What would've happened if they gave the ring to Goldberry?

What would've happened if they gave the ring to Goldberry?

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  1. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Hear me out, put the ring on an animal that isn't capable of being a threat, like a sloth. Keep the sloth in an enchanted cage and transport that.

    • 5 months ago
      Anοnymous

      >Goldberry
      Whomst

      What part of "the ring has a will of it's own" do you morons not understand? It would eventually just slip off the sloth's finger and escape the cage

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        >It would eventually just slip off the sloth's finger and escape the cage
        Gorilla glue that wienersucker to the finger

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        >not knowing about Big Dick Tom's prime elf frickmeat

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          She’s not an elf.

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        They put more stuff in the novelization

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          >They put more stuff in the novelization

          KILL ME NOW

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            i don't like moronic homosexuals, either, anon

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        What if I catapult the sloth with the ring on its finger into Mount Doom?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      what will stop Boromir from borrowing the ring from the sloth?

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        See:

        >It would eventually just slip off the sloth's finger and escape the cage
        Gorilla glue that wienersucker to the finger

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        Fit the Sloth with multiple anti-rape devices to deter Boromir

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        Boromir was a character mostly made for the movie, basically a Peter Jackson self insert. He is named in the book but his character is not developed

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          And that's a bad thing?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      It would corrupt the transporter of the cage.

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        The Ring's effects are around it, not simply to the wearer. Do you think Boromir just had a random freak-out?

        Just create a sequence of animals to "carry" the cage, and let the rings effects diffuse across them

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          I think what he's saying is you don't have to literally touch the Ring to be tempted by it. Mere knowledge of it is enough, nevermind being in its immediate presence.

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            Be that as it may, if you surrounded the ring by numerous harmless animals, the negative effects would be diluted across them

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            >Mere knowledge of it is enough
            Then don't tell anyone. Wait, are animals affected by the ring?

            • 5 months ago
              Anonymous

              >are animals affected by the ring?

              Maybe on some instinctual level. It's implied in the book that the watcher in the water specifically targeted Frodo because he had the ring, for example.

              But maybe that's a bad example because the Watcher is at least semi-intelligent. Dumb animals lack the self-awareness for ambition which is one of the means by which the ring corrupts people.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                Shove it up Bill the pony’s ass and walk the poor bastard into the lava

            • 5 months ago
              Anonymous

              >are animals affected by the ring?
              Yes, why do you think it wasn't eaten accidentally by a fish for over 2,500 years while it was at the bottom of the Anduin?

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          And then Mr. Big Evil comes in and steals the ring from the fricking sloth. They would've been better off throwing it in the ocean. But the point is they wouldn't have won the war if they didn't destroy the ring. They didn't have the strength to actually destroy Mordor. Mordor would rebuild faster than Rohan/Gondor and they would do gigantic war 2: Orcnigs win this time

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          Be that as it may, if you surrounded the ring by numerous harmless animals, the negative effects would be diluted across them

          Reread my post moron
          the ring would affect all the animals simultaneously, in equal measure, besides the bearer who would be the most affected. Likely it would just overpower them completely and have them bring it to Sauron himself; since Tolkien's world operates on Catholic moral theology, the animals don't have sufficient willpower to resist the call of the ring's master at all.

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            I feel like if you threw enough meat at the problem it would be overwhelmed

            • 5 months ago
              Anonymous

              You would genuinely just be giving the ring greater locomotive ability. The nightmare scenario is it somehow attaches itself to a small bird or squirrel or something, an extremely evasive animal that can just book it back into Sauron's hands.

              >"I'm gonna science the shit out of this"
              >*head gets cleaved off by a goblin*

              pretty much what would happen if they tried any of the moronic theories put forth here instead of dropping it into Mt. Doom

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                Why not weld the ring to a heavy block of metal and drop it into the ocean?

