>During Hanwiener >Hear constant noise behind me >Look back >See something like pic related >Decide to not say anything and watch Hanwiener quietly while these people behind me keep making noise
I was at the Alamo Drafthouse and this old guy sitting in front of me got mad because the waitress brought him the wrong order so he started yelling the n word really loudly so they paused the movie right when they were getting to the pizza poppa scene with Bruce Campbell and it took like twenty minutes for him to be escorted out.
it's the newest fad in shartmerica. movie theaters that double as pubs/restaurants where you can buy shitty overpriced food. as a rule if i genuinely want to enjoy the film i want to see i don't go to these places. they're only good for shit-talking AAA blockbuster capeshit with your friends while drunk
it's only recently started to spread beyond your shitty Black person-Hispanic infested flyover state israelite. and it sucks. it is NOT the intended KINO experience
>Flyover state
I literally live in texas you dumbass, sometimes I think that you foreigners just don't know how fricking stupid you sound talking about shit you only have a twitter-level knowledge about.
2 years ago
Anonymous
>texas
Based. Used to go to Alamo Drafthouse in San Antonio. Kino cinema.
2 years ago
Anonymous
In his defense, Americans do the exact same thing about every other country.
My theater has a button that you can push and the wagies will come and take your order. They'll serve you beer, popcorn, candy, they even have salmon on the menu.
being with my firend watching some film where he laughed loudly at all the weirdest moments, i've actually noticed that there is usually one person (typically women) who laugh at the strangest moments, and no one is laughing, to be as vague as possible but yeah, ruins the moment.
>lmao when are they gonna put these in cinema's too?
Manufacturer doesn’t list prices.
No video walk thru of this model.
Supposedly also safe for Tornados, Hurricanes, and Earthquakes, not just active shooters.
Sir filtration system( when was the last time someone supposedly tried to gas a school with poisonous gas?)
Also advertised as useful as a “quiet” room for students with learning disabilities.
Manufacturer doesn’t list prices. !!!!!
I just want a nice, quiet, comfy, bulletproof room!!!!!
>Also advertised as useful as a “quiet” room for students with learning disabilities.
LOL >special safe space for anti social tards >Suddenly, 20+ fricking loud, obnoxious, public school students bum rush it and cram in shoulder to shoulder
What's an antisocial moron with gorilla strength to do in this situation?
This gamer girl I was seeing really wanted to see Assassin's Creed. I knew it was gonna suck she was optimistic but didn't like it either. We went back to my place and fricked so overall worth it. Thanks studio
>Watching fast and furious 5 >having a good time >dad starts grumbling >apparently there's teens behind us talking >I don't even notice because I zone shit out when I watch movies >they keep doing it >dad starts talking to me >first in a whisper
"Can you fricking believe this, anon" >the teens are making out and flirting >He talks louder
"This is fricking ridiculous " >the teens are laughing at the movie, at this point, I'm not even invested, just depressed that I I don't have a gf, and am watching this dogshit with my dad >I never spend time with friends, he takes all my free time, since we don't live together >He's not even looking at me any more >He starts darting his eyes around the room as if seeing an apparition only visible to his eye >a crazed look comes about his face
"Dad, we could just move" >his anger is directed at me now
"IM NOT FRICKING MOVING, IM NOT THE Black person TALKING DURING A MOVIE" >all present parties were white >the teens stop talking >dad, with his rage satiated takes a nap for the rest of the movie >I sink back in to the movie >on the way home he yells about the kids >I just liked the movie
going to the cinema with people you like is a good experience
going to the cinema you (secretly) find annoying is a bad experience.
