A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”
The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn’t such a coward, then perhaps…perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that wienered and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all…Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I’m not feeling good. And so the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?”
Oh Albert Fish? He was known as the Gray Man, The Werewolf of Wysteria.
You know why he was known as The Gray Man? Because -- he was a serial killer, he slayed children, and ate them, he was a cannibal -- but when the police asked a woman to describe him, and she said, "he was gray, in both appearances and demeanor..." Very bad description for the police to go by...
So anyways he was a child rapist and cannibal like i explained, but Fish boasted that he had children in every state. Now I would not boast about that and i don't think you would, I don't think you'd do it, but if you did do it you certainly wouldn't boast about it, you'd take that to the grave with you, but he boasted.
Anyways, this is interesting, Fish chose his victims -- he only chose victims who were either mentally handicapped, now don't laugh at this next part...please. Fish chose victims who were either mentally handicapped...or African American...
classic. the best part of the joke is the context, this came after years of him doing jokes on conan where the punchline was literally "andy richter is gay" and then he does this last one, and andy's prepared for yet another gay joke, and he instead pulls out the amazing twist of "he's actually not gay...he was just raped by a guy"
It might be this one kek. One of the best jokes ever, not just from Norm but in general.
I like to believe Norm was the reason that movie bombed.
Came to post this comment with that video. His "Hitler's Dog" special had many choices for best overall joke/bit; but this event shows the speed of his wit
>but this event shows the speed of his wit
Yeah what really makes it funny is how fast he comes up with it. Most people would think of something like that hours later in the shower, Norm spat it out immediately.
All the best ones have been posted but here's one I recently found and I thought was funny: >The coast guard has joined the search for some missing fisherman off the shark infested waters of Florida >Also joining the search: sharks.
>College freshman Scott D'amaro set a new world record by using his head to bust 142 eggs, and now officially holds a place in the Guinness Book of Fricking morons
I lol'd
>Jenny McCarthy recently announced her engagement to former New Kids On The Block star Donnie Wahlberg. They plan to marry on moron Island.
one of my favorite non-jokes
No, it definitely comes off as Norm sabotaging (read: saving) the sketch, seeing as everyone else is doing the SNL standard practice of trying way too hard with zero-effort material.
It's funny, the first time I saw it I thought his responses were kind of like double sarcasm. I thought he was saying normal things as a kind of sarcastic sidestep from what other people were remarking on.
Nah, you see Andy is really uptight about gay jokes because his father ran out on his mother when he was 10 years old so that he could go frick Asian twinks; but because Andy is a good liberal he has to pretend that it doesn't bother him and that he doesn't hold a deep hatred of his father and the gay community for destroying his family and humiliating his mother because his father loved dick and ass more than he loved Andy.
>So how about them kids in gaza, huh? Have you heard about that? There's like bombs flying everywhere and no food, or running water and electricity. Everybody'a in shock. Kids are dying by the thousands.... Gosh, I mean it sure must be difficult to be israelite in Israel right now. All that racket. Crying and whining, like. "Get off my lawn you damn whippersnappers!"
even better, it was a clip of the snowboarder girl failing some jump and having a hard, long fall in a competition. cue norm: "it actually looks easy."
And Charles Woodson, the first defensive player to win the Heisman Trophy. They can never take that away from you. Unless you kill your wife and a waiter, in which case all bets are off.
I saw a clip from the weekend update where he covered kasparov playing IBM's deep blue. He spends like 90 seconds analyzing one of the games of the series and invoking chess terminology without missing a beat, and he ends it with >Mr. Kasparov, what in the hell were you thinking?
Idk, cracks me up
A man's wife was in a coma.
He says, "Doc, is there anything we can do?" Doc says, "Well, there is one thing. But it's very unconventional."
The man says, "I'm willing to try anything."
Doc says, "Well, you go in there and have oral with her."
Man says: "By, God..."
Doc says, "I've seen it work."
She had been in a coma so long that the man decided to try it.
He goes in and he's in there for about ten minutes.
Then he comes out and say, "Doc, she's choking!"
>They say junkyard dogs are the mean. But the meanest dogs are found guarding concentration camps. And it says here (holding up card), there's a note. It says: the 1973 Jim Croce smash hit "Bad Bad Leroy Brown" originally contained the lyric "meaner than a concentration camp dog" but Croce decided it was unpleasant to the ear... and it was offensive to israelites, gypsies, and homosexuals. Little did it matter, Croce would be dead within a year.
