Why does Cinemaphile pretend this wasn't the conceivably closest thing to kino in the past 5 years?
 It's All Fucked Shirt $22.14 |
 |
It's All Fucked Shirt $22.14 |
Why do you pretend this wasn't the conceivably closest thing to kino in the past 5 years?
Don't know. I guess everyone jsut silently agreed that it was good. Anyone else burst out laughing at the cinema when he fell down the stairs? Or when he slapped joséphine at the divorce court? 😀
Because it triggers autists who read the wikipedia page and think a. Napoleon was a god and b. historical accuracy is the pinnacle of filmmaking (except in instances where it clashes with point a in which case historical accuracy is just propaganda)
God or not I know Napoleon never led a fricking cavalry charge at Waterloo.
Shit movie
Because it sucked and was a literal hit piece.
third post best post
>Napoleon (2023)
>closest thing to kino in the past 5 years
Sorry what? Scott bro couldn't even decide what story he wanted to tell. Napoleon as a strange kid. Napoleons love life? Napoleon the General or Napoleon the Tyrant. Visuals alone don't make for a compelling story.
Because it was a bad movie, after watching it I can't tell you anything about Napoleon, what was his life and career etc. It's just badly written.
Some say there's a 4 hours directors cut, maybe it can justify the budget.
>I can't tell you anything about Napoleon, what was his life and career etc.
It's not our fault you're a fricking moron who can't pay attention for 2 and a half hours
Ok tell us what you can say about Napoleon after watching this movie.
He was a Corsican French soldier who rose up the ranks and became a well respected general by winning a bunch of battles. He then conspired with his brother to overthrow the government and stage a coup. He then then became emperor and put his own crown on his head instead of letting the pope do it.
He married an older woman named Josephine who publicly cheated on him. He didn't punish her though and continued writing her love letters and got frustrated that she didn't return his love in equal measures.
Her inability to provide an heir made their marriage politically problematic for the future of France so Napoleon was pressured to divorce her. Despite doing this, he still loved her and gave her lots of privileges.
After returning from banishment, he was tag teamed by England Prussia. He figured he could beat England quickly and then regroup and batter Prussia before they met up. Bad weather and arrogant tactics prevented that from working and he lost. He was then banished again. He lived out his remaining days on a small island and his last word was "Josephine", the name of the woman he was madly in love with despite her repeated cucking of him.
Well what you learned is not what happened
Oh yeah? Which bit of that is inaccurate?
They didn't include my favourite skirmish in the movie, thats what is inaccurate! And they didn't shoot pyramids! Thats why its bad moobie!
With best regards r/ naboleon
He fell out of love relatively quickly Josephine after first learning of her affair, and had several mistresses himself. She was still useful to him as she had influence in Paris. He wasn't pressured by other people into annulling their marriage.
Overall the movie reduces most of Napoleon's life to one woman, skimming over the interesting things that happened in that period in France or Europe, and it wasn't even for something that really happened the way it's pictured.
>He fell out of love relatively quickly Josephine
>Also, he personally made sure she kept her titles after their divorce and her name was literally his final word
lmao imagine being this far in denial
>her name was literally his final word
Were you there? No? Then shut the frick up
>historical accuracy is good except when it makes my heroes look like coombrained simps
Napoleon's last words were
>France… mon fils… armée…
Idk where you get his Josephine stuff from
From the movie
>His last words, variously recorded by those present, were France, l'armée, tête d'armée, Joséphine ("France, the army, head of the army, Joséphine")
Source: Napoleon: a Biography by Frank McLynn. Seethe harder
>by Frank McLynn
>hmm just let my jailers write my biography
>still seething
Calm down mate.
This isn't true. I don't why you'd just go online and make shit up but here we are
>This isn't true. I don't why you'd just go online and make shit up but here we are
Why do you?
There are at least 5 versions of what he said as his last words, and only one includes Josephine, while all agrees he said "armee" and "France"
>Anglo "historians"
All the original French sources state his last words as "France, my son, the army".
>variously recorded
There you go.
>esl that doesn't know what "various" means
lol how embarrassing
If I wanted to read a pop psychology analysis of Napoleon I would have picked up Napoleon: A Pop Psychoanalysis By A Non Expert, not Napoleon: A Biography.
His last words didn't include Josephine.
"Josephine" was added to the quote by General de Montholon in his memoirs 20 years later, because he was a supporter of the future Napoleon III, whose connection to Napoleon was in part that he was Josephine's grandson. Of course then every American "historian" picks this modified version because "le french le so romantic he was so in love like omg"
>put his own crown on his head instead of letting the pope do it.
Based. Pope's only job is sucking Black person toes.
Here in Texas (and probably surrounding states) we call Brazil nuts Black person toes.
Go to bed Ridley
>Some say there's a 4 hours directors cut, maybe it can justify the budget.
Hopefully they will include Josephine convincing Napoelon to bring back slavery because her family owned sugar cane plantations in Saint Domingue/Haiti.
>bring back slavery
He did it to keep the islands (not Saint Domingue), not to please some family.
Nah, he did it because Josephine menaced to not put out for him anymore.
Why does OP pretend that this movie wasn't the biggest piece of dogshit?
Where you there mate? Well you don't know.
Abel Gance + Waterloo 1970 exist
Because it was shit
>make a movie about a rather niche period in history
>don't make it historically accurate
???
it was a faulty premise from the beginning
watch more movies outside of the Hollywood system and america, you'd be surprised how many actually good movies are still made but fly under the radar due to the sheer amount of shit released.
It sucked sorry bro. They got it right 50 years ago...
Yes.
if by kino you mean the ultimate example of abuse of color filters than yes.