every other greentext reason is bullshit >dude, dude, we went there and the popcorn tasted poorly and the guys behind us were texting loudly
>watching superhero movie in the kinoplex >a man sits down next to me and elbows me in the face as he sits down >my glasses fall to the floor >scrabbling around on the floor to find my glasses because I can't see >"AY YO THIS homie EATIN POPCORN OFF THE FLOOR" >all the black teenagers start to laugh at me >black lady walks up and starts twerking and smacking her lips >my tins of beans and camping stove fall out of my pockets >try to pick them up but they roll away under the seats >ran out of theater crying
>11 years old in downtown atlanta >dad and I never really hang out but we both like the men in black movie so he took me to see the sequel >dad goes to use the bathroom (actually ditched me to play arcade games) >doesn't come back for 30 minutes, movie has already started >get worried my dad might be having a heart attack in the bathroom (happened before) so i get up to try to find him >black teens are throwing popcorn at me and calling me a cracker >I start crying >find dad happily playing the motorcycle arcade game (can't remember the name) >we go home and get tickets refunded >watch MiB II on dvd a year later >it sucks
>went to see Logan by myself >waited till it had been out for a long time so it would be relatively empty >get in and relieved only a few people there find a nice secluded seat >then this huge lady comes in and sits down in front row >few minutes later a black gentlement strolls in with what I concluded to either be a free cup of water or a cup of alcohol >he announces to a couple sitting in the middle a weird string of words >"they's said it was movie bouts guy but they's didn't know its the wolverine movie not just the guy" >dudes talking all through movie his lady constantly shushing him >any time literally ANYTHING is referencing the x-men or the comics or him as wolverine he goes "WOOAAAHHHHH" like they're easter eggs only he gets >any time there is non-action dialog he's giggling and talking >worst was nearing the end of the movie >climax Logan dying saying his goodbye and this fricking butthole starts making fart sounds and laughing >credits role and he says the movie sucked even though he talked all through it >saw him and his fat lady in the parking lot and he was doing some weird rap/dance/walk to their vehicle
i hate him and wish the worst for him and his kin
We to see Dr Strange and a girl in front of me took her shoes off. I complimented her feet and she spazzed out, so I moved. At the end of the show I apologized and just said I liked her feet, specifically nothing sexual, and she freaked out again and security escorted me to my car. I drove around a bit and saw her getting a coffee so I got out. Apologized again and this time she proper sprayed me.
Holy shit women are a mistake.
>in my seat with my girl at the oriental in milwaukee for napoleon dynamite >fricking homosexuals from the suburbs in the row behind me will not shut the frick up >casually lean back and say Shut your fricking mouths. >one teenage c**t snorts with contemptuous disbelief >another somehow has the nerve to say Dude, fricking relax. >so i turn and grab the fricking homosexual by the throat >and i tell him If I hear another sound from any of you, I'll shove something into your mouth at about 90MpH. It might be my fist, it might be my dick, but whatever it is, I guarantee you you'll never make another fricking sound again, you fricking b***h-made homosexual
And then I watched the film in perfect and absolute silence.
This one time I stuffed my ticket stub into the cupholder after the movie was over and totally left it there on purpose.
But then I started to feel really guilty about it on the drive home and wanted to turn back and apologize.
I tried to wrestle the wheel of the car away from my mom, but she managed to regain control as well jerked into oncoming traffic and sprayed me with the bear mace she keeps on stand-by - on account of the 'tism.
I guess I'll never know what became of that little piece of paper with Deuce Bigelow 2: European Gigolo printed on it. I can only hope it didn't cause someone too much trouble.
>One time, I went to go see The Garbage Pail Kids Movie with my friends >there was this fat kid that sat right in front of me. the entire time he was farting and laughing at every freaking joke like it was a Bee Movie Video. >About halfway through the movie he started to cry and fart at the same time. I have a problem with my ears where noises over 99 decibels can cause me to have pretty bad pain. >This kid's crying, now turned screeching, started to give me a bad headache in the span of 5 minutes. This entire time the mom was on her phone, doing something that made a lot of noise. >I learned that the real reason the kid was crying was because a staff member tripped him and he spilled his popcorn. I found this out, because another friend of mine worked at the movie theater, and saw the whole thing. It was at this point that I wanted to kill myself.
not the worst experience more of a funny one but when I saw Jackass 4 some dude choked on popcorn or something and almost died from passing out so they had to pause the movie for like 20 minutes while cops came in
there was only like 10 min of the movie left and we all got free movie vouchers after kek
>When the designated Kraft Singles archer hits you.
Happened to me once. Everyone laughed at me, and I had to pretend laugh while i had cheese in my abdomen wound.
>during Avatar >mom with 2 little kids. each one have 1 liters of cola and 1 kilos of popcorns >they start to eat >five minute into the movie, they both barf their souls out >instead of leaving they stay >the smell if awful >at the end of the movie one of my friend says:"well now we know how pandora smells"
I kept on pressing on the janny bell because I had sharted in the seat (too much liquid nacho cheese and cinema butter) but all the janitors were busy looking for a new shooter since the one that was booked got sick.
Not a funny one but in highschool I saw an opening week showing of quantum of solace. Friends and I got there late so we had to sit in the front. That movie has to be one of the worst edited action movies of all time, every single action sequence has hundreds of cuts, and combined with the Bourne style shaky cam I wanted to blow my brains out
I went to see Men in black 3, there was a crying baby with her fat goblina mother right behind us.
I gave her the death stare for minutes before she finally took a hint and left. I dont remember anything about the movie.