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymouse

                Even if you managed to take the ring completely out of the equation that way, Sauron was still gonna inevitability win.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                because then Sauron's armies would overrun the west and he would win

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                Gandalf literally says the lands change enough (even in geological years) that itd still be a problem. Also if like a kraken got it.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                Thats a genius idea
                Unfortunately nazgul have shark steeds they ride when they conduct operations in the ocean and a magic spell keeps the pressure from crushing them and makes them not need oxygen. Sauron has scientists working with his magicians to make sure they've got all their bases covered

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                They relied on the Ring being lost and forgotten and look how that turned out for them. Gandalf was not willing to rest until it was destroyed for certain

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                Okay, put the ring in a carboard box, and have the return address be mount doom, then send it to the post office with a malformed sent address

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                post offices are staffed by easterlings who are easily corrupted by greed and power

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                actual irl

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                I'm sick of explaining this but even if Sauron didn't get the ring back, he would have won easily. The orcs he lost at Minis Tirith was not even a tenth of what he had available to him.
                Literally the only way to defeat Sauron was to destroy the ring. They discuss all this at the meeting in Rivendell (in the books at least).
                Sure they could hide the ring in the ocean or whatever but Sauron would still win, and eventually the ring would be found or make itself be found.

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            >"I'm gonna science the shit out of this"
            >*head gets cleaved off by a goblin*

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      The Ring's effects are around it, not simply to the wearer. Do you think Boromir just had a random freak-out?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >an animal that isn't capable of being a threat

      What do you think Frodo was

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        A sloth is far less threatening than elijah wood

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      It would only delay the ring from being found by someone else eventually just like it was drifting in the water until Smeagol found it.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >debauching a sloth

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      In the books, animals are shown to be sentient and have thoughts of their own. They are as liable to corruption and deception as men or elves are, perhaps even more so.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      You don't have to wear the ring to be corrupted by it. Just being anywhere near it is enough.

      People carrying the sloth would be tempted to open the cage and get the ring for themselves

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Transport it where? You think the elves could deal with some crackhead invisible sloth trying to corrupt them for very long.

  2. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    probably nothing. also tom would either frick up anyone that came to steal it or would just give it away.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Nope. Gandalf said Sauron would come for Tom last.
      If you haven’t figured out Tom and Goldberry are Morgoth and Ungoliant imprisoned without power yet you’re not a real Tolkein head.

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        You are a crazy motherfricker.

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          But not a wrong one. Oldest was Tom in Arda. Melkor was not only Eru’s first and greatest creation, but also first to enter Arda in search of the Secret Fire.

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            >Oldest was Tom in Arda

            Tom was a manifestation of the song of the Ainur like the creations of nature hence why he was 'oldest' as he was a being but before the other 'beings' (elves etc.) that were thought upon came into existence. He's like the mountains or trees. Just a part of nature.

            • 5 months ago
              Anonymous

              You should re read what Gandalf has to say about Tom.

              “No, I doubt very much he could be of help.”
              “Only he knows how long he must be there, perhaps, waiting for some time only known to him.”
              “Sauron will come for him and save him for his final victory.”
              It’s Morgoth.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                My new favorite theory thanks numnuts

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                Holy kino

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                How does any of that mean it's Morgoth?

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                NTA but if you put all the context clues together about that part of the book that something is definitely off, Tom’s weird interaction with the ring, what Gandalf says in Rivendale, and understand that with what we know about Sauron he would absolutely be the type to go float to his old master he succeeded where his master failed, yeah it’s Melkor/Morgoth, I’m convinced.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                why did gandalf mention he needs to go back and have a long talk with Tom in that one book?

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                Because Sauron has just been “destroyed”. He needs to know for certain what has happened to Sauron’s spirit and know that it can not possibly return before he sails into the west. Only a being who has stood before Mandos would know the answer to that.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                what if Tom didn't want to spoonfeed greybeard?