A man with a giant pumpkin for a head walks up to his friend...
The friend says, “My God! What happened to your head!?”
“Well,” says the man, “I found a genie in a lamp who granted me three wishes.”
“What did you wish for?” says the friend.
“For the first one I wished for a hundred million dollars, and I got it!”
“Wow!”
“And then, for the second wish I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world,” says the man, “and I got her.”
“Alright”
“The third wish is where I really messed up...” says the man.
“What went wrong?!” says the friend.
“Well, I really screwed up, man” says the man, “I wished for a giant pumpkin for a head...”
>be comedian >'guys stuff isnt even funny like god you've heard all these words before who cares what order they're in, finding things funny is DUMB' >comedian btw
i watched his netflix special recently from 2017 or 2019 and it wasn't better than the best gags from his show but there were some really funny/original bits I had never heard before, often the kind of jokes that only a few people laugh at but jokes that kill
It's really something that mangrate is absolutely the funniest thing to me. It isn't even a joke, just contagious and the complete disregard for the advertiser. Just making a mockery of the mangrate and the ad copy.
So was he gay or was the closeted thing in the Larry King interview a joke, and answer this in some way that isn't "he was closeted" or "he was deeply closeted"
His entire podcast was golden because he was just hanging around friends making fun of eggret. His mangrate ads were the best he did and some of the top moments in all comedy
For me it's >It's your dad alive? >No >FRICK
>Did you know, JetBlue Airlines ranked first for satisfaction among all North American airlines? >Wanna know what ranked least in satisfcation? 9/11 airlines What a terrible name for an airliner, reminds me of that tragedy
>people always say they don’t understand suicide and I’m like, you don’t?? >what do you live in a fricking cotton candy house? >you don’t know about life and how it only gets worse until you die a terrible violent death?
That’s my favorite
He's actually not that funny. Compare him to Don Rickles and he looks like Amy Chumer next to Louis CK. The whole alcoholism thing made you guys think oh im him
A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”
The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn’t such a coward, then perhaps…perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that wienered and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all…Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I’m not feeling good. And so the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?”
And the moth says, “‘Cause the light was on.“
i miss him ever tiem :'(
That joke is like 70 years old.
His other jokes were even older!
and norm re-invented it. i guarantee you that the original writer of the joke would have considered Norm's take to be the finest delivery.
he was our hope, I guess
So is your sugar daddy.
God this is unfunny
Stick with your homosexual ear rape TikToks, zoomie.
I'm 34. Norm stopped being funny when he got cancer
Imagine be so desperate to fit in that you actually pretended this is a good joke
>CAUSE THE LIGHT WAS ON
Overrated
This
>podiatrist
you dumb fricking moron
The one about the ADL making it snow in april
i recently watched a compilation of every single OJ joke he did, every single one was funny lmfao
The Albert Fish story.
>He was a real jerk!
Oh Albert Fish? He was known as the Gray Man, The Werewolf of Wysteria.
You know why he was known as The Gray Man? Because -- he was a serial killer, he slayed children, and ate them, he was a cannibal -- but when the police asked a woman to describe him, and she said, "he was gray, in both appearances and demeanor..." Very bad description for the police to go by...
So anyways he was a child rapist and cannibal like i explained, but Fish boasted that he had children in every state. Now I would not boast about that and i don't think you would, I don't think you'd do it, but if you did do it you certainly wouldn't boast about it, you'd take that to the grave with you, but he boasted.
Anyways, this is interesting, Fish chose his victims -- he only chose victims who were either mentally handicapped, now don't laugh at this next part...please. Fish chose victims who were either mentally handicapped...or African American...
WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING
Andy Richter the Swedish German
That joke is an 8/10 that becomes a 10/10 when you add in the "you weren't gay you were raped!" and Andy's asspain over it.
>That joke is an 8/10 that becomes a 10/10 when you add in the punch line
yeah most jokes are like that
The punchline came before all that you pedantic pussywrinkle.
It became an 11/10 when he seethed for most of conan's memorial podcast after norm died
thats what happens when you breed the two most humorless races together
Andy Richter is alive
And he's the straightest guy in the room.
classic. the best part of the joke is the context, this came after years of him doing jokes on conan where the punchline was literally "andy richter is gay" and then he does this last one, and andy's prepared for yet another gay joke, and he instead pulls out the amazing twist of "he's actually not gay...he was just raped by a guy"
The dog house joke is good for a lot of reasons besides the punch line.
why did the moron throw the clock out the window?
because it reminded him of Richard Clock. The man convicted of knife raping his wife
I asked my son why he cuts himself. He said he does it so that he can feel something, anything.