Got a couple stories. >Dodgeball (2004) >be with two friends >see kids from school that I don't like, but one friend likes >sit with them >they're annoying as hell, keep talking and throwing Whoppers at each others >one kid goes "this movie sucks" and throws his half full large drink directly at the screen >huge splash, get rained on by pepsi >big stain on the screen >someone complains about roudy kids >get kicked out, police take kid who threw cup to his parent's house
>Rambo (2008) >two black guys start arguing in back of theater >all of a sudden, see one rolling down the aisle stairs, another running after him >one more nog joins the fray and they start brawling while sheboons screech at them to stop >movie is stopped, cops come, get refunded
>Valkyrie (2008) >middle of the movie >projector all of the sudden projecting way too low >half of the screen is not visible, can see time stamp ticking in the middle of the screen >no one fixes it >leave theater, go out to front to see if someone can fix the fricking screen >snack bar and ticket people say projectionist is nowhere to be found >don't get to see the rest of the movie >no refunds
>Date Night (2010) >at outdoor drive in theater with gf at the time >sitting on hood, beautiful night and having a good time even though the movie was dumb >some trailer trash frickheads start getting roudy >two pairs of them start fighting >one of them rips a car antenna off their car and starts wailing on another guy on the ground >me and gf are just stone faced, trying to ignore them and watch the movie >one of them comes over to me with a face full of blood asking if we had any kleenex >say "no, sorry" >I actually did have a roll of paper towels in my trunk, but I didn't want anything to do with these idiots
I guess maybe
Iron Man 3
Fat black lady 1-2 rows behind me won't shut up, talking about the movie. Literally "Don't go in there" behavior.
Another would be when a black guy sat 1 seat away from me and I think he pulled out Fazoli's Italian food from his backpack and it smelled strong. Just uncomfortable smelling what smelled like spaghetti and meatballs during a movie. Don't remember what movie though, probably Marvel.
Then there's but a couple times where I was forced to sit next to people and they bogart the arm rest.
Literally none I always went to matinee showings at the end of a movie in theatres lifespan solo and got to sprawl with a mountain of degenerate popcorn and drinks solo
>be with brehs >decide to watch this goofy ass movie >arrive early to get good seats >no one there >just laugh at the shitty movie the whole time
actually it was pretty nice even though the movie was shitty
>Visiting family >went to see Skyfall again by myself while waiting for my sister to get off work >Only other person is a girl around my age >After a while she leaves for a few minutes and when she comes back sits right next to me >Kinda cute, don't get a gross vibe from her >Chat about the movie and some other recent flicks >Daniel Craig is tied to a chair with his shirt open >Asks me if I want her to suck my dick >Sure? >toothy, and I busted pretty fast, she put her head on my shoulder and didn't talk the rest of the movie >Chatted on the way to the parking lot, didn't offer her name or number >wienerrash a few days later felt like a hotdog on the grill
>Go to see Blade Runner 2049 >One of the like 3 other people in the showing sits right next to me >Keeps standing up to take off his raincoat >The changing his mind and putting it back on >Opened a big bag of honeycomb pieces or something >Loudly rustling and crunching through them for the first 30 minutes
Total weirdo
>First week of Skyfall coming out >Late night showing, like 10pm on a Saturday >Absolutely packed, no empty seats >Someone brought a baby >A straight up crying needing fed baby >Baby cries through first 40 minutes of this loud action movie >They eventually leave or kill the baby because it shuts up
>mom really wants to see God's not dead in theaters >we go in for the after lunch matinee >only a couple other people in the theater >they are clearly all older church-going people >take the seats behind the handicap row, because I've never once in my life seen a cripple using them >Just before it starts, 2 howling, wheel chair tards get rolled in by their their wranglers >they park directly in front of us >"AAAAaaaaAAAANNNFFFFF FUUUUH!!!!" >"shhhhh" one of the wranglers tries reeling her tard in >movie starts >5 minutes in, its obvious its going to be a hamfisted shitfest >Hercules starts being an butthole atheist >Man behind me says outloud "Ooooooo, god's not gonna like that" >movie continues >AARRRRRFFFWEeeehhh CGUUuuuhh CUH CUH CUH!!!!!" >"shhhhhhh" >movie continues >another voice from across the theater "Heh, tha Bible saiys..." >"WaaaAAAAHHHHHH CUH CUH CUH FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!" >"Shhhhhh" >"Accordin to Corinthians..." >CUUUUUUOOOOOGHHHH FWEEeeeeEEE CUH CUH CUH" >"Shhhh"
It's the most garbage, forgettable movie I've ever seen, but those noises will be forever etched into my memory
>Go see top gun >Entire row near the middle is a massive group of teenagers >All on their phones with max brightness during trailers >All making comments about trailers >"Well, at least they'll probably stop when the actual movie is on" >They get LOUDER >Every time there is a dramatic pause, they scream >Every time a plane is shown they holler and turn their flashlights on, pointing them at the screen and making it unviewable >Multiple "shh"s become "shut the frick up"s, even earning nods from the boomers in the back >Finally someone goes to the front to tell the manager >Manager comes >"You're being obnoxious and wasting the money of people that paid to be here" >"We're sorry, we'll stop", they say, shit eating grins all around as you just KNOW they'll go right back to it >"No you won't, because you're not gonna be here", theater bro says, literally grabbing the one guy by the shirt collar >They all get kicked out
I hate to say this but it really is true, everybody clapped.