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                Then Gandalf would have called him a fool of a 'Dil

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                Iarwain Ben-adar (Eldest and Fatherless) [Sindarin name]
                -that's tom-
                I think Tom wold just tell him to move along whislt he sings his song

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymouse

                This is a fricking moronic theory.
                Morgoth was cast through the door into utter nothingness, he isn't coming back till the end of all things. He certainly isn't going to be hanging out, singing songs, and BEING NICE to random hobbits for funsies.
                And why would Ungoliant be Goldberry? She had frickall to do with water, or any of Goldberry's characteristics for that matter, and she is dead. And she absolutly hates Morgoth because he cheated her out of the grand feast she was owed, they wouldn't be shacked up. There only slight compatibly points are possible viable genitalia, assuming giant spider pussy can be fricked by a giant evil guy. That aside, they hate each other.
                straight up braindead reddit take

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                You think Morgoth is above song when it was his role in the song that corrupted Middle Earth? Fool of Took.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                Also it's quite uncharacteristic in Tolkien's characterization for a wicked character to act duplicitously good. Evil characters act with malice because this represents their spirit and being, and vice versa, it's a pretty fundamental aspect of the story in general. This fanfiction is some shit GRRM would come up with to "subvert" LOTR.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                He was there before the first acorn and there before the ents who learned to speak from the elves prior to the Valar's return to Middle Earth. Melkor did not bother teaching anything or anyone to speak, instead creating orcs from elves. He is what was there before, a being the Valar have no idea what the frick is and is better off left to their own devices (like Ungoliant, who was bribed by Melkor because he claimed to be able to relieve her hunger).

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                no one cares about your made up lore nerd

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                It's in the book.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                yes and my point still stands. its all made up dogshit having no bearing on our world. you're no better than the women believing they're witches

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                That makes no sense.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                what a homosexual you are, my!

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                >le Silfanfiction

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        >If you haven’t figured out Tom and Goldberry are Morgoth and Ungoliant imprisoned without power yet you’re not a real Tolkein head.
        homie i been reading this shit for 30+ years and never seen anyone say that.

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        >Goldberry is the riverwoman's daugther
        >Ungoliant was spawned by the void
        >spawned from the primordial water
        Bravo John Ronald Reuel!

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        What a shit "theory" Tom was in middle earth before Morgoth even showed up

  3. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    it would corrupt her because she's not immune to it's effects, and then bombadil would go mad with rage

  4. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Goldberry would become a blessed milk mommy

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Too fat

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Woodberry

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      That's goldberry?

  5. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    she would have gone insane and cucked tom, probably broadcast it on palantir

  6. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    >anons think tom would ever settle for someone who's corruptible

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >not knowing the River Daughter was a feared being that drowned travelers and she literally attempted to do that to Tom

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        >River Daughter
        aka a gusher.
        Tom would keep her in line

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        >she literally attempted to drown Tom
        It's called flirting, anon. That's what happens when you're a big bearded bastard and you hang around Latinas and water goddesses.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >tom
      >settling down at all

  7. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    How did Sauron feel about Bombadil mocking him when he played with the ring? Sauron literally put all his power and viciousness in it and Bombadil just laughed

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Bombasøy is reddit

  8. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    If you try to put the ring on your wienerdoes it become a wiener ring sized?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      I would be wary of placing a malicious shapeshifting ring on your wiener.

  9. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    >give the ring to a huourn
    Great idea Anon, what could go wrong?

  10. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Tom's character is pretty different to Morgoth though. Did he really have a complete character change, just like that?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Re read the part of the book. His whole personality is a mask. Parts of him do surface, particularly the details of his demeanor and reaction when he holds the ring. He’s almost repulsed by it.

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        I'll re-read it keeping that in mind, but he was originally just a doll that his kids named and he wrote some poems about and included into LoTR has a little cameo for them. It seems weird that JRR's intention was that he's actually the setting's Satan turned good and just hiding out.

