You have 6 months and 5 million dollars. How do you fix SNL?
 Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
 Ape Out Shirt $21.68 |
Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
You have 6 months and 5 million dollars. How do you fix SNL?
You have 6 months and 5 million dollars. How do you fix SNL?
Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
Ape Out Shirt $21.68 |
Thalidomide Vintage Ad Shirt $22.14 |
Live full on hardcore fricking for an hour on screen-$20,000
Paying the inital FCC fine before everyone realizes how huge the ratings were-the rest
Did it in ONE. Welcome to SEXING NIGHT LIVE
The Sun has fallen out of orbit and is going to crash into the Earth. Humanity has randomly chosen people to enter an underground nuclear shelter with enough food and provisions for the next 50 years until the Earth is habitable again, luckily you were picked.
You are allowed to bring one random film with you.
He was better in Casper.
>bring one random film
>random
What’s the point if you don’t get to choose
Fire everyone, cancel the show and take the 5 million for myself.
Don't forget cocaine and hookers.
Only correct answer
https://www.tiktok.com/@whoisjakenovak/video/7109657429725728046
kino
https://www.tiktok.com/@whoisjakenovak/video/7104255474987470122?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7111093554052433454
Absolutely cursed phenotype
this is peak try-hard LA failure. this guy could literally be a character in barry
As Noho Hank's latest butt buddy
>Move it out of New York to Chicago
>Bring back Dennis Miller for Weekend Update
>Bring back some of the old cast as guest writers
shut it down and pocket the money
Step 1: Fire everyone
Step 2: Take the 5 million dollars and fly to a country without extradition
shoot lorne michaels and colin jost into the fricking sun
there, i fixed it
Fire the cast. Rehire it with comedians who are also supremacists for their own racial groups. Only rule of the show is they have to mock each other as in no ganging up against one specific race. Basically an even edgier Mad TV
creative ceremony of the minds to give thanks for the gift of Humor
That looks comfy, but inhaling the steam alone will probably put you in a four vision quest.
Give full control to Sarah Squirm
Every single post that gives a non answer or a "fire everyone" answer is not funny in the slightest. Many of you think you are funnier than you actually are and your parents clearly did not beat you enough.
loose anus poster
Shut the frick up you literal Black personhomosexual moron. Firing everyone is a funnier joke than anything that has been on SNL since the 90s.
The seethe is immeasurable.
I got beat plenty and I still laugh at my own jokes.
Firing everyone isn't a joke. Its legitimately the way to fix it. We're being serious.
some of the cast members arent bad though. Most of them are but lots of them could do great with some better writing
Easy there Lorne
>"fire everyone" answer is not funny in the slightest
Who's joking?
invest $4,999,985 into R&D to bring Norm back to life, then take the remaining money to the bridge to get his old cohost Adam Egret.
Then convert SNL into the Norm Macdonald Youtube Show 2.0.
Let's do some jokes!
its unsalvageable anon
Cancel the bastard thing. It's so fricking shit.
Always has been
This. People hype up the "golden age," but every old clip I've seen has been shit.
>This. People hype up the "golden age," but every old clip I've seen has been shit.
You don't like Murphy or Hartman? What's wrong with you?
probably execute everyone from the west coast
introduce "comic of the week" they get a 100k bonus and every other comedian has to face a forefit the goal is to make being a comedian on the show a living hell and people who are not preforming will be ridiculed and have their careers ruined
Nuke NYC off the face of the earth.
Sell it.
Cancel the show and keep the money. Simple fix.
Only keep Cecily, Kyle, Melissa and Heidi
All writers and actors take a two week total screen detox wherever just stop watching the fricking news, and when they get back tell em to take the fricking gloves off and write something funny or they’re fired.
Fire Lorne but during a live bit he isn’t expecting
New band
New set
No musical guests in skits
Hire comedians that can actually play instruments too
Get rid of diversity hires
Get rid of everyone else
Hire the birthday boys
Get bob odenkirk to run the show
This but also pay Chevy Chase to be a raging dick to everyone
He does that for free
'tis a labor of love for that irl shitposter
sign an exclusivity deal with the island boys to write and preform a new song every week
>this would be funnier than anything they have ever done
Move SNL to another state. Hire local actors and comedians. Somewhere besides Colorado, Oregon, California, or any other toxically left wing state. Start from scratch. Low budget.
the only actors and comedians in red states are already on tik tok doing a dance to that applebees song
Bring back TV Funhouse and the edge the show used to have. Get Chapelle to host the first episode of the reboot just to make people seethe.
>Bring back TV Funhouse and the edge the show used to have
Kek the guy that ran TV Funhouse was just caught going to the capitol to troll Republicans for Stephen Colbert they have no "edge" anymore.
Haven't watched it for years, is this the whole cast now??
Cancel it.
>Have an interview with every cast and crew member, including Lorne. Determine if they should be fired or not.