>The nun(2018) >Friends always want to see horror movies >Like watching them with them but they don't do much for me because they fail to suspend my disbelief >Humor friends regardless >Get roped into going to see EBIN SCARY MOVIE by friends >The nun turns out to be even worse than imagined >Have to sit through all of it because we don't do refunds here >See people leaving halfway through the movie for the first time ever >Actually feel robbed
>Pirates of the Caribbean(2007) >Teen at the time >Enjoying movie with girlfriend (now ex) >Kids next to us start misbehaving halfway through the movie >People are obviously annoyed but don't do shit >Kids get worse >Since they're next to me I get burning stares of people that want me to act >Tell them to STFU >Pulled their aggro like a tank >They focus their annoying shit on me exclusively now >Nearly hit my limit >About to body a child >Before I snap a cinema waitress shows up >Tells the kids to BTFO the cinema
It was a different time where they kept riding the deadbeat corpse of Scary Movie. There was a very small window of time where those parody movies were popular enough to be made. They aged like milk, but Epic Movie was crap even for those movies.
Return of the King (2003) >went to see ROTK with a friend and his mother cause we were too young to go alone (10) >I had already seen it, didn't tell friend because I wanted him to think we were both seeing it together for the first time >get to the Minas Morgul scene where the Ring Wraith starts REEEEEEEEEing >I know whats coming cause I've seen it before >The ring wraith screeching is unbearably loud in the theatre >friend starts having a full on nervous breakdown >starts crying like a b***h >his mother takes him out of the theatre, leaving me by myself >not sure if I was supposed to leave too, stay in my seat >spend the entire rest of the movie distracted wondering when they're coming back >they never do >credits start rolling, immediately leave in a bit of a panic >meet friend and mother outside the cinema >his mother is furious with me, says they waited there for me to come out for over an hour >she couldn't come back in to tell me this because friend is being a mega pussy
I don't live in america so my cinema experiences have all been pretty good.
sheesh, frick that guy in particular. rip
That would be with the shotgun not the AR he used
>During Hanwiener
>Hear constant noise behind me
>Look back
>See something like pic related
>Decide to not say anything and watch Hanwiener quietly while these people behind me keep making noise
I fricking hated the movie too
>these people
ur their b***h. hold their pocket, b***h.
I was at the Alamo Drafthouse and this old guy sitting in front of me got mad because the waitress brought him the wrong order so he started yelling the n word really loudly so they paused the movie right when they were getting to the pizza poppa scene with Bruce Campbell and it took like twenty minutes for him to be escorted out.
Alamo Drafthouse would do that jeez. hope you complained for free shit
>wtf they won’t just let me scream Black person in the middle of a movie?
>FRICKING LIBTARD SNOWFLAKES!!!!
>waitress in a cinema
?
it's the newest fad in shartmerica. movie theaters that double as pubs/restaurants where you can buy shitty overpriced food. as a rule if i genuinely want to enjoy the film i want to see i don't go to these places. they're only good for shit-talking AAA blockbuster capeshit with your friends while drunk
It's called Alamo Drafthouse and it's been a thing for thirty years you ignorant homosexual.
it's only recently started to spread beyond your shitty Black person-Hispanic infested flyover state israelite. and it sucks. it is NOT the intended KINO experience
>Flyover state
I literally live in texas you dumbass, sometimes I think that you foreigners just don't know how fricking stupid you sound talking about shit you only have a twitter-level knowledge about.
>texas
Based. Used to go to Alamo Drafthouse in San Antonio. Kino cinema.
In his defense, Americans do the exact same thing about every other country.
