Weird (and true) theater experiences

So I'm sitting in the middle row of the middle section. I have my twizzlers and my pop. I want to get my pee out of the way so I leave for the restroom.

When I return to my seat I notice my twizzlers have been opened and 3 are missing.
A group of youth sitting a few rows behind me stat snickering and chittering.

After the movie I explain the situation to the manager and ask for a refund. He says there's nothing he can do about it. As I'm walking away I hear him let out a mischevious chuckle. I turn around very fast and see him staring at me CHEWING ON A TWIZZLER.

I stomp out of the theater into the parking lot and start making hand gestures and spitting out rhymes. I notice strings connected to my jaw and arms. People are pointing at me and laughing. I look up and see a giant granny controlling me like a marionette doll.

You can't top such a bad theater experience.

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  1. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I said you can't TOP such a bad theater experience!

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      (clears throat)
      I SAID YOU CAN'T TOP THIS BAD THEATER EXPERIENCE.

      I don't get it

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        What!? It was a bad theater experience!

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        The manager was in on it! The granny put a spin on it!

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      SEXOO

  2. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    (clears throat)
    I SAID YOU CAN'T TOP THIS BAD THEATER EXPERIENCE.

  3. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Mirin those feet gains

  4. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    i read it

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      m-me too

  5. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Imagine going to their tiny village with a suit of armor and a shotgun. They would worship you like a god after you explode their chieftain’s face.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      how is it being lost, Miles?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Unless they rush you, you might get a few more but you can't get them all. Armor is just going to slow you down when you have to run from them all but that doesn't matter since they'll definitely run faster than you.

      Sent from my StonePhone using TapaTalk.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >Unless they rush you, you might get a few more but you can't get them all.

        Battle of Cajamarca

        Handful of Spanish
        8,000 Inca

        0 Spanish dead, 1 wounded
        7,000 Inca dead, 1,000 captured

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          The entire way home everybody picked on that one spaniard that got injured when sat on his own spear.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Thats a long way from 1 guy in armor and a shotgun. How many would be in a village? Most likely way more than the amount of ammo you're going to have.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          You'd be one guy with nobody to watch your back. All they have to do is swarm you and start stabbing into the joints of your armor. You might kill dozens of them but you will die eventually if they are genuinely determined to kill you.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Will we ever get a good film about it that doesn't just worship the Incans?

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            what about abobaliptbo

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            The Royal Hunt of the Sun

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Why run from them? Just cut them down with your superior Spanish steel and laugh. Also properly fitted armor doesn't slow you down.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      that's what you think

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        it's the same cats from last of Mohicans.
        Wes Studi is based

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      you’re getting killed in your sleep

  6. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    heh didn't expect that.
    one time I had to tell a guy he stank so he'd go away.

  7. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >he cute

  8. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    You had a chance to make a throwback "Everybody walk the dinosaur" post and you didn't take it. You should be ashamed of yourself.

    One time I was on a date (watching Moonrise Kingdom of all things) and the couple behind us wouldn't shut the frick up. I was in a b***hy early 20s "gotta be a chad in front of my woman" mood so I took two $20 bills out of my wallet and turned around and handed them to the guy and told him that I was paying him to shut the frick up. He got so angry that he threw a fit and ended up getting detained by security lol. In hindsight I would not recommend this tactic at all but in the moment I looked like a giga chad.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Anon you showed that you’re such a pussy you had to literally hand over cash to someone who was bothering you to cut it out and stop. Trust me, assuming this story is anywhere near the truth, you did not look like a chad. You looked like a little b***h
      >”here’s some uh.. s-some money so uh.. c-can you p-please be quiet during the m-movie.. thanks”

  9. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    look at their fricking proportions
    is that from the telephoto compression or are they like that?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      jungle goblins are built like toddlers.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      They have ancient DNA

  10. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Lol imagine a giant granny controlling them like marionette dolls

  11. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >it's funny because it makes no sense!
    Yeah...

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Yet Everything Everyone All at the Same Time won several oscars. Explain that shit.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Everything Everywhere All at Once is a movie constructed by a team with skills and a goal which in practice is actually enteraining to watch unlike the ill conceived shitpost OP calls a thread. What else are you confused about?

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous
  12. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I got a couple:
    1.) Some frickhead started firing off bottle rockets in the theater during a movie.
    2.) During Captain America: Winter Soldier, right during Nick Fury's emotional death scene, somebody opened what must have been a 5-pound bag of Skittles, which then spilled. The whole bag clattered and rolled down the concrete floor of the theater, all the way to the front row. It took a good minute for all the noise to stop. Completely wrecked the emotion of the scene.
    3.) Some drunken butthole started vomiting loudly during a movie. SO gross.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >the emotion of muh cape shit Black fake death scene
      lmao

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >Some frickhead started firing off bottle rockets in the theater during a movie.
      Good lord that would be jarring as frick.
      Them things are loud even outdoors.

  13. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I got drunk during wedding crashers and yelled why extremely loud when the gay guy kissed the one dude. I made the whole theater laugh

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