ARGYLLE

BDH is the real Agent Argylle who got amnesia and wrote the books based on her lingering memories. Cavill, Dua Lipa, John Cena and Ariana DeBose only appear in scenes depicting the events of the books written by BDH. In the end, she defeats the villains led by Bryan Cranston and resumes her cover/career as a spy novelist.

BUT THEN the REAL real Agent Argylle played by Cavill visits her IRL, reveals that Argylle is codename and he was the Argylle before her, and also that they are members of the Kingsman organization.

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  1. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >another James Bond ripoff

    Holy fricking shit Matthew Vaughn should never make another movie again.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Matthew Vaughn should never make another movie again.
      This is going to be a mega flop and might ensure he doesn't for a while at least.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Him and Cavill weren't hired by EON back in 2006 to make Casino Royale and it's permanently mindbroken both of them.
        https://theplaylist.net/matthew-vaughn-bond-producers-henry-cavill-was-born-to-play-bond-20211220/

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          That's ridiculous. Cavill was 22/23 in 2006. The entire franchise would've been a laughing stock.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            As opposed to where it is now?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        He has three films currently in production lmao
        two of them more of kingsman shit

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I don't think they're in pre-production or production yet. The studio will most likely cancel them after this fails.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            The Highlander one is impossible to be cancelled. It is being produced and directed by the John Wick guy, who's one of Zack Snyder's butt boys.

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Yes but I'm referring to the Kingsman movies. Matthew Vaughn is a mercenary and I say it's not necessarily a bad thing but he should focus on making a good movie first

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Doesnt matter. Kingsman is a somewhat popular franchise so there will be more.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Oh, Vaughn? I don't know. He is a FOX guy and made bank adapting comic books outside of the DC/Marvel wheelhouse. He'll probably be fine. They'll will just have him make another stupid comic book as a safe bet.

                Does anyone know if Matthew Vaughn still has that James Gunn's new DC movie?

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Oh, Vaughn? I don't know. He is a FOX guy and made bank adapting comic books outside of the DC/Marvel wheelhouse. He'll probably be fine. They'll will just have him make another stupid comic book as a safe bet.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >focus on making a good movie first
                he hasnt made good movie since layer cake.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                I liked x men first class although it's a bit Reddit. Oh I also liked kick ass

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                the best parts of those movies were micheal fasbender/nic cage. The worst parts were the main leads. Interesting. Kingsman as well Colin Firth best part but with boring lead.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Yes you're right. Aaron Taylor Johnson and Taron Egerton are boring leads. Chloe Moretz took kick ass and Colin Firth Kingsman

  2. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I have an idea for how hollywood can make money and rebuild its reputation but the idea is racist and homophobic so I've been shy to share it.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Do tell, dear anon

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >but the idea is racist and homophobic
      go on ...

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >but the idea is racist and homophobic

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Greenlight. Don't even need to hear it.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Sage

      Sold

  3. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You're lying about the BUT THEN, right? Kingsman can't fall THIS far, right?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      He is not.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I just watched the movie 3 hours ago. It's true.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        So Cavill is a Kingsman? He is a real spy? Is this all a post credit scene?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Was it entertaining? Not a masterwork, but decent. Something to watch in s lazy saturday, with your gf, before going for a dinner outside
        Asking for a friend

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >Kingsman can't fall THIS far, right?
      Did you miss the last 2?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I ignorantly thought that was rock bottom

  4. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I thought it was the cat

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      In the good timeline it was.
      Real Agent Argyle gets mindswapped with a cat by evil villain. Old Roastie Karen Redhead with a luscious fat ass adopts cat (cat adopts her, bc luscious fat ass Redhead). Cat develops psychic bond (mind leak) with her as side effect of mind transference.

      She starts writing the books. Leading to agency's interest in her.
      Sam Rockwell scams a situation to get close to her, to try to figure out what's going on on the down-low bc DUN DUN DUN, Agent Argyle is still active in the agency, but while he's still a superstar, Rockwell ha become suspicious of certain lapses and out-of-character moments he's witnessed.