Americans will do anything for a tip... anything~
its a southern thing
My theater has a button that you can push and the wagies will come and take your order. They'll serve you beer, popcorn, candy, they even have salmon on the menu.
being with my firend watching some film where he laughed loudly at all the weirdest moments, i've actually noticed that there is usually one person (typically women) who laugh at the strangest moments, and no one is laughing, to be as vague as possible but yeah, ruins the moment.
I spilled baked beans all over myself watching Cars 2 in theatres & a black teenager shouted "this homie eating beans" & everyone laughed.
lmao when are they gonna put these in cinema's too?
Easier for everyone if going outside becomes illegal
>lmao when are they gonna put these in cinema's too?
Manufacturer doesn’t list prices.
No video walk thru of this model.
Supposedly also safe for Tornados, Hurricanes, and Earthquakes, not just active shooters.
Sir filtration system( when was the last time someone supposedly tried to gas a school with poisonous gas?)
Also advertised as useful as a “quiet” room for students with learning disabilities.
Manufacturer doesn’t list prices. !!!!!
I just want a nice, quiet, comfy, bulletproof room!!!!!
>Also advertised as useful as a “quiet” room for students with learning disabilities.
LOL
>special safe space for anti social tards
>Suddenly, 20+ fricking loud, obnoxious, public school students bum rush it and cram in shoulder to shoulder
What's an antisocial moron with gorilla strength to do in this situation?
>get drowned in your metal box during hurricane
no thanks
What would happen if the shooter starts at the box? where they gonna run then?
Your kinoplex doesn't already have those next to the kernel mines?
they are already building concrete cover trenches in schools and some legislatures are wanting them mandated. it's over
wtf is wrong with Americans
I wish I had the morality to invent useless shit that preys on suburban moms' worst fears.
Land of the free! Now get in your fricking metal cage b***h.
I've never seen this picture before but I'm going to assume it's been debunked, could be cope on my part as an American, but I doubt it's real
it might be a product some company hopes to sell based on the post
Cheese on a stick is a movie theater snack in Burgerland?
Hey don't make fun, it's part of our culture. Cheese-flavored corn-syrup imitation-squared pastuerized-solids are actually quite good.
went to star wars episode 1 as a kid and the projector or film reel broke at the part with the laser shields during the big laser sword fight.
Clean it, wagie.
God, why do americans always just leave their trash laying around in theaters?
pretty sure they got carried out in bodybags
This gamer girl I was seeing really wanted to see Assassin's Creed. I knew it was gonna suck she was optimistic but didn't like it either. We went back to my place and fricked so overall worth it. Thanks studio
>Watching fast and furious 5
>having a good time
>dad starts grumbling
>apparently there's teens behind us talking
>I don't even notice because I zone shit out when I watch movies
>they keep doing it
>dad starts talking to me
>first in a whisper
"Can you fricking believe this, anon"
>the teens are making out and flirting
>He talks louder
"This is fricking ridiculous "
>the teens are laughing at the movie, at this point, I'm not even invested, just depressed that I I don't have a gf, and am watching this dogshit with my dad
>I never spend time with friends, he takes all my free time, since we don't live together
>He's not even looking at me any more
>He starts darting his eyes around the room as if seeing an apparition only visible to his eye
>a crazed look comes about his face
"Dad, we could just move"
>his anger is directed at me now
"IM NOT FRICKING MOVING, IM NOT THE Black person TALKING DURING A MOVIE"
>all present parties were white
>the teens stop talking
>dad, with his rage satiated takes a nap for the rest of the movie
>I sink back in to the movie
>on the way home he yells about the kids
>I just liked the movie
I don't believe this story is real but that would indeed be embarrassing and annoying if it did happen. IMO
going to the cinema with people you like is a good experience
going to the cinema you (secretly) find annoying is a bad experience.
every other greentext reason is bullshit
>dude, dude, we went there and the popcorn tasted poorly and the guys behind us were texting loudly
Going to a cinema
>watching superhero movie in the kinoplex
>a man sits down next to me and elbows me in the face as he sits down
>my glasses fall to the floor
>scrabbling around on the floor to find my glasses because I can't see
>"AY YO THIS homie EATIN POPCORN OFF THE FLOOR"
>all the black teenagers start to laugh at me
>black lady walks up and starts twerking and smacking her lips
>my tins of beans and camping stove fall out of my pockets
>try to pick them up but they roll away under the seats
>ran out of theater crying
>this is what euros think America is like
You're not far off
HE CUTE
>11 years old in downtown atlanta
>dad and I never really hang out but we both like the men in black movie so he took me to see the sequel
>dad goes to use the bathroom (actually ditched me to play arcade games)
>doesn't come back for 30 minutes, movie has already started
>get worried my dad might be having a heart attack in the bathroom (happened before) so i get up to try to find him
>black teens are throwing popcorn at me and calling me a cracker
>I start crying
>find dad happily playing the motorcycle arcade game (can't remember the name)
>we go home and get tickets refunded
>watch MiB II on dvd a year later
>it sucks
Watching a Tarantino movie with some literal moron up front laughing loudly the whole time.