Can't he just feel nothing like the rest of us?
And then the knife clapped.
>when uncle Terry's been drinking you don't frick with him
My favorite
whats the context of this one, it sounds funny but it sounds like a smaller portion of a bigger joke
it's an 8 minute story a child tells his class about his uncle who goes nuts in vietnam and kills a bunch of people then jacks off on their corpses
No offence, but it sounds like a bunch of commie fricking goobledeasiatic
9/11..
Someone did a TTS AI version of this that I can't find now.
>the first plane
>first
Norm confirmed for predicting 9/11
?si=9qPAqjGNhEJUY8kv
vocaroo com/1w69Z2yT5JiP
Here is the vocaroo
My fricking sides
Holy shit I thought i saw everything by norm.
I'm embarrased by the amount of people here who think this is real
Okay this didnt happen? I’ve seen everything by norm and I was shocked I had never heard of this.
I bet board is spelled b-o-r-e-d
It might be this one kek. One of the best jokes ever, not just from Norm but in general.
I like to believe Norm was the reason that movie bombed.
I thought it bombed because was a movie starring Carrot Top
what was the best joke there? i found the melrose place bit to be funniest but Conan's reaction really enhanced the last gag
Came to post this comment with that video. His "Hitler's Dog" special had many choices for best overall joke/bit; but this event shows the speed of his wit
>but this event shows the speed of his wit
Yeah what really makes it funny is how fast he comes up with it. Most people would think of something like that hours later in the shower, Norm spat it out immediately.
yeah, this is the only right answer, not only it's improvised, it's also a great joke
I didn't even know he was sick...
He made himself the punchline.
Doghouse joke
This. The doghouse joke is timeless, and it requires perfect timing because it’s so lengthy. Truly norms Tour de France.
>My aunt turned her house into a bed and breakfast. I guess she woke up and said, "Not enough strangers are fricking here."
i just loved the way he would pretend to be moronic and make fun of people without them even realizing it
Incredible.
His suicide.
constantly explaining things to the folks at home. and the gold plated chains joke.
Super Dave was such an unlikable piece of shit on that show, perfect straight man.
it's funny, because irl super dave was as blue as they come. any comedian or anybody that knew him says so.
>Knock Knock
>Naw I'm kidding I am dead.
Never bet on black
>Terrible name for an airline. Reminds me of that tragedy.
All the best ones have been posted but here's one I recently found and I thought was funny:
>The coast guard has joined the search for some missing fisherman off the shark infested waters of Florida
>Also joining the search: sharks.
>College freshman Scott D'amaro set a new world record by using his head to bust 142 eggs, and now officially holds a place in the Guinness Book of Fricking morons
I lol'd
>Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening, love like you've never been hurt, and frick like a goddamned moron.
>Jenny McCarthy recently announced her engagement to former New Kids On The Block star Donnie Wahlberg. They plan to marry on moron Island.
one of my favorite non-jokes
Its not a joke but the story where he meets Matlock in a book store is the most i've laughed at a Norm bit
"I didn't even know he was sick" because he literally died with no one knowing he was sick.
This, and him lying about his age. At some point he started telling people he was like 5 years older than he actually was.
Katt n Gillis r stealing my shit norm. I JUST WANTED TO SHITPIAST FOREVER
I can continue to to post without zero compunction like a God damn goy...
His deeply closeted joke is somehow both dumb but also very clever
Norm was actually gay
Matthew Perry a genius?
Why is he good at math or something?
Have some respect, he invented Matt speak.
Are you talking about sarcasm?
I’m convinced the Sarcasm 101 sketch on SNL was written by Norm to secretly make fun of Perry
No, it definitely comes off as Norm sabotaging (read: saving) the sketch, seeing as everyone else is doing the SNL standard practice of trying way too hard with zero-effort material.
Right but the idea that sarcasm is so complicated you need a college class to learn it seems like Norm commenting on Perry’s Mattspeak bullshit.
It's funny, the first time I saw it I thought his responses were kind of like double sarcasm. I thought he was saying normal things as a kind of sarcastic sidestep from what other people were remarking on.
