I was in middle school English class and the teacher put on his Hamlet. I saw it was Gilderoy Lockhart and it made me pay attention. That film made me fall in love with Shakespeare. Kenneth Branagh became my favorite actor/director because of how batshit crazy diverse his career is. He can do Henry V in one film and then play Dr. Loveless in frickin Wild Wild West. I love that for some reason. When it was announced he would direct Thor I brought a Hamlet poster to Comic-Con. Stars aligned and I got it signed.
Now.
I never saw Harry Potter or Lockhart but I know who Kenneth Branagh is since the 90s.
I always thought Harry Potter was "Power Rangers-Tier" so I never bothered with the series; it was baby's first fantasy so I poo poo'd it.
moronic attention seeking twitter posts arent canon. Show me in the books where dumbledore is a homosexual. You cant. Because he wasnt until being pro gay on twitter earned you likes.
The two split the profits on the mandatory class textbooks. The wizardry IRS was keeping an close eye on Dumbledore so he had to get creative how to pocket some cash on the side
what was the fricking background check process for teachers working at hogwarts?
dumbledore hired this mind rapist a year after accidentally hiring the guy with voldemort on the back of his head, and the school was still infiltrated like 3 more times after this
I'd guess Lockhart was probably a Hogwarts alumnus, and was distinguished in the field generally, so he doesn't seem like a bad choice on the face of it
Despite Harry's naive idolization of him Dumbledore is not actually omniscient. Contrary to what people believe I doubt he's even in the top 5% of wizards in his generation. Dumbledore is better than average and decently smart but he's not the second coming of Merlin like so many of his peers believe. He's just very charismatic.
>Contrary to what people believe I doubt he's even in the top 5% of wizards in his generation.
What a ridiculously stupid claim. Who do you think is in that top 5% then?
tbf foreign wizards probably did offer help but the uk would have told them to frick off it's their own problem and they'll handle it on their own
4 months ago
Anonymous
Yeah? By sheer luck that voldy actually followed the prophecy and kill himself by the power of love?
4 months ago
Anonymous
>By sheer luck
Voldemort following the prophecy started his own downfall so yeah by sheer luck Voldy was a dumbass.
4 months ago
Anonymous
That is my point
It is all based on Voldy decisions, while the good guys had almost no agency
If Voldy chose to do things only a little different, then what? Just sit there and wait while claiming “we can handle this?
4 months ago
Anonymous
>while the good guys had almost no agency
Only Harry had no agency as the tool in which Voldy unknowingly chose to be his downfall. Dumbledore was the true mastermind setting up him and others like chess pieces. >If Voldy chose to do things only a little different, then what?
We just don't know. Things worked because Voldy is a moron, and Dumbledore trusted him to continue being a moron. If Dumbledore could do it, so could others.
4 months ago
Anonymous
Sure but imagine we get the bad ending and Voldy wins. So after conquering Britain his next step is taking over the world. Now what? Does he get defeated by some nip turbo-wizard with the Asian autism buff?
4 months ago
Anonymous
>Does he get defeated by some nip turbo-wizard with the Asian autism buff?
I'd watch that movie tbqhwy.
Voldemort is a pussy who runs away whenever he thinks he has a chance of losing and hid in a forest for 10+ years until he got lucky, he also hates muggles and is a moron so he'd probably just get shot by a jogger if he apparated into the wrong part of phily.
4 months ago
Anonymous
Yeah
Does he has any plan to deal with modern weaponry since he wants to subjugate the muggles too
Or just mindhack and bunch if muggle leaders and call it a day?
4 months ago
Anonymous
I think there's one point in the books where they briefly mention there are some counters to "metallic wands" or whatever they call guns, but I'm pretty sure there's still a limit to what somebody can do about an AK or god forbid a fricking bomb/nuke (if he seriously tried to make a wizard country).
But the fact that Voldy hates muggles means he probably doesn't even know that much about modern weaporny, and a few characters did get killed/seriously harmed by knives/swords throughout the series, it's reasonable to think that a bullet is just as effective, especially if caught unawares.