>have more hosts that aren't "traditional" celebrities
>do more edgy skits that are actually funny and not just meant to go viral
>curse in more skits and pay the fcc fine
let it crash and burn along with the money
I fire everyone on the show and spend the five months doing nothing while ensuring the show will die after I'm fired. Then I take the 5 million I hid and spend it making sure that none of the people I fired ever get work in the industry ever again. At some point I'll kill Lorne Michaels with a bike lock and skull frick his corpse.
History will view me as a tortured hero. The media will call me a psychopathic nazi homophobe.
> Fire everyone but Kyle
> spend six months shocking him with a cattle prod until he becomes funny again
Fire everyone.
The new actors/presenters/whatever are DarkSydePhil, WingsOfRedemption, Low Tier God, Chris Chan, Sam Hyde, Frank Hassle, Boogie1488 and Keemstar.
idk who writes it.
>Low tier God on SNL
I'd tune in every week to see the massive amounts of gay shit that would come out of his mouth
SNL used to be a pipeline to new comedic movie stars. Then their quality went to shit and that ended. People saw Kenan as some comedic "legend" for staying on so long the reality is he knew he had no career outside the show so stayed as long as he could. He was given his obligatory NBC show when he left and even that got cancelled.
This hasn't been true since Tina Fey. Seth Meyers really killed the idea of SNL being some sort of groundswell for comedian talent. I mean Pete Davidson is popular but not because he's in movies, but because he fricks famous women.
Hire Ike Barenholtz, Aries Spears, Stephanie Weir, Michael McDonald, and Mo Collins, Debra Wilson, Alex Borstein, Wil Sasso, and Nicole Parker, and the Bon Qui Qui lady.
>every weekend Anya taylor-Joy checks in and is weighed
>every weekend has a segment 'Fatten The Ayy Lmao'
>every weekend Anya defecates in a front of a live studio audience and the guest host weighs it
>anya spends entire episode eating in the corner
>at the end of every show her hips, waist and chest are measured by colin jost and his wife in a head scarf
>Scarjo kisses anya on the lips, cheeks (all 8 of them) and anus and Anya returns the favor
>every episode ends with billie eilish singing a different song from the Hall & Oates catalogue
there. saved the show
Based architect.
What the actual frick
I would write every sketch every week. I am very funny and would make the show good.
Serious post here
We start with a dark episode where a member is killed every skit except they are actually murdered but nobody knows
The next episode is a completely new cast of gang members and Lorne is tied up and drug out on stage where they stab him to death
The show is replaced with mad tv
I could unironically fix the show overnight if they just let me enact one simple rule:
No more women in the writers room.
This does't go far enough. Colin Jost doesn't get enough credit for being awful.
They only keep him around because he pays his brother to rim the entire cast before air. He apparently has a really long tongue
$5 million to resurrect Norm
Except Emily Youcis
hire Sandler back and let him run wild. Won't fix it but it'll be fun for a couple of months
i score big time with all the chicks there and then firebomb the building
I really want to frick the three on the left, especially the one in the pink/purple dress god damn
4>1>2>3
Napalm
You ever see that movie Battle Royale? I'd do that.
hire the cast from madtv
cancel it and pocket the 5 millies
re-run the old episodes but hire the old cast so they can do commentary
Fire everyone. Hire muppets.
Give full control to Sam Hyde
the male cast of SNL is at its all-time nadir right now. cecily strong and heidi gardner are the only people who are both genuinely funny and well-suited for live sketch comedy. andrew dismukes was at least a decent player last season
Alex Moffett is funny when he gets an opportunity
Make it once a month. Acting talent is okay. But Fire israeli writing staff.
Keep: Aidy, Cecily, Keenan, Kyle, Mikey, Chris, Alex
Bring back: Beck
More time for: Chloe, Aristotle, Melissa, Punkie
Fix: One-dimensional Sarah, Weekend Update, Heidi, Bowen
Ban forever: Pete, Kate, Andrew, Colin and Michael, Ego
aidy is not good, she's just fat and sweet. she has keenanface
Get rid of the audience. I don't want to hear people laughing.
I don't.
I spend the next six months living my life with the 5 mill then kill myself.
I think that b***h is flat. I keep coming back to this thread to look at her legs though.
>contact trump
>hire him immediately
>every couple episodes he chews out a commedian
>cans them, "you're fired"
>keep this going a while cast gets low
>eventually its down to two people]
>moment everyone is waiting for
>check the first letter of each line
Pay Cecily Strong 4 million dollars to sit on my face for an hour. Then live off a million dollars for the rest of my life.
Fire most of the current circle jerk """comedians""". Launch a massive campaign to find mid west comics with refreshing jokes instead of smug leftist fart huffing shit. Frick do they even let people go anymore? Seems like they just keep them around even if they are god awful
Fire EVERYONE, and I mean everyone, including Lorne Michaels.
Hire everyone back from MADtv.
Make constant """""racist""""" jokes.
Never make a single Donald Trump joke.
Never hire a dyke or a gay.
Hire only 3 women.
No fat chicks.
Only 1 fat guy.
Only 2 black people.
Edgy as frick weekend update, like Norm OJ/Michael Jackson jokes edgy.
Make fun of Trannies.
