Who would win in the inevitable 'Cocaine Bear' sequel?
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Who would win in the inevitable 'Cocaine Bear' sequel?
Who would win in the inevitable 'Cocaine Bear' sequel?
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A hippo could nog them both at the same time.
Cocaine hippo has real legs. Just consider the nose potential.
>from A24 comes the mostly true-ish story of one man's fight against the unnatural of nature
>in a sequel to one of the greatest stories ever told by man in the last century
>from the producers of Cocaine Bear
>comes
COCAINE HIPPO.
>can you handle the fear?
that's some Sci fi channel original shit right there.
Escobar actually owned hippos and after his death the government just released them into the wild, where they took up the role of an extinct native species
Imagine being Escobar's employee and one day your boss says "I want some hippos"
Imagine the reward he got when he brought the hippos in.
"OK boss"
*brings your mom*
You're saying there are now wild hippos in Mexico?
Escobar was Colombian tho. They use another filter instead of yellow down there
They've spread all over central America fricking up the environment & rivers
Looked shit up and they're gonna cull and sterilize a part of the cocaine hippo population. Way to make my day and then crash it, anon.
Colombian here, those frickers are a pest. They contaminate creeks and rivers, are extremely aggressive and are multiplying ate a fast rate. That's Escobar for you, the gift that keeps giving.
As if by now they haven't already migrated through the waterways to Peru and Venezuela
IIRC the government was going to cull/sterilize them but the locals threw a tantrum because they've become a regional icon.
That was with the first hippo that ran away from Escobar's ranch. But after that general sentiment has changed.
It would be nice. I bet some crazy narco like to eats hippo steaks.
It would be really difficult, luckily the water ways where hippos are don't connect with the Orinoco basin that goes to Venezuela.
can you eat them?
Just start eatin 'em
Hippos don't need any cocaine to be batshit murder machines.
Could a hippo kill a T-rex if the T-rex was trying to swim over a river? I know it'd probably be fricked if the T-rex caught it in Its mouth but couldn't it like swim in front of it and take a shit in Its mouth or something?
in the water the hippo would win
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One lion fricks off immediately as soon as the hippo cuts loose, the other two lions must be moronic to not get the frick out asap
OUGH
Aren't hippos already the most aggressive large land animals in Africa? Giving it cocaine would make it a tank
>Aren't hippos already the most aggressive large land animals in Africa?
Yes.
No, that's br*tish tourists.
pic related would sodomise all 3
a male elephant on musth is literally murdering corpse-rapist dolphin tier crazy, they basically produce their own cocaine in their bloodstream on a timely basis during these fricking phases. I will forever be confused how elephants gained this reputation as peaceful empathetic giants when the males routinely enter an extremely kill and frick everything mood periodically
>they basically produce their own cocaine in their bloodstream on a timely basis during these fricking phases
When will Big Pharma synthesize this Ultra Musk?
BEC trumps BBC
Circuses probably, which only used female and baby elephants for that reason.
Elephants are unequivocally based
>I will forever be confused how elephants gained this reputation as peaceful empathetic giants
tbf everything looks like a qt fluffy animal to a guy holding a William Moore & Co. 8-gauge loaded with solid slugs.
Okay okay, it seems clear that the bar would win. But what if the gorilla got one good punch in--- would the bear go down?
Gorilla would be half shredded before he could even position himself for a punch.
RIP Gorillas and Gorilla Fanciers.
Hippo bros RISE UP
grizzly wins 100/100 times
if we are talking kodiak bear it would win 1v2 or 1v3
What if the gorilla punches the grizzly really hard in the head?
Not actually true because bears are really not that inclined to fight. If they do fight they have a high success rate though. Look up bear vs tiger lore m8.
Animal don't actually like fighting. A gorilla is smart enough to attack the groin or face. While the bear is a coward that flees after experiencing major pain.
Gorilla isn’t going to have time to be groping the grizzly.
Grizzly bears are cowardly. While a gorilla knows to use intimidation to make itself seem taller. So the bear would most likely get scared and walk away.
>the bear is a coward that flees after experiencing major pain
>the bear would most likely get scared and walk away
what part of (they are both on cocaine) is not registering for you??