4 months ago
Anonymous
They can't stop swords or arrows. Voldemort should have just hired a meth head to stab Harry in the muggle world and get it over with.
4 months ago
Anonymous
I think there's one point in the books where they briefly mention there are some counters to "metallic wands" or whatever they call guns, but I'm pretty sure there's still a limit to what somebody can do about an AK or god forbid a fricking bomb/nuke (if he seriously tried to make a wizard country).
But the fact that Voldy hates muggles means he probably doesn't even know that much about modern weaporny, and a few characters did get killed/seriously harmed by knives/swords throughout the series, it's reasonable to think that a bullet is just as effective, especially if caught unawares.
They can't stop swords or arrows. Voldemort should have just hired a meth head to stab Harry in the muggle world and get it over with.
I'm reminded of HK-47's comments on Jedi assassination techniques being based around the fact that most Force powers require their user to be aware of an enemy's presence. Same thing would probably apply, ambush someone or shoot them from behind before they can cast protective charms and they'll bleed like anyone else.
4 months ago
Anonymous
I like to think Voldemort would be down with da sistas
Wizards such as Snape and Crouch jr were top 5%, geniuses who excelled in several subjects and there still was a huge power gap between Voldemor and Dumbledore and them
Why do people even go to Hogwarts if the main threat of the Wizarding world is Voldemort and his Death Eaters while the only self-defense course had been cursed by Voldemort resulting in subpart teachers that only last a year?
>younger generations dont give a frick about defending dark art anymore
Obviously, a woman writer would think of this. In reality, boys would be competing at who could be the strongest wizard in a fight.
Dumby is desperate because almost nobody wants the job, lets look at other candidates >a werewolf who is basically the Black person race of potterverse >a crazy old veteran nobody likes >a literal spy and power hungry b***h from the ministry >fricking Snape, after declining the guy for years
One, the position was cursed for about 30 years or so which would make normally qualified applicants hesitant to apply. Dumbledore knew he was full of shit, but he was guaranteed to get fricked up that year anyway. It'll teach him a lesson.
Two, he used his star power to pull the right strings to get the job once he heard Harry Potter was attending the school.
Three, wizard world is savage by nature. If you want to no one will prevent you from fricking yourself up even if it's stupid.
>Got excited about duels because you finally got to see some badass combat spells >Inevitably ruins the movies because every wizard fight is just a generic shootout with wands
The series lost its whimsy.
The third fantastic beasts flick was the worst when Grindewald vs Voldemort was just a DBZ fight with teleport spam. What a mess, at least Dumbledore vs Voldemort in Order of the phoenix was kino
>books describe these amazing battles where wizards are conjuring the elements and transmuting the environment >in the movies it's PEW PEW PEW Star Wars laser shoot outs
The Battle of Hogwarts was a hundred times more interesting in the book, as was the Dumbledore vs Voldemort duel in Order of the Phoenix. David Yates barely even tried
Rowling did that by herself
She purposely wrote harry and his friends to use that gay red spell 99% of time as pacifist cucks, and the bad guy ultimate killing move is the green spell
So what other choice for the movie makers to make fight more interesting visually?
It's true for the main cast but the producers could have given some of the side characters some time to shine during the final movie for example. The book had Voldemort duel several teachers and we saw none of that
The creation of the killing curse in general was just moronic, Rowling could have at least required it to have a cast time or need extreme hatred backing it.
I know battles weren't ever really the point of the series, but because of the nature of spells the coolest thing you can get in most battles is "X character cast a voiceless spell that Y character didn't know the countercurse for", instead of them using patronus to ream each other, manipulating the environment, etc.
It's especially dumb when they go out of their way to talk about Hermione's penchant for fire spells, but she doesn't go around roasting dudes left and right. What a wasted opportunity.