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          He’s not turned good. He’s imprisoned. Forced to do what he was created to do as punishment, love the creation of Eru. Seriously you need to re-read that part, he is far from good and it reads as a horror.

  11. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    why did smeagol became a froglike creature while tom riddle became snakelike?

  12. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Why didn't they just order something from mount doom, put the ring in the box, and then write "return to sender" on it?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      if they did it that way it would be back traced and not anonymous.

  13. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Hey I was reading an old archive thread about LOTR. Can someone clear this up for me. Melkor, after descending to arda, would have beaten Tulkas correct? Even in a physical test of might? I saw a lot of people arguing this. Thank you.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Tulkas would have physically kicked Morgoth’s ass. In the unseen world Morgoth would have the upper hand but in physical form none were mightier than Tulkas.

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        Melkor == Morgoth. Melkor, who has recently come from the heavens and strongest of the valar could probably make Tulkas shit himself just by looking at him.

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          Melkor became Morgoth when he entered Arda. As I said, in physical form Tulkas wins.

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            They are literally two different names for the same being, moron.

            Melkor became morgoth when he destroyed the two trees. After thousands of years of beating the valar ass. So yes, they are the same person, but two very different “power levels”.

            • 5 months ago
              Anonymous

              Melkor put so much of his own will into corrupting middle earth that he was greatly diminished over time. I mean, he goes from being a threat to all the Valar combined to being able to be wounded by an elf, to being unable to offer any real resistance during the War of Wrath.

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          They are literally two different names for the same being, moron.

  14. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    >smeagol
    >best friend is deagol
    who writes this shit?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >deagol
      >didn't just shoot smeagol

  15. 5 months ago
    Anonymouse

    She is a river deity.
    She would probably try to drown the world, would be fricking kino.

  16. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Why not have the ghost homies take the ring to Mordor?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      why didnt jackson simply cut the ghost army of bullshit?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous
  17. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    >1. Allergic Reactions: Initially, the eagles seemed to have an allergy to the volcanic gases around Mount Doom. However, as the situation grew dire and the fate of Middle-earth hung in the balance, they took the risk, willing to endure discomfort for the greater good.

    >2. Fear of Heights: Surprisingly, some eagles were wary of the heights in Mordor's treacherous terrain. Yet, when they realized the urgency and understood the importance of the quest, they overcame their fears, embracing their duty to aid in the crucial moment of need.

    >3. Eagle Societal Laws: Initially bound by strict societal norms, the eagles refrained from unauthorized travel. However, witnessing the imminent threat of Sauron's victory, they ultimately decided to bend their rules, prioritizing the greater cause over their traditional laws.

    >4. Sky Traffic Laws: Originally constrained by aerial regulations, the eagles avoided Mordor's airspace. But with the tides turning and the need for a decisive move, they risked violating these laws, recognizing the critical nature of the moment and their ability to make a pivotal impact.

    >Ultimately, the eagles chose to intervene when the situation became dire enough that the risks were outweighed by the urgency of the task at hand. They understood the gravity of Sauron's looming victory and decided to take action to aid Frodo and the Fellowship in their quest to destroy the Ring.

  18. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    What the actual frick? I literally came to Cinemaphile to make this fricking thread?
    Anyway yeah give the Ring to Gollman and tie him up in a covered wagon or something. wtf?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >character acts like a typical Frenchman
      >"Lets name him Gaulman"

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous
    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Hey Gaulstein we’ll literally give you the Ring if you just tag along with us and chill. Sound cool?
      This is an even bigger plot hole than the eagles.

