BDH is the real Agent Argylle who got amnesia and wrote the books based on her lingering memories. Cavill, Dua Lipa, John Cena and Ariana DeBose only appear in scenes depicting the events of the books written by BDH. In the end, she defeats the villains led by Bryan Cranston and resumes her cover/career as a spy novelist.
BUT THEN the REAL real Agent Argylle played by Cavill visits her IRL, reveals that Argylle is codename and he was the Argylle before her, and also that they are members of the Kingsman organization.
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>another James Bond ripoff
Holy fricking shit Matthew Vaughn should never make another movie again.
>Matthew Vaughn should never make another movie again.
This is going to be a mega flop and might ensure he doesn't for a while at least.
Him and Cavill weren't hired by EON back in 2006 to make Casino Royale and it's permanently mindbroken both of them.
https://theplaylist.net/matthew-vaughn-bond-producers-henry-cavill-was-born-to-play-bond-20211220/
That's ridiculous. Cavill was 22/23 in 2006. The entire franchise would've been a laughing stock.
As opposed to where it is now?
He has three films currently in production lmao
two of them more of kingsman shit
I don't think they're in pre-production or production yet. The studio will most likely cancel them after this fails.
The Highlander one is impossible to be cancelled. It is being produced and directed by the John Wick guy, who's one of Zack Snyder's butt boys.
Yes but I'm referring to the Kingsman movies. Matthew Vaughn is a mercenary and I say it's not necessarily a bad thing but he should focus on making a good movie first
Doesnt matter. Kingsman is a somewhat popular franchise so there will be more.
Does anyone know if Matthew Vaughn still has that James Gunn's new DC movie?
Oh, Vaughn? I don't know. He is a FOX guy and made bank adapting comic books outside of the DC/Marvel wheelhouse. He'll probably be fine. They'll will just have him make another stupid comic book as a safe bet.
>focus on making a good movie first
he hasnt made good movie since layer cake.
I liked x men first class although it's a bit Reddit. Oh I also liked kick ass
the best parts of those movies were micheal fasbender/nic cage. The worst parts were the main leads. Interesting. Kingsman as well Colin Firth best part but with boring lead.
Yes you're right. Aaron Taylor Johnson and Taron Egerton are boring leads. Chloe Moretz took kick ass and Colin Firth Kingsman
I have an idea for how hollywood can make money and rebuild its reputation but the idea is racist and homophobic so I've been shy to share it.
Do tell, dear anon
>but the idea is racist and homophobic
go on ...
>but the idea is racist and homophobic
Greenlight. Don't even need to hear it.
Sold
You're lying about the BUT THEN, right? Kingsman can't fall THIS far, right?
He is not.
I just watched the movie 3 hours ago. It's true.
So Cavill is a Kingsman? He is a real spy? Is this all a post credit scene?
Was it entertaining? Not a masterwork, but decent. Something to watch in s lazy saturday, with your gf, before going for a dinner outside
Asking for a friend
>Kingsman can't fall THIS far, right?
Did you miss the last 2?
I ignorantly thought that was rock bottom
I thought it was the cat
In the good timeline it was.
Real Agent Argyle gets mindswapped with a cat by evil villain. Old Roastie Karen Redhead with a luscious fat ass adopts cat (cat adopts her, bc luscious fat ass Redhead). Cat develops psychic bond (mind leak) with her as side effect of mind transference.
She starts writing the books. Leading to agency's interest in her.
Sam Rockwell scams a situation to get close to her, to try to figure out what's going on on the down-low bc DUN DUN DUN, Agent Argyle is still active in the agency, but while he's still a superstar, Rockwell ha become suspicious of certain lapses and out-of-character moments he's witnessed.
Yes, Argyle has had another mind transferred into him and her is serving the original supervillain who turned him into a cat because he wanted to own him as a pet (like in the bond movies - the white cats are all mind-swapped female agents he uncovered in his organization). But Argyle Pussy escaped by following a variety of luscious fat asses out of the villain's lair.
This is the final clue. Cat Argyle is obsessed with luscious fat asses (Red Heads in particular). Human Argyle suddenly became a tit man out of nowhere. This is Rockwell's fundamental sense of dissonance.
Best ending. NDH doesn't do a bunch of homosexual cgi MV action garbage. Just flaunts her ACTUAL super powers on screen. And Cav gets mind-returned returned as Real Argyle and can carry on a Bond Soft-Spoofing series. Cat at first seems like he's lost his mojo now Argyle is out. But something sticks. Last scene is her waking at night with him curled up on top of her luscious fat ass purring.
And all is right with the world.
If the movie was like you wrote, it'd be kino instead of garbage drivel.
The Kingsman universe would be so good if it wasn't so bad bros....
And if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a bike
How can Argylle be a Kingsman if they're all named after knights of the round table?
jester bc this movie is a joke
King Arthur's jester was named Dagonet.
From Dagon? Wild. Is that reference to his character or role?
From dragon
D.R.A.G.O.N
Because muh cinematic universe. Also, they probably realized Lancelot was dying too much so they just changed the name when they replaced the entire organization
What kind of sick and/or twisted mind came up with this
Wait... if this is part of Kingsman what the frick is Sammuel Jackson doing there? Wasn't he the villain in the first movie?
Lots of black people look the same. So it stands to reason he can play multiple black people in the Kingsman universe and still be consistent.