Do Americans really hang up cheese slices to eat while watching a movie?
Why use arrows tho?
>went to see Logan by myself
>waited till it had been out for a long time so it would be relatively empty
>get in and relieved only a few people there find a nice secluded seat
>then this huge lady comes in and sits down in front row
>few minutes later a black gentlement strolls in with what I concluded to either be a free cup of water or a cup of alcohol
>he announces to a couple sitting in the middle a weird string of words
>"they's said it was movie bouts guy but they's didn't know its the wolverine movie not just the guy"
>dudes talking all through movie his lady constantly shushing him
>any time literally ANYTHING is referencing the x-men or the comics or him as wolverine he goes "WOOAAAHHHHH" like they're easter eggs only he gets
>any time there is non-action dialog he's giggling and talking
>worst was nearing the end of the movie
>climax Logan dying saying his goodbye and this fricking butthole starts making fart sounds and laughing
>credits role and he says the movie sucked even though he talked all through it
>saw him and his fat lady in the parking lot and he was doing some weird rap/dance/walk to their vehicle
i hate him and wish the worst for him and his kin
We to see Dr Strange and a girl in front of me took her shoes off. I complimented her feet and she spazzed out, so I moved. At the end of the show I apologized and just said I liked her feet, specifically nothing sexual, and she freaked out again and security escorted me to my car. I drove around a bit and saw her getting a coffee so I got out. Apologized again and this time she proper sprayed me.
Holy shit women are a mistake.
>in my seat with my girl at the oriental in milwaukee for napoleon dynamite
>fricking homosexuals from the suburbs in the row behind me will not shut the frick up
>casually lean back and say
Shut your fricking mouths.
>one teenage c**t snorts with contemptuous disbelief
>another somehow has the nerve to say
Dude, fricking relax.
>so i turn and grab the fricking homosexual by the throat
>and i tell him
If I hear another sound from any of you, I'll shove something into your mouth at about 90MpH. It might be my fist, it might be my dick, but whatever it is, I guarantee you you'll never make another fricking sound again, you fricking b***h-made homosexual
And then I watched the film in perfect and absolute silence.
This one time I stuffed my ticket stub into the cupholder after the movie was over and totally left it there on purpose.
But then I started to feel really guilty about it on the drive home and wanted to turn back and apologize.
I tried to wrestle the wheel of the car away from my mom, but she managed to regain control as well jerked into oncoming traffic and sprayed me with the bear mace she keeps on stand-by - on account of the 'tism.
I guess I'll never know what became of that little piece of paper with Deuce Bigelow 2: European Gigolo printed on it. I can only hope it didn't cause someone too much trouble.
kino post
>One time, I went to go see The Garbage Pail Kids Movie with my friends
>there was this fat kid that sat right in front of me. the entire time he was farting and laughing at every freaking joke like it was a Bee Movie Video.
>About halfway through the movie he started to cry and fart at the same time. I have a problem with my ears where noises over 99 decibels can cause me to have pretty bad pain.
>This kid's crying, now turned screeching, started to give me a bad headache in the span of 5 minutes. This entire time the mom was on her phone, doing something that made a lot of noise.
>I learned that the real reason the kid was crying was because a staff member tripped him and he spilled his popcorn. I found this out, because another friend of mine worked at the movie theater, and saw the whole thing. It was at this point that I wanted to kill myself.
>those seats
sus
not the worst experience more of a funny one but when I saw Jackass 4 some dude choked on popcorn or something and almost died from passing out so they had to pause the movie for like 20 minutes while cops came in
there was only like 10 min of the movie left and we all got free movie vouchers after kek
>When the designated Kraft Singles archer hits you.
Happened to me once. Everyone laughed at me, and I had to pretend laugh while i had cheese in my abdomen wound.
I forgot which movie but an old couple wouldn't stop talking throughout the entire film
brain was microwaved during a movie
Schitzo kino
>during Avatar
>mom with 2 little kids. each one have 1 liters of cola and 1 kilos of popcorns
>they start to eat
>five minute into the movie, they both barf their souls out
>instead of leaving they stay
>the smell if awful
>at the end of the movie one of my friend says:"well now we know how pandora smells"
I kept on pressing on the janny bell because I had sharted in the seat (too much liquid nacho cheese and cinema butter) but all the janitors were busy looking for a new shooter since the one that was booked got sick.