Both animals make themselves appear taller and both tend to be quite cowardly. Gorillas will back down if a normal human stands their ground and doesn't run. There's even videos of people doing it.
You can intimate a bear fairly easily. A gorilla will legit murder you for the slightest mistake.
Do gorillas fight animals larger than themselves? A bear would be enormous even to a gorilla. I don't think a gorilla would even try to attack a bear. A bear on its hind legs is bigger than a gorilla and the whole appear taller thing is a behavior meant to b***h out smaller opponents.
A gorilla if cornered or threatened would easily be able to outsmart the bear, using his enormous grip strength could handle anything the bear would be able to do it him. Maybe the bear claws would leave some marks but the gorilla will always win.
Yeah I'm sure he'll just "outsmart" the bears razor sharp claws and 1000lbs mass. Fricking idiot
gorilla full force punches would feel like nothing to a grizzly
grizzly could one shot a gorilla with one swipe
what if the gorilla has a katana?
would it be more fair?
A gorilla with armor would be more fair really.
Like Ghost Dog`?
>You can intimate a bear fairly easily
Ok let's see you do it gay
>kodiak bear 9 1/2ft - 12ft tall
>regular grizzly ~6 1/2ft tall
>gorillas 5ft9in-6ft tall
>kodiak bear 600-1400lbs
>regular grizzly 400-600lbs
>gorillas 300-500lbs
>kodiak bear 35-40mph
>regular grizzly 35mph
>gorillas 25mph
>kodiak bear bite force 1,160 PSI
>regular grizzly 930 PSI
>gorillas 1,300 PSI
>kodiak bear swipe force 1,900 PSI
>regular grizzly 1,900 PSI
>gorilla punch 1,300 - 2,700 PSI
Gorillas have a stronger bite and a potentially stronger punch but they are still outclassed by grizzlies. It'll be an explosive fight to start but the bear will win. Quickly. Silverback fights are mostly "ceremonial", no real damage is usually done. AKA, they don't know how to fight. For Grizzlies every encounter with another Grizzly could easily escalate to fight to the death. Grizzlies decapitate moose with 1 swipe. Not Kodiaks, regular Grizzlies. This isn't exaggeration either
>Grizzlies decapitate moose with 1 swipe
there are zero recorded cases of that happening. zero. let me repeat that: not one
bear swipe force 1,900 PSI
grizzly 1,900 PSI
punch 1,300 - 2,700 PSI
A good gorilla punch will flatten any bear. Gorilla wins.
>"A typical silverback weighs 430 pounds (195 kg) and stands 5 feet (1.5m) tall. Silverbacks are incredibly strong and can lift over 1763 pounds (800kg) of dead weight. That’s roughly twice as much as a well trained weightlifter. In the wild, a silverback uses its immense strength to fell trees in order to reach their fruits. This makes mountain gorillas a keystone species in Virunga, since they significantly affect the ecology of their environment"
https://virunga.org/wildlife/primates/mountain-gorillas/silverback-gorilla/
btw this is without the gorillas squatting and bench pressing every day, imagine if they did and then loaded up on tren.
>picrel
AIslop, did not even enlarge thumbnail
its real bro
>Grizzlies decapitate moose with 1 swipe
this is clearly an exageration.
nah I've seen it when i was camping
The moose was blowing him
>Grizzlies decapitate moose with 1 swipe. Not Kodiaks, regular Grizzlies. This isn't exaggeration either
It is an exaggeration, most likely. They don't even do that to regular deer, nevermind these fricking things. For a bear to decapitate a normal deer in one swipe it'd need to be a pariticularly small deer, a particularly big bear, for them to strike rather than grapple and for them to do so at a clean angle. The idea that they can do this comes from a forum post that everybody cites, but if you look up the names of the reports and researchers it mentions there are no results for any of it.
Checkmate bearthiests.
It’s so over
did he tried to eat the moose syrup?
Damn, that fat bastard can run.
>Gorillas will back down if a normal human stands their ground
Gorilla's aren't exceptionally aggressive for sure, but if one of their babies are stolen, the entire troop will fight to the death to get it back. This is what makes poaching so dangerous, as the poachers that steal babies have to end up killing the entire troop.
