You’ve just been hired at the park. How do you ensure your survival?
 CRIME Shirt $21.68 |
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CRIME Shirt $21.68 |
Youve just been hired at the park. How do you ensure your survival?
You’ve just been hired at the park. How do you ensure your survival?
CRIME Shirt $21.68 |
UFOs Are A Psyop Shirt $21.68 |
CRIME Shirt $21.68 |
if you're not the main cast you are fricked. i'd try to stay on the background and leave by the end of the episode. maybe be painfully unfunny and bother mordecai and rigby so they get rid of me, they probably wont kill me
>Mordecai and Rigby try to get you fired and commit manslaughter in the process
>you don't come back at all, what kills you ends up being the monster of the week and is dealt with by the end of the episode
Start hooking up with Muscleman's Mom.
Oh no bro
>Muscle Man and Muscle Bro find out and go Golem Mode, a form only achieved by their inherent need to protect their mother, turning into two building-sized stone men rearing to obliterate your existence. Instead of an actual beatdown they slowly write you out of reality until Fives is able to get through to his best friend. The process ends but you're now 16 years old. You, predictably, make a joke about their mom and get your butt kicked anyways.
Not only will you be written out of the Book of Park Records (any new employee is inscribed into the book no matter what), but your life will be messed with by Mordecai and Rigby after they snag it and screw around with your name and profile. Now you have no arms.
Yeah. Don't be secret agent to some dumb organization either.
He carries a form of rabies that's only transmitted through very intense anal sex. Not only do you grow feral, foam at the mouth and have an extreme aversion to water, but your mind body and soul slowly deteriorate into ravaging his insides. This results in you getting run over on the streets or by the cart.
I ask for the jobs off-screen. Everyone knows nothing can happen to characters that don't appear on-screen.
Don’t be a normal human
Become bros with Muscle Man and Fives, keep my head down around Benson. That's about it, isn't it?
>do job as expected; Benson can be a jerk but it mostly stems from Mordecai and Rigby screwing around/up constantly
>listen to everything Skips says; if he says to do something, don't question it, he always knows what's going on and will tell you how to survive
>make friends with Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost; they're chill and they must be good at what they do, since Benson actually respects them
>if Mordecai and or Rigby uncover, or otherwise start messing with something suspicious, immediately walk away because 90% chance it's possessed by an elder god of something stupid that will try to maim/eat/kill whatever's closest
>keep head low in general
don't appear on my first day
Start hooking up with rigby
Pound Rigby’s sweet racoon butt
>Try and get along with everyone.
>Take pride in my work even if its menial.
>Talk a lot to Skips and Pops about history, since I'm a history buff.
>Introduce the boys to the Sega Genesis, and get them the Power Base Converter so they can still play their games on it.
>Find a background chick to end up with in the future.
>Maybe survive to the Future either as a programmer or game designer, teaming up with Mordecai and Rigby for ideas.
>Have one episode that ends up being a Solid B in quality.
I dont want to be the biggest, or the brightest, i only wish to stay in the garden.
I'm already a manager at a mining site so what the hell am I being hired for? Am I replacing Benson?
It's more like a body swap. Say goodbye to your ding-a-ling.
It doesn't matter how smart or cautious I am about staying alive. Sooner or later I'll try to date Margaret and die like the fool that I am.
Tbf it'll be CJ that'll do you in.
I date CJ before can Mordecai can even try to fumble that.
Learn enough death kwon do to ensure my survival and only get as involved as the side characters at solving the weekly giant problems.
I challenge you to Death Kwon Armwrestle. The winner gets this vintage, never before opened, unreleased Sega Dreamcast. The loser must clean the lake. For a month.
Find a better job
Get topped by Skips.
Or let him powerbottom me.