  19. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    The Lord of the Rings Audiobook Soundscape by Phil Dragash:
    https://archive.org/details/the-fellowship-of-the-ring_soundscape-by-phil-dragash
    https://archive.org/details/the-two-towers_soundscape-by-phil-dragash
    https://archive.org/details/the-return-of-the-king_soundscape-by-phil-dragash
    The Hobbit Theatrical Audiobook by Bluefax:
    https://archive.org/details/the-hobbit-bluefax
    The Quest of Erebor from Unfinished Tales by Bluefax:

    The Children of Húrin read by Sir Christopher Lee:

    The Silmarillion read by Philip Buckler:

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >audiobooks
      how the FRICK do people listen to this shit? you think about something else for one second and you've completely missed the meaning of a paragraph

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymouse

        >you think about something else for one second and you've completely missed the meaning of a paragraph
        That's the thing, it's great for people WHO DON'T think

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        What do you think zoomers do when somebody talks for more than 5 seconds in any context?

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          Uhhhh, listen intently?

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        This. My friend only does audiobooks, Ill asl him about about apart and he'll go
        >hmm I must have missed that
        I have to read text because I know Im a brainlet and will need to reread the same paragraph or go back 2 pages for something.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      This homie needs to smoke cigars daily until his balls finally drop, I don't want to listen to some homosexual narrate the unabridged trilogy. Get the frick out of this thread

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        Get out, you old wight! Vanish in the sunlight!
        >Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
        Out into the barren lands far beyond the mountains!
        >Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
        Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
        >Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          Omg you're the narrator aren't you?
          You sound like a fricking homosexual straight out of high school. Stop ruining good stories with your gay voice

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            filtered by the song of the eldar

            • 5 months ago
              Anonymous

              Filtered by the literal homosexual reading the book

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Tol-keen
      Holy frick I've been pronouncing it wrong my entire life

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        How have you been pronouncing it?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >The Children of Húrin read by Sir Christopher Lee
      nice

  20. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    who keeps making these lotr threads? Theres been over 50 created the last 7 days

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Some new content is about to drop in Amazon prime so we gotta get pre-hyped before its officially announced

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        KYS

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          This is my job bro, calm down. I make good money to do this, I wouldn't otherwise. So just calm down

  21. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Just give the ring to my good friend and personal lawyer Berry Feldstein

  22. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Whatever happened it would have been intensely sexual and erotic

  23. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    >He knew all the arguments of despair and would not listen to them. His will was set, and only death would break it.
    Was it implied that sam was able to overcome the corruption of the ring? Borrowsmir went literally insane just for being near it, but sam carried frodo all the way to the cracks of doom without giving up or trying to take the ring

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Sam was the main character who carried frodo (who was honestly more of a burden than the ring)

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >>He knew all the arguments of despair and would not listen to them. His will was set, and only death would break it.
      Holy fricking based

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        >tfw jannies try to ban me for saying Black person

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      He was able to overcome its temptation. If he had had to carry it for as long as Frodo had, he would have been corrupted just as easily. Possibly more so.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Boromir was a man who desperately wanted power to save his kingdom. Sam was a hobbit with no real ambitions outside of the Shire. The ring would affect them differently.

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        >The ring would affect them differently.
        True, but Smeagol was also just a guy hanging out with his buddy with no ambition either.

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          He was also a evil weirdo piece of shit who murdered his cousin for the Ring so corrupting him was easy.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Yes, Sam is unambitious, good natured and loyal. The Ring tempted Sam with visions of all of Middle Earth being his personal garden and he rejected the temptation.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      All Sam knows is gardening, food and his loyalty to Master Frodo. The ring can literally offer him nothing except thoughts of despair, while people with more power and ambition like Boromir are more susceptible to its corruption because they have actual power and stakes which the ring appeals to. The ring makes Boromir believe that he can use it to save Gondor and wield it against Sauron, but it deceives him because it only wants to get closer to Mordor.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      If the ring was smart he would've just made up a lie about everyone who wore the ring shall die when it is destroyed or something so he'd basically had to kill Frodo which I'm not sure he would

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        The ring actually never lies. It promises power to do anything to anyone provided they can master it. Obviously only a handful of people in Middle Earth could do that but it's not technically a lie.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Strictly speaking Sam did take the ring when he thought Frodo had been killed by Shelob.
      But he was able to give it back.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Strictly speaking Sam did take the ring when he thought Frodo had been killed by Shelob.
      But he was able to give it back.