Oh and bring back TV Funhouse animated sketches.
fire the gay asian
I cancel the show and fire them all and pocket 5 million
2 camera setup
bunker-esque set
me reading news and doing incredibly racist and offensive jokes about the news
>raise Kate McKinnon's salary so she stops trying to act in movies and starts putting effort into the skits again
>bribe Hulu and Netflix to fire Aidy from all their projects so she starts caring about skits again
>give Kenan a one million dollar bonus if he agrees to sign to do SNL till he dies
>get rid of the unfunny black lesbian, the unfunny fat Aidy wannabe
>reduce Bowen Yang's appearances to Weekend Update only
>move Chloe Fineman up to main cast
>cancel the unfunny skits by the writers who are trying to be the next Lonely Island crew
>buy drugs for Pete so he can OD and the show will have massive ratings boost because of people tuning in to see the Goodbye Pete tribute episode
Fire literally everyone, hire Tim Dillon and Alex Jones to do a full revamp
i love chihuahuas so much it's unreal
give it mulldog
1. Fire EVERYONE.
2. Hang Lorne Michaels by the neck until dead.
3. Hire talented people that are not activists.
4. Make fun of everything, especially all the shit people think they CAN'T make fun of, like israelites, homosexuals, trannies, minorities etc...
give SNL to CUMTOWN give fat boy Stav some food money, give Adam some israelite money, give Nick Limb lengthening surgery. pocket a cool 4.5m to invest into dick NFTs
Fire the writers and everyone in the cast and use the money saved from that to hire cheap beautiful skinny women from foreign countries.
Use the 5 million entirely for catering exclusively unhealthy foods for the craft services table.
Then, over the course of the remaining months, film skits of the women as they slowing put on weight in their individual ways. The content of the skits is irrelevant as long as it shows, in great detail, the tightening of their clothes on their slowing expanding bodies and the wardrobe malfunctions that follow.
Now where's my check?
>fire all the diversity.
>tell the newly hired writers to start making fun of democrats and other minorities again
>set it up to be a two week trailing of real time like they do with South Park.
>stop all moral preaching.
Replace American Saturday Night Live with Korean Saturday Night Live:
Mandatory coke for all writers.
A bribery fund for the FCC.
No taboos, no political bias.
All of these suggestions are pretty much the same... MINORITIES AND DEMOCRATS BAAAAAAAD!
i like all the obscure fetish ones
Fire all women but 1. Fire all black guys but 1. Fire all fat guys but 1. Foster competition and rivalry in the writers room.
Cost: $0
Fire the current cast and hire Nick Mullen and have him create his dream team. Pocket what remains.
Give Sam Hyde 1 million to do whatever he wants. I keep the other 4 million and live in Thailand fricking ladyboys until I die of aids
Okay, first we move the set from New York to Austin. Then we hire a bunch of absolute assassins. I'm talking Hinchcliffe, Segura, Kreischer, Theo Von, Joey Muthafrickin' Diaz baby. We get the best of the best in the business. Then we hire the entire Daily Wire staff to write the sketches. The first guest you say? Alex Jones.
Give Kyle Mooney way more screentime
1. every sketch needs 3 unapologetic racial slurs
Bring Norm back to life with Santeria
Hire Shane Gillis, Tim Robinson and Kyle Mooney
Shut it down immediately and save the money that would have been spent on their salaries.
Get rid of the women, minorities and liberals, get rid of the band, stop booking musical guests, stop booking celebrity guest hosts, ditch weekend update, stop the cold opens (hot opens from now on), get rid of that stupid "Live from New York it's Saturday night", leave New York, leave Saturdays, scrap the sets and either dump them or sell the wood to contractors, no more improv, start scripting what I can but for the most part it's probably just going to be a game show. And I'd still draw more dimes than SNL has in 30 years.
I make the writers' weekly salary $40k and the actors' weekly salary $2,500. I would exclusively hire people who had been doing stand-up for a minimum of 15 years and would fire everyone except Kenan Thompson and Kyle Monaghan...so they can tell the others what happened.
The show remains the same, but they all have to eat ice cream all the time while performing,
>sell all physical and intellectual property
>fire everyone
>take the profits to casino and place on a single bet
>win
>spend fortune on time machine to prevent Lorne Michaels from moving to North America
1. Fire half the women
2. Replace them with funny comedians
3. Never look at twitter's opinion on the matter
4. Rest of the bidget goes to cocaine for the cast and writer's room
There, I fixed SNL
unironically the only correct answer
Rehire Shane Gillis
Make Nick Mullen head writer
Resurrect Norm from the dead and have him host Weekend Update
ban all women, gays, chinese, blacks, mexicans and any other kinds of non-whites from being cast members
buy a state of the art time machine and set it to 1992
I keep the fricking money and run.
that's not enough for a month's worth of the cocaine necessary
Fire everyone except Squirm and make her co-head writer with Connor O'Malley. Let them fill out the roster with whoever they want
hire only CHUD comedians like in the 90s and stop doing woke crap. simple solution, but its le current year so it wont ever happen