Imagine being on the set with this chick for 7 years and not marrying her and having 4+ supermodel good looking children with her then having to spend rest of your life knowing you've lost chance to live a peaceful familial life that requires no additional work whatsoever, just playing with kids and some cleaning
maybe not even that since you can afford cook and maid
just going to the beach or park and playing catch with your dogs and kids
>Professor McGonagall, it's high time we considered who to hire as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher this coming year. It hasn't been the same ever since young Tom cursed the position. You know, I can think of a few "cursed positions" myself that are far more interesting... >..Ahem, but regardless, my dear Minerva, I believe we should choose someone with true magical talent. A skilled witch or wizard who can aid our students, but especially Harry Potter, and defend them against all the threats that will undoubtedly be coming their way regularly throughout the year which we shall otherwise do nothing to prevent. I recall that it's the oversized death snake next on the timetable. >Or perhaps we can just hire that one famous blond idiot, you know the one. Gelded wienerhart or whatever. I actually came across him once in Knockturn Alley some years back, Minerva, while Floo-cottaging. The homosexual turned me down, then Apparated off just before I could cast Imperio on him. Thankfully I had taken some Polyjuice Potion to disguise myself as Severus, as I usually do on such excursions, so he shan't be able to place me. Apologies for ruining your menopausal fantasies, but it happened. I mean, just look at how the man dresses, eh? He's more flaming than Fawkes. Yes, he'll do nicely. If he won't take my "wand", he can damn well take my cursed teaching position.
Not every wizard can apparate
You cull the weaker ones first and back the stronger ones into a corner. They're outnumbered like 5000 to 1 so just keep throwing cannon fodder at them
>“I have nothing more to say to you, Potter,” he said quietly. “You have irked me too often, for too long. AVADA KEDAVRA!” Harry had not even opened his mouth to resist. His mind was blank, his wand pointing uselessly at the floor. But the headless golden statue of the wizard in the fountain had sprung alive, leaping from its plinth, and landed on the floor with a crash between Harry and Voldemort. The spell merely glanced off its chest as the statue flung out its arms, protecting Harry.
Why wouldn't armor work against the avada kedavra again?
>still no audiobook by Emma
she LITERELLY HATES money, her voice is so good and there's such a HUGE audience for this
even I would pay for audiable if there was audiobook with this shit of hers there
capitalism has failed, the world DEMANDS Emma's audiobook and it failed to provide it, the world is ending
he was literally running a rape dungeon
he was Larry Nassar of Harry Potter universe
The fact he kept hiring capable members of the Order (Remus, Alastor, Snape) in a role he KNEW was cursed was fricked up
maybe he thought that they were built different
No one teaches the subject for more than a year, and then they quit, die or disappear, so it's not like there's any risk of Lockhart acquiring tenure
Iirc it was a last minute thing because the last dark arts teacher left for some reason
how old were you when you realized this was Kenneth Branagh
just months after it came out my English teacher made us watch his version of Hamlet and extolled his career
sounds like you had a good English teacher
I was in middle school English class and the teacher put on his Hamlet. I saw it was Gilderoy Lockhart and it made me pay attention. That film made me fall in love with Shakespeare. Kenneth Branagh became my favorite actor/director because of how batshit crazy diverse his career is. He can do Henry V in one film and then play Dr. Loveless in frickin Wild Wild West. I love that for some reason. When it was announced he would direct Thor I brought a Hamlet poster to Comic-Con. Stars aligned and I got it signed.
14 or 15 when I saw him in Much Ado About Nothing
27 years old
29, just realized it now. Goddamn.
Now.
I never saw Harry Potter or Lockhart but I know who Kenneth Branagh is since the 90s.
I always thought Harry Potter was "Power Rangers-Tier" so I never bothered with the series; it was baby's first fantasy so I poo poo'd it.
dumbledore's who power system relied on the populace having incompetent defense against the dark arts training
homie was one of the best mind melters around so credible people backed him up
Because he was based and brought in a lot of hot milfs to the school. Dumbledore wanted some of that pussy ricochet.
>Dumbledore wanted some of that pussy ricochet.
Anon, I don't know how to tell you this but...