>one of the most colorful periods of warfare
>it's all blue mopey and cold
and don't get me started on the piss filter for the five minutes of Egypt we got
sorry OP, this movie was shit
>my proof is a picture drawn hundreds of years later
Literally weren't there m8
Its good for what it was, hollywood blockbuster legend tale of napoleon. Everyone who expected historically accurate film from riddley fricken scott was fool.
TOO SOON
BOATS
Honestly? one of my few criticisms of the film. Where the frick was Nelson? Does Trafalgar mean nothing to Ridley?
Alas, I'll get over it
Kino? This isn't waterloo
We have Waterloo at home
A moron can only judge things by comparing them to other things.
>comparing a well written film about a historical figure to some dogshit post modern flick
What a moron amirite
I think calling Waterloo a dogshit post modern flick is a bit mean. But I guess it is responsible for denying us Kubrick's film so it deserves some serious criticism
I expected a movie about an exeptionally charismatic man who could defeat and conquer half a continent through sheer force of will and strategic cunning, rouse a demoralized army with a simple speech and change the European political structure to such an extent that the consequences of that change is still clearly visible today.
Instead I got a some kind of cuckoldry hit piece
Fricking anglos man
It should have focused on a specific era not his entire life.
I'm curious to see how the directors cut is though
I haven't watched it yet.
>Guy takes over half of Europe
>Giant battles with death tolls in the tens of thousands
>Half the movie is relationship drama
>Biggest battle of his conquest (Borodino) was reduced to thirty seconds
>Average sex scene was longer than most battles
The few actual battle scenes we got were kino, it's just that the rest of the movie weighed down the overall experience.
There is literally nothing good about his film, it is pure dogshit and probably on purpose
>There is literally nothing good about his film except for the 2 and a half hours of kino it provides, it is pure dogshit if you're a seething Frenchcuck and probably pisses me off on purpose
ftfy
> the 2 and a half hours of kino it provides
What part was the kino? The shitty acting the nonsensical script or the soulless directing and viausls?
>Qui recule... à la tête d'armée...
>La France, mon fils, l'armée...
>Tête… armée… Mon Dieu...
>Mon Dieu et la nation française… française… mon fils… tête armée...
Those are different versions of his last words. Notice how none include Josephine?
I'm a huge Bonapartist and knowing this was a hit piece means I'll never see it, never watch a trailer, interact with a social media post etc. frick these stupid frickers. Great man of history is a spirit that resurrects repeatedly and will rise again. All of our government's resources are aimed (sometimes in obscure ways) to make sure that when that spirit of Hitler, Napoleon, Alexander, when HE rises again that he's broken and dead, that his soul is forfeit to satan even if that means giving up the rest of ours as a consequence. The world is evil and this noble spirit must destroy the sick diseases rot that binds us.
meds bro
Frick you demon Black person. I'm right and the only reason you can't see it is because you're evil or because you're too attached to the evil false world created by your demon friends frick you
ok fair enough. but still meds
>knowing this was a hit piece
LOL, lmao even
>Budget $200 million[4][5]
>Box office$219.9 million[6][7]
>Rebecca Rubin of Variety noted that under a traditional theatrical release, the film would need to gross $500–600 million worldwide in order to break-even given its $200 million budget.
How was it anything but a hit piece you anglo homosexual? I'm English too but I've renounced it because I'm French in spirit. I'm learning their language now. Wonderful people, love Balzac, Stendahl et al
>I’m English too
Good morning Mr Singh
Look up what hit piece means you fricking moron
>Hitler stan doesn't like Napoleon kino
woah, how sad
leave the schitzoposter alone please
I'm literally not schizo just racist against blacks and women. And yes I love Napoleon, but anyone who knows his true story would love him as I do
>guy who likes napoleon doesn’t like movie that spits, pisses, shits and cums on napoleon
Woah imagine
I mean you're kinda brushing past the whole "hitler stan" part...
Because it felt like a moronic flanderization of Napoleon's life- as if Scott looked at a bunch of British political cartoons about him from that day and nodded sagely like 'yes, that is EXACTLY how it happened.' I get a lot of the shit recounting his exploits are hyperbolic glorifications, but holy shit this movie does not portray him in a positive manner EVER, leaving you scratching your head the entire time wondering why this man inspired any love or dedication amongst his followers (which he inarguably had to have done to climb his way to power.)
Further proof it was a hit piece on Napoleon? Notice you don't even get a THROWAY LINE about the Code, an inarguable positive resulting from his rule.
Because this board is full of autistic bitter virgins. They cried because not enough battles. They cried because he was a cuck who got femdomed. They cried because muh boats. They cried because muh historical inaccuracy. Meanwhile these morons praise David Lynch, who can't even create a legible movie.
>David Lynch, who can't even create a legible movie.
He can make entertaining movies though...
If you're a redditor pseud, perhaps.
If i was a redditor I might be able to enjoy this slop film. perchance
No more brother wars friends, thoughbeit
Friends wars then, maychance?
Minus One was in theaters at the same time and wipes the floor with this dogshit.
It’s kino if you’re an ignorant moron
I haven't seen it but I heard that it lacks focus, that it's basically a whistle stop tour through a few of the major engagements of Napoleons career without really offering much context. Is that accurate?
wasn't there supposed to be a director's cut? i was waiting for that
BOATS!
>let's make a movie where this charismatic, people-moving leader that defined an era acts like a grumpy autist
>it flops
WHO WOULD'VE THINK
You didn't watch it because it was historically inaccurate and misportrayed Napoleon. I didn't watch it because it's directed by Ridley Scott. We are not the same.