>You are the great Van Helsing! Trained by monks and mullahs from Tibet to Istanbul! Protected by Rome herself! But, like me, hunted by all others.
>Did I mention that it was you who murdered me? It must be such a burden... such a curse... to be the Left Hand of God. All I want is life, Gabriel. The continuation of my kind.
How would you respond in this situation?
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I wouldn't respond at all. I would simply crush Kate Beckinsale to death and then cry like a b***h over her. And that's what Van Helsing did.
>I would simply crush Kate Beckinsale to death
why tho
>Die monster
And then I would kill him
You forgot to inform him that he doesn't belong in this world
nothing because i recognize his chad status similar to mine
Do what the turks did i.e. frick dracula in the ass
Why would Dracula, a man who hates T*rks, call Constantinopole by that name?
it rhymths and dracula was no
Frick his brides while he watches.
you really wanna do this, bro?
3>1>2
For me it's 1>3>2 but 1 and 3 are so close, I guess it's just universally agreed that 2 is the uggo of the group. That's rough.
You're correct, but only relatively speaking. She's still an easy 8/10
they could suck me dry
A HE HE HE.
bro they’re half humanoid flying monsters who hate humans. stop liking evil women. weirdo
No, I don't think I will.
>stop liking evil women
No.
If they remade van helsing all three brides would be obese and black
Absolutely, yes.
N-nooo don't give me a blowjob like that, no, not the ball-licking and the teasing and biting into the dick just before I cum so you can drain the blood from my erection, leaving me with blue balls
Anything but that oh God vampires are so awful
>How would you respond in this situation?
How did he respond in the movie? Some tonedeaf Marvel quip written by that one Taika'naka-huwa Waititi'kumakawahali israelite that pretends to be an islander? That's what I always expect now.
That movie predates the MCU, dumb fricking zoomer moron.
Can't remember though because it was pretty forgettable.
>dude check out my crossbow
>No. I came back to stop you.
I wouldn’t respond to undead gay hairdresser Dracula. I would listen. That’s what no one else did.
I would explain that I’m not the legendary Abraham Van Helsing, one of the most famous characters of all time, but Gabriel Van Helsing, a man taking directions from an insecure mong
>Trained by monks and mullahs
Ugh.. why were mullahs added?
He was hunting vampires and werewolves, not ghouls and genies.
Pick a fricking mythology and stick with it.
This movie and others like it, like league of extraordinary gentlemen, though they were shit, were so much LESS shit than their equivalents today that it's strange to look back on them with nostalgia for better times. Like that grabage cruise mummy film, makes van helsing look like a 10/10 by comparison.
not that the period didn't have its soulless trash as well. like the one with vampires where beckinsale runs around in latex outfits. yeah, the underworld movies fricking sucked. deal with it.
Posting a few high res photos of the brides.
>Dracula’s wives after seeing my BBC
There’s no way they’d want to stay with him and his tiny wiener
Higher res.
To be honest I'd just go get wasted with Igor, he seemed cool