      Yes, Argyle has had another mind transferred into him and her is serving the original supervillain who turned him into a cat because he wanted to own him as a pet (like in the bond movies - the white cats are all mind-swapped female agents he uncovered in his organization). But Argyle Pussy escaped by following a variety of luscious fat asses out of the villain's lair.

      This is the final clue. Cat Argyle is obsessed with luscious fat asses (Red Heads in particular). Human Argyle suddenly became a tit man out of nowhere. This is Rockwell's fundamental sense of dissonance.

      Best ending. NDH doesn't do a bunch of homosexual cgi MV action garbage. Just flaunts her ACTUAL super powers on screen. And Cav gets mind-returned returned as Real Argyle and can carry on a Bond Soft-Spoofing series. Cat at first seems like he's lost his mojo now Argyle is out. But something sticks. Last scene is her waking at night with him curled up on top of her luscious fat ass purring.

      And all is right with the world.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        If the movie was like you wrote, it'd be kino instead of garbage drivel.

  5. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The Kingsman universe would be so good if it wasn't so bad bros....

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      And if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a bike

  6. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    How can Argylle be a Kingsman if they're all named after knights of the round table?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      jester bc this movie is a joke

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        King Arthur's jester was named Dagonet.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          From Dagon? Wild. Is that reference to his character or role?

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            From dragon

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            D.R.A.G.O.N

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Because muh cinematic universe. Also, they probably realized Lancelot was dying too much so they just changed the name when they replaced the entire organization

  7. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    What kind of sick and/or twisted mind came up with this

  8. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Wait... if this is part of Kingsman what the frick is Sammuel Jackson doing there? Wasn't he the villain in the first movie?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Lots of black people look the same. So it stands to reason he can play multiple black people in the Kingsman universe and still be consistent.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Sage

      Not many Black folk can memorize a few lines let alone act

  9. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I wasn't going to watch it until I read this. The trailers made it seam like a mess, this sounds like it actually has an interesting story to tell.

  10. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    If its in the Kingsman universe how come Samuel. L Jackson is in it?

  11. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This looks like a fresh new take on the tired male-centric spy genre, and there is a cat in it! Can't wait to see it in the theaters, probably multiple times I'm sure.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      People with Cat backpacks should be jailed.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >Spends 3 months on a green screen set chasing tennis balls
        >Rewarded with imprisonment on a red carpet tour with bright flashing lights bothering me while I'm starved on an ex super models diet of sweat condensation and cocaine

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          He loves it!

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I'm as based as it fricking GETS bro but your comment pierced my soul. I would carry my cat in a backpack everywhere if she was cool with it

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Also frick The Kingsmen

  12. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    good job op, great thread
    however,
    does BDH show her bare feet in this movie?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      This anon has the right questions. How many ass shots of BDH in jeans?

  13. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The only reason to watch this movie is Sam Rockwell but that isnt nearly enough for me to care. How the hell does Cavill still even have a career? Is it because of the moronic "he's le wholesome nerdorino like me!" shit?
    How dumb do you have to be to fall for that?

  14. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Someone needs to stop Matthew Vaughn. I remember Layer Cake was alright but it's been mostly tacky trash since. Plus I read today he's making three(!) new Kick-Ass movies

  15. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >that they are members of the Kingsman organization.
    This cant be real vaghn wouldnt be that moronfed right? Right?

  16. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    i didnt uniderstand anything

  17. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Everyone could figure that out from the trailer. It's not really spoilers

  18. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    bdh? i will now watch your movie

  19. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    How the h*ck does she do it?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Her father is Ron Howard

  20. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    the entire first spoiler block is revealed in the trailer

  21. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Kingsman when SLJ was a different character in the first one?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Obviously the excuse will be this is who he was before something happened, made him evil, and got a lisp... or whatever the frick.