Pussy is pussy
Anon dumbledore is gay
it's not in the books, so it's not canon. death of the author
moronic attention seeking twitter posts arent canon. Show me in the books where dumbledore is a homosexual. You cant. Because he wasnt until being pro gay on twitter earned you likes.
Well show me in the book any scene he is interesting in a woman?
Any scene with McGonagall.
I cri man tears evrytiem
kino
The two split the profits on the mandatory class textbooks. The wizardry IRS was keeping an close eye on Dumbledore so he had to get creative how to pocket some cash on the side
what was the fricking background check process for teachers working at hogwarts?
dumbledore hired this mind rapist a year after accidentally hiring the guy with voldemort on the back of his head, and the school was still infiltrated like 3 more times after this
He was trying to get Harry killed because he was a horcrux
pay attention
I'd guess Lockhart was probably a Hogwarts alumnus, and was distinguished in the field generally, so he doesn't seem like a bad choice on the face of it
isn't everyone in the world a howarts alumni?
Only Britbongs and probably some wealthy Commonwealth wizards, everyone else gets their own school like the once from Goblet of Fire
No, there are other schools. There's a whole movie about a tournament between students of three schools.
Dumbledore definitely knew he was full of shit
Despite Harry's naive idolization of him Dumbledore is not actually omniscient. Contrary to what people believe I doubt he's even in the top 5% of wizards in his generation. Dumbledore is better than average and decently smart but he's not the second coming of Merlin like so many of his peers believe. He's just very charismatic.
literally everybody in the entire setting thinks he's the greatest wizard alive
Yeah and everyone in that entire setting is an inbred moron that let Death Eaters infiltrate the Ministry and take over the government
so he's the least inbred moron, still makes him the greatest in the setting
>Contrary to what people believe I doubt he's even in the top 5% of wizards in his generation.
What a ridiculously stupid claim. Who do you think is in that top 5% then?
He is top in britland at best
There must be others in the US, Japan, and China
Same reason why Voldemort never set foot on those
"Why is nobody outside of the UK worried about Voldemort" is a valid criticism that Rowling refuses to adress
What impact did the breakup of Yugoslavia have on Koldovstoretz school?
tbf foreign wizards probably did offer help but the uk would have told them to frick off it's their own problem and they'll handle it on their own
Yeah? By sheer luck that voldy actually followed the prophecy and kill himself by the power of love?
>By sheer luck
Voldemort following the prophecy started his own downfall so yeah by sheer luck Voldy was a dumbass.
That is my point
It is all based on Voldy decisions, while the good guys had almost no agency
If Voldy chose to do things only a little different, then what? Just sit there and wait while claiming “we can handle this?
>while the good guys had almost no agency
Only Harry had no agency as the tool in which Voldy unknowingly chose to be his downfall. Dumbledore was the true mastermind setting up him and others like chess pieces.
>If Voldy chose to do things only a little different, then what?
We just don't know. Things worked because Voldy is a moron, and Dumbledore trusted him to continue being a moron. If Dumbledore could do it, so could others.
Sure but imagine we get the bad ending and Voldy wins. So after conquering Britain his next step is taking over the world. Now what? Does he get defeated by some nip turbo-wizard with the Asian autism buff?
>Does he get defeated by some nip turbo-wizard with the Asian autism buff?
I'd watch that movie tbqhwy.
Voldemort is a pussy who runs away whenever he thinks he has a chance of losing and hid in a forest for 10+ years until he got lucky, he also hates muggles and is a moron so he'd probably just get shot by a jogger if he apparated into the wrong part of phily.
Yeah
Does he has any plan to deal with modern weaponry since he wants to subjugate the muggles too
Or just mindhack and bunch if muggle leaders and call it a day?
I think there's one point in the books where they briefly mention there are some counters to "metallic wands" or whatever they call guns, but I'm pretty sure there's still a limit to what somebody can do about an AK or god forbid a fricking bomb/nuke (if he seriously tried to make a wizard country).