  24. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    They should have put the ring on Gimlis dick and then made him shake it around like that one scene in Bruno.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymouse

      if you put the ring on your dick wouldn't you just become invisible?

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        No, just your dick

  25. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Isildur! Put it on you penis before it shrinks I want to know what would happen!

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Hahaha

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >isildur, throw it into the fire (of my ass)

  26. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    What if you encased the ring in a bigger ring or block of iron? The ring couldnt escape

  27. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    if you use the one ring as a prince albert piercing does that count as "wearing" it, or no, like wearing it on a chain around your neck? what if a woman used it to clit piercing?

  28. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    No one can tell me they couldn't have launched the ring into space.
    It would've been lost to time and Sauron couldn't do anything about it. Technically by using magic to do this Gandalf wouldn't even break any rules

  29. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Just throw the ring into the ocean lmao let the other generations deal with this shit

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >the lords of the west wouldn't recieve the ring so we can't send it to Valinor
      Such contrived writing. Aule could have undone the ring in an instant if he wanted to. The excuse that the Valar can't interfere because they cause too much harm is fricking bullshit here.

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        who tf knows maybe another boy over there would get corrupted

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      then you'd get a sea monster causing trouble

  30. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    We pretend we can deal with nuclear waste by burying it somewhere completely ignoring that in 1000 years terrorist can still use it so I don't know why they didn't just bury it when we are even more shortsighted

  31. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    I feel like the Ring can't be destroyed is misinformation. There must be other volcanoes in middle earth where it can be destroyed. It was probably Sauron's own propaganda. I don't understand how they all fell for it

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      You gonna risk The Ring not melting and having Good lose since Sauron is still stronger than them without The Ring?

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        It's a childrens story so if it were more realistic then yes I would. Just use the eagles to scout for another volcano

  32. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    What if they gave it to Rabbi Goldberg?

  33. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    What are the consequences if Smaug was never killed before the War of the Ring?

    Thinking it over, even if Sauron couldn't recruit Smaug that still means Laketown would get destroyed quickly by the Easterlings since in canon they held a siege in Erebor with their dwarf allies. That means a huge horde of evil men could join the siege of Minas Tirith.

    Could Sauron find a way to recruit Smaug?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Smaug had to go, middle earth was in danger as long as he was alive. Gandalf wasn’t worried nearly as much about the Sauron and some orcs as he was about Sauron somehow coercing Smaug into an allyship.
      any battle in any of this entire series would have been ended in the blink of an eye with one pass by Smaug

  34. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    who the frick is goldberry? why are you people so obsessed with this fricking shit?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Shut up woman

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        i'm not a woman, and i'm tired of these fricking threads. it's like you morons can't ever grow up. there's other stories throughout time that have been created you know. you don't have to have like 20 fricking threads about this every week.

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          "Black person."

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          Anon, Cinemaphile is a shithole, these are the only threads that have any discussion. Go complain about the countless bait and offtopic threads instead of complaining about good threads about an actual film. You must be an only child you insufferable little c**t.

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          Was it autism?

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          Gbtr

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          he's right you losers are pathetic and in no way better than any of the capeshit powerscale discussions found online. bet it drives you mad that lord of the rings is a Christian book aswell and it only exists because of God

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            if you believe in God literally everything only exists because of God. you wouldn’t need to specify a book written in the mid 20th century

            • 5 months ago
              Anonymous

              holy reddit response. Bet you feel englightened right now fellow atheist
              Tolkien was a devout catholic and Lord of the Rings is basically fantasy catholicism. If you enjoy the book you unironically believe in God

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                i’m not an atheist but you come across as either a baiting atheist or genuinely moronic. it’s very much inspired by his catholic beliefs but it can totally be enjoyed by anyone, though perhaps for their resonance with those ideas

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            Why would that drive anyone mad?