  22. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    woah really? I never would've guessed if the trailers didn't already give it away.

  23. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I just saw it.

    Worst movie I've ever seen. Utter obnoxious garbage. Henry was like Elvis in True Romance. They lied to the audiences by putting his name first and front and center.

  24. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You're lying, this is not what happened at the end.

  25. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    We are supposed to believe this fat juicy ass was an agent doing action shit? She can barely get off the couch and get to the fridge without getting tired

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      She's sadly gotten a lot thinner, following her on Instagram these days is depressing.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Have faith.

  26. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    How many times are they going to cast Cavill in James Bond knockoff roles

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Forever cause that role will haunt him all his life. The trajectory of his career and life was defined by that last minute order from Barbara Broccoli to choose Daniel Craig over him, when he had the director's and co-producer's backing and choosing. He was going to be the new Bond but Barbara made them go with Craig because she's the boss unfortunately. It completely destroyed his trajectory and here he is. Not like Daniel Craig is doing any better either lol

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >Forever cause that role will haunt him all his life
        I'm hoping they skip him for the next movie and have Cavill as Bond in the IO game

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >Barbara Broccoli
        That can't be a real name, that sounds like an Austin Powers girl

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Oh it's a real name alright and she runs the Bond movie franchise.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Cavil isn't good enough to play Bond. This is the best he can get

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        True. Aaron Taylor-Johnson is the new Bond. What do you think of that

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          The nerdy guy from Kick-Ass?

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Dead on arrival

  27. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >That last spoiler
    Nah no way. I don't believe you

  28. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    If this is part of the Kingsman universe, why is Samuel L Jackson there when he died in the first movie?

  29. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Zoomer mutt girls mogged by Bryce San Antonio Howard.

  30. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The fact that the second Kingsman movie wiped out the super-secret organization that nobody knew about in the first 3 seconds, and that everyone knew about it, was the gayest bullshit imagineable.
    >Let's create this fun world with lots of shit that can go down and the guys to fight it!
    >lmao let's now JUST FRICK THAT SHIT UP!
    Like when a superhero franchise has the hero fight their ultimate villain in the first movie.

  31. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    "The actress for The Bride of Dracula is here."

  32. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >members of the Kingsman
    how does that work when Samuel l jackson already played a character in that universe who died in 1?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Colin Firth got shot in the face and came back. you know.

  33. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The absolute state of cavils career

  34. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >they are members of the Kingsman organization
    jesus this guy fricking sucks ass

  35. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >she can lose or gain 100 pounds in 2 months and still look great
    LITERALLY an architects dream; you can mould her any way you want on a whim.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >LITERALLY an architects dream

      You rang?

  36. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Why bother putting dua lipa and Henry Cavill in the center of the poster if they don't actually have central roles in the plot

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      are you familiar with the concept of money?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        This isn't the 19th century. The plot and spoilers in OP have already been revealed all over the internet and people can see the terrible reviews (37 on RT, 39 on Metacritic). As soon as people realise the posters are misleading, they won't bother buying tickets

  37. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Is Kingsman even that popular to have so many sequels and spinoffs? I've never heard anybody talk about it or call themselves "Kingsman fans".

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      The first movie was fun enough. The second one was terrible, and I'm surprised they are still making movies about this.

  38. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Yeah, it's not like Belmondo did the same 50 years ago

  39. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Kingsman Cinematic Universe
    embarrassing imagine being sam rockwell the kinomaker and taking this dogshit script and committing career suicide with it

  40. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Actually watch movie
    >Come to Cinemaphile to talk about it
    >Everyone who claims to have seen it is lying
    Why is the internet like this? what's the fricking point?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Explain what they're lying about (to someone like me who hasn't seen it)

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The other day people were saying the cat was Argylle, which it isn't, and everyone saying it's linked to Kingsman is lying too- Henry Cavill is playing a completely fictional character and there is no connection to that franchise.

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