I watched the new Thor at the drive in.
They had a train line running beneath the screen.
Ok now this is epic, I wish drive in movies were common
Not a funny one but in highschool I saw an opening week showing of quantum of solace. Friends and I got there late so we had to sit in the front. That movie has to be one of the worst edited action movies of all time, every single action sequence has hundreds of cuts, and combined with the Bourne style shaky cam I wanted to blow my brains out
Do they really allow bows and arrows in American cinemas?
Ain't no law says we cain't.
I went to see Men in black 3, there was a crying baby with her fat goblina mother right behind us.
I gave her the death stare for minutes before she finally took a hint and left. I dont remember anything about the movie.
I'd say 8/10 times I went to the movie theater it was to get my dick sucked. The other 2 times were taking my dad.
Got a couple stories.
>Dodgeball (2004)
>be with two friends
>see kids from school that I don't like, but one friend likes
>sit with them
>they're annoying as hell, keep talking and throwing Whoppers at each others
>one kid goes "this movie sucks" and throws his half full large drink directly at the screen
>huge splash, get rained on by pepsi
>big stain on the screen
>someone complains about roudy kids
>get kicked out, police take kid who threw cup to his parent's house
>Rambo (2008)
>two black guys start arguing in back of theater
>all of a sudden, see one rolling down the aisle stairs, another running after him
>one more nog joins the fray and they start brawling while sheboons screech at them to stop
>movie is stopped, cops come, get refunded
>Valkyrie (2008)
>middle of the movie
>projector all of the sudden projecting way too low
>half of the screen is not visible, can see time stamp ticking in the middle of the screen
>no one fixes it
>leave theater, go out to front to see if someone can fix the fricking screen
>snack bar and ticket people say projectionist is nowhere to be found
>don't get to see the rest of the movie
>no refunds
>Date Night (2010)
>at outdoor drive in theater with gf at the time
>sitting on hood, beautiful night and having a good time even though the movie was dumb
>some trailer trash frickheads start getting roudy
>two pairs of them start fighting
>one of them rips a car antenna off their car and starts wailing on another guy on the ground
>me and gf are just stone faced, trying to ignore them and watch the movie
>one of them comes over to me with a face full of blood asking if we had any kleenex
>say "no, sorry"
>I actually did have a roll of paper towels in my trunk, but I didn't want anything to do with these idiots
>they're annoying as hell, keep talking and throwing Whoppers at each others.
Did Millennials really?
These, not Burger King.
last one is the saddest to me but all are bad. why are people trash.
Not many, usually just mediocre movies.
I guess maybe
Iron Man 3
Fat black lady 1-2 rows behind me won't shut up, talking about the movie. Literally "Don't go in there" behavior.
Another would be when a black guy sat 1 seat away from me and I think he pulled out Fazoli's Italian food from his backpack and it smelled strong. Just uncomfortable smelling what smelled like spaghetti and meatballs during a movie. Don't remember what movie though, probably Marvel.
Then there's but a couple times where I was forced to sit next to people and they bogart the arm rest.
would have been just fine to share this story minus the detail of the race... yikes
Literally none I always went to matinee showings at the end of a movie in theatres lifespan solo and got to sprawl with a mountain of degenerate popcorn and drinks solo
fricking plebians
>be with brehs
>decide to watch this goofy ass movie
>arrive early to get good seats
>no one there
>just laugh at the shitty movie the whole time
actually it was pretty nice even though the movie was shitty
>Visiting family
>went to see Skyfall again by myself while waiting for my sister to get off work
>Only other person is a girl around my age
>After a while she leaves for a few minutes and when she comes back sits right next to me
>Kinda cute, don't get a gross vibe from her
>Chat about the movie and some other recent flicks
>Daniel Craig is tied to a chair with his shirt open
>Asks me if I want her to suck my dick
>Sure?
