit my head on the sink
>massive chip in one of my front teeth and I land in my cum pile
I was too scared to tell my parents so I never got my tooth fixed. Every time I brush my teeth I see it and remember the first time I nutted.
Mom the commercials on again!
What do I do ?
>12 or 13 years old
>the website for the WB Network had this zip file you could download that contained 15 or 20 .jpgs and if you printed them all out you could tape them together to make a life sized poster of Amanda Bynes
>sneak out of my room one night and print them all out on my family's shitty inkjet printer
>probably used close to $50 worth of colored ink to do it
>take all the sheets back to my room
>tape them all together
>standing over my creation
>get rock fricking hard
>immediately drop on the floor and start dry humping that shit
>cum almost immediately
>hid it under my mattress, would frick it like three or four times a week
>had came on it so many times that the ink started to smear on the crotch area and face
>eventually snuck it out and threw it away in neighbor's can on trash day
Pic related, it was this but just Amanda on a white background.
Forgot image.
Kek
>be me
>live on Air Force base
>farther out from back yard is this storm drain system or something
>for some reason me and other kids would play in that area
>one day in the storm drain gutter thing is bunch of porn dvd covers
>no cases
>no discs
>just the art covers with front and backs
>”haha oh man so weird what the frick!”
>shit has my blood pumping I must have it
>go back alone
>hunched down like fricking gollum with my precious items
>take them home
>slip into zip lock bags so I can admire them in room
>hide in between mattress
>frick if I know how my parents found them but they did
>they throw them away
For the best as I’m sure that shit was biohazard in those bags
no booba 🙁
>be me staying over at friends' house
>two brothers, one a year or two younger than me, the other a few more years younger
>all sleeping bags in the living room watching Skinemax or HBO or something on the big tv feeling naughty
>brief full frontal scene of a woman, you can see her pubes
>youngest boy shouts "You can see her peepee!"
>me: "Girls don't have peepees, duh."
>suddenly their mom walks into the room
>ohshitohshitohshit we're dead
>youngest kid: "Mom, girls do too have peepees, don't they?"
>she just laughs
>??? what kinda family is this, my mom would have killed me for watching something like that
>later that night everyone sleeping
>get up and go to the bathroom
>door is halfway open and light is on
>mom is inside changing
>see her bra and panties
>fit woman with just a hint of mature lady pudge, deep tanned skin, thick black mussed hair
>she looks up and sees me
>"Did you want to check?"
>turns her hips in big white mom panties to face me
>".... i gotta go to the bathroom"
>turn around and go back to sleeping bag and try to sleep
you should have a nice day
You seem deeply upset for some reason.
Did you fap?
since we're sharing embarrassing fap stories
>be like 11
>using living room computer
>stepdad who recently moved in with us is watching TV behind me
>playing flash games to pass the time
>click on a game called nipple twister or whatever
>get boiner
>start touching wiener
>get weird wet spot in pants
>it was literally my first coom
holy shit I actually found the flash game
https://gamcore.com/games/nipple_twister
Imagine your first sexual experience being from this flash game while your stepdad is in the same room. No wonder I'm so fricked up.
anon, THAT was your first fap?
Millennials are so pathetic, tugging their dinks to blurry bawd breasts at 2 am.
Meanwhile I’m watching a 10/10 Russian getting triple penetrated with piss anal in 4K for free.
Blessed thread.
>12 years old
>wild things comes up on tv (hbo i think)
>that kissing scene in the pool
it basically started my puberty
Nothing ever surpassed the GOAT
I was obsessed with those breasts and now that I can watch women get triple fricked by dildos the size of a Ford F150, it does little for me
>fell asleep with tv on
>dream-mind somehow turned whatever was on to penn saying mystery science theater was on marathon
>wanted it so bad i turned over and woke up
There is this girl that used to sexually tease as a joke, She would write me love notes in highlighter and pass them to me, I was awkward so i didn't really get it, but when i made a move on her she said EW and lambasted me for not understanding that it was a joke. Girls would spread rumors in class that i was creeper who jerk offd during class so one would talk to me even when i moved the rumors followed me. In my last year of highschool i scored one date and had an awkward hug at the end of it and she then immediately dumped me. Desperate for affection in my 20s i went on omegle this chick got me to record myself with my face jerking off, She was actually a real women did the classic put a spoon on your head and do this specific woman, She tried blackmailing me and when i refused to pay she sent those videos to literally everyone who ever interacted with me online. God I hate zoomer and millennial women so much
AAAAH IS THAT A PENIS IN A vegana IM GOING INSAAAAAAAANE
The UK version of this shit was the worst. It was almost always roasties talking dirty to some random guy who is paying like £10 a minute to phone them up. But the guy was always weird and creepy as frick and the girl almost never got naked. And even if she did, the screen was filled with ads and you'd never see anything anyway.
You also had to have the TV on mute because they always sporadically played the loudest, most fricking shitty music imaginable that would wake up the entire street.
>mom walks in seconds later
>WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING!?
My mom only walked in on me watching porn twice, the first time I was just finishing and managed to switch tabs so she just thought I had a fat fetish, the second time I forgot to close my gif of a dragon turning into a huge wiener and spewing cum, but I played it off as my friends sending me stupid shit and she just ignored it
There was also the time she found my torn up socks I used when jacking off one time, then she cut contacts with a side of our family because she thought they'd tried to place a curse on me by mangling my clothes. In an attempt to fix those broken ties I told her it was a sex thing and she understood but we never really did reconnect with those people
>There was also the time she found my torn up socks I used when jacking off one time, then she cut contacts with a side of our family because she thought they'd tried to place a curse on me by mangling my clothes.
Are you from Romania or something?
that's a very good guess, my family is bulgarian
my mom walked in on me just as i was starting. she finished me off. this happned through out my teenage years, right into my mid 20s. Dad never found out. My mom had me when she was 17, so yeh.
>These girls are in they're later 40's - 50's by now
This is a weird feeling
I remember finally renting a GGW video from the back room section of a mom & pop video store & being immensely disappointed. Infomercials for em made it seem like it was going to be absolutely nuts & it was like 2 minutes of girls just flashing their breasts stretched out over a 60 minute video