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            You can't compare capeshit canon to any work of a single man. LOTR has one guiding mind, capeshit franchises are like 10 dollar prostitutes who've been fricked by so many people over the years they don't know wtf is going on anymore.

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            Don't insult Tolkien's work by comparing it to Marvelslop and Bibleslop

            • 5 months ago
              Anonymous

              Tolkien would take comparisons of his work to the bible as a massive compliment

  35. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Does the writing on the ring mean anything?

  36. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    why did sauron create the ring in the first place? all it did was corrupting just 9 men. it didn't give him any special powers, but he put his spirit in it so when it's destroyed he's gone for good. I swear to god this gotta be the most moronic mcguffin in history. he basically created a killswitch for himself

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      If he didn't put his soul into the ring he would have died when Isildur fricked him up.

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        >If he didn't put his soul into the ring he would have died when Isildur fricked him up.
        Rowling really did borrow this soul splitting concept.

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          She "borrowed" from a lot of places

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            that owl looks mad

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            the owl has no relevance in the work

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        No he wouldn’t. Jesus you guys are a bunch of pretend nerds.
        The ring was so that Sauron could use his power and not lose it. Every other Maiar and Valar, when they use their powers they grow weaker permanently. Sauron made the ring so that he could use his power to corrupt Middle Earth and not lose it forever, it was kept in the ring. When the ring is destroyed, Sauron is not killed, he’s left without physical form and powerless. Sauron with the ring was the most powerful being in middle earth because it recycled his power essentially giving him infinite magical abilities .

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          >The ring was so that Sauron could use his power and not lose it
          how could we have known?

  37. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Melkor morgoth goldbery tom? homies did we watch the same movie? What are you guys on about?

  38. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    there’s no logic to tolkiens world. imagine being a guy in the fricking 1950s, long after we knew about evolution and shit, thinking an invisible fairy said hocus pocus and made the universe. that’s the sensible real world logic this israelite worshipper operated on. imagine what fantasy logic was to him

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Burn in hell you commie frick.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >guy starts writing in the fricking trenches at the Somme
      >wtf, why is he rejecting modernity?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      There are better ways to criticize Tolkien, moron.

      >Be Tolkien.
      >An autistic perfectionist.
      >Establish in your head and notes that no two Elves share the same name.
      >Write LOTR.
      >Currently writing "The Silmarillion."
      >Notice that you accidentally named two different characters "Glorfindel." So they HAVE to be the same guy. But he dies in the Second Age. But then appears in LOTR.
      >So do you change the name of the guy in "The Silmarillion?"
      >Nope, instead you make up the Elvish death-Halls of Mandos-reincarnation cycle, so give the reason why Glorfindel is back to life, and back in Middle-Earth.
      >In your autism don't notice that you fricked up, or made nonsensical, several other storylines in the process.
      >Oh, well.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >there’s no logic to tolkiens world
      seethe, just read a catechism.

  39. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Why not just flush it down a hobbit toilet?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Do hobbits have sewer plants or do they do the designated shitting street thing?

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        They have natural sewer, caverns if you will. They are inhabited by a variety of foul creatures including shit-goblins
        This is canon

  40. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    >throw ring in the middle of the ocean
    >Ulmo yeets it into the deepest chasm never to be seen again
    Seems like the best possible option that doesn't involve it being destroyed. However, that wouldn't stop Sauron from gathering an army and wreaking havok across Middle-earth.

  41. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    >build a big ship with a furnace on board
    >build a mold for a giant cube like 10 yards by 10 yards
    >suspend ring in the middle of the giant cube from a chain
    >fill mold with molten iron or steel
    >sink ship in the deepest part of the ocean
    Good luck retrieving that.

