what kind of woman would it take to "handle" joffrey? like to not only match his crazy, but keep it under control somewhat? sansa, margaery, and even cersei all have to pretend/walk on eggshells around him. what kind of woman would be able to pussywhip the little shit?
brienne
Imagine the sex
NO! but keep in mind she has an insane obsession with loyalty and a heavy dependency on the people she puts in charge of her.
No, he’d have her killed and she’d be repulsed by how much of a monster he is. She hated Jamie and what he did wasn’t anywhere near as cruel as what Joffrey was doing to people.
That's a fun thought experiment. She would have to have something significant over Joffrey. Something Joffrey actually wants and cannot have by his own means. The first, most obvious thing that comes to mind is insane sex appeal and a no-bullshit attitude. The second thing that comes to mind is some kind of hierarchical power, or a giant army at her disposal. I could see her being the yin to his yang. While he is petulant and impulsive, she would just as evil, except methodical and calculating.
>insane sex appeal and a no-bullshit attitude
does he even get aroused to like normal shit. he likes beating women and killing hookers. that's the kinda shit that gets his rocks off. if he was presented with that hypothetical princess with cunning and a huge army, is she just gonna draw a line in the sand there and expect him to not cross it.
I'm thinking, through sex, she awakens something in him that inspires extreme loyalty, even submission in his part. Like, the sex is just so fricking good that Joffrey will subdue his natural urges upon request.
That’s not how that works. There’s never a limit for people like Joffrey if we’re assuming he’s some sort of psychopath.
I mean that is Margery isn't it? The show even gives her the scene where she is willing to play into his sadism to appear sexy.
joffrey wasn't interested in sex, its funny you normie morons think you can control a psychopath by throwing women at him while forgetting what he did to the prostitutes thrown at him, he mutilated them like he does everything else
Margery was acting docile but the Tyrells were doing everything to strengthen themselves and Tywin wasn't going to live much longer. In a few years Margery would have more leverage to push him around, especially if she had a child heir to replace him with if he got too out of hand.
did you miss the part where the tyrells murdered him because they didn't want to deal with him
Yeah they were proactive about it and Tommen was a much better option. Doesn't mean they would be helpless if poison wasn't an option and Joffrey had to be dealt with. Also they weren't all in on it, Olenna did it because she didn't want Margery married off to an butthole. The other Tyrells thought they could handle Joffrey.
Any woman with even a bit of cajones would dominate this gay. GoT is this moronic setting where every woman is a girlboss and every dude in charge of shit is a meek simp but somehow women aren't in charge of everything. All it'd take is for one woman to pretend like she's having her friends there for a foursome, then have them instead hold Simprey down while she pegged him and he'd have been her b***h for life. The fact nobody capitalized on this despite pretty much everyone knowing how much of an unhinged but cowardly pussy Simprey was is one of the dumber plot armor points GRRM employs and that's saying something.
the books are way less girlbossy than the show. especially the later seasons.
I guess your complaint is valid but think about it this way, men are far physically stronger than women and can easily keep them in line by sheer power. As far as the show goes, it seemed that the women who were in power did some just as girl-bossy as some of the men in power. And think about it this way, the standard peasant/middle class woman in that setting would be way more meek than the standard peasant/middle class man, but you typically don't see their stories. The girl bosses that you see in the show is going to be the extend of "girlbossy-ness" you see in the entirety of Westeros. Whereas it can be assumed that the majority of the rest of nobles will be men.
A dwarf shot his big daddy with a crossbow. What stops some wymyn from doing the same?
Unironically a man and probably his brother because he's a lannister.
Olenna & Tywin as adoptive parents
Cersei. No question.
Some dominatrix who's into pegging. A female version of Ramsey probably.
It's simple, Joffrey's a brat, brats need routine physical discipline. Control needs to be beaten into a brat in order to create a sense of balance.
Assuming its someone he can't simply behead, you need a woman who plays with his emotions and constantly 180s her feelings, someone who will drive him crazy in trying to both please her and hurt her because she is immune to abuse and praise alike. If he is emotionally exhausted he'll not want to be dealing with anything and will be easier to appease by handling his business for him.
Wrong. He needs to be punished. Always.
Joffrey was asexual right? He never seemed to have an actual sex drive. He decides to torture prostitutes without fricking them. He threatens to rape Sanda more out of sadism than lust.
lust IS sadism if you're pitching instead of catching
maybe there should have been a scene where he is stripped naked and waxed down by both hot men and women so the viewers could judge his reaction
Sure. They did that for practically every other character.
A strong troony that could overpower him. Just look what a few Tyrion slaps do to him, he never seriously harms the imp.
Margerie was probably the best he'd get since she knew how to feign interest in his fricked up interests, showed him what it was like to be a beloved king by simply being in her orbit, and knew how to guide him through conversations to feel as though ideas were his own. But it'll always be an uneasy dance for her. Sansa was just afraid of him and too traumatized to pretend by the end. And Cersei lost control because she was his mother, and most boys realize when it's time to grow beyond their mothers.
There's no woman that could actually pussy whip Joffrey because he's a petulant psychopath who would never take that emasculation sitting down, and he'd straight up murder her after long. There's no scenario where she'd have enough protection that Joffrey would think she's above reproach like say Tywin.