>toothy, and I busted pretty fast, she put her head on my shoulder and didn't talk the rest of the movie
>Chatted on the way to the parking lot, didn't offer her name or number
>wienerrash a few days later felt like a hotdog on the grill
>Go to see Blade Runner 2049
>One of the like 3 other people in the showing sits right next to me
>Keeps standing up to take off his raincoat
>The changing his mind and putting it back on
>Opened a big bag of honeycomb pieces or something
>Loudly rustling and crunching through them for the first 30 minutes
Total weirdo
>First week of Skyfall coming out
>Late night showing, like 10pm on a Saturday
>Absolutely packed, no empty seats
>Someone brought a baby
>A straight up crying needing fed baby
>Baby cries through first 40 minutes of this loud action movie
>They eventually leave or kill the baby because it shuts up
>mom really wants to see God's not dead in theaters
>we go in for the after lunch matinee
>only a couple other people in the theater
>they are clearly all older church-going people
>take the seats behind the handicap row, because I've never once in my life seen a cripple using them
>Just before it starts, 2 howling, wheel chair tards get rolled in by their their wranglers
>they park directly in front of us
>"AAAAaaaaAAAANNNFFFFF FUUUUH!!!!"
>"shhhhh" one of the wranglers tries reeling her tard in
>movie starts
>5 minutes in, its obvious its going to be a hamfisted shitfest
>Hercules starts being an butthole atheist
>Man behind me says outloud "Ooooooo, god's not gonna like that"
>movie continues
>AARRRRRFFFWEeeehhh CGUUuuuhh CUH CUH CUH!!!!!"
>"shhhhhhh"
>movie continues
>another voice from across the theater "Heh, tha Bible saiys..."
>"WaaaAAAAHHHHHH CUH CUH CUH FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!"
>"Shhhhhh"
>"Accordin to Corinthians..."
>CUUUUUUOOOOOGHHHH FWEEeeeeEEE CUH CUH CUH"
>"Shhhh"
It's the most garbage, forgettable movie I've ever seen, but those noises will be forever etched into my memory
>Go see top gun
>Entire row near the middle is a massive group of teenagers
>All on their phones with max brightness during trailers
>All making comments about trailers
>"Well, at least they'll probably stop when the actual movie is on"
>They get LOUDER
>Every time there is a dramatic pause, they scream
>Every time a plane is shown they holler and turn their flashlights on, pointing them at the screen and making it unviewable
>Multiple "shh"s become "shut the frick up"s, even earning nods from the boomers in the back
>Finally someone goes to the front to tell the manager
>Manager comes
>"You're being obnoxious and wasting the money of people that paid to be here"
>"We're sorry, we'll stop", they say, shit eating grins all around as you just KNOW they'll go right back to it
>"No you won't, because you're not gonna be here", theater bro says, literally grabbing the one guy by the shirt collar
>They all get kicked out
I hate to say this but it really is true, everybody clapped.
Why are there sticks and American plastic cheese stabbed into the seats?
For me a couple:
>The nun(2018)
>Friends always want to see horror movies
>Like watching them with them but they don't do much for me because they fail to suspend my disbelief
>Humor friends regardless
>Get roped into going to see EBIN SCARY MOVIE by friends
>The nun turns out to be even worse than imagined
>Have to sit through all of it because we don't do refunds here
>See people leaving halfway through the movie for the first time ever
>Actually feel robbed
>Pirates of the Caribbean(2007)
>Teen at the time
>Enjoying movie with girlfriend (now ex)
>Kids next to us start misbehaving halfway through the movie
>People are obviously annoyed but don't do shit
>Kids get worse
>Since they're next to me I get burning stares of people that want me to act
>Tell them to STFU
>Pulled their aggro like a tank
>They focus their annoying shit on me exclusively now
>Nearly hit my limit
>About to body a child
>Before I snap a cinema waitress shows up
>Tells the kids to BTFO the cinema
>Epic Movie (2007)
>Epic Movie
>>Epic Movie (2007)
>>Epic Movie
Ik it's not the same movie but where does this kind of audience come from
It was a different time where they kept riding the deadbeat corpse of Scary Movie. There was a very small window of time where those parody movies were popular enough to be made. They aged like milk, but Epic Movie was crap even for those movies.
Return of the King (2003)
>went to see ROTK with a friend and his mother cause we were too young to go alone (10)
>I had already seen it, didn't tell friend because I wanted him to think we were both seeing it together for the first time
>get to the Minas Morgul scene where the Ring Wraith starts REEEEEEEEEing
>I know whats coming cause I've seen it before
>The ring wraith screeching is unbearably loud in the theatre
>friend starts having a full on nervous breakdown
>starts crying like a b***h
>his mother takes him out of the theatre, leaving me by myself
>not sure if I was supposed to leave too, stay in my seat
>spend the entire rest of the movie distracted wondering when they're coming back
>they never do
>credits start rolling, immediately leave in a bit of a panic
>meet friend and mother outside the cinema
>his mother is furious with me, says they waited there for me to come out for over an hour
>she couldn't come back in to tell me this because friend is being a mega pussy
nothing will ever be as bad as this
Why was he shooting arrows with flags on them