Not many Black folk can memorize a few lines let alone act
I wasn't going to watch it until I read this. The trailers made it seam like a mess, this sounds like it actually has an interesting story to tell.
If its in the Kingsman universe how come Samuel. L Jackson is in it?
This looks like a fresh new take on the tired male-centric spy genre, and there is a cat in it! Can't wait to see it in the theaters, probably multiple times I'm sure.
People with Cat backpacks should be jailed.
>Spends 3 months on a green screen set chasing tennis balls
>Rewarded with imprisonment on a red carpet tour with bright flashing lights bothering me while I'm starved on an ex super models diet of sweat condensation and cocaine
He loves it!
I'm as based as it fricking GETS bro but your comment pierced my soul. I would carry my cat in a backpack everywhere if she was cool with it
Also frick The Kingsmen
good job op, great thread
however,
does BDH show her bare feet in this movie?
This anon has the right questions. How many ass shots of BDH in jeans?
The only reason to watch this movie is Sam Rockwell but that isnt nearly enough for me to care. How the hell does Cavill still even have a career? Is it because of the moronic "he's le wholesome nerdorino like me!" shit?
How dumb do you have to be to fall for that?
Someone needs to stop Matthew Vaughn. I remember Layer Cake was alright but it's been mostly tacky trash since. Plus I read today he's making three(!) new Kick-Ass movies
>that they are members of the Kingsman organization.
This cant be real vaghn wouldnt be that moronfed right? Right?
i didnt uniderstand anything
Everyone could figure that out from the trailer. It's not really spoilers
bdh? i will now watch your movie
How the h*ck does she do it?
Her father is Ron Howard
the entire first spoiler block is revealed in the trailer
Kingsman when SLJ was a different character in the first one?
Obviously the excuse will be this is who he was before something happened, made him evil, and got a lisp... or whatever the frick.
woah really? I never would've guessed if the trailers didn't already give it away.
I just saw it.
Worst movie I've ever seen. Utter obnoxious garbage. Henry was like Elvis in True Romance. They lied to the audiences by putting his name first and front and center.
You're lying, this is not what happened at the end.
We are supposed to believe this fat juicy ass was an agent doing action shit? She can barely get off the couch and get to the fridge without getting tired
She's sadly gotten a lot thinner, following her on Instagram these days is depressing.
Have faith.
How many times are they going to cast Cavill in James Bond knockoff roles
Forever cause that role will haunt him all his life. The trajectory of his career and life was defined by that last minute order from Barbara Broccoli to choose Daniel Craig over him, when he had the director's and co-producer's backing and choosing. He was going to be the new Bond but Barbara made them go with Craig because she's the boss unfortunately. It completely destroyed his trajectory and here he is. Not like Daniel Craig is doing any better either lol
>Forever cause that role will haunt him all his life
I'm hoping they skip him for the next movie and have Cavill as Bond in the IO game
>Barbara Broccoli
That can't be a real name, that sounds like an Austin Powers girl
Oh it's a real name alright and she runs the Bond movie franchise.
Cavil isn't good enough to play Bond. This is the best he can get
True. Aaron Taylor-Johnson is the new Bond. What do you think of that
The nerdy guy from Kick-Ass?
Dead on arrival
>That last spoiler
Nah no way. I don't believe you
If this is part of the Kingsman universe, why is Samuel L Jackson there when he died in the first movie?
Zoomer mutt girls mogged by Bryce San Antonio Howard.
The fact that the second Kingsman movie wiped out the super-secret organization that nobody knew about in the first 3 seconds, and that everyone knew about it, was the gayest bullshit imagineable.
>Let's create this fun world with lots of shit that can go down and the guys to fight it!
>lmao let's now JUST FRICK THAT SHIT UP!
Like when a superhero franchise has the hero fight their ultimate villain in the first movie.
"The actress for The Bride of Dracula is here."
>members of the Kingsman
how does that work when Samuel l jackson already played a character in that universe who died in 1?
Colin Firth got shot in the face and came back. you know.
The absolute state of cavils career
>they are members of the Kingsman organization
jesus this guy fricking sucks ass
>she can lose or gain 100 pounds in 2 months and still look great
LITERALLY an architects dream; you can mould her any way you want on a whim.
>LITERALLY an architects dream
You rang?
Why bother putting dua lipa and Henry Cavill in the center of the poster if they don't actually have central roles in the plot
are you familiar with the concept of money?
This isn't the 19th century. The plot and spoilers in OP have already been revealed all over the internet and people can see the terrible reviews (37 on RT, 39 on Metacritic). As soon as people realise the posters are misleading, they won't bother buying tickets
Is Kingsman even that popular to have so many sequels and spinoffs? I've never heard anybody talk about it or call themselves "Kingsman fans".
The first movie was fun enough. The second one was terrible, and I'm surprised they are still making movies about this.
Yeah, it's not like Belmondo did the same 50 years ago
>Kingsman Cinematic Universe
embarrassing imagine being sam rockwell the kinomaker and taking this dogshit script and committing career suicide with it
>Actually watch movie
>Come to Cinemaphile to talk about it
>Everyone who claims to have seen it is lying
Why is the internet like this? what's the fricking point?
Explain what they're lying about (to someone like me who hasn't seen it)
The other day people were saying the cat was Argylle, which it isn't, and everyone saying it's linked to Kingsman is lying too- Henry Cavill is playing a completely fictional character and there is no connection to that franchise.