Not possible. Olenna did the right thing having him killed, the only mistake was not killing Cersei too.
lysa-type relationshit with his mom, probably
The Bronze Boss
that's what's up
her or obara
why was daemon so gay about her?
In the book Daemon is practically a Nazi and can only get off to Valerian features (white blonde or silver hair, blue or violet eyes). It’s not that shes objectively ugly, he’s just not attracted to her. I don’t understand why they didn’t bring it to screen when Sara Hess clearly hates Daemon. I think it’s because it will make women watching feel undesirable themselves, and although Hess hates him she still wants women to fantasise about him.
Daemon just sounds like some weirdo blood-purist Haredi
Olenna dropping truth bombs as always
I'm not a bookgay so they can answer far better but from what I'm to understand he was just perpetually stir-crazy and unfulfilled over boring peacetime Westeros idling. He strives to strengthen his family and life up to the glory of his ancestors, so the last thing he wants to do is marry some non-Valyrian hick and waste away in bumfrick nowhere as a political nicety. He wouldn't even dignify her with an impure child and it's probably no coincidence he spends most of his time having sex with the barren Mysaria (apparently she got pregnant in the the book which is an unreliable narrative so it probably never actually happened as in the show) until opportunity presents itself with Rhaenyra, Laena, and Rhaenyra again. He's the Westerosi equivalent of a Wehraboo, refuses to pretend otherwise, and is clearly the least bothered by war finally brewing. He's pretty much Viserys from Game of Thrones except he actually is "the dragon" Viserys wanted to be.
*bitch
>Cersei
Only because he's the king so he can do what he wants with impunity. A woman like Cersei would be exactly the type who can control him, except she's his mother so there's no sexual power there. Somebody as cruel as him or crueller, so that they can take charge of the kind of things he already enjoys.
I doubt it, he’d come to resent a woman like Cersei and probably have her killed eventually.
no woman can control him because even if she was as cruel as him, she doesn't have the power of the king, i'm surprised you morons are still arguing about this, ramsay is another psychopath that's hard to control who isn't even a king
Brienne. No one even comes close
People like this exist, they usually need an alter ego (most if the time a male lover) providing them fresh victims.
ie Ghislaine Maxwell
>Desired a centralized army and state, and limits to the excessive privileges of the nobility.
>Was right to be concerned about the Targaryen threat in Essos
>Wants to discontinue the feudal system and form a nation state
>Literally the only person with a vision beyond prolonging a garbage status quo that extends back at least 1000 fricking years
Was Joffrey secretly the smartest character in GOT?
If it weren't for the edgelord prostitute murderings Joffrey would have been a revolutionary leader for Westeros tbh
Littlefinger killed him precisely because he needed chaos for his plans and Joffrey was bringing stability
>and limits to the excessive privileges of the nobility.
to discontinue the feudal system and form a nation state
care to elaborate?
Not him, but I believe in the show he talked about how they needed to create a united Westerosi army instead of the great houses having their own militaries.
im a huge book and showgay and I don't remember that at all
ah right
thing is Cersei is right about taking and then holding the north
Aegon had 3 dragons and couldn't force Dorne into submission
>Aegon had 3 dragons and couldn't force Dorne into submission
Good point.
That said, it never made any sense. Guerilla warfare doesn't work the way GRRM seems to think it does.
>Guerilla warfare doesn't work the way GRRM seems to think it does.
perhaps not but it makes sense enough to me
they squirreled away all their politically important people and prepared for a war of attrition in their harsh and unforgiving climate
most of the cities that remained populated were ravaged to some degree but it did next to nothing
also if the Targs had tried to occupy the cities and rule the Dornish population they would be quickly set upon by remaining loyalist guerillas
>also if the Targs had tried to occupy the cities and rule the Dornish population they would be quickly set upon by remaining loyalist guerillas
this is moronic coming from a work of literature where one dragon lay waste to an entire city because they refused to surrender
It’s weird how Dorne was the one kingdom that the Targaryens raped over and over again, destroying all the castles and villages (save for Sunspear) and killing so many Dornishmen that it DID caus a demographics crisis so bad that Dorne can field only a fraction of the soldiers it could a few centuries before, and yet now the Dornishmen are the biggest supporters of the Targs.
It's likely Dorne could field 50,000 spears before Aegon first invaded. But four Dornish Wars over a period of 80 years left every castle, town, village and well burned, destroyed and torn down, and likely killed a solid majority of the Dornish population. After all, you can only uproot populations into a desert for so long while dragons and armies destroy all your sources of food and water.
The extremes involved in the dornish invasion are pretty ludicrous. Not only were an entire people willing to have basically every town they had burned to the ground for the sake of their ruling family, but they were also able to survive having all of their infrastructure put to the torch.
Its not like they live in a place where worst comes to worst you hide in the woods and eat berries, Dorne is a desert, large groups of people dont survive outsides of the few areas with access to farmable land.
Theres also the fact that there are well known and historic dissident houses which do everything in their power to seize control, except for the time all it would have taken them is a letter or two saying "look under this rock over here"
He could just burn their food and trade routes until they starve to death in "their harsh and unforgiving climate".