>That fricking sorcerer cut your hand didn’t he?
Swedish-German
Did you see Andy seething about it being homophobic on Twitter just a month or so before Norm died?
Holy frick, Andy is absolutely seething here. https://youtu.be/1ASofCy8Mz4?t=44
He's doing a bit, moron
Sure, Andy. Whatever you say.
Nah, you see Andy is really uptight about gay jokes because his father ran out on his mother when he was 10 years old so that he could go frick Asian twinks; but because Andy is a good liberal he has to pretend that it doesn't bother him and that he doesn't hold a deep hatred of his father and the gay community for destroying his family and humiliating his mother because his father loved dick and ass more than he loved Andy.
I wonder if Norm would be happy knowing his fanbase ended up being a bunch of right wing incels
Better than a bunch of left wing homosexuals in wigs and makeup popping estrogen pills every five minutes.
Nah they're about the same. I doubt he'd want either to be his primary audience
"sure thomas edison may have invented the light bulb, but i invented the light bulb... UP MY ASS"
The Dirty Johnny Vietnam joke
>I lllike rrraping and I know it's bad but by god
Holy shit. So much funny stuff
himself
>I'm just kidding, we don't hire women.
for me, its the bowl of plaque joke
>So how about them kids in gaza, huh? Have you heard about that? There's like bombs flying everywhere and no food, or running water and electricity. Everybody'a in shock. Kids are dying by the thousands.... Gosh, I mean it sure must be difficult to be israelite in Israel right now. All that racket. Crying and whining, like. "Get off my lawn you damn whippersnappers!"
> I got an idea for a bumper sticker that’ll piss everyone off.
Its the hypocrisy
>You know it says right here, in this world war 2 history book, that the good guys won. Isnt that funny? The good guys always win!
Norm himself said it was the yippee joke. 'The perfect joke' he called it
Why has no one posted it yet?
>The 12minute joke about news and shallow graves
?si=pBOGRXDZ73TMJj0y
I think the better quality YouTube video got removed for some reason, this is all I could find rn.
Its good, but nowhere near his best
Short and sweet. My favorite thing about his jokes is how happy they made him.
His Answering Machine bit always killed.
>It's official... Murder is legal in the state of California.
Not his darkest joke but it always hit me just right. Perfect lead up and punch line.
>I found your son
that one is so good cause it's just off the cuff
first time I heard this I think I laughed for about 8 minutes straight.
Goddamn.
for me it’s Adams snort while Saget tries to recall his age
this is the best one. he executed it masterfully, and just ended the show right afterwards for the cherry on top
When he told the Olympic snowboarder girl that her trick didn't look very hard, that was pretty good.
even better, it was a clip of the snowboarder girl failing some jump and having a hard, long fall in a competition. cue norm: "it actually looks easy."
The time he met Matlock
The Swedish German joke would work better if Norm wasn't a self loathing closeted homosexual while Andy is a married man with children
calm down Andy, it was decades ago
>Adam here is a Holocaust denier
>I had a barmitzvah!
Him never denying it makes it so much funnier
He used to jerk off punks underneath the Queensboro Bridge for $15 a man.
And Charles Woodson, the first defensive player to win the Heisman Trophy. They can never take that away from you. Unless you kill your wife and a waiter, in which case all bets are off.
homie had fear in his eyes soon as Norm mentioned him
He seems gay to me
his doctor told him he has an oral fixation
how did the doctor know?
He was suckin his wiener
My friends showed me some porn with all male casts. Who the frick wants to see that?
I like the Great Gatsby in 3D joke.
His Who Wants To Be A Millionaire run is the best thing he ever did though.
What's the worst thing you can hear after blowing Willie Nelson?
"I'm not Willie Nelson"
moth joke
Dying of cancer lol
I didn't even know he was sick
Can’t believe he took the vax. What a shame, imagine if he hadn’t taken it he’d still be here with us today.
I saw a clip from the weekend update where he covered kasparov playing IBM's deep blue. He spends like 90 seconds analyzing one of the games of the series and invoking chess terminology without missing a beat, and he ends it with
>Mr. Kasparov, what in the hell were you thinking?
Idk, cracks me up
Say what you will about Elon Musk, but with his new plan of sending people to Mars, there's no more creative serial killer.
A man's wife was in a coma.
He says, "Doc, is there anything we can do?" Doc says, "Well, there is one thing. But it's very unconventional."