>Groping the grizzly
Holy shit! You just made my day.
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you're a moron
Grizzly would rape this protoBlack person so hard he would change his legal name to Troglodytes R. Gorilla
The bear for sure. Bears are fricking hard c**ts.
Gorillas are the most overrated animals ever. They're frequently killed by fricking leopards.
Grizzly demolishes. Not even a fight.
Whoever strikes first wins.
>Who would win? A gorilla, or a gorilla with giant knives on the ends of it's hands?
gorilla has quicker reflexes and is stronger
Frick no. A Grizzly is way stronger.
>I'm sure to win because of my superior speed
A brown bear is like 2.5x the size of a gorilla and it's got like 4 inch claws and canines.
Also they regularly fight and wrestle with other huge brown bears and prey animals way larger than gorillas. I think 'rillas are cool as shit like everyone else but they get heemed 10/10 times vs a brown bear.
I think it's cool how a gorilla is kinda like a perfect fusion between a human and a bear
Man if i was a rich Saudi oil guy, i would stage insane animal fights. Grizzly vs silver back, crocodile vs alligator, lion vs tiger, i think honey badger vs porcupine would be kino.
Dogs, it's always dogs
The second you get multiple dogs on almost anything they win, pack animals are ridiculous in an actual fight unless it's something they are literally unable to hurt
the croc always wins that fight, even if its not a saltwater croc
Show me a video of a gorilla being more ferocious in a fight than a grizzly. Doesn't exist.
All people attempting to film such a ferocious attack have themselves fallen victim to the gorilla's unparalleled rage and fighting technique, and none have survived to show off their footage.
7 or 8 out of 10 times, grizzly is winning. 2 or 3 out of those 10, the gorilla gets a nice neck bite or is able to take the back in a strategic way
>able to take the back in a strategic way
what the frick does that even mean
gets him in full mount, is able to turn him around and maybe go for a rear naked choke or possible an arm bar or kimora
bear would just get him with a d'arce choke from the bottom
Most of the time animals intimidate each other and back away slowly. They're not having cartoon fights to the death. A crippling injury in a fight is a death sentence for any animal. They're not going to risk having their nose, eyes or face being ripped off.
shut the frick up, they're fighting to the death
Gorilla:
Strength: 7
Dex: 10
Bear: Strength: 9
Dex: 2
Gorilla wins and its not even close
>Gorilla:
>Strength: 7
>Dex: 3
>Bear: Strength: 9
>Dex: 7
ftfy
Grizzly bros... I don't feel so good
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I saw it happen once but my phone was dead so I couldn't record it
>I saw it happen once but my phone was dead so I couldn't record it
itt: the buttholes who tell you someone said something bad about you.
Bear basically 1 shots a gorilla with its claws, gorilla can't reliably kill a bear without getting multiple attacks off
A gorilla can rip off a bear's face. Even if it dies the bear dies too.
No it can't
Grizzly bear hide can be as thick as 10mm and there's an insulating layer of fat underneath for winter. compare to gorillas at 4 mm, and humans at 1 mm. A gorilla is not easily ripping off a bear's face
Gorillas are pussies. They mostly just smack the ground and pound their chests and then they run up and give you a flurry of punches before running away. A grizzly would make mincemeat out of this overrated sissy primate.
A bear is scared of a person pretending to look big and making a sound. They'd both run away after meeting each other.
Name every grizzly bear you've scared away.
Yogi
Booboo
I bet gorillas are too
Humans hack animal programming. If you stand tall and don't flinch animals will get frightened at the last second because their programming tells them that something that doesn't back down is more frightening than they are
I'm pretty sure this works with all animals every time
>I'm pretty sure this works with all animals every time
Pretty sure hippos, rhinos and elephants would disagree
MAYBE. I think Rhinos have some build in blind charge thing. I'd be curious if there are videos of people psyching them out.
elephants are homosexuals, one punch in the phrooh and they start pissing and shitting in fear
same with rhinos if you can still find one
hippos will shred you in pieces and would dismember both a gorilla and a bear at the same time
elephants and rhinos crush fat hippos
Not polar bears, they don’t give a frick.