But the fact that Voldy hates muggles means he probably doesn't even know that much about modern weaporny, and a few characters did get killed/seriously harmed by knives/swords throughout the series, it's reasonable to think that a bullet is just as effective, especially if caught unawares.
They can't stop swords or arrows. Voldemort should have just hired a meth head to stab Harry in the muggle world and get it over with.
I'm reminded of HK-47's comments on Jedi assassination techniques being based around the fact that most Force powers require their user to be aware of an enemy's presence. Same thing would probably apply, ambush someone or shoot them from behind before they can cast protective charms and they'll bleed like anyone else.
I like to think Voldemort would be down with da sistas
*deh! sisters
So you can't name a single character. That claim of yours doesn't hold much water then.
??? It's established him and Voldemort are well and above everyone else
Wizards such as Snape and Crouch jr were top 5%, geniuses who excelled in several subjects and there still was a huge power gap between Voldemor and Dumbledore and them
he made Voldemort flee after a 1v1
Curses bro, I ain't gotta explain shit
He wanted to purposely train the children wrong as a joke.
Do you think Snape wanted to frick Harry?
I've rewatched the series and I definitely got that vibe every once in a while.
Why do people even go to Hogwarts if the main threat of the Wizarding world is Voldemort and his Death Eaters while the only self-defense course had been cursed by Voldemort resulting in subpart teachers that only last a year?
Also, the soft magic systems suck.
Voldy is supposedly dead, the death eaters are disbanded and younger generations dont give a frick about defending dark art anymore
>younger generations dont give a frick about defending dark art anymore
Obviously, a woman writer would think of this. In reality, boys would be competing at who could be the strongest wizard in a fight.
Dumby is desperate because almost nobody wants the job, lets look at other candidates
>a werewolf who is basically the Black person race of potterverse
>a crazy old veteran nobody likes
>a literal spy and power hungry b***h from the ministry
>fricking Snape, after declining the guy for years
One, the position was cursed for about 30 years or so which would make normally qualified applicants hesitant to apply. Dumbledore knew he was full of shit, but he was guaranteed to get fricked up that year anyway. It'll teach him a lesson.
Two, he used his star power to pull the right strings to get the job once he heard Harry Potter was attending the school.
Three, wizard world is savage by nature. If you want to no one will prevent you from fricking yourself up even if it's stupid.
>Got excited about duels because you finally got to see some badass combat spells
>Inevitably ruins the movies because every wizard fight is just a generic shootout with wands
The series lost its whimsy.
>magic has the same ballistic properties as bullets
Such slop honestly. NO creativity whatsoever
The third fantastic beasts flick was the worst when Grindewald vs Voldemort was just a DBZ fight with teleport spam. What a mess, at least Dumbledore vs Voldemort in Order of the phoenix was kino
>books describe these amazing battles where wizards are conjuring the elements and transmuting the environment
>in the movies it's PEW PEW PEW Star Wars laser shoot outs
Eh, the fights weren't very interesting in the books either
The Battle of Hogwarts was a hundred times more interesting in the book, as was the Dumbledore vs Voldemort duel in Order of the Phoenix. David Yates barely even tried
Rowling did that by herself
She purposely wrote harry and his friends to use that gay red spell 99% of time as pacifist cucks, and the bad guy ultimate killing move is the green spell
So what other choice for the movie makers to make fight more interesting visually?
They could have used something from the Conjuration or Illusion schools.
It's true for the main cast but the producers could have given some of the side characters some time to shine during the final movie for example. The book had Voldemort duel several teachers and we saw none of that
The creation of the killing curse in general was just moronic, Rowling could have at least required it to have a cast time or need extreme hatred backing it.
I know battles weren't ever really the point of the series, but because of the nature of spells the coolest thing you can get in most battles is "X character cast a voiceless spell that Y character didn't know the countercurse for", instead of them using patronus to ream each other, manipulating the environment, etc.
It's especially dumb when they go out of their way to talk about Hermione's penchant for fire spells, but she doesn't go around roasting dudes left and right. What a wasted opportunity.