It doesn't make any sense because the Dornish are more dependent on water sources and limited farming than anyone else.
The description of the Targaryen invasion of Dorne is insane, describing them destroying every castle, village and farm in the country and blockading it. Some guerilla fighters can continue to eke out an existence, but such devastation should have caused a demographics crisis in Dorne as most of its population starved to death.
And the fact >none< of the Dornish nobility switched sides is really beggaring belief.
>And the fact >none< of the Dornish nobility switched sides is really beggaring belief.
The Rhoynar are really up their own ass so if anyone would do that it's them
That part I blame on Elio and whatsherface who wrote the World of Ice and Fire. In the novels Meraxes didn't die in Dorne, but WOIAF retconned this.
This is what annoys me about a lot of modern writers. Guerilla fighting isn't some magical technique for fighting a superior foe, when this happens
>The description of the Targaryen invasion of Dorne is insane, describing them destroying every castle, village and farm in the country and blockading it. Sure, guerilla fighters can continue to eke out an existence, but such devastation should have caused a demographics crisis in Dorne as most of its population starved to death.
It's inevitable that the rulers would have to sue for peace or else they would either be torn apart by their own people or have nobody to rule
Yeah Dorne really is moron plot armor. With firm control over the rest of Westeros you could easily supplant every lord there with a third son of another Westerosi house like a Crusade. And insurgencies completely collapse when faced with an enemy that has no qualms with wiping your your village if they even think you cooperated with them.
The severity of Dornish resistance is obviously inspired by Afghanistan. The problem is Afghanis had religious motives which the Dornish didn't, and not just ethnocultural ones. I know Dornish dickride Martells harder than Northmen do Starks, but fighting for the honor of House Martell still doesn't compare to fighting because God said so.
>Aegon had 3 dragons and couldn't force Dorne into submission
He made Starks kneel easily
The real reason for why he didn't just devastate Dorne is never explained, it's suspected they held Rhaenys (who actually survived) hostage or Dorne threatened to use their entire treasury to hire faceless men to kill his kids. Whatever was in that letter the Dornish gave him had to do with something like that.
>>The real reason for why he didn't just devastate Dorne is never explained, it's suspected they held Rhaenys (who actually survived) hostage or Dorne threatened to use their entire treasury to hire faceless men to kill his kids. Whatever was in that letter the Dornish gave him had to do with something like that.
interesting
Joffrey would have been a better character if some of his wanton cruelty was substituted for a naive motivation to effect lasting changes, which are all rebuffed by the aristocrats and warriors of the realm. not out of his good nature but his desire for respect
That sounds dumb. That’s not what the character is. He’s a petulant little frick who can do what he wants when he wants who was failed by his c**t mom and piece of shit “dad”, while his real dad basically pretends he doesn’t exist.
>If it weren't for the edgelord prostitute murderings Joffrey would have been a revolutionary leader for Westeros tbh
he was somewhat based, but was still kinda stupid. maybe if he wasn't inbred he could have been great king tbh
>prolonging a garbage status quo that extends back at least 1000 fricking years
Only 300 actually.
I'm pretty sure Jeoffrey was closeted gay like most extreme sadists, would've made a nice couple with Ramsey
the TV version of Myranda Royce
if she can dance with Ramsay then Joffrey is a piece of cake
>what kind of woman
Clearly the woman Margaery was pretending to be. She even managed to start controlling him.
no she didn't, she couldn't have kept it up alone, all cersei needed to do is send olenna back to high garden and her brother to war and her fate would have been sealed, cersei would have killed her as soon as joffrey started to like her
>what kind of woman would handle Joffrey
>give answer
>no dude cause Cersei would do x
Are you a moron? That’s not relevant to the question. Me being able to beat up a kid in a fight still stands even if a meteor kills us both after the fight
where exactly did margaery control joffrey, tell me o wise moron, did joffrey stop torturing people after getting married to her, did he suddenly become a saint?
Not him, but isn’t it revealed that margaery is basically only getting as far as she is because of olenna? As in she’s basically only succeeding because olenna is telling her exactly what to do and how?
He has daddy issues so a woman that in some way reminds him of his father. Probably a dominant Baratheon tomboy who's taller and stronger than him and pegs him from time to time
Miranda could have managed. If she can control Ramsay she can control Joffery. Also any dommymommy who takes his v-card will control him
So what are the odds a kid born of incest wouldn't be some inbred drooling mutant but sadistic psychopath instead? They have three kids and Joffrey's autism or whatever it is is supposed to be is their only defect.
Jaime and Cersei are bastard children of Aerys, Joffrey is not inbred (well, he is but not like that) he simply lost his Targ coin toss.
Ramsay but genderbent. I don't really see anything else.
Even the likes of Ygritte or Osha would find his bullshit a no-no.
Even fricking Cersei does and she can't control him either.
no woman could have saved him, Joffrey needed a father like Ned
>tfw given another child to raise
Raising children is a blessing.
Even more when you are nobility and when women know their place.
Asha Greyjoy
Also unironically Arya once she got older