  42. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Why don't they just
    >tie the ring to the end of a very long string
    >leave the ring, unspool the string as you carry the spool to mordor
    >at mt. doom, roll the string back up
    >throw the ring into the lava
    ?

  43. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    What makes Mt. Doom's lava more powerful than regular lava? Le magic?

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      Rules of magic
      The ring can only be destroyed in the same place it was forged (or by dragon fire)

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        >or by dragon fire
        Why?

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          it's powerful magic fire that can melt even the rings of power, but there's no dragons left by the time of LotR

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            >it's powerful magic fire
            Sounds like an unimaginative cop-out. Explain the physical process by which the atoms of the One Ring break apart when it comes into contact with molten rock from Orodruin or with a fire-drake's conflagration. Don't dumb it down.

            • 5 months ago
              Anonymous

              Magic.
              It's a magical setting so it doesn't need further explaining.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                I find it hard to believe that there wouldn't be an underlying process behind the ring's destruction, be it physical, magical, supernatural or otherwise, so stop fricking around and explain it to me.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                The one ring is impervious to physical damage. It appears to be gold but clearly has different qualities. It can grow and shrink too... it’s magic mate, just accept it.

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        Gandalf stated that not even Ancalagon the black, greatest of dragons could have melted the one.

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          sounds quite racist. why can't the black dragon melt the ring? is his fire not white enough?

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          he didn't even know how to open a magic door

          • 5 months ago
            Anonymous

            He was overthinking it. Such a simple riddle was beneath him.

            • 5 months ago
              Anonymous

              he literally sat down and smoked weed.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                It's not weed.

              • 5 months ago
                Anonymous

                he was so stoned he didn't know wtf way to go in the mines and then when he wanted solo the raid boss he told the group to fly.
                it was weed.

  44. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    >muh Tom Bombadil
    Books were a fricking mistake.

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >noooooooo not the singing man who lives in a cottage in the woods, how could this happen to me

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      >noooooooo not the singing man who lives in a cottage in the woods, how could this happen to me

      Didn't any of your morons catch up on the fact that Tom Bombadil is Melkor, or some aspect of him?

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        moron take. Tom Bombadil predates lotr itself. He's a character from some unrelated short story Tolkein wrote.

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          >He's a character from some unrelated short story Tolkein wrote
          no he isn't. he saved the hobbits.

        • 5 months ago
          Anonymous

          >Tom Bombadil is stated to be the first being on Arda.
          >Melkor in "The Silmarillion" is stated to be the first to enter Arda in search of the Secret Fire.

          He didn't even try to hide it, anon.

  45. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Why didn't Frodo and Sam just used an Amazon truck to deliver the Ring?

  46. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Baby's first fantasy story

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      t. Abercrombie enjoyer pseud

  47. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    Should I bother reading the books or do the movies a good enough job replacing them

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      The movies are great but they're definitely not a replacement for the books. Pretty much every why didn't X? argument is explained in the books also the quality and quantity of the dialog is much higher. Tolkein being a scholar of the english language and all.
      Plus the movies made hundreds of small changes to the story and it's nice to see how it really goes.

      • 5 months ago
        Anonymous

        Thanks for explaining, anon. Might give them a read soon

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      movies are garbage to be honest (desu)
      Read, its more fun

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      The films are just really well-produced hollywood action movies. They excise all of the Christian messaging and virtually every character in the films is incredibly one-dimensional and streamlined for an american audience

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      if you want to ruin the movies for yourself do not read the books.

  48. 5 months ago
    Anonymous

    why is it that everyone who poses this question suddenly forget about the ringwraiths
    >um why not just put it on a rope that's like 8 miles long
    because the ringwraiths would get it

    • 5 months ago
      Anonymous

      It’s said the ring wraiths can sense the ring but it’s very weak unless someone puts the ring on or is very close to them. The ring was carried to mordor quite literally under their nose and they had no idea.

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