Well she is a woman so power system and fight scenes are not her strength
If HP is some shounen manga everyone, especially the main casts, would have their own signatures school of spells
Say thank you to Yates and Cuaron before him, who made all battles look like shit.
nobody else applied
>wanna see me do it again?
Dumbledore is cannon gay, and that fraud is canon handsome.
Imagine being on the set with this chick for 7 years and not marrying her and having 4+ supermodel good looking children with her then having to spend rest of your life knowing you've lost chance to live a peaceful familial life that requires no additional work whatsoever, just playing with kids and some cleaning
maybe not even that since you can afford cook and maid
just going to the beach or park and playing catch with your dogs and kids
I'd straight up kill myself
harvested btw
She was Harvey's girl, no one else was allowed to touch her
She's not bearing my children until she fricking apologizes.
because she didn't meet ME, I could've fixed her and she would've fixed me
Yeah but I'm still pissed about her car
Who puts a wall infront of a shelf like that?
She's honestly vastly overrated.
true but I won't pretend she's ugly
Oh I find her cute don't get me wrong, but the actors from HP probably had access to more interesting chicks.
>Professor McGonagall, it's high time we considered who to hire as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher this coming year. It hasn't been the same ever since young Tom cursed the position. You know, I can think of a few "cursed positions" myself that are far more interesting...
>..Ahem, but regardless, my dear Minerva, I believe we should choose someone with true magical talent. A skilled witch or wizard who can aid our students, but especially Harry Potter, and defend them against all the threats that will undoubtedly be coming their way regularly throughout the year which we shall otherwise do nothing to prevent. I recall that it's the oversized death snake next on the timetable.
>Or perhaps we can just hire that one famous blond idiot, you know the one. Gelded wienerhart or whatever. I actually came across him once in Knockturn Alley some years back, Minerva, while Floo-cottaging. The homosexual turned me down, then Apparated off just before I could cast Imperio on him. Thankfully I had taken some Polyjuice Potion to disguise myself as Severus, as I usually do on such excursions, so he shan't be able to place me. Apologies for ruining your menopausal fantasies, but it happened. I mean, just look at how the man dresses, eh? He's more flaming than Fawkes. Yes, he'll do nicely. If he won't take my "wand", he can damn well take my cursed teaching position.
>floo-cottaging
Sideus minus
i wonder if dumbledore would disguise himself as students when he was bored. seems more fun than sitting around as an old fart.
Should have just hired an american. Nothing stops a dark wizard like 5.56
How useful are firearms against people that can teleport behind you and get an instakill every time? bombs and missiles would be better
Not every wizard can apparate
You cull the weaker ones first and back the stronger ones into a corner. They're outnumbered like 5000 to 1 so just keep throwing cannon fodder at them
Considering wand duels are just fireworks display I'm confident I could get a few rounds off before they say avada kedavra
>“I have nothing more to say to you, Potter,” he said quietly. “You have irked me too often, for too long. AVADA KEDAVRA!” Harry had not even opened his mouth to resist. His mind was blank, his wand pointing uselessly at the floor. But the headless golden statue of the wizard in the fountain had sprung alive, leaping from its plinth, and landed on the floor with a crash between Harry and Voldemort. The spell merely glanced off its chest as the statue flung out its arms, protecting Harry.
Why wouldn't armor work against the avada kedavra again?
Who had the highest power level after Voldemort and Dumbledore?
Snape? Alistair Moody?
Flitwick is a dueling champion for whatever that's worth.
Between Moody, Snape, and Kingsley, I'd say.
he thought it would be funny I imagine
any fanfics where harry turns malfoy into a girl and fricks him?
or the other way around
There's a kino one where James, Sirius, and company turn Snape into Lilly.
holy frick. that's just amazing
>shit director
>shit actor
Why is he allowed to exist?
>still no audiobook by Emma
she LITERELLY HATES money, her voice is so good and there's such a HUGE audience for this
even I would pay for audiable if there was audiobook with this shit of hers there
capitalism has failed, the world DEMANDS Emma's audiobook and it failed to provide it, the world is ending