We call them Aryan Bears
>aryan
>they come from the land of the Eskimo
This is your brain on /misc/
>I'm pretty sure this works with all animals every time
Not so much.
grizzler bears kill those bigfoots all the time, it's a known fact. that's why they are so hard to find.
/thread
While a bear might have some better stats, a gorilla's knowledge of gorilla warfare makes him far more powerful than the bear.
americucks think gorillas would win because they see them as big black guys to worship
Did Romans ever use hippos in their coliseum animal fights? Or were they just too dangerous?
I'd like to see enraged Hippo vs 10 extremely obese Americans
Maybe emperor Trump can put on shows like these with groups of liberals and invaders and whatnot in the New Coliseum
Bears are immune to blunt damage from the gorillas punches. It's possible the gorilla could rip the bears jaw off as seen in King Kong though
Bear wins. Easy.
Ketamine Komodo
Fentanyl Fish
Krokodil Crocodile
Is there anything more pathetic than gorillagays
99% of it is just bait anyways
Spicy butthole gorilla would be kino
Grizzly > 10 leopards > Leopard > Gorilla
A tiger could kill them both. At the same time.
no. maybe it could take a grizzly despite the size disadvantage thanks to it's hunting instinct and agility, but a silverback pounding it at the same time would be game over
>but a silverback pounding it at the same time would be game over
not with that tiny lil dick, the tiger probably wouldn't even feel it
You are implying the bear and gorilla would team up somehow, or the gorilla would try to save the bear, but this is real life not a cartoon. The gorilla would 100% run the frick away shitting itself as soon as he saw the tiger attack the bear.
nyooooo i want my bearbro and rillabro tag team!
we were talking about a hypothetical you autist. if we're gonna be realistic then the tiger wouldn't even go after the bear because why the frick would it spend energy on something so dangerous?
>hypothetical
Intellectual cowardice.
but you just engaged in it yourself
>In a completely unrealistic fantasy scenario, I would be right
lmao
it's all unrealistic fantasy you sperg, a tiger and bear wouldn't fight. are you moronic?
gorillagays are just 50 IQ humangays who think they could win against any animal barehanded
I would shit my pants
kino
they died 29 days later from river amoeba
I reckon I could beat an amoeba 1v1
What if they amoeba was super jacked?
a strong amoeba can pick up a full grown man by the atoms and throw him into the concrete
Gorillas are just butthole highschool jocks aren't they
If there was some sort of fog or mist, the gorilla would have an advantage
Cobain bear could have been kino if it was made by Shudder
a movie about a drug addict bear who kills himself (pathetically)
gorillas aren't shit against anything with mass because all they can do is grab
they have a higher bite force than polar bears. the reason they "aren't shit" is because they're inherently super chill creatures
Super chill is just another way to say weak or timid. Their bite force does not matter if they are unwilling or unable to use it
why would they use it? they aren't threatened by anything except humans, which all animals are
kneel to the king
Kneel.
>a bazillion vs 1
>he's still just walking away
embarrassing
shamefur dispray by lionbros
>record scratch
>yep that's me
>last week I tore a man's hair off though, hahaha
without the cocaine the the bear would own the gorilla. if the cocaine was involved the gorilla should be be completely obliterated
the shark
Orca would destroy a shark
it's over.
SWAMP ASS
USA
>*puts rock on stick*
nothing personell, evolution
I don't think people understand how sharp a bear's claws are, the force it can hit with, and it's biting psi, it would shred multiple Gorillas
I'm surprised no one posted it.
>roughly 30 % of people think they can't take a rat which they could stop on and kill or a cat to which a light hearted kick could break every bone in it's body
Don't forget the goose.
She should’ve throttled the thing. This is why making it unlawful to plow through the feathery frickers was a bad idea. Fricking birds think they can do as they please because everyone’s too afraid of a fine to hurt them even when attacked.
Gorillas get intimidated by a group of chimps. An angry bear would terrify the average Silverback
The frick is a gorilla going to do against this guy?
punch him in the dick