The man says, "I'm willing to try anything."
Doc says, "Well, you go in there and have oral with her."
Man says: "By, God..."
Doc says, "I've seen it work."
She had been in a coma so long that the man decided to try it.
He goes in and he's in there for about ten minutes.
Then he comes out and say, "Doc, she's choking!"
>They say junkyard dogs are the mean. But the meanest dogs are found guarding concentration camps. And it says here (holding up card), there's a note. It says: the 1973 Jim Croce smash hit "Bad Bad Leroy Brown" originally contained the lyric "meaner than a concentration camp dog" but Croce decided it was unpleasant to the ear... and it was offensive to israelites, gypsies, and homosexuals. Little did it matter, Croce would be dead within a year.
Ripe old age for a crocodile hunter
A man with a giant pumpkin for a head walks up to his friend...
The friend says, “My God! What happened to your head!?”
“Well,” says the man, “I found a genie in a lamp who granted me three wishes.”
“What did you wish for?” says the friend.
“For the first one I wished for a hundred million dollars, and I got it!”
“Wow!”
“And then, for the second wish I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world,” says the man, “and I got her.”
“Alright”
“The third wish is where I really messed up...” says the man.
“What went wrong?!” says the friend.
“Well, I really screwed up, man” says the man, “I wished for a giant pumpkin for a head...”
the joke i am the biggest fan of probably is his viagra joke
how have i never seen this Dennis Miller guy, he really let Norm go without shaming him
Was it seethe?
h-he's just doing a bit
Wow didnt realize he actually was that annoyed by it
Norm really hit a nerve. He must be deeply closeted.
>be comedian
>'guys stuff isnt even funny like god you've heard all these words before who cares what order they're in, finding things funny is DUMB'
>comedian btw
for me it's the moth joke.
Okay, manslaughter
Call me an old softy but I'd prefer to be called a distinguished gentleman with a flagging erection
She was a leper
best part of that joke is how softly and intimately he tells the whole story before telling the punchline like it wasn't even a joke
Not telling anyone he was dying.
i watched his netflix special recently from 2017 or 2019 and it wasn't better than the best gags from his show but there were some really funny/original bits I had never heard before, often the kind of jokes that only a few people laugh at but jokes that kill
the audiobook of his autobiography is read by him and it's top notch
For me it’s the thatcher joke
Have you heard about the revolution?
It's really something that mangrate is absolutely the funniest thing to me. It isn't even a joke, just contagious and the complete disregard for the advertiser. Just making a mockery of the mangrate and the ad copy.
Chicken. STEak.
It's how excited Norm gets to shit on them too.
Norm had perfected delivery, he can pretty much say anything and you will crack a grin
So was he gay or was the closeted thing in the Larry King interview a joke, and answer this in some way that isn't "he was closeted" or "he was deeply closeted"
His partner was Lori Jo Hoekstra
>molested as child
>constantly jokes about secret gay guys etc
I thought he was gay even before he started joking about being closeted
His entire podcast was golden because he was just hanging around friends making fun of eggret. His mangrate ads were the best he did and some of the top moments in all comedy
For me it's
>It's your dad alive?
>No
>FRICK
My favorite is the "I'm not actually a welder" one. It never gets a laugh at work.
Give that frog a loan
playing scrabble with old harold delaney
Professor of logic
I need a collection of those jokes he read on the podcast
>Did you know, JetBlue Airlines ranked first for satisfaction among all North American airlines?
>Wanna know what ranked least in satisfcation?
9/11 airlines
What a terrible name for an airliner, reminds me of that tragedy
>people always say they don’t understand suicide and I’m like, you don’t??
>what do you live in a fricking cotton candy house?
>you don’t know about life and how it only gets worse until you die a terrible violent death?
That’s my favorite
The dog house
>I can't in good conscience accept this award on behalf of Melissa McCarthy
?si=BioQxBEsWMvhPby0
>the Minnesota Fats eulogy
or the 4/20 bit on his podcast
About Johnny Saville: I knew about the pedophile stuff but not the all around bad person.
when he made kevin farley sound like a pedophile on some radio show. baited the interviewer and farley so well
The whole Courtney Thorne-Smith interview on Conan O'Brien that Norm interjected himself into
He's actually not that funny. Compare him to Don Rickles and he looks like Amy Chumer next to Louis CK. The whole alcoholism